Sex w/ Brandon...relationship...struggles...

[drewcaine]

I don't know what to do. Brandon and I ended up making out again. After a while he said that he'd prefer to be with me He said that the reason he left me [back then] was because I wasn't ready to have sex w/ him. We were both somewhat immature, lol. Well, I told him that I really...well, actually, I don't know what to do...if I wait too long, I'll lose the one I love; if I do it, I lose everything I've worked for and go to Hell...what an ultimatum!
I want to be with Brandon & somewhat desire sex w/ him...i want unity and safety also. However, it just seems so scary...if i get Aids then im basically screwed...however, if we both get blood tests and dont posess Aids, then is it possible to catch it? Help...
drewcaine

[antonyh]

I don't know what to do. Brandon and I ended up making out again. After a while he said that he'd prefer to be with me He said that the reason he left me [back then] was because I wasn't ready to have sex w/ him. We were both somewhat immature, lol. Well, I told him that I really...well, actually, I don't know what to do...if I wait too long, I'll lose the one I love; if I do it, I lose everything I've worked for and go to Hell...what an ultimatum!
I want to be with Brandon & somewhat desire sex w/ him...i want unity and safety also. However, it just seems so scary...if i get Aids then im basically screwed...however, if we both get blood tests and dont posess Aids, then is it possible to catch it? Help...
drewcaine

HIV (which eventually results in an AIDS diagnosis) can take up to six months to show up on an HIV test. This is called the window period.

If you and Brandon decide to have sex after a blood test, you should still use condoms for six months and then retest. Then you can give up the condoms assuming that both of you remain monogamous to each other during the six month window period.

This is what most HIV prevention educators will tell you anyway.

Reality is often a lot different to the above so I think that learning to do risk assessment is really important. You need to ask him about his sex life...how many partners...where he met them...does he practice safe sex. With this knowledge, you'll be able to make better decisions. You also need to talk about your desire to stay safe and use a condom until you have cleared the window period.

HIV has very specific ways of being transmitted. Anal sex without a condom is very, very risky. Oral sex is somewhat risky. Kissing, hugging, body contact is not risky.

One other thing...you both also need to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases when you get your HIV test. Do you know where to go for testing?

[drewcaine]

No, I dont know much about getting actual blood tests...i would assume Sparks, right?
drewcaine

[Alecto]

In the US, you can find a testing site near you here: http://hivtest.org/.
You can also search specifically for anonymous testing or free testing.

[drewcaine]

Another thing...we know that none of us have had sex w/ anyone...does that mean anything?
I've told him that sex will undoubtedly come w/ love, and that Im still kinda shaky over it. Do i have a right to w/hold sex if he wont show PDA?
thanx
drewcaine

[Zerbie]

Another thing...we know that none of us have had sex w/ anyone...does that mean anything?

I don't know what you mean by "does that mean anything?" Are you asking if by having sex with each other, can you transmit HIV or AIDS even though neither of you have been with anyone before??? If that's what you're asking, the only way that could happen is if one of you is already HIV positive from some non-sexual transmission, like Ryan White who got HIV through a blood transfusion at the hospital.

Was this what you're asking??? If so, no, HIV cannot be manufactured by two guys having sex - it can only be transmitted sexually if one of the partners is already HIV positive.




I've told him that sex will undoubtedly come w/ love, and that Im still kinda shaky over it. Do i have a right to w/hold sex if he wont show PDA?
thanx
drewcaine

I think you two need to negotiate boundaries before jumping into anything. If there are things you won't do, tell him up front, and he should do the same for you. If PDA is important to you, tell him so, and if he's uncomfortable about that - find out why, and see if he's willing to overcome that anxiety, or consider if you are willing to live by his boundary of no PDA. Withholding sex as a bargaining chip against the no PDA thing seems too much like bargaining to me. The conflict should be worked out mutually. Have you talked and shared your reasons with each other? Maybe you can work out a compromise. But no, I don't think withholding sex is a fair way of asking for what you want in a relationship.

Anybody else?