different worlds?

[Jennifer5]

How many of you have ever felt like you were living in two or more different worlds at the same time? Or, another way of putting it would be living two lives... or living as two people...

I don't mean it in a bad way...

Do you live one life at home and a different life at work? or... One life where you're just doing the things you have to do and living another life wishing there was just more time?



I don't know if my questions make sense... if not I'll have to rephrase them in the morning... but I'm sure you've all felt this way at one point or another...

[Zerbie]

:p:D:lol:

Oh no, not at all. Never. :rolleyes:

I just live the yoga thing each morning, spend most weekdays being a doctoral student, most evenings/weekends being a teacher, some evenings being a classical/opera singer, some mornings being a church musician, and nearly all my free time being an LGBT equality activist.
:rolleyes:
:lol::lol::lol:
;)

(Iow: hell, yeah!)

[kimmyd]

I don't feel like I'm currently living two lives simultaniously, but every once in a while I feel like I've been here before. In some other time/life.

And YEAH I'm nicer at work than I really am. But that's just sheer phoniness... :P

[Jennifer5]

What an amazingly great question for a 17 year old to ask! For those of us who are GLBT and who have spent any time at all in the closet the experience of living two or more realities is the story of our lives. One of the really bad parts of that is the need to constantly monitor the details of each "reality" to make sure they don't conflict and to monitor EVERYTHING you say or do in each life to make sure that you don't let anything slip. That kind of self regulation makes it nearly impossible to live abundantly in the world.

This is what we mean when we talk about wanting to "live authentically" it is the desire to bring all of our worlds together and to live in only ONE reality as much as possible. Personally, I have moved a huge step in that direction by sharing my inner reality with Polly and with our kids and our siblings and closest friends. I am still closeted to the outside world and especially in my work but that seems less oppressive now that I am out to my loved ones and am active in the GLBT community more. But its a journey and I am not at the end yet. More integration is ahead I am sure.

Does this address your question? Tell us! Where does your most excellent question come from? Are you experiencing being "between" worlds in some way? Pray... tell! ;)
There are many levels of 17... this may be a good question, but there are more than enough really stupid questions to balance it out. :)

What you described above gives a perfect example of what I was asking about (so do the others'), you really do you live two(?) lives, I'm glad you've made it possible to at least make the real you known to your family and close friends! :love:

Reading your post, I think I know what at least part of my problem is. I have friends from school, which I love, but they're pretty much my only friends... so I love school for that reason. However, I no longer really like the school, it has become a very hard place to be, there's to much negativity. Then I have home, not home itself, but I mean home as in family... when my mom isn't working or when my brother is home, or both! I understand what you mean about having to watch what you say in different settings and act a different way.

I find myself happy in the world where I'm just with my friends and I am able to be 85%-90% myself, that's easy to handle. Then there's the life with my family, where I am 100% myself, I LOVE that world, but it's hard to find. Then there's the world of school, where I can still enjoy it, but I don't like the person I am when I'm there... I'm the robot doing what I have to do.

I think being out of this school will help to end that feeling.:love:

[Jennifer5]

Jenn... I love you, girl. I am glad that you are a part of this community. You always make me smile

It's pretty easy to make you smile then. :love:

[Jennifer5]

Depends on the day :lol:
....and on the world. :lol:

[Jennifer5]

You did it again :)

You're easy today. :love:

[sailaway58]

I think life would be easier for me if I wasn't such an open book.
I never hide what I think or do but I should.
I could have supported my friends quietly, I could have been one person at church and another here and another with family. But noooooooo, I have to vomit myself all over the place. I decide what is right for me and it pours out like a shaken warm root beer bottle.
The next thing I know people are seeing demons one me and telling me I am unfit for church leadership.http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.editAlbumPhoto&albumID=6143&imageID=2398315
Damn demons.
Bottom line is I think it is okay to only show the part of yourself you are comfortable with when you are with that person, setting or group. It is not two faced or hypercritical.
We ware many hats. I don't want people to love me for who they think I am however. The people I love must see past the act. I prefer people hate for the right reasons too.

[Jennifer5]

Damn demons.
Bottom line is I think it is okay to only show the part of yourself you are comfortable with when you are with that person, setting or group. It is not two faced or hypercritical.
We ware many hats. I don't want people to love me for who they think I am however. The people I love must see past the act. I prefer people hate for the right reasons too.

Very well stated... I think that's largely what bothers me about it, people thinking that I'm someone I'm not. There are to many people who think I'm someone else, I'm running out of people who really know me anymore.

I'd rather have people like or not like me for who I am... I don't like people judging me as if I was someone that I am not.

[OtterXero]

Very well stated... I think that's largely what bothers me about it, people thinking that I'm someone I'm not. There are to many people who think I'm someone else, I'm running out of people who really know me anymore.

I'd rather have people like or not like me for who I am... I don't like people judging me as if I was someone that I am not.

That's awesome that you have a sister that can agree with you on things like that.

[Jennifer5]

That's awesome that you have a sister that can agree with you on things like that.

Sorry... I edited out that part you were quoting :o




I had said that my sister and I have agreed that even if given the choice to return to our school next year, we decided that you won't. So it'll probably just be homeschooling, but that's not to bad as long as we still get out once in a while. :)

[tymejumper]

Very well stated... I think that's largely what bothers me about it, people thinking that I'm someone I'm not. There are to many people who think I'm someone else, I'm running out of people who really know me anymore.

I'd rather have people like or not like me for who I am... I don't like people judging me as if I was someone that I am not.



My teen is almost 17, and I hear this a lot. I think you are going through pretty normal adjustments.

You are finding that you are out growing some of your old friends, which happens to us all. You are getting ready for college, at least I assume you are. You will find out tons of stuff about yourself during that time. People, say "oh, highschool is the best time of your life" or "you'll be 18 and then you'll have it all figured out" well let me tell you, high school is NOT the best time of your life and you WON'T have it all figured out. No one does, no matter what they say. You will change a lot until mid 20's, that is when your brain actually finishes its development(according to the new neuro studies).

Also, many of us have had to live two seperate lives because we are not out at work, or to friends or family. In ways it is easier for your generation, you guys seem to be out sooner,but in others it is more difficult because you are charting new teritory for the next generation.

My advice, for all it's worth is investigate some new groups of people. Are there some GLSN(gay lesbian straight network) groups, art or drama groups, even a free thinking society group in your area? Try to find out as much as you can and find yourself a group that is you.

My teen focuses on Drama, and that really helped her when she was feeling the way you describe yourself feeling. She made some really good friends and really felt better about it all.

I hope this helps, if not just disreguard!:lol:

[Jennifer5]

My teen is almost 17, and I hear this a lot. I think you are going through pretty normal adjustments.

You are finding that you are out growing some of your old friends, which happens to us all. You are getting ready for college, at least I assume you are. You will find out tons of stuff about yourself during that time. People, say "oh, highschool is the best time of your life" or "you'll be 18 and then you'll have it all figured out" well let me tell you, high school is NOT the best time of your life and you WON'T have it all figured out. No one does, no matter what they say. You will change a lot until mid 20's, that is when your brain actually finishes its development(according to the new neuro studies).

Also, many of us have had to live two seperate lives because we are not out at work, or to friends or family. In ways it is easier for your generation, you guys seem to be out sooner,but in others it is more difficult because you are charting new teritory for the next generation.

My advice, for all it's worth is investigate some new groups of people. Are there some GLSN(gay lesbian straight network) groups, art or drama groups, even a free thinking society group in your area? Try to find out as much as you can and find yourself a group that is you.

My teen focuses on Drama, and that really helped her when she was feeling the way you describe yourself feeling. She made some really good friends and really felt better about it all.

I hope this helps, if not just disreguard!:lol:
Thanks... I know that I am not grown up at 18, fortunately I have a family where that is in no way expected. I will graduate a few months after turning 19 and my mom is making plans that include us long after that even, since we will most likely move that summer, she is already knows that the next house still has to be a 2-3 bedroom, she won't be alone.

I think it's true, highschool years can be the some great years, for some people that means highschool... not for me, but I do agree that so far they have been some pretty good years, or a couple wonderful summers anyway.

Slumber party on Friday... I'll probably feel better after that... but the whole family has been having their moments of wishing we could pack-up and leave.:love:

[BlueGirl]

I think life would be easier for me if I wasn't such an open book.
I never hide what I think or do but I should.
I could have supported my friends quietly, I could have been one person at church and another here and another with family. But noooooooo, I have to vomit myself all over the place. I decide what is right for me and it pours out like a shaken warm root beer bottle.

Bottom line is I think it is okay to only show the part of yourself you are comfortable with when you are with that person, setting or group. It is not two faced or hypercritical.
We ware many hats. I don't want people to love me for who they think I am however. The people I love must see past the act. I prefer people hate for the right reasons too.

That's pretty much how I feel too. That's what I meant in one of my other posts when I said that I am outspoken and that may be the reason I don't have any friends (aside from not having common interests).
Yes, I would like to be liked by people who I like but it has to be for who I am, not for who they think I am, or not at all.

BlueGirl

[BlueGirl]

How many of you have ever felt like you were living in two or more different worlds at the same time? Or, another way of putting it would be living two lives... or living as two people...

I don't mean it in a bad way...

Do you live one life at home and a different life at work? or... One life where you're just doing the things you have to do and living another life wishing there was just more time?

I don't know if my questions make sense... if not I'll have to rephrase them in the morning... but I'm sure you've all felt this way at one point or another...

I lived in two worlds until I was 27 years old. I had been in a severe depression for years for more than one reason, one of which was the closet. I couldn't change the situation that was depressing me the most but I could sure do something about the closet and I did. I wish now that I had opened the door carefully instead of throwing it open with a bang like I did. It scares the bejeebers out of me when I think about it now :eek:. But, oh well.

The way I'm feeling now, I WISH I was in another time, another world and with people other than who I have to be with now. I don't think that's what you're talking about but that's my situation.

BlueGirl