Great yet stressful

[animejunkie]

God I love you so much! I cry out of joy for giving me the greatest Christmas present, my first relationship, a boyfriend. My friend got me to admit my feelings to this boy I have liked for two years now. One of the best responces in return to this was he too had a huge crush on me. I started crying because I felt so ugly and shy and socially stupid to the point where I thought no one could hold such feelings for me.
For the first two days, before my older brother returned I messaged him and AIM him constantly. I was so happy. Now I am just paranoid and worried. We set up a date next week. But the worry of if he will get sick of me pervades my mind or what if he finds I am not so interesting inside as the outside. Also my brother looks over my shoulder as I am on the internet. I share a room with him, and its only when he is at college or at work that I am able to post here or AIM him. He might think I hate him or am sick of him.
Man happiness is always spoiled by doubt. I hate doubt so much!

[Progo35]

Hey, anime,

it'll be okay. take a few deep breaths. you are a really nice person and I'm sure that he will like you as much as you like him. When you have a chance, perhaps explain that your family can be intolerant, and that this is why you might sometimes have some problems getting back to him right away. Hopefully, he'll be mature enough to understand that. I'll be praying for you and I know that others will, too. Good for you!

love and peace,

Meghan

[Pablo Rafael]

Congratulations! You have brought some joy to my heart.

And any new relationship is stressful. The more monumental the change, the greater the stress and the greater the joy. Don't worry about impressing your boyfriend or what he thinks of you. (I talk like someone who knows a lot about this. :rolleyes: oh brother!) I am convinced that God brings together people who are right for each other. Our job is to be ourselves and not to get in God's way.

Vaya con Dios, Pablo

[antonyh]

Now I am just paranoid and worried. We set up a date next week. But the worry of if he will get sick of me pervades my mind or what if he finds I am not so interesting inside as the outside. Also my brother looks over my shoulder as I am on the internet. I share a room with him, and its only when he is at college or at work that I am able to post here or AIM him. He might think I hate him or am sick of him.


I'm happy for you :love:

I imagine he has just as many doubts about himself as you feel about yourself. It is always a little awkward to start down the "highway of love". He won't get sick of you. Once he gets love struck with you he's a gonner (sounds like he is at least half way there already). As far as being interesting, your presentation on Soulforce suggests to me that you have nothing to worry about in that department. Besides, he has already noticed that you are interesting.

So relax and enjoy these early days. I would just explain your home situation to him so that he understands why you can't AIM him 24x7.

I'd make a list of ten things you really like about him and make sure you tell him one or two of those things each date:

"You're really handsome"
"Your smile makes me melt"

Make your man feel good and he'll keep coming round. And you're gay...don't forget poetry.

[animejunkie]

We have been talking on Facebook and texting non stop, yeah I am running out of minutes on my Tracfone. We are still just friends, taking things slow! Many Christians would say this is not God Given, yet just a week ago I was crying out of loneliness. God really surprised me with this, he is so amazing how he works. I have told him about my brother, it was not funny how understanding he was. Even better, he hides his identity on Facebook, and his parents still do not know either as they are Christians who feel it is a sin. Thursday we are hanging out at Borders, I can't wait, though I am so nervous! My two friends have seriously been up to something, planning things, lol! They know how shy I am, without them I would not have had this happen. Anyways, Satan is at bay trying to snatch all happiness I have with anxiety, he keeps telling me God does not love me for who I am, and that the boy I am in love with has no feelings for me. Well, I am off to see Kite Runner with my friends, hopefully that should keep me from pondering on such dark thoughts.

[antonyh]

Many Christians would say this is not God Given, yet just a week ago I was crying out of loneliness. God really surprised me with this, he is so amazing how he works.

Those "many Christians" can go stick it. God made you for companionship. In Genesis the Bible says, "It is not good for the man to be alone". Your God given nature inclines you to find companionship with someone of the same gender. What could be more beautiful, fulfilling and wonderful than that?

Anyways, Satan is at bay trying to snatch all happiness I have with anxiety, he keeps telling me God does not love me for who I am, and that the boy I am in love with has no feelings for me. Well, I am off to see Kite Runner with my friends, hopefully that should keep me from pondering on such dark thoughts.

The mind loves to manufacture "dark thoughts". Our minds are like an unruly monkey at the Zoo bouncing around it's cage. "God does not love me as I am" ... "the boy has no feelings for me" ... blah blah blah. This is how the human mind acts most of the time for most of us. The secret is to see the mind as it is and to start to laugh at these kinds of thoughts. "There goes my monkey mind again telling me the boy has no feelings for me..." Ha ha ha. This is something I've learned through Buddhism.

Result: Calm, serenity, peace of mind.

[animejunkie]

Okay so it has been a month now and nothing stellar has happened. Im new to this relationship thing,but I am really starting to think he does not love me as much as I realize I do. On AIM, we talk for a great amount of time with one another. But when Im actually with him, I am so shy and akward. I am afraid to say anything because I fear those words of rejection. Love can be so taxing and cause such great anxiety, I worry every minute worrying he has gotten sick of my shy self and went for someone with more confidence. Also we both seem to be akward around each other, I always see him blush and looking at me. Then he asks me if he is ugly, repeatdly. Tell me but if we were just “friends”, would he text me constantly worries how I am and start working out for the first time in two years then tell me he wants to look just as good as me. He hugs me, plays with my hair, says I make his day when I text him. But when Im actually with him, we both are really timid. I think he's realizing Im a boring dorky bag of bones. Help me!

[Gregory_de_Bois]

Okay so it has been a month now and nothing stellar has happened. Im new to this relationship thing,but I am really starting to think he does not love me as much as I realize I do. On AIM, we talk for a great amount of time with one another. But when Im actually with him, I am so shy and akward. I am afraid to say anything because I fear those words of rejection. Love can be so taxing and cause such great anxiety, I worry every minute worrying he has gotten sick of my shy self and went for someone with more confidence. Also we both seem to be akward around each other, I always see him blush and looking at me. Then he asks me if he is ugly, repeatdly. Tell me but if we were just “friends”, would he text me constantly worries how I am and start working out for the first time in two years then tell me he wants to look just as good as me. He hugs me, plays with my hair, says I make his day when I text him. But when Im actually with him, we both are really timid. I think he's realizing Im a boring dorky bag of bones. Help me!

Do not worry. Just be yourself. Pray. God is in control. When you are with him (your bf) just say what's on your mind, sure you might act a little goofy, we all do, though. If you are honest to who God wants you to be, so will your man. And focus on all aspects of love: mind, body, spirit. Find out how he's doing in all aspects. I think it is a beautiful image that the Bible gives us when it says that Adam knew Eve. We are the creatures that know we know, as Madeleine L'engle says. You were made to learn and so was he. And relax!

[antonyh]

Okay so it has been a month now and nothing stellar has happened. Im new to this relationship thing,but I am really starting to think he does not love me as much as I realize I do. On AIM, we talk for a great amount of time with one another. But when Im actually with him, I am so shy and akward. I am afraid to say anything because I fear those words of rejection. Love can be so taxing and cause such great anxiety, I worry every minute worrying he has gotten sick of my shy self and went for someone with more confidence. Also we both seem to be akward around each other, I always see him blush and looking at me. Then he asks me if he is ugly, repeatdly. Tell me but if we were just “friends”, would he text me constantly worries how I am and start working out for the first time in two years then tell me he wants to look just as good as me. He hugs me, plays with my hair, says I make his day when I text him. But when Im actually with him, we both are really timid. I think he's realizing Im a boring dorky bag of bones. Help me!

OK, this is just me...if I was in your situation and wanted to move forward with the guy. First, I would find a way to be alone with him. Light some candles. Sit down with him and say, "You know, I don't think I've told you this, but you're really cute". Then put your arm around him...get closer...get closer...rub your cheek on his...and then give him a kiss on the lips.

If this works for you I want to be invited to your wedding.

[BenL]

Also we both seem to be akward around each other, I always see him blush and looking at me. Then he asks me if he is ugly, repeatdly. Tell me but if we were just “friends”, would he text me constantly worries how I am and start working out for the first time in two years then tell me he wants to look just as good as me. He hugs me, plays with my hair, says I make his day when I text him. But when Im actually with him, we both are really timid. I think he's realizing Im a boring dorky bag of bones. Help me!

Sounds to me like he's feeling just as shy and awkward as you are. This is probably as new to him as it is to you. Relax. Be yourselves. Antony's suggestion is good, but if you're not ready to be that intimate, find something to do together that you both like. Like watching anime 'toons, maybe? When you are mutually engaged you might find some of your inhibitions evaporating.

Just a though from an old fart who wishes he had been more confident when he was starting out.