Gay Parenting

[Mia14]

I'm curious about what people think about gay people raising children.
I know this is a personal issue and can be highly volatile.

Should it be allowed?

If you are a gay parent, did you use adopt? Artificial means?
Also, how do you think your kids react to their parents' sexuality?

If you're gay and planning to have kids, how do you plan to?

[Mia14]

I've got a situation in mind for when my partner and I decide to expand our family, but I realize that things might not go exactly to plan.

So far, we have planned that I'll carry the first child. We'd like to have one of her eggs artificiall inseminated and implanted in me, so that I can actually carry a child that is hers. Later, if she decides to carry a child, we plan to use the same donor, but with my egg. That way (although complicated), our children would be both related and from both of us. Also, each pregnancy would involve the other partner. Another option we'd like to explore is adoption- especially adoption of older children once our own children get a bit older.

[Emproph]

I think the same rules apply, or should apply, for gay people/couples as any other potential parents. You love your kids and you take care of 'em!

All that I’ve heard and read from legitimate sources is that children in those homes do just as well if not better. And by legitimate, I mean not the creeps who use this issue as just another opportunity to call LGBT people child molesters.

Will all the children who need parents with stable homes, the “Children need a male and a female” argument is as illegitimate as the “sanctity of marriage” argument. It’s nothing more than the attempt to be a bigot without looking like one. If you’re convinced gays are child molesters, so be it, say so, and some do. But like the rest of the arguments they use, they get into the most trouble when they go out of their way to disguise their bigotry.

Ronnie W. Floyd author of “The Gay Agenda” 2004, and Rick Santorum on the Daily Show made the same argument to the question, ‘Why not let gays adopt because there are so many children who are abused and neglected already in homes with male and female parents, and growing up in single parent households, and so many more who are up for adoption?’ Apples to oranges they say, it’s an illegitimate argument because it’s comparing the worst of one situation with the best of another.

In other words their answer to that question is, just don't ask the question, problem solved. Beyond the abject idiocy of such "logic," they might want to rethink their use of the fruit analogy too.. (:D)

I recently watched the video documentary Rosie O’donnell made with her partner about the gay families cruise they took to the Bahamas. There were tons of protesters to meet them when they got off the ship there spewing their hatred in the name of God. There was one brief clip at the end of that segment of parents bringing their kids back to the ship and the kids were crying. It may have been 2 seconds long, it was not gratuitous, there was no voice over, but that alone was heart wrenching. I would highly recommend that (HBO, I think), to see the interaction between kids and their parents who are gay. It was eye opening, even for me, and I’m a know it all.. :cool: (:D)

I don’t base this statement on examples like that alone, but it seems that the only real threat to children with gay parents, or families, are the God molesting 'Christians' who claim to care about children and families.

(I was going to write one short paragraph... -sigh. :))

[freeasme120]

My thoughts on gay parenting? ..

They're simple ::

If two people are willing to love a child and raise them in a happy, healthy home taking the responsibility to educate, identify with, and most importantly love a child, it shouldn't matter if they are gay, straight, black, white, green, or purple.

The fact of the matter is, kids are kids and they need to be loved.

At this point, America's adoption agencies are overflowing with kids in need of this love. I have always, always said I would adopt children - these perfectly loveable kids are suffering because of circumstances they cannot control. They deserve better and when I am suited to provide them a loving, stable household I will. - As a single parent, a lesbian mother, whatever the case may be - as long as the child is being brought up to live a happy, healthy, loved life.

In some cases, growing up with gay parents exposes kids to diversity from day one. Myself, coming from a small town - I could barely define the terms diversity or minority when I was younger - because I never saw them. These kids from loving homosexual parent households will be showered with love and will have learned from the best.

I have used the word love countless times in this post - and that is exactly the point - LOVE is the main factor in the lives of all of us - young, old, homosexual, heterosexual, black, white .. you get the picture.

My thoughts ?? Gay parenting should not only be allowed, but it should be encouraged - as long as the child will be raised in a house of LOVE.

[Vanessa White]

As Mia knows in knowing me, I am one half of a set of lesbian parents to our eight year old daughter (not that I ever talk about her here or anything- LOL!) Anyway, we decided when we were together a very short time that we wanted to be parents together, and I carried our daughter, my partner was my coach, and my partner then was able to legally adopt her in the county in PA we lived in at the time. Not so sure that would happen today with all the current climate. She is one of the best decisions I ever made in my life, and it has brought us many joys. We have concerns about how she will handle being so "different" from her peers (that we know of) in terms of parentage, but so far so good. She is a great student, involved in many activities, has lots of friends, and feels pretty confident in herself. Recently, when a medical professional asked her something about her "daddy", our daughter said later to my partner, who was concerned about the impact on her "Don't you know by now that I am okay with it?" Out of the mouth of an eight year old. We get compliments all the time on how smart and well adjusted she is. I think the challenge that we will have more than her adjustment to having lesbian parents, is the fact that we are so overprotective we will cramp her style! Peace, Love, and all that- Vanessa

[NathanATX]

I would *love* to have a biological child... That may or may not happen.

I do know I plan on having a large family. My goal is to adopt ten children over the next 30 years. :)

Nate

[Mia14]

My goal is to adopt ten children over the next 30 years. :)

Wow, ten?! As long as you love em and can care for all of them, go for it!

I think a definite factor of my family size will be money - because adoption and the insemination procedures are so expensive. I'd love to have a bigger family, and B and I have already decided to have kids (when we finally settle down into a place of our own). Somewhere between two and four sounds nice, but God only knows what will happen in the future.

[NathanATX]

My goal is to have from 50k to 100k in the bank for each child adopted... just to ensure the family's well being. Needless to say, I need to start making some big money. :)

[pnggrad79]

I am 45 and I have two grown children ages 18 and 15, from a previous marriage. My partner (wife) wants children. She is 34. I am understandably hesitant, but willing to do it again. We have been together 5 years. I feel I am too old to do this again, but I keep having to remind myself that you are as old as you feel. Plus, I was looking forward to getting mine out of the house and on their own. Although, I was married when I had my two, he was little if no help at all raising them, still isn't. So for all practical purposes I was a single parent. I am glad they are almost out, if you know what I mean. Starting over is NOT something I want to do, BUT-I love my wife and want to make her happy, so I will do it if it has to be done. Would you like some ambivalence with that hesitation?;)

[pnggrad79]

Nate,
Dude, you want 10? I thought 2 was difficult. Gee whiz! 10? What are you wanting- a basketball team, the American version of the Von Trapp family, or the ground population of a small third world country? All joking aside-dude, if 10 is what you want-go for it, but let me know after 2 how you feel! I think the more of us who defy the naysayers, and have kids and raise them to be productive citizens, the better. We need to make a statement that we not the vile, evil, malevolent pedophiles they make us out to be. Go for it, dude. Maybe God has gifted you for 10 kids. I hope so, because you will make a great dad.

Best of luck to you. (you're going to need it) 10? Are you serious?


:D

[keltic63]

I have 3, my partner has 4. that makes us like the Brady Bunch when they added Oliver (when Bobby and Cindy stopped being so cute)

We are not doing it again. We love our kids dearly. we are available for them 24-7, and in our relationship, kids come first. sometimes that is painful, but it is always rewarding. there are never arguments about it. Tonight is one of those nights. I won't see my partner until late because he has to take care of his boys. No use worrying about it. it has to be done.

[NathanATX]

Nate,
Dude, you want 10? I thought 2 was difficult. Gee whiz! 10? What are you wanting- a basketball team, the American version of the Von Trapp family, or the ground population of a small third world country? All joking aside-dude, if 10 is what you want-go for it, but let me know after 2 how you feel! I think the more of us who defy the naysayers, and have kids and raise them to be productive citizens, the better. We need to make a statement that we not the vile, evil, malevolent pedophiles they make us out to be. Go for it, dude. Maybe God has gifted you for 10 kids. I hope so, because you will make a great dad.

Best of luck to you. (you're going to need it) 10? Are you serious?

:D

:) Yeah, I'm serious. I probably won't have ten children all in the house at the same time... but who knows. I raised my three brothers, so I've definitely had some experience.

I know I'm going to be successful and money won't be an issue...
and combine that with a huge heart for kids...
and an awareness of what is happening to orphans across the world...

I want to adopt as many as I can. Angelina Jolie is my hero for the way she has created her family. (not sure about the Brad part...)

[Mia14]

:) I want to adopt as many as I can.

I'm with you all the way on that one. Of course, money decides how many we can sustain, but I'd love to adopt lots. I really have a want to adopt older kids, too, though. Especially the ones who are 16 or 17 and almost ready to leave the system because they need families, too! I'd especially love to adopt an older child who might be GLBT - we could be great role models!

[peaceboy]

I've alwasy said my aunt and her partner are the best reason for why we should have gay parents...their child is the best child I have ever seen. He is, seriously, the best behaved and most loving child I have ever come across.

I find the argument that kids are best raised by a mother and a father a slap in the face to all single parents out there. A lot of children are being raised by single mothers or fathers and are doing just fine. All that matters is that the parent(s) love their child and treat them well. That is the final answer to me. It doesn't matter if it is one man or woman, two men, two women, or a man and a woman. Children need love to thrive, and love is the most important thing to them. Just a few thoughts.

[pnggrad79]

Mia, Nate, Keltic:

Ya'll are amazing people, for wanting to adopt and raise lots of kids. That can be so challenging yet rewarding. I have two girls (18 and 15) that I love like there's no tomorrow and they are wonderful girls, make good grades, and haven't given me any reason to distrust them. I applaud you guys for wanting to fill the world with your love and wisdom and everything that you are.

GLBT people make great parents, I have seen it first hand. It is not about who the parents sleep with, it is about the 24-7, 365 days of the year that you are there caring about them, loving them, being there.

I have a little boy in my classroom that just comes to school basically to sit there, breathe air and gather dust. He does nothing, unless I physically sit right beside him all the time. Well, with 23 other students in my class I can't logically do that. But that is what he needs. One on one attention, love, and care. His mother left when he was little, and so one of our tutors who works with low performing kids told me she thought he just needed someone to rock him like a baby. It made me think of how much this kid just needs someone to give a flying flip about him. The kicker is-his dad is straight. Now how on God's green earth can these people say that being straight is the only prerequisite to raising good children. I would be willing to bet my next paycheck that if this kid were to go live with any of you, he would turn out to be a productive, happy person, who knew that you had his back. He doesn't know that right now, and he lives with straight people.


Well, all that to say, you guys are great. I admire people like you. :)

[themattperry]

My state (the great sate of Washington) and King County in particular (home of Seattle), is aparently a great place to be a gay parent. Not only is it a settled political issue, but more and more I hear stories of foster care agencies and other public institutions being very very encouraging of stable glbt families that apply to adopt and or foster parent/adopt. Our poster-boy dads are (for better or for worse) national sex columnist Dan Savage and his partner. Dan recently wrote a book called "The Kid : What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant" (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452281768/102-5254760-3408944?v=glance&n=283155)

Anyway -- come on over to Seattle ... we love our queer parents here!!!!!

And for all of you who are thinking of adopting -- go for it! The world needs it!

[NathanATX]

Where we end up living is going to be a very important decision.

Taxation...
Quality of the schools...
Political environment...
Religious environment...

I probably will want to move out of the country when we are ready to adopt.

Canada, Australia, & Spain are among my top choices. Most likely, Spain. My company opened up offices in Spain, so I could easily begin working there. And since they allow gay marriage...

I just want to have my primary residence / citizenship in a country that protects my family.