Hello from the Cleveland OH area

[a24gimpy]

Hello!

I just watched "For the Bible tells me so" and decided to check out the Soulforce website after watching the movie.

I must say I was really impressed with the movie. I was raised in a very religious home and after coming out of the closet I have been shunned by own parents who once upon a time told me not to judge others. I found the movie inspiring and it was great to see a documentary about "real" people and "real" families.

I'm going to be sending out an e-mail to several of my friends in the LGBT community in hopes that they will watch the movie and inspire others to watch it as well. I'm considering buying the movie and sending it to my parents. However, I think they would probably throw it in the trash once they started watching it.

I've found it very difficult to come to grips with feeling abandoned by my parents over the years but have slowly come to realize that I feel more sorry for them than I do myself now.

Love and Peace to everyone!

Jeannette

[Zerbie]

Welcome Jeannette. :) I am so glad you found that movie, and through it, your way here! This is a wonderful place.

I have such a hard time hearing that your parents shun you. My god, that's horrible. :(

If you don't mind me asking, did you come out to them recently? Perhaps, if it is new news to them, they may change their perspective in time. :pray:

[Pablo Rafael]

Hi Jeannette,

Good to have you here on the forums. I also was very impressed with For the Bible Tells Me So. I thought it was an excellent movie. I cried several times while watching it ( but being a gay man, that is not so terribly unusual. :rolleyes:) I bought a couple copies, one to loan out and one to donate to our local library. (And I never BUY movies.)

My heart goes out to you and others who have had difficulties with parents. I am blessed that my mother has never wavered in her love for me even though she is not too pleased with the gay thing. (Now my father who passed away years ago might have had a very different reaction.) Just maybe your parents would watch the movie. It is more about being a parent of a gay child than it is about being gay.

Please post some more and let us know your thoughts.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[BrianB]

Hello!

I just watched "For the Bible tells me so" and decided to check out the Soulforce website after watching the movie.


I've found it very difficult to come to grips with feeling abandoned by my parents over the years but have slowly come to realize that I feel more sorry for them than I do myself now.

Love and Peace to everyone!

Jeannette

Hi Jeannette,

I live in Dayton Ohio. My parents also had a hard time with accepting me as bisexual. One thing that helped was viewing this web page by Jeff and Patti Ellis, http://www.familyacceptance.com Jeff and Patti were also very homophobic until their son came out to them. Then they started the process of acceptance.

I hope that web site is helpful for you and your parents.

BrianB

[a24gimpy]

Welcome Jeannette. :) I am so glad you found that movie, and through it, your way here! This is a wonderful place.

I have such a hard time hearing that your parents shun you. My god, that's horrible. :(

If you don't mind me asking, did you come out to them recently? Perhaps, if it is new news to them, they may change their perspective in time. :pray:


I came out to my parents 8 years ago. In the beginning, I think they thought it was some phase that I going thru and that I would resort back to the "straight" life. I had thought that over time they wouldn't necessary embrace the lifestyle but at least acknowledge it. I've been in 2 relationships since coming out and they've never met or acknowledged either of them. My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years now and it's been a struggle trying to explain to her and her family (whom is very accepting) why my parents are the way there are.

I've had a difficult time over the years trying to come to terms with how my parents treat me and made a painful decision to cut ties with them completely almost a year ago. The last straw was my mother sending me a letter telling me that she loved me but was concerned about my "homosexual" lifestyle and if I wanted to see them or have them visit me that I would always have to be alone and that wasn't going to change. I sent a letter back and told them that I've dealt with this pain long enough and that I had always believed that parents should love their children unconditionally. I told them that "true" Christians don't cast the first stone and that they didn't have the right to judge me. Needless to say, I haven't heard from them since. They've also disowned my brother because he divorced his wife and "didn't fulfill his Godly duties". So I guess they've made their choice and they will have to live with it.

Sorry, didn't think this would be this long!

[a24gimpy]

Hi Jeannette,

I live in Dayton Ohio. My parents also had a hard time with accepting me as bisexual. One thing that helped was viewing this web page by Jeff and Patti Ellis, http://www.familyacceptance.com Jeff and Patti were also very homophobic until their son came out to them. Then they started the process of acceptance.

I hope that web site is helpful for you and your parents.

BrianB

Thanks Brian!

I just checked out the website and it was great! I could print it out and mail it to my parents but I don't know that it would really help. They've never told anyone that I'm gay (after 8 years) and my brother's been divorced for 2 years and they still haven't told anyone in our family. Until recently, I hadn't spoken to cousins, aunts, etc on either side of the family for 8 years. They've been extremely accepting though so that's been my bright side during all of this!

Thanks for the link to the website, I really appreciate it!

Jeannette

[a24gimpy]

Hi Jeannette,

Good to have you here on the forums. I also was very impressed with For the Bible Tells Me So. I thought it was an excellent movie. I cried several times while watching it ( but being a gay man, that is not so terribly unusual. :rolleyes:) I bought a couple copies, one to loan out and one to donate to our local library. (And I never BUY movies.)

My heart goes out to you and others who have had difficulties with parents. I am blessed that my mother has never wavered in her love for me even though she is not too pleased with the gay thing. (Now my father who passed away years ago might have had a very different reaction.) Just maybe your parents would watch the movie. It is more about being a parent of a gay child than it is about being gay.

Please post some more and let us know your thoughts.

Tu Amigo, Pablo


Thanks Pablo!

It's just nice to hear encouragement from others! I don't have a wide array of gay friends so it's hard to explain to others sometimes and get the same reception.

Although my parents and I are no longer speaking, I've felt more at peace even though it's not what I wanted. It was hard always dealing with the negativity all of the time and being angry every time we spoke. Now I just struggle with wondering if I'll feel bad if something happens to one of them and the fact that we never made peace or resolved anything.

Jeannette

[Vanessa White]

I am so glad that you found us here and can have some peace and connection. I am also sorry to hear about your parents' inability to see who you really are with loving eyes and hearts. Unfortunately, that has been the experience for many of those I love here. I am grateful that my parents, for the most part, have been supportive and loving toward me about being a lesbian. I still need to see the movie; I want to get a copy for my home library.....:love:

[Zerbie]

I've had a difficult time over the years trying to come to terms with how my parents treat me and made a painful decision to cut ties with them completely almost a year ago. The last straw was my mother sending me a letter telling me that she loved me but was concerned about my "homosexual" lifestyle and if I wanted to see them or have them visit me that I would always have to be alone and that wasn't going to change. I sent a letter back and told them that I've dealt with this pain long enough and that I had always believed that parents should love their children unconditionally. I told them that "true" Christians don't cast the first stone and that they didn't have the right to judge me. Needless to say, I haven't heard from them since. They've also disowned my brother because he divorced his wife and "didn't fulfill his Godly duties". So I guess they've made their choice and they will have to live with it.

!

Oh my goodness! They have disowned BOTH of you? Have they any other children? They are cutting themselves off from their children in these ways. How incredibly sad, for all of you, but especially for them, as they are the ones who must live cut off from their own little ones.

My goodness! That is so sad!

Glad you found your way to this bunch - we're a pretty friendly and sometimes downright silly group. But we also like to delve into deep topics and confront the serious stuff together.

[a24gimpy]

Thanks to everyone for being so supportive while I've been sharing my story. This website has been a blessing since finding it.

My parents do not have any other children. It is sad. I still don't understand why they have done this but instead of being angry about it, I'm trying to forgive them which is really hard for me. I feel like I have to disconnect myself from my ideals of what I expect from them and look at them in a different light, instead of expecting them to fulfill their parental duties so to speak.

My Mom was diagnosed with MS last year and then after telling my brother and I, that's when we went our separate ways. I had hoped that her being diagnosed would give her a different outlook on life and allow her to appreciate life and her children for what it is. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Instead she sent us both a blanket letter pretty much giving us a set of rules on what we could and couldn't say and discuss.

I've spent 32 years trying to gain their approval and play their games and I just couldn't do it anymore. I felt like in some way I was still being controlled by them and I couldn't live with it. I hope that one day they will come to their senses but I can't spend the rest of my life hoping for something that may never happen.

[Zerbie]

It sounds like you have a balanced and wise view of things. I am sorry you have to deal with this, and sorry to hear of your disappointment.

Parents are who they are, and are going to make their own choices. We can't expect more from them than they are capable of giving, even though sometimes that may mean it's healthier for us to have some time apart from them. At some point, we have to live our own lives, not lives geared to please two other people, however important they have been to us.

It seems you are moving on from the past and focusing on living NOW. Which is the healthiest and wisest thing you could do.

[Gennee]

Hi Jeannette and welcome. I saw the film also and really liked it. I'm sorry about what happened between you and your folks. Continue to pray :pray: for them. It wouldn't be a bad idea to send them a copy of he movie.

Gennee


:love::rainbow::wave:

[Daniel]

Thanks to everyone for being so supportive while I've been sharing my story. This website has been a blessing since finding it.

My parents do not have any other children. It is sad. I still don't understand why they have done this but instead of being angry about it, I'm trying to forgive them which is really hard for me. I feel like I have to disconnect myself from my ideals of what I expect from them and look at them in a different light, instead of expecting them to fulfill their parental duties so to speak.

My Mom was diagnosed with MS last year and then after telling my brother and I, that's when we went our separate ways. I had hoped that her being diagnosed would give her a different outlook on life and allow her to appreciate life and her children for what it is. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Instead she sent us both a blanket letter pretty much giving us a set of rules on what we could and couldn't say and discuss.

I've spent 32 years trying to gain their approval and play their games and I just couldn't do it anymore. I felt like in some way I was still being controlled by them and I couldn't live with it. I hope that one day they will come to their senses but I can't spend the rest of my life hoping for something that may never happen.


Jeanette,

The story you've related is heartbreaking- and a great sadness. I am so sorry that your parents have acted in the way that they have- having more allegiance to the thoughts in their head instead of their own flesh and blood.

I don't know your parents, but the thought occurred to me that your mother may see her condition as part of God's punishment: that may be one reason why she has retreated even further and handed out ultimatums. If so, that is truly sad.

Of course- you and your brother are not the cause- you know that, right?

I grew up in an AG household- and know that conservative thinking that take some funny turns.

Now. This is bold of me, and perhaps meddlesome, but I would like to suggest something.

Do one thing: tell your parents that you love them. Send then a card, call them- whatever. Just a simple message. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Give them what they have denied you and themelves. In short: you are the grown-up in the situation. You are correct in that you can't wait for what may never come. So stop waiting and give them and yourself what you need.

They may never respond. And don't even look for a response. Just send your love for them and let it go. Keep doing this and your own heart will open a bit more- and you will find yourself less angry.

Way do I suggest this: I did much the same thing with my parents. It took a very long time, but they got the message. We all need a little love, enen those of us who are the most contrary.

It's worth giving it a shot: love is never wasted.

Peace to you.