View Full Version : Hello! New member...my name is Ed
04-20-2008, 12:59 AM
I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Ed. I live in Dallas, Texas. I am 40 years old. I am employed as a medical claims analyst. I am also a part time student --education major. I have two chihuahuas, and one finch. I own my own home and live a happy, modest life. I am gay. I have one hetero brother and a lesbian sister. My parents are both fundamentalists. My father is unaccepting of my sister and me. My mother chooses not to acknowledge it, even after all these years. This makes it impossible for me to have a relationship with my parents. I have days when I feel everything is okay as it is, I have other days when I want to move away and never speak to them again, and then there are days I want to fight with them about it. I have tried the forgiveness approach and it hasn't worked. I can't bring myself to cut ties completely --although I am still considering it -- but yet I see no use in talking it over anymore. I am simply tired of trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. So I want to thank you for being brave. Brave enough to release For the Bible Tells Me So. It is time that the church is held accountable, or at least exposed for their veiled hate speech. Please let me know what I can do in my community to help bring awareness to this topic. I will also start contributing to your organization monthly. Do you have a bumper sticker available? I will browse your store to see. Thanks for listening!::)
04-20-2008, 07:15 AM
I would guess that you are indeed very comfortable with yourself, and have probably researched us some, to be so revealing, right upfront.
I am sorry to hear about the situation with your parents. We hear about that from a lot of our members.
Do you ever connect with the Cathedral of Hope, or any Open and Affirming church in your area? I belong to a UCC church, Spirit of the Lakes, which started out as an all gay church, but has attracted more and more straight people, and members of the clergy as congregants. Check us out:
Namaste', Bruce Chris
04-20-2008, 12:11 PM
I had the Knock down drag out with my father about six years ago. I started it with: "Okay we have twenty years together left. Let out every gripe you have with me being gay and I' listen if you then listen to my gripes about your reaction to it. And neither of us leave the room until all of it is out in the open"
It started civil but got nasty with accusations and yelling and an imperfect (of course) resolution. The result is he feels less uncomfortable and somewhat guilty and old. So he needs breaks from his struggle from time to time (meaning less camp by me when I'm around him) so that the homophobic jabs and heterosexist remarks have tapered off. Old habits die hard.
I Know what his feelings are. Some of them are loving. Some are repulsed some are angry. They are his. He owns them. When they get noticed by me, I bow to them and then bring my awareness back to my life and living.
Hope some of this helps
04-20-2008, 03:46 PM
Your post reminds me of the saying, "Our friends are God's apology for giving us our families." At this website, you have friends, Ed!
I think the best any of us can do to counteract the homophobia in our families, churches, and society as a whole is to be a witness to our own dignity as gay and lesbian people living life proudly and fully outside of the closet.
It wasn't until I was 45 years old that I came to that realization and came out -- to myself, my family, my co-workers, and eventually anyone and everyone -- so it sounds like you've got a jump start on me, Ed!
Let your light shine, even if others choose to remain blind.
04-20-2008, 08:56 PM
Your post reminds me of the saying, "Our friends are God's apology for giving us our families."
I've never heard that before!!
:lol::lol::lol::lol::laughing::laughing::laughing: :laughing::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: BWAHHhhhaaaaaaahhhaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!
Howdy Ed :cowboy:,
Welcome and thank you for sharing yourself. Please hang out and become our friend.:)
Re forgiving your folks. It isn't your forgiveness that "hasn't worked" it's that they're continuing to hurt you. You only have two cheeks to turn. We should be able to expect love from your family...doesn't always happen, so your proper sense of right is also continually violated. Your pain is understandable, you cannot heal when you are constantly wounded. If you can avoid your folks, consider doing so until they choose to accept you for who you are and love you. You don't deserve to be battered. :love:
04-20-2008, 09:31 PM
Oh goodness. Hi Ed! I just now noticed that I haven't welcomed you. :o So, welcome!!! :D:D:D :love:
Good words from everyone so far. Paul has shared some real diamonds of wisdom here. :love:
It's a tricky balance, parents. Mine are wonderful. Even so, they each made a mistake with me in the past which I still sometimes have some trouble with, which makes our relationship somewhat conflict-ridden at times. I alternate between periods of time spent with them, and periods when I pull away for a while.
I lived in Houston for 7 years. Loved it, 'cuz I loved the wet warm weather, the opera, exercising outdoors year round, used bookstores. . . . So, what's it like living in Dallas?
04-21-2008, 11:55 AM
Hey Ed, welcome! Parents can be so difficult. I've had a rocky relationship with my mother especially, she just can't get past her sin-obsessed religious upbringing. I wish families could understand the precious years they are wasting by allowing loved ones' sexual orientation or identity to get in the way of their relationships with them. For the last ten years, we could have been doing so many better things than fighting about being gay.
I also have two ankle-biters (chihuahuas), Basil and Jelly. :love:
04-21-2008, 07:51 PM
Welcome to Soulforce, Ed. I'm sorry about the situation with your folks. Just pray for them, love them and live your life. You have done your part.
04-21-2008, 08:15 PM
Welcome Ed. My mom is very supportive but my dad is an idiot. Of course he doesn't want to "see me with a woman". I should have taken a page from my then 5 years olds book. I told her I had better not see her jumping on the couch again, her reply? "well, don't look then".:rolleyes:
He is gonna have to look this year, however. I am geting family pictures taken of us and the kids and that is the photo he is getting.
Hang in there, it looks like you have some good genes in your family if 2 out of 3 of you is gay!:lol::lol::lol:
I personally am glad that I am 39. I am far to old to need my parents approval,(though its always nice) or have to hide in the closet because I need a place to live.(Unlike some young gay kids out there.)
04-22-2008, 02:51 PM
THe family struggles are so difficult, many of us can identify with a situation similar to yours. For me, both of my parents have never rejected me because of it, and have been nothing but loving to my partner of 12 years, but they totally oppose equal marriage, especially my dad. Won't say it to me, and I think he would still come to my wedding if I ever have one. But, his value system keeps him from wanting to understand a different perspective.
Anyway, I take time out when I need, and lately spend as much time with them as I can. I agree with BruceChris, if you have an affirming church nearby, that can help us create the families that we need to get us through........
Enjoy your stay here with us!! Peace and love, Vanessa:love::love:
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