My introduction

[justme65]

Hi everyone,

My name is Steve, and I just registered today. I can't tell you how excited and thrilled I was to find this website. I am 42yo and work as an academic advisor at the Univ. of Illinois.

I was raised Roman Catholic, and since college have attended mass sprodically, mostly because I felt that I was a pariah, an outcast, and a hypocrite. But after having read much of the information on this website, it seems that I don't have to feel this way at all.

Just wanted to say hello!

Thanks,

Steve

[justme65]

Thanks for the message! I will definitely jump in - I am *so* glad that I found this website! It is a source of information and enables me to believe that God does not spurn people who are GLBT!

[keltic63]

Welcome Steve!

I'm another Steve here in the forums! Glad you found us. it's important that you go over to the argument thread and tell us which you prefer, legos or lincoln logs! :lol:

[justme65]

Thanks Steve! I was in a relationship for 7 years, and after we decided to part ways in 2006, I've really been lost in many respects, but mostly in my faith. So....that's why I'm glad I found you guys :)

[Daniel]

Welcome to Soulforce!

It's a great place with wonderful people (though when the Equality Rides are in motion things can get pretty heated) and interesting conversations.

It makes me glad to know that your perspective has changed: ain't nothing wrong with you!

Sorry to hear about the breakup of your relationship....I know what you mean about that lost feeling. But you never know who you might meet and where you might him. (It's happened here btw...our own Dash and Dsdrane have formed a partnership)

And speaking of meeting......consider yourself invited....

http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showpost.php?p=50519&postcount=105

[justme65]

Thanks for the welcome! And thanks for the invitation, too.....I'd love to go to NYC. Only been there once.

I'm afraid I'm headed for old-maidedness....I'm 42 and live in a town of 100.000 with 42.000 students. No gay men my age here :-( Oh well, I was lucky enough to have 7 years.

Thanks again!

Steve

[keltic63]

Thanks for the welcome! And thanks for the invitation, too.....I'd love to go to NYC. Only been there once.

I'm afraid I'm headed for old-maidedness....I'm 42 and live in a town of 100.000 with 42.000 students. No gay men my age here :-( Oh well, I was lucky enough to have 7 years.

Thanks again!

Steve

nothing wrong with finding a younger model! ;)

[scott snedeker]

Thanks for the welcome! And thanks for the invitation, too.....I'd love to go to NYC. Only been there once.

I'm afraid I'm headed for old-maidedness....I'm 42 and live in a town of 100.000 with 42.000 students. No gay men my age here :-( Oh well, I was lucky enough to have 7 years.

Thanks again!

Steve

With a clean handsome mug like yours all you need to do is look sweetie! You certainly would turn my head at the local pub!:D

[justme65]

:o Ok, now you're embarrassing me! But thanks for the encouragement.....

It's frustrating living in a medium sized town in the midwest. All of the guys I know that are my age are married and have 2.5 kids. All of the gay men that I went to college with have moved away to big cities - the closest is Chicago.

Anyway, I just had an interesting discussion with a friend about an article that's posted on this website - I think the Catholics still have a hold on me....I'll have to start an interesting discussion soon ;)

Thanks for the WARM welcome! I've never felt so welcome!

[Vanessa White]

Hey Steve!

I am so glad for you that you found your way here. Sounds like you have some soul searching that you are doing, and need to do for yourself. We all do a lot of that here; no unexamined souls to be had most of the time!!! Also, many of us have had our own faith struggles, usually with some type of organized church. We do heal and get better, and still manage to hold onto our faith.

So glad that you are here. Peace. :love:

[justme65]

Thanks so much, Vanessa....yes, the Catholic church still has me in a strangle hold from which I'm trying to pry myself from.

Seriously, there are some issues that I'd like to hear some opinions about here on this forum. And I know that some questions that I have may anger people, but that's the furthest thing I want to do.

Thanks again,

Steve

[Pablo Rafael]

Hi Steve,

Very glad to have you with us. I also go to a Catholic church. I guess I was one of the ones that was too stupid to realize that I was supposed to leave. :lol: I find no conflict with my faith and my sexuality. If other people do, I am determined that I am not going to let them get in the way of worshiping the Lord.

I am looking forward to getting to know you better. We middle aged guys need some new people here to liven up the conversation and to laugh at our lame jokes. :D (The other guy have lame jokes; I think I'm quite funny.)

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[Zerbie]

Hiya Steve, welcome!

You've found a fun place. It's also about as safe a place as we can find on the internet.

You mentioned concern that your questions might make people angry. As long as you aren't going to suggest that gay people are incapable of loving god or something of that sort, I cannot foresee you having big problems getting along with this group. So therefore, I encourage you to ask those questions.

Geez, way to ramble on instead of just saying "hello." :o

I'm with the others: if your town doesn't have a lot of 40 y/o gay men, well maybe you'll meet a 30 y/o. Ya never know.

[Daniel]

When I was in my late 20's, I had the hots for guys in their 40's. No lie. Who's to say it can't happen? :D (And in my case it did a few times.....oops.....is that too much info?)

And just so you know Christopher Isherwood (great author) met Don Bachardy (Painter) when the former was 40 something and the latter 18.

Yeah yeah.....I'm trying to build ya up here. I'm so transparent. But why not?

The great thing about this place is that we talk about everything. And those things you think might offend? Well. I bet they won't. And even if they did, so what!

Let'er rip. We're ripe for discussion.

[justme65]

Hey Daniel,

Thanks for the encouraging post :) We'll see what happens. I meet lots of nice guys....but I'm old enough to be their fathers.

To be frank, I was led to this website by my counselor. I am seeing a counselor because I needed to resolve my issues with the Catholic church; my dad died Dec. 06....that's when I began to think about all of this afterlife stuff.

My counselor is a gay male, which has been a great help. And I told him that this website was such a godsend...it really has been! *Finally*, I've linked with people who are in my position.

Thanks for the post, Pablo - yes, we should get a discussion going: our points of view compared to the younger people on the forum!

Thanks a lot, you guys - I'll be posting soon with some questions for you. I can't wait to hear what you all think about certain assumptions and ideas.

Steve

[Gennee]

Welcome to Soulfoce, Steve. Keep coming back and share your thoughts.

Gennee

:love::wave:

[justme65]

Thanks Gennee! I feel soooo welcome here, it's wonderful :)

[Daniel]

Thanks for the encouraging post :) We'll see what happens. I meet lots of nice guys....but I'm old enough to be their fathers.

...about this aspect of May/September romance.

What I - perhaps - hear you saying is that there are some younger men who find you attractive. And..what exactly would be the problem with that? :D

You are worthy of love no matter how old you feel yourself to be.

Somehow I doubt that you are the kind of guy who would take advantage of a younger man. As well, I doubt that you would allow a younger man to take advantage of you. Would you?

There's an interesting book, btw, that deals with the psychological nature of such interactions....Got it years ago.... found it fascinating reading.

The Secret Lore of Gardening: Patterns of Male Intimacy. By Graham Jackson (A second book by Jackson is titled The Living Room Mysteries: Patterns of Male Intimacy Book 2)

Both books deal with intimacy between men as seen through the lens of Jungian psychology. Bet your therapist would find them interesting. ;)

In any case, the first book presents information which enlightens the reader as to the nature of younger/older relationships, framing the interaction in terms of color (the second book deals with relationships which are based on mutuality in terms of age, profession etc).

Example: the yellow and green man relationship.

The older man is the yellow man. He has knowledge, experience and wisdom to draw from. He is Apollonian in nature. The green man is the younger man. He has youth, creative energy and is Dionysian in nature. Each man gives - or enlivens- the other in a particular way, which is altogether creative in nature.

Though this may sound a bit arcane, the writer makes his mark with examples from literature, art and history.

What I'm trying to get at here is that a younger man, for an older gay man, may not simply be a 'trick'. He can turn out to be something else entirely if the parties in question have their heads on straight. Or to put it the matter in term of the book, the yellow man with his head in the heavens and the younger with his feet on the ground. Each brings a world of experience to the other: the younger reinvigorating the older man re his primal energy, and the older initiating the younger man into the ways of the world.

A example this dynamic is seen in the two men who become lovers in Maurice (the novel by E.M. Forster that was made into a movie by Merchant & Ivory). One man is upperclass (yellow), while the other is a gardener (green). In the end, they leave the conventions of Victorian social respectability and create their own world in the forest as woodsmen.

We gay folk often have to create our relationships under hard conditions, while straight folk - seemingly- can take matters for granted. Hopefully, this is becoming less and less true.

My sense is that Gay Marriage will leaves it's mark in this regard.

Ah.......but I do go on......

[justme65]

I'm a little reticent to post this, as I don't know if "relationship talk" is appropriate on this website....so anyone, please, if you feel this is inappropriate, please let me know!

As for the May/Dec. romance - there is none as of today, but there may be a potential, I'm not sure. I have a personal on both Match.com andy Yahoo personals. A man that turns 30yo this weekend and I have been emailing, just writing about things in general. He stated that if I am ever in Chicago to let him know (I live 2 hours south). I am 42yo. He is a very beautifal man, I am average. From what he has told me, he is very intelligent, I am of average intelligence. He is very gregarious, I am what some consider to be a loner.

I'm very afraid to tell him that I will be in Chicago in a few weeks. If he wants to meet, I am almost sure that he will be disappointed (I don't take rejection well). For instance, he wrote that for his 30th bday, he and his mother rented a limo to have some fun in and invited 18 people. I can count the number of friends I have on ONE HAND! If he is outgoing, and I am quiet, I'm sure he would write me off right away.

One of the things that attracted me to him is that he said that his family and his spirituality are very important to him. That's a rare statement among gay men in general, don't you think? He just seems like a nice guy.

Again, I apologize profusely if this subject should not be discussed here.

If anyone would like to see our profiles, just email me at sgorrell@uiuc.edu

Thanks for your time!

Steve

[keltic63]

Steve,

I'm struck by how you are selling yourself short, and in turn, not giving this guy enough credit. You are making him sound shallow. You've been emailing? Have you exchanged photos? Yes? and he didn't run away screaming in horror? has he seen the hunch on your back?

I really would like you to list all the reasons why a guy should be interested in having a relationship with you. You may find it tough at first, but I'm betting there are a lot of great qualities you possess, and which not only Mr. Chicago, but other men, regardless of age, would be interested in.

I understand where you're coming from, I've been there too. but you know what? it's time to leave that place behind.

[Zerbie]

I'm a little reticent to post this, as I don't know if "relationship talk" is appropriate on this website....so anyone, please, if you feel this is inappropriate, please let me know!

We sure do talk about relationships on here!

There's relatively little that is out of bounds on here, those things being: gay-bashing, and spam posts trying to sell things. Little else.


As for the May/Dec. romance - there is none as of today, but there may be a potential, I'm not sure. I have a personal on both Match.com andy Yahoo personals. A man that turns 30yo this weekend and I have been emailing, just writing about things in general. He stated that if I am ever in Chicago to let him know (I live 2 hours south).

Awrighty - this looks like a wonderful social opportunity to meet the guy in 3D and see if he is still as appealing in the "real world" as he is online. What's a cup of coffee? About an hour of your time? And it may turn into a great lifelong friendship, or even something more intense. You won't know if you don't try.




I am 42yo.

Those 12 years are nothing!! There are folks on this board in deliriously happy committed relationships with more years than that between them.

Age schmage. Really. What counts is not externals, but whether or not both people feel good together on the inside of their hearts and minds.


He is a very beautifal man, I am average. From what he has told me, he is very intelligent, I am of average intelligence. He is very gregarious, I am what some consider to be a loner.

Why compare and put yourself down? How do you know you won't be disappointed when you meet him 3D, and not the other way round? Why not plan to spend an hour over coffee having a pleasant conversation, and if anything comes of it, great, if not, great - you had a pleasant hour. Why not?


I'm very afraid to tell him that I will be in Chicago in a few weeks. If he wants to meet, I am almost sure that he will be disappointed (I don't take rejection well).

He's just one person out of several billion. Don't give him this kind of power over your self worth.


For instance, he wrote that for his 30th bday, he and his mother rented a limo to have some fun in and invited 18 people. I can count the number of friends I have on ONE HAND! If he is outgoing, and I am quiet, I'm sure he would write me off right away.

:confused: Why? Haven't you ever heard the aphorism, "opposites attract"?


One of the things that attracted me to him is that he said that his family and his spirituality are very important to him. That's a rare statement among gay men in general, don't you think? He just seems like a nice guy.

Steve

That's what you focus on! Focus on what you like about him. You can't control what he will think of you. Don't give his reaction the power to devastate you. Just enjoy meeting a nice person.

Seriously. The biggest regrets I have in life are the things I wanted to do and didn't. You like this man? Go and meet him!

[justme65]

Thanks Zerbie and everyone else....all contact from him has stopped, so I think I have my answer :'( Oh well.

[keltic63]

Thanks Zerbie and everyone else....all contact from him has stopped, so I think I have my answer :'( Oh well.

not necessarily. it could be that something is preventing him from getting back to you. give him a chance. relax.

when are you headed into Chicago? maybe you can set up a meeting with someone else by then.

[Daniel]

I'm a little reticent to post this, as I don't know if "relationship talk" is appropriate on this website....so anyone, please, if you feel this is inappropriate, please let me know!

At least that's been my impresssion.

As for the May/Dec. romance - there is none as of today, but there may be a potential, I'm not sure. I have a personal on both Match.com andy Yahoo personals. A man that turns 30yo this weekend and I have been emailing, just writing about things in general. He stated that if I am ever in Chicago to let him know (I live 2 hours south). I am 42yo. He is a very beautifal man, I am average. From what he has told me, he is very intelligent, I am of average intelligence. He is very gregarious, I am what some consider to be a loner.

I'm very afraid to tell him that I will be in Chicago in a few weeks.

Ok. Gottcha. You're afraid. A good sign that your brain is engaged in protecting your body and your psychological health.

If he wants to meet, I am almost sure that he will be disappointed (I don't take rejection well).

Oh really? Here's what I think: you think so little of yourself that you practically invite rejection. I'm sorry if that sentence came off harshly- but I'm just responding to what I hear you saying. You think he's in a higher 'league' than you? Well. That's only your opinion. And if you don't give the guy (and yourself) a chance, the situation is a non-starter. Sure. You could be 'rejected'. But you could also 'reject'. It goes both ways.


For instance, he wrote that for his 30th bday, he and his mother rented a limo to have some fun in and invited 18 people. I can count the number of friends I have on ONE HAND! If he is outgoing, and I am quiet, I'm sure he would write me off right away.

Your personalities may seem opposite. But it could also be possible that you yearn to have someone (I am assuming things here!) get you out of your 'shell' and he could be yearning for someone to snuggle up with and watch old movies with.

So you don't that lots of friends. Question: what's stopping you from going out and making some? And guess what? You already have- at least in the virtual sense. You've reached out here. And if you can do it here, you can do it anywhere (this is where I break into singng New York! New York! :lol:

One of the things that attracted me to him is that he said that his family and his spirituality are very important to him. That's a rare statement among gay men in general, don't you think? He just seems like a nice guy.

Good stuff! I don't know about this being rare, but it's not always the first thing that people talk about in a discussion. It's usually reserved for later conversations, after one gets to know the person. Like the old joke about gay men: "Gay men sleep together and then decide if they like each other". Like every steroptype there is some truth in it, but it's not the whole truth.

Again, I apologize profusely if this subject should not be discussed here.

If anyone would like to see our profiles, just email me at sgorrell@uiuc.edu

Thanks for your time!

Steve

Steve- Forgive me for blatantly endeavoring to build you up. That's my purpose here. When you feel confident within yourself, you will be able to handle rejection - if and when if happens- better. The truth is, and I believe this firmly: it's how we handle rejection that can determine the course of our lives. It's not that one has to be 'tough', but one simply has to keep at it. Stay in the game- as it were. Not give up on one's self and the other person- when and if that person comes into one's life.

I'm not saying that you should go and meet this guy and feel great about it not going well. Hey. It could happen. It may not work out. But I wish to point out a law of physics here:

Things in motion tend to stay in motion.

If this guy doesn't work out, stay in motion. Don't give up on yourself. That stops all motion. Get my drift?

How will you know how things will work out if you simply cave into the fear that they won't?

Having faith means keeping faith. With yourself first.

Bottom line: I think you can think better of yourself.

PS- a shot in the dark here: are you blaming yourself for the breakup of your previous relationship? Still feeling some shame about that? If so- you might want to discuss this old stuff (with a qualified counselor). It's the kind of baggage you don't want dragging you down.

[paul]

Hi Steve :wave:,

Welcome (hey, better late than never).

I guess you've figured out by now that what you posted was not inappropriate. The only thing you won't get away with here is gay bashing and nudity :lol: (and I might get some arguments on the second prohibition).

42 and old maid???:eek: Please! That's "inappropriate" (unless you plan on taking up cleaning for a living).

I look forward to getting to know you. You will find a very warm community here, I hope you stick around and become part of us.

paul

[keltic63]

I guess you've figured out by now that what you posted was not inappropriate. The only thing you won't get away with here is gay bashing and nudity :lol: (and I might get some arguments on the second prohibition).



you mean like this profile? (http://www.soulforce.org/forums/member.php?u=4521)

[paul]

you mean like this profile? (http://www.soulforce.org/forums/member.php?u=4521)

:eek: That was a nice lei Steve, eh? :lol:. Subtle yet provocative. nutty yet fruity.

[Jennifer5]

Welcome :)