Illusion of control

[scott snedeker]

One of the most debilitating fears and phobias I have experienced is the preception of loss of control

Whether it comes from being trapped or abused or used or judged a worthless deviant. It seems to have roots early in life

The pattern that wants to repeat is allowing this same thing, the loss of control, to happen and why?

--Fear, I suspect!

Fear cultivates more fear and the trap evolves further. ---If I let it.

But this is an illusion, but then to me everything is but a perception of sensory input and my world is created based on mental processing from those perceptions.

Change my perception by changing the sensory input and changing interpretation of such and I have a different world.

So today I am creating the perception of illusion of control. Chaos into order. Applying resources to replace the illusion of the loss of control with another, without having to use anger or rage to defend.




Anyone with advice?

Similar experiences?

Alternate perceptions?

Tricks or strategies?

Differing philosophies?

:inspector:

[Zerbie]

Maybe if you give us a specific example?

There are tricks, but they can't be used generally, and I don't know if they can be explained generally. Maybe.

[scott snedeker]

My house:

It is a barn that I am remodelling.

It has been so verwhelming that I felt defeated. This in turn leads to further disarray and I get overwhelmed when ever I start to combat it
So now I work overtime for more pay and pay someone to finish.

He turn out to bean alcoholic who emptied my liquor cabinet to the last drop!!!:lol: That was quite a feat by the way as I believe I had no less than 6 gallons of hard liquor all together!!:rolleyes:

So I fired him but not after agonizing over the fact that he and his family will probobly lose their house now. My Fear was in disappointing him and his family perishing. But at the same time I was sacrifing my needs for an alcoholic to continue drinking.

In other words "codependent"

I have an awareness now that this was a previous essential phase in my emotional development, but is no longer beneficial to me. Like redoing high School.


But what I'm interested is people's similar experiences and heir solutions and triumphs (or ongoing struggles) with overcoming fear and how they find ways not to allow fear to run their lives.

[Daniel]

My experience has been that for there to be change- and by that I mean a progression of events or experiences that leads one towards beneficial actions and behaviors, there must be a shift not only in perception, but in energy. And as such, you have mentioned this many times in your own particular way Scotty.

And I have experienced one thing that has helped me greatly in dealing with situations where the energy will not seem to flow, and that is by giving into my natural sense of curiosity. It may seem too simple, but to become intensely curious about something: an object, an idea, a person etc, takes one out of one's egoic self and places one in a 'position' that has maneuverability, both emotionally and mentally. The mind becomes focused. And because it is focused if is able to override old patterns and beliefs. However, my sense is that for this to happen, the desire and intentionality that seems to keep pace with 'focus' is not something that can be forced. In fact, I think one has to 'play' (as a child would) one's way into it.

Maybe this is because I have always had something of a teacher mentality, but I have come to realize that I am fascinated with 'process', ie how things get done. So I have applied my curiosity to the 'how' of singing, and as a result, discovered a great deal about it. Of course, I'm not talking about stacks of facts, but functional knowledge that leads to the aquisition of skills and behaviors which can be replicated at will.

What was the original behavior that curiosity lead me to? Going to the library and doing research, talking to people, reading books, digging through newspapers from 100 years ago. Did I know how to do this research beforehand? No. I learned as I went. No one gave me a blueprint, yet I did obtain incredible help along the way: I stumbled forward- and - at times- came upon the most amazing information because I simply stayed in the game, followed my hunches and- again- let my curiosity sustain me, even during dry and boring weeks when my panning for gold turned up nothing but rubble and ash.

The very nature of curiosity develops -as it is called in the East- 'witness consciousness', which is not at all what some suppose it is- being seen here in the West as self-consciousness. They are not the same thing at all. Curiosity opens one up to see both inner and outer phenomena, while self-consciousness keeps one firmly trapped inside a bubble, and as such, the past, or the never to be experienced future. One is stuck, as it were, in one's "I". And for there to be great movement of energy, the 'I" has to step aside.

Curiosity does this.

Someone once said that it isn't as important to find the answers to questions as it is to forumulate the questions which lead one to the very state I have written about.

The mind is the magnifying glass. The light is the lifeforce which courses through us. And curiosity is the focusing mechanism which burns through difficulties.

The Buddhist's call it Diamond Mind. And when one is stuck in one's "I"- Monkey Mind.

[Zerbie]

:eek:
Jesus!!

Danny's *brilliant!!!!* :eek:

Um, yeah. Cultivating the attitude of curiosity inherently causes shifts. And um, haha, yeah, the energy needs to shift before thoughts, moods, and behaviors will. Cultivate a posture of curiosity. That's a brilliant one, Daniel.


Specifics to consider putting in motion regards the remodel:

shift the size of the task: by breaking it into component parts and ONLY putting your attention on one part at a time.

boundaries: caring about others is great. not only that, it is soulful. But there still are boundaries. You are not and cannot be responsible for another adult. Mr. Contractor will have to pluck himself up one way or another - it is not your responsibility to rescue him and if you try to take that on, you will wind up disappointed, or frustrated, some energy that is not what you want.

What can the fear morph into? It would help to know what the fear is *of.* Fear of not completing a task? Fear of being judged and blamed for setting your boundaries? Something else?

Anyway, fear generally points to misgivings about a possible future. So find an attitude that is close to fear but not as negative. :)

Curiosity, as Danny suggested, is a brilliant one. 'Hmmm, I'm curious how this remodel job will turn out.'

What else is not far removed from fear? Excitement. Try turning "I'm so afraid this barn will never get done" into something along the lines of "Hey, awesome, here's a chance to explore something brand new and re-do the whole barn. I'm so psyched! Let's see, what things do I need and want to do FIRST? "

Is the fear related to anxiety of something going wrong/falling apart? Maybe morph it into curiosity mixed with caution. "Interesting, how can I take apart X safely and rebuild Y at the same time? Looks like I need to pay attention A, B, C, and D."

This the kinda stuff ya wanted????

[Alecto]

I found your topic title interesting as a psych major, because one of the factors for GOOD mental health (and recovery from less-than-good mental health) is a percieved interior locus of control. They don't use the word "illusion", because in a broader sense, we're trying to be aware of the fact that EVERYONE has some stuff they have control over, and some stuff they don't. But to focus on the stuff you can control is appearantly good for you. ;)

[paul]

Hi Scotty,

(your "example" illicited my "title." I have restored 3 historical properties, doing the work myself. my temptation was to 'advise' about the example instead of the thing i.e., "fear")


There's always that saying that gets bandied about "fear of the unknown." Does that mean if it is known it's not feared?

I like Zerbies idea of "breaking" the object of fear into "components." Are you a big picture guy? Instead of looking at the whole "barn" break it down as far as you have to to fit Scotty. If you cannot think windows, think window.

I also like Daniels idea of curiosity. Curiosity is a wonderful way to redirect the energy of fear into a productive state of learning resulting in knowing. If the fear is because of unknown, curiosity is a first step out of fear with very practical ramifications.

Same with the contractor who likes booze. You know all this stuff, I know. Breaking it down a bit, your firing this person was, at it's base, a refusal to participate in his self destruction.

[scott snedeker]

My experience has been ....there must be a shift not only in perception, but in energy. ........by giving into my natural sense of curiosity. It may seem too simple, but to become intensely curious about something: an object, an idea, a person etc, takes one out of one's egoic self and places one in a 'position' that has maneuverability, both emotionally and mentally. The mind becomes focused. And because it is focused if is able to override old patterns and beliefs. .......... I think one has to 'play' (as a child would) one's way into it. ..........................................
The mind is the magnifying glass. The light is the lifeforce which courses through us. And curiosity is the focusing mechanism which burns through difficulties.

The Buddhist's call it Diamond Mind. And when one is stuck in one's "I"- Monkey Mind.


I love it!!!! Curiosity one energizing word!


:eek:
Jesus!!

Danny's *brilliant!!!!* :eek:

Um, yeah. Cultivating the attitude of curiosity inherently causes shifts. And um, haha, yeah, the energy needs to shift before thoughts, moods, and behaviors will. Cultivate a posture of curiosity. That's a brilliant one, Daniel.


Specifics to consider putting in motion regards the remodel:

shift the size of the task: by breaking it into component parts and ONLY putting your attention on one part at a time.

boundaries: caring about others is great. not only that, it is soulful. But there still are boundaries. You are not and cannot be responsible for another adult. Mr. Contractor will have to pluck himself up one way or another - it is not your responsibility to rescue him and if you try to take that on, you will wind up disappointed, or frustrated, some energy that is not what you want.

What can the fear morph into? It would help to know what the fear is *of.* Fear of not completing a task? Fear of being judged and blamed for setting your boundaries? Something else?

Anyway, fear generally points to misgivings about a possible future. So find an attitude that is close to fear but not as negative. :)

Curiosity, as Danny suggested, is a brilliant one. 'Hmmm, I'm curious how this remodel job will turn out.'

What else is not far removed from fear? Excitement. Try turning "I'm so afraid this barn will never get done" into something along the lines of "Hey, awesome, here's a chance to explore something brand new and re-do the whole barn. I'm so psyched! Let's see, what things do I need and want to do FIRST? "

Is the fear related to anxiety of something going wrong/falling apart? Maybe morph it into curiosity mixed with caution. "Interesting, how can I take apart X safely and rebuild Y at the same time? Looks like I need to pay attention A, B, C, and D."

This the kinda stuff ya wanted????


Yeah! really insightful and easy to follow.I'm going to borrow both!



" But to focus on the stuff you can control is appearantly good for you. "
---Alecto


Much can be said for the above to avoid "learned helplessness," the animal model for depression!

Thanks guys!