Christmas Cards

[pnggrad79]

My sister, who lives in Anchorage, AK, sent me a Christmas card/letter detailing the events of her family throughout the year. I was immediately angered by the address on the envelope. It was addressed to me, and my two daughters. My wife was conveniently, and purposely left off.

I want to write back to my sister and say, "Although you may leave my wife off of a Christmas card and pretend she doesn't exist, she does and is a very important, vital part of my life. Would you like it if I purposely left off a very important part of your family because I didn't approve or like them? I love your husband because he is important to you and takes care of you. How dare you ignore the very real fact that I have a wife, I am a lesbian and she is my partner?"

But I didn't. I am instead going to write a Christmas letter, very gay oriented and send it to her.

What would ya'll do?:rolleyes:

[Zerbie]

This appears to be my morning to disagree with U-dog (who I usually agree with on most things, here come all the exceptions today.:rolleyes:)

I find U-dogs suggestion combative.

I prefer your idea of stating point-blank that you expect your wife to be included in the card. Send her the card with your Christmas letter, and on it, hand-write that you expect inclusion next time. To make the point, you may need to rhetorically ask her how she would feel if you did not mention her husband's name in the card you send to her.

[Daniel]

I prefer your idea of stating point-blank that you expect your wife to be included in the card. Send her the card with your Christmas letter, and on it, hand-write that you expect inclusion next time. To make the point, you may need to rhetorically ask her how she would feel if you did not mention her husband's name in the card you send to her.

Pnggrad- And why should you pretend that your feeling don't matter, or that you are untouched by your sister's actions? Sending a 'gay' letter sounds counterproductive to me.

I agree with Zerbie. Your first impression is a good one. Send a card with an enclosed note that gets right to the point. If you let this one go, you'll only get more and more angry.

My philisophy is this:

We teach teach people how to treat us.

[Vanessa White]

Png: You have been tested in the last few months when it comes to your family and mail. That is apparent. To me, I think that if this issue is to be confronted, the more direct that you can feel strong enough for, the better. That way, the message is clear that you are sending, of what is and is not acceptable. I think by returning to sender the card, you are perpetuating the hurt and anger that you feel, so you are pulled into the negative message, but also responding violently, in a way. It can feel justified, but does not bring solution, I believe.

Just my perspective. I am sorry for you that you are being tested by your family in this way. There must be a big lesson coming in regard to this for you and your family. Hang in there....... :love::pray:

[pnggrad79]

Oh between my mom's hateful birthday card to me and this from my sister, I am just beside myself. I still haven't responded to my mother, nor my sister. I just don't know what to do.... Responding with anger is counterproductive, so I thought I would just send a gay oriented Christmas letter, telling them about our church, our trip to Provincetown, and other happenings in our lives which are gay/lesbian. I want to show them what my life is like. If they choose to ignore me and my wife, hey, they can, but I will respond with her included in it because I love my wife very much and she is an important part of my life. Their exclusion of her is exclusion of me.

I am going to be happy, upbeat and joyful in my Christmas letter. They need to know I am happy being a lesbian and a part of the gay community and how much my church has accepted me when no other church would.

[tdogg]

How about sending her a photo Christmas card of you, your wife and your daughters signed by all four and including a very nice warm wishes greeting? Oh, and don't hesitate to include your letter, or perhaps the letter could be sent under separate cover?

I so badly wanted to send out photo cards this Christmas, however, we just never got around to getting it done and are leaving on vacation the 21st. So, do I even bother?? I want to be bold at times, but then I often cave trying to be kind to those in my family who aren't kind to me and my partner.

Sorry you have to get these! I don't really agree with not opening them, you never know at what point your family would begin to possibly gain some sense - you would have to open the mailings to make that determination. Truly a letter would get this off your chest, let them know how you are feeling and what the effects are. Then explain that you don't intent on accepting anything they send until they are respectful enough to include your wife.

[pnggrad79]

Good idea, T! I just can't believe some people like to just ignore the fact that we love our partners. It's kinda like the "elephant in the room" syndrome. We all see it, but if we pretend it isn't there, it doesn't exist. :rolleyes:

[tdogg]

So today I got my Christmas card and present from my sister (not the supportive, loving, encouraging one...) today - addressed only to me. She has even met my partner, briefly once at the hospital when my father was in ER. This Sunday will be the 3 year mark from our first date. We've lived together for just over 2 years. One would think the message is clear.

I definitely HAVE to get those Christmas cards sent out next year. From BOTH of us! (Yes, the 'family' photo ones.)

[pnggrad79]

Glad I am not the only one here facing this kind of stuff. All we can do is smile, give them a Christmas card, and tell about our lives and how much we love our partners. I am gathering by your post, T, that you at least have one sibling who doesn't discriminate against you?:)

[tdogg]

Yes! I have a wonderful sister who is supportive, loves us and her three children are the same. My youngest nephew even calls my partner "Aunt Martha", he's 15. The other two children are young adults. They are a great family and have been nothing but loving, kind and our biggest supporters! I'm very very blessed. It more than makes up for the bad.