Coming out in Alabama

[sammijane]

Hey, my name is Samantha,
I'm 39 years old, have lived in Alabama most of my life. I'm a divorced mother of two great teenage daughters. I've been dealing with issues regarding my sexuality for all my adult life. I came out to most of my family and friends a few weeks ago. Today I tackled what I had been dreading for years... telling my Mother. It went worse than I had imagined.

Mom told me that I was deceived. That it was just like being addicted to something or being an alcoholic, that I should just resist temptation. That I have choices. She asked me if I really believed that God made me this way. I looked her right in the eyes, and said 'yes I do'. She said that she was going to pray that God deliver me from deception and that God always honors her prayers. I told her that was fine, that I had no problem with her praying that. I told her that I wasn't going to argue with her. I just wanted her to love me. She said she loves all her kids, but that she would never agree that this was right. I asked her to read that article (What the Bible Does and Does Not Say About Homosexuality) I brought. She thinks its propaganda put out by deceivers.

Fortunately, I have a few good friends who are being supportive. Thanks to Soulforce for the great resources I've found here.

[Zerbie]

Omigoodness, what a day you've had!

You really were graceful and gracious with your mother and that's wonderful. I'm sorry she responded with such deflating words. :( Ick.

Well, on that note, welcome to Soulforce, Samantha! :rainbow::) Glad you're here.

[scott snedeker]

Don't let anyone hijack your life! Your mother will have to work this out on her own.....or she won't. She, I am assuming, is near to or older than 70. Change may be very difficult for her. Fear of not being accepted into heaven undoubtably presses on her mind. She is likely making a decision based on that fear.

Fear-based decisions have led to my most disasterous experiences. Hers will be the separation from her daughter in her precious remaining years.

You must live your life for joy, love and happiness. You owe it to your future posterity to find happiness now. Find joy in the moments of your life. Maybe if she sees the shining in your eyes she will see that Gay people loving each other is one of the treasures of life, gifted by God.

[keltic63]

the good news is: once someone hears the truth, they are on the path to true belief, they can never go back. so IF your mom reads the TRUTH that you gave her, she will come around eventually......not that it's an easy or quick path, but she will make it.....

[Daniel]

And oh my God- what a day you've had! My heart goes out to you!

Scotty mentioned something that is worth noting, that your mother, through not fault of her own, may be thinking, because of her life history and 'programming', to think about her own standing in life- and- in that sense- her reaction to you was more about her than it was about you.

It can be hard to adapt to change when one reaches one's elder years.

That said- my own parents- who are in their 80's- while not accepting in certain ways- have definitely come around. That said, it took a good long time: a decade in fact.

I have to say that I wore them down by telling THEM that I loved them. And there is something at once liberating and instructive in this way of approaching the issue. Looking for acceptance is always fraught with all kinds of issues.

But Love? Well. We all want that. Give it, and it has the tendency to get around all sorts of barriers.

What I am saying is this: don't look to your folks to give you what you need most. We have to give ourselves what we need and want first. We have to really BE the change we seek (as Gandhi has said). If your mother eventually finds herself moving into your 'wake'- that is- the wave of energy created by our 'motion' in coming out- so much the better. She may need some time to get with the program. After all, she's just heard the news that you have been living with for a long time, right?

My first thought here? Don't listen to what your mother says, listen to what she does. I bet she still loves you. Capitalize on that! Hold on to that. Play it like a violin!

That's the Real Thing. Go for that as much as possible. And cut through all the crap.

[Gennee]

Welcome to the site, Samantha. I'm sorry to hear about how your mom responded. I'm impressed by the way you handled the situation. Be yourself and God will give you direction and guidance.

Gennee

:pray::love::wave: