Love lost and Unrequited

[animejunkie]

I have been very depressed for the last week, I can't stand the boy I love anymore. He is hurting me in so many ways, I'm beginning to realize just how much of a jerk he is. When I told him my feelings, he basically ignored them and began talking about his own. :'( He told me to stop loving him because he feels he can't love anyone because he already loves someone else. Also I feel like a complete failure everytime I talk to him, he in so many ways is much better than I am.
Also lately I have been having major anger issues, I've been thinking of killing the straight boy he still loves. I really do not want to continue on like this, I absolutely do not. I already have enough stress outside of this to build up on this.
What confounds me more is that the next day, he apologized then said I was a remarkable person! I really do not get him and I feel I can do much better. Also I do not think I can be friends with him, the mere sight of him despair me, its almost a tease of what I will never have. So I write this as I cry more, and I fall back into my abyss. I wish I never met this kid, and I never want to love again. I wish God never created love it would make me feel so much better about myself, if I did not have these feelings annoy me so much. Help! why does everyone else get everything, and I always get nothing but crap, and heartache.

[Pablo Rafael]

Kyo,

This Bible verse comes to mind:

Weeping may remain for the night, but joy comes in the morning.

You have a long future ahead of you, and I am confident that God will send the right guy your way. You are young, be patient. It is easier to say it that than to do it, I know. I have had a stressful time the past few months. I am telling myself that things will get better. I know that they will, but at times it doesn't feel like it.

My advice is to wait for the person who truly loves you and will be loved by you. Someone you are comfortable around and can relax and be yourself with.

Keeping you in my prayers.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[Daniel]

...is couples counseling. I'm serious. You need to learn how to talk to each other, listen to each other. You need tools of communication. Oh....there are times when I can't stand the guy I've been married to for 15 years now. It's called LIFE. One learns (or not) to deal with things. And one does this by learning (I'm repeating myself now) to communicate and listen. It's a skill. It can be learned.

From what you are describing, the problem is not above love, it's about the stuff that is getting in the way of the love.

And guess what? Even if you don't continue this relationship, it you go and get some HELP you will be ready for the next relationship.

So...please....my dear friend. Pull yourself out of the hole you are in and go get some help. And if the help you find doesn't quite suit you, find someone else. You have to keep trying. Acting. Reaching out. That's the only way things of this nature get better, if they are going to get better.

As someone told me many years ago: "Know what the first law of holes is?"

"No" I said.

"Stop digging!"

And lastly- please give the guy who apologized some credit, Ok? We all say stupid things we regret saying. And one more thing. What is this "he in so many ways is much better than I am" statement?

Something's not adding up here.

Sounds like you don't think very much of yourself- and that concerns me. Sounds like there may be some internalized homophobia lurking in the shadows.....

GET HELP NOW!

[Zerbie]

I have been very depressed for the last week, I can't stand the boy I love anymore. He is hurting me in so many ways, I'm beginning to realize just how much of a jerk he is. When I told him my feelings, he basically ignored them and began talking about his own. :'( He told me to stop loving him because he feels he can't love anyone because he already loves someone else. Also I feel like a complete failure everytime I talk to him, he in so many ways is much better than I am.
Also lately I have been having major anger issues, I've been thinking of killing the straight boy he still loves. I really do not want to continue on like this, I absolutely do not. I already have enough stress outside of this to build up on this.
What confounds me more is that the next day, he apologized then said I was a remarkable person!

This sounds like the kind of struggle many people go through in love, relationships, infatuations, 'special' friendships, etc. Not that it helps to know necessarily, but you are not the only one. :(:love:

It sounds like he is just as confused and ripped up as you are right now. Especially if he is in love with a straight boy! Btw, it isn't the straight boy's fault your friend has feelings for him. I know you know that, but maybe you can redirect the anger and despair you feel. Despair when in love is the hugest, emptiest feeling. Be sure you have things in your life that give you joy, make you laugh, even while these painful things are going on. That way you will get through the empty feelings more easily, and there is something happy competing for your attention.

When I lost the first love of my life (not too dissimilar a situation, actually, sounds like), I went to movies with friends several times a week, even though it hurt so much I don't know how I remembered to even breathe, y'know the feeling obviously. But now, years later, I cherish those movies so much, :) because they, along with the friends I had, got me through that most painful time. Gee, does this help??



Help! why does everyone else get everything, and I always get nothing but crap, and heartache.

Can't tell ya how many times I've thought that. Thought that everyone else's life is exactly the way they've always wanted, and that they're happy happy happy, lucky them to be anyone but me! Oh how wrong I was. We just don't get to hear about most peoples' troubles. But they get 'em too, and sometimes they're worse than ours. Dunno if it helps to hear that either, Kyo. If it doesn't help, just ignore it. :p

Btw - you were brave to tell your friend how you feel. I didn't have the courage to do that til mid-20s. You've got some courage. :D

I say this: hang in there, do things that you enjoy, and just watch as the years go by, interesting attractive guys will be vying for your attention. You wait for the one you want to be around, the one who treats you right.

[animejunkie]

Okay I talked to him, and I really was not clear to him and afraid to talk to him. Its settled, he thinks I am too hard on myself and believes I am a wonderful person riddled with self doubt. Right now we are officially just very close friends. We are not ready for any commitment due to the fact we both are very shambled after our past relationships and occurrences. I am very happy with this, and what he had to say to me, was really wonderful, and he really really cares about me. :D I just was not opening myself up to him. But once I did all of a sudden he told me he's been really worried about me.:love: He told me how he fears everyday that I might kill myself. He told me how devastated he would be if I ever did that! This for me is not an issue of a relationship not working out, its an issue of me being very unconfident with myself, something he really wants me to not be, since he saids I can tell him anything, and he'll still love me. :'( Right now I realize how stupid I've been being and not having enough trust he would respond that way.

[Zerbie]

Ah, sounds like you have a good friend. :):love:

It concerns me that there is such worry over the possibility of your hurting yourself. If you ever find you are seriously thinking about suicide, Call Someone Immediately - treat it as an emergency.

If you're ever in real distress, you might try here:
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/home2.aspx

I'm sure there are many other places you might find help as well.