View Full Version : I Did It!!!!!
01-20-2008, 06:05 PM
Well my cousin, Debbie, invited me and my wife to her youngest son's wedding. She said that if anyone had a problem with two lesbians at the wedding, they could come talk to her. I had no idea who all would be there, but nevertheless my wife and I both went. It was the first Baptist church we had been since coming out 3 years ago. Most every member of my family minus a few, were there. I calmly walked up to my aunts and uncles, and introduced my wife as such. I smiled as their expressions went from a friendly smile to a sudden drop in the jaw. They just stared as I went from person to person, introducing my wife. My cousin invited me to sit behind her and her husband, and we did. My mother showed up some time later, with my sister. I went up to my mom and she just stared at me in shock, almost like,"You dare to show up in a church with your lesbian lover?" She said hi to me and that was about it. They sat two rows behind us and as soon as man and wife were declared and left the sanctuary, my mother and sister slipped out without saying goodbye and left.
At the reception, my cousin said, "I don't care what your mother does or says, I love you and both of you are welcome in my home anytime." She invited us in advance for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
As we left for the night, my cousin whispered in my ear, "I really like her (meaning my wife)" and I said, "If my mom and dad gave her half a chance they would like her, too, but to them she is the sneaky lesbian who seduced their daughter and led her into a life of sin." My cousin laughed.
01-20-2008, 06:36 PM
you go gurrrrllll! :applause:
01-21-2008, 06:46 AM
In the best of all possible worlds, you and your wife could hold your head high, you could do your best to not judge, and indicate that you are open to re-establishing good relations with all who may not have accepted the two of you the last time around. This may take a lot thought and effort.
Your cousin sounds like a remarkable person.
In the Course in Miracles, it says that the holiest place on earth is the place where former enemies have become friends. Png, I wish you only the best.
Peace and Love, Bruce Chris
01-21-2008, 08:09 AM
Thanks guys! Except for my mom and sister ducking out before I had the chance to say goodbye to them, it was a good experience and my cousin was so gracious and wonderful. I just finished emailing her and thanking her again for her warm hospitality and acceptance.
Keep her in your prayers-she has a lot of health issues( lupus, diabetes, fibromyalgia, thyroid and pituitary tumors). It has been a long time since I have seen her, and I will be sad to lose her again. I have many fond memories of her when we were kids. But when I moved off 20 years ago, she did too and we lost touch. I think the last time I saw her was when our grandmother died back in 2001.
She exemplifies how a straight family member ought to behave with a gay family member-grace, acceptance, love, and understanding. There is hope for the rest of my family. It will just take time. Why is it that my extended family more readily accepts me than my own sisters and brother?
01-21-2008, 08:20 AM
Steve is right!
You go girl!
Kudo's to your cousin! The part I love?
She said that if anyone had a problem with two lesbians at the wedding, they could come talk to her.
Doesn't get any better than that. I am so glad she has your back- and takes your love for your beloved for what it is: Love.
Oh baby. You put a smile on my face this morning.
Why is it that my extended family more readily accepts me than my own sisters and brother?
Interesting question I've asked myself for the simple reason that I've had the same experience. My cousins have been wonderful as far as hubby and I are concerned.
One thing may play a factor. In my case, my cousins aren't religious consiervatives. Are yours? Another may be the stuff your cousin has gone through. To put it bluntly: suffering can identify with suffering. And it sounds like your cousin has had her share of it- God Bless Her!
01-21-2008, 10:08 AM
Yayy!! Brava, Png! You did it, your wife did it, your cousin did it - you all acted with dignity and mutual respect and let the chips fall where they would.
Hopefully your mother and sister will learn in time. Maybe your cousin's example will sink in eventually.
It sounds like ya'll had a fun time at the wedding, other than for your mom's reaction. I'm happy for ya.
01-21-2008, 12:06 PM
Just wanted to add my congratulations. What a wonderful, transforming moment this must have been. And even if your mom left right after the ceremony, your cousin's witness will leave an indelible impression that hopefully will begin her own transformation. Kara
01-21-2008, 01:47 PM
Kara alerted me to this thread in our phone conversation. What a great story. You and your wife are the ones who boldly showed up, but it also tells us that heterosexuals can embolden us with their affirmation. Chris has noticed that if I sense rejection I will often introduce him with the word "partner" instead of "husband" which is what I call him at home and in friendly places. Some might see that as a trivial thing, but I often wonder to what extent I let other people's views on my marriage affect it, despite my saying that they don't. Good on you and your wife, pnggrad79! :rainbow:
01-21-2008, 02:36 PM
Well I didn't know what to expect when I arrived at the church. The last time I was there was when I was like 10 years old going to Vacation Bible School. A flood of memories came rushing back and my wife grabbed my hand and said, "Ok, here we go." We walked in, and I signed our names in the guest register and began the introductions. I introduced my wife to all my aunts, and uncles that were there. One uncle never comes to anything. They were all happy to see me, hugged me and then I said, "I have someone I want you to meet. This is my wife, Rebecca." Now their expressions went from smile to shock in about 30 seconds flat, but I didn't get thrown out. I guess my mother was too disgusted seeing me with my wife, that she just couldn't say goodbye to me and decided to leave before I could say anything. Or my aunts got ahold of her and asked her about me. I guess I am one big embarrassment to my mom. It's her problem in my opinion.
The rebel part of me wanted to post a big sign in the front yard of that Baptist church that said, "Marriage equality for all". But I didn't. I wish I would have.
01-24-2008, 02:54 PM
PNG, that's really great! I'm so happy for you, that you had this experience, and proud that you made it happen. Good for you and your wife, and your family. Even the ones who don't know it yet, it was a great experience for them as well. Your cousin and her family deserve lots of hugs!
01-24-2008, 07:28 PM
You handled that with more grace and class than those of your family that treated you poorly. People have to get used to it, us gay and lesbian people. Not only that, you proved that obviously God was not to upset with you being in a church with your wife. After all he could do anything and he did not render the church assunder because you two 'desacrated' it! (not even a bolt of lightning)!:lol::lol::lol:
01-25-2008, 01:03 PM
I am so happy to hear of this story, and want to commend both of you, and your cousin, on having enough love in her heart, self awareness, and courage to just do it- be who you are no matter what the reaction. And, it ended up paying off for you to have some beloved time with your cousin as well. I think another aspect with the extended family thing, at least when it comes to cousins vs. aunts and uncles, could also be generational; sometimes what I have found is the older the generation, the more difficult the embracing. The other part with parents is that they so often make it about themselves- "Where did I go wrong? This is my fault." That can take away from offering the support that their child/children, US, so desperately need. Good luck with any future steps you two take with either of your families- kudos all around!!!!:love:
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