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jd_1983
04-10-2008, 09:07 PM
Hello everyone. My name is Jonathan from Dallas, TX. My story is a little different in that I began both my spiritual journey and my coming-out journey later in life (at age 32). Sorry if this is a bit long, but I've been feeling like a stranger in a strange land, when it comes to reconciling my personal values with the gay and Christian communities.

I grew up in a mainly progressive/liberal community, but was not involved with any church or organized religion. I moved to Dallas to accept a really good job offer, and found that religion loomed much larger on the social landscape here. Still before my coming-out journey, I began attending one of the more progressive Methodist churches in town.

Finally, I was ready for my coming-out journey. It became obvious to me over a 6-12 month period that I was attracted to men much more than women. Fortunately, I did not have a spiritual crisis as the church I was attending welcomed gay members and regularly taught a progressive Christian tradition. However, I found myself in a strange position -- being the gay guy all the straight people loved! Many of the gay members were from an upper-income group and didn't particularly welcome me into their circles.

So, I moved on to a much larger gay-affirming church. I have been happy with the faith message and social climate there; I look forward to attending every Sunday. I have several friends I respect and look up to there, and have gotten involved in several enjoyable social groups as well.

This week, however, I had some thoughts that almost drove me into the arms of the ex-gay movement:

- There are rumors that a minister at my church has a partner of 20+ years, but justified his outside exploits (including group encounters) by saying he had an "open relationship." What about those of us who are called to a monogamous relationship?
- My church and several other religious institutions in Dallas offer holy unions, but I don't exactly see guys stampeding to get married, if only in spirit.
- At my old church, the gay people would hardly give me the time of day, let alone extend the hand of friendship. I don't know exactly why but suspect it had something to do with looks and/or money.
- On the political side, there seems to be a lot of pressure to come out, but no community resources to help people who lose their homes, jobs, college educations, etc. if they do.
- Some of the concepts of godliness and confidence mentioned by our opponents struck a chord with me. I have met several straight guys involved with Evangelical churches or ministries, and I have always admired the confidence and "togetherness" they exude. We need someone to teach a gay-affirming version of these concepts at a personal level. Our opponents are teaching these concepts, but with the intent of turning us straight.

Fortunately, I regained my senses and found this forum. I feel much better about being gay, but I think we all (myself included) have some work to do to bring out the best in ourselves, both as gay people and as Christians.

Thank you for reading and understanding.


Jonathan

Daniel
04-10-2008, 10:28 PM
I wish there was some committee giving out aid and tupperware when a person takes the risk and comes out, but that is not the case. And I am not trying to be glib here.

The same issues which revolve around 'class' and 'status' are extant among gay people as they are among straight people.

Like you, I thought, when I came out, that I was going to be part of a wonderful community. What I found instead was bars, disco's and men looking for love in all the wrong places.

That said, I realized as I grew older that it was up to me to create that community. And one might say that the originators of this web site have done their part towards this end.

Let's turn the matter around: are there organizations which help those who have difficulty being straight? Not really. What we as gay persons create as a community (which I believe is a word that doesn't have the meaning that is implied: we are individuals, not a monolithic insititution) is - at its best- something local, personal and interactive. Person to person.

What I hear you saying is that you have been disappointed by the community of faith you were once part of. I'm sorry about that.

Living in NYC, one can see the same sort of thing. Walk into certain churches (and I'm talking affirming ones) and one finds, pretty quickly, if one is welcome or not. This- I believe- accounts for human nature- all things not being equal. Issues like wealth, status and class, are matters which affect everyone, not merely gay persons.

I like to think that Soulforce is involved in creating- virtually speaking- a Beloved Community- the kind of community that you seem to be seeking in 3D.

And in keeping with the aims of this site, there is something to keep in mind.

The answer is not out there, but in us: we must be the change we seek.

Welcome Jonathan!

Gennee
04-11-2008, 09:14 PM
I concur with you, Jonathan. As a transgender person, I have come out only to two people. Class and status are a part of the human race. I'm happy that you found Soulforce and I pray that you will find a home here.

Gennee

:love::wave:

tymejumper
04-12-2008, 08:30 PM
[QUOTE=jd_1983;54455].
Fortunately, I regained my senses and found this forum. I feel much better about being gay, but I think we all (myself included) have some work to do to bring out the best in ourselves, both as gay people and as Christians./QUOTE]


Hello and welcome. You will find you are not all that odd, many of us did not start to come out, or even acknowledge we were gay until we were older.(me 25 when I accpeted myself, but not actually out till mid 30's) Many of us also, try to run screaming back into the closet! So, it is good you found us and many times it is a lifeline and godsend for us all when we really need the support.

Much Metta,
Rebekah

kara speltz
04-12-2008, 09:00 PM
Hello everyone. My name is Jonathan from Dallas, TX. My story is a little different in that I began both my spiritual journey and my coming-out journey later in life (at age 32). Sorry if this is a bit long, but I've been feeling like a stranger in a strange land, when it comes to reconciling my personal values with the gay and Christian communities.

Jonathan


Jonathan, welcome to Soulforce. Hope you'll be joining us the end of this month when we're in Fort Worth. It will be quite a celebration and standing vigils for justice is a life changing experience.

I, too, came out very late in life when I was 38, but that was some 30+ years ago, but it's never too late, as they say.

Hope to see you, Kara

OtterXero
04-13-2008, 05:59 AM
But some of us are younger two! As in, began our realization, say, when we were 17. We have a wide variety of people and experiences here, so as the posts above said, you're not unusual at all.

Anyway, I am sorry to hear the activities of an elder member of a church discouraged your faith in gay people and scripture in general. Just as a talking point, I've heard there's tendency for lesbian to be more monagomous than straight couples, who tend to be more monagomous than gay couples, so take that for what you will (perhaps a reflection of differences between the sexes, or perhaps gender differences related values, etc. instilled in men and women in our culture). Also, remember these are only generalizations, so it's not good to expect each individual within a particular group to act in a stereotypcial fashion. We're all unique individuals.

And as for the Dallas churches offering holy unions, I'm guessing the reason you don't see people stampeding to that is because... well... marriage in our nation is largely an economic issue, not to discredit that it is also a huge religious one as well. I know at least I'm more considered about marriage, a legal civil marriage, than I am about holding a ceremony in a church that could very well, if one wanted, be discussed and 'held' per se between two individuals privately without the traditional community celebration.

I'm sorry to hear your experience with gay people hasn't been that positive. I'm hearing that's an issue for a lot of people apparently, but know it's not always the case! As Daniel said, we make our community. Hopefully you've found a good one hear.

...

Oh! Of course, and welcome~

jd_1983
05-26-2008, 06:11 PM
Thanks to all of you for your responses. I am feeling much better about GLBT people and reconciling my spirituality and my sexual orientation than when I first posted my message.

It turned out that moving to my second (and current) church was a good decision. The "class" issues I encountered at my first church are much less of an issue at my new church home. It also helps that my new church is much larger and there are more people who have room in their lives for new friends in their lives.

Thanks,


Jonathan

antonyh
05-26-2008, 08:11 PM
Hi Jonathan, welcome to Soulforce. After reading your entry, I found myself thinking...I felt a little that way coming out. Daniel is right that the answers are in you and I'm glad that you're trying different things to find the right fit. I hope you spend plenty of time chatting with us here.

RedneckDyke
05-27-2008, 02:35 PM
Class is definately an issue. I live in a rural area and it is right near impossible to find a welcoming church. The welcoming churches are in the universtiy towns an hour away. The welcoming churches are filled with, well, limosine liberals. Upper income progressives. I love going to church where I'm not called an abomination. But I'm not interested in anti-death-penalty marches or drives to get rid of handguns. I happen to like guns. :p
In one church that I went to for years, some old biddies wanted me to go to Christmas Eve service in my sock feet because I came to church in my muddy farm boots. Those happened to be the only shoes I had at the time.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I wish that there was a welcoming church that didn't care if I had muddy boots and where everyone made change in the offering plate because a $20 bill is a lot of money. And where I could sing all those old Baptist hymns that I love. There's got to be some happy medium between small country churches shouting "abomination" and big urban churches that look down on you if you wear work clothes and only sing classical music.

Am I making any sense?

Anyway, welcome to Soulforce and keep in touch.
REd