On a not so great topic,

[Jennifer5]

Monday night, school Christmas play, my father showed up.

I hadn't seen him in over a year. I was looking at all the friendly faces in the audience when I spotted him. I started shaking and couldn't stop, I felt like I was going to pass out. But, I couldn't just run off stage, so I finished singing and my part of a poem the best I could. I then went to see if my mom could call the police and make him leave, which apparently she couldn't. So I went and told him he needed to leave now. He said that he had every right to be and that we couldn't make him leave. I left the room trembling really badly and found that I couldn't keep myself from crying, I don't know if I was more upset or just really mad at him. After a few minutes of all of us (mom, brother, sister & I) pretty much freaking out... I calmed down and went back in, I wasn't about to let him chase me out of my own space (my mom said we could leave if we wanted to though).

I was able to calm down and distract myself if I thought about it. I went back in for a while, my sister was doing her part, I had gotten my brother to go sit down and I was able to convince my mom that it was ok and that she couldn't allow him to ruin this and got her to come back in and sit down. I wouldn't make eye contact with anyone in that area of the room for the rest of the night... or any of the room for that matter because I didn't want to think about it (they all knew what was going on).



I don't know why he bothers me so much, but I was shocked to see how incredibly upset I was with him. All in all, I was able to pull myself together and really enjoy the evening, but it's still kind of bothering me.



In a sense, one of the very best things came from it... the room full of people (of which I knew at least 3/4 of them) really proved to me how much they love us. Parents and kids a like, all hugging us and saying they were sorry for what had happened.

[Megandy]

i can relate, sort of. i'm not speaking to my dad right now.... and i'm afraid he'll show up unexpectedly at our family christmas!! i'm sorry you had a difficult night, but it's great that you had so many other people supporting you!

(i edited this response and put the rest of my comments in another thread. thanks for the suggestion udog!)

[Zerbie]

((((((( Jen )))))))
:love::love::love:

[Vanessa White]

My two cents worth is that it bothers you, his presence, because of whatever the past circumstances are from him in your life, and he was invading on something that was for you and your family, a very special, happy occasion. I would even venture a guess that the shaking and upset inside of you came from anger with him, as much from any other emotion. He is right, he has a right to be there. BUt to make that statement to your child, instead of being supportive in some small way, is just cruel and sad for you and your family. The positive, supportive response that you all received from your school community shows what you must mean a lot to all of them, which you all should. :love:

[Daniel]

My heart aches for you. :'(:pray::'(:pray:

A couple of things stand out in what your related. One is that you stood up for yourself and went and told your father what you wanted- you stood up to him. That's no small potatoes my dear. That's a huge thing. A good thing. The other thing is that- correct me if I'm wrong- you seem to be adopting the grownup role in the situation. This may have some good aspects to it, but you should be aware that there are negative aspects. Having this kind of responsibility at your age has it consequences.

My dear dear Jen- I would please me very much to know that you are hashing out these issues with a competent (and certified) counselor/pychologist. What you don't want to have happen here is to become the de defacto 'savior' of your family. This can lead one to have significant issues to deal with later on.

I bet you know all this backwards and forwards- you are one sharp kid. Even so. Knowing all this doesn't change the impact. It still has to be dealt with. One can't outsmart trauma. And this kind of stuff is traumatic.

Please please tell me that you are getting help for this stuff (and this means someone YOU are talking to- not a group thing.) You are growing up fast young lady. And I see amazing things ahead for you. What you don't want is for this stuff to become the rock in the road of your developement.

I send you much love and a hug hug.

:love:

[Jennifer5]

A couple of things stand out in what your related. One is that you stood up for yourself and went and told your father what you wanted- you stood up to him. That's no small potatoes my dear. That's a huge thing. A good thing. The other thing is that- correct me if I'm wrong- you seem to be adopting the grownup role in the situation. This may have some good aspects to it, but you should be aware that there are negative aspects. Having this kind of responsibility at your age has it consequences.
It's not the first time I stood up to him like that and I think that my words have been slightly misunderstood... I wasn't just taking the grownup role in the situation, I was just one of us. Others had already looked at the papers to see if they could make him leave and my brother had already talked to him and ask me to leave. I asked them to do something about it and they said that they couldn't and that they were really sorry. She just said that if I wanted to I could ask him to leave too. When I did he said he had the right to be there. I wasn't just the one taking on a responsibility, I made the choice to confront him.

My dear dear Jen- I would please me very much to know that you are hashing out these issues with a competent (and certified) counselor/pychologist. What you don't want to have happen here is to become the de defacto 'savior' of your family. This can lead one to have significant issues to deal with later on.
I know you mean well, but that's not an option. Those 'certified' people freak me out, the lady we had been going to made the issues worse in a sense. I have a lot of people I can talk to when I'm ready, and I do talk these things out, I just need some time.

I bet you know all this backwards and forwards- you are one sharp kid. Even so. Knowing all this doesn't change the impact. It still has to be dealt with. One can't outsmart trauma. And this kind of stuff is traumatic....I would love to know however, how do you think this is going to hurt me in the long run?

Please please tell me that you are getting help for this stuff (and this means someone YOU are talking to- not a group thing.) You are growing up fast young lady. And I see amazing things ahead for you. What you don't want is for this stuff to become the rock in the road of your developement.
Things happen for a reason... correct me if I'm simple in great denial. But after this, I was pretty upset, but I felt really strong... I felt weak because of my kind of falling apart, but I stood up to him, I told him he needed to leave. In my mind, this isn't such a bad thing down the road, because I will never allow this to happen, I will not have a man ever treat me or my children that way. We were al strong because we didn't just roll over and play along, we stayed even though leaving would've been the easy choice. We all pulled ourselves together and went back out as a strong family. Times like this show you who really cares. :love:



Really, correct my if you think I'm crazy, but what I've said makes sense to me.

[andrewlittle]

That, dear Jenn, is no small thing. You already know how insensitive your father can be - and how self-centered - but you were, indeed, honest to yourself and what you needed. As a father, I am truly sorry for the pain your's inflicts on you. You do seem, however, to have a very good head on your shoulders, and a very brave heart.

Love,
Andy

[Jennifer5]

That, dear Jenn, is no small thing. You already know how insensitive your father can be - and how self-centered - but you were, indeed, honest to yourself and what you needed. As a father, I am truly sorry for the pain your's inflicts on you. You do seem, however, to have a very good head on your shoulders, and a very brave heart.

Love,
Andy

Thank you:love: