View Full Version : Looking for friends
04-26-2008, 09:14 PM
I am a 38 year old female who has struggled with homosexuality. I grew up Catholic ...and straight. In college I became a "born again" Christian. While in college, I was involved with a female. But felt that it was wrong. Since then, I have been in and out of therapy. I've dated many men but could never really connect with them.
I have been dating a woman for almost a year. We are both in the "closet" but she has a group of gay friends. Most of my close friends are fundamentalist christians and they don't even know my whole past. I've always been scared that people would figure out my past and reject me. About 8 years ago, I was with another woman and I asked a few "christian" friends to help me get out of the relationship. ...Well, they couldn't handle my situation and they dissolved our friendship. I am scared that I will lose all of my friends if I "come out". But during the past 6 years, I've really been working on being open and honest with people. So I don't think that I could hide this from them. Coming out to my parents is not an option...they definately couldn't handle this.
I have been going to new churches...looking for more accepting ones. I have found two groups in the Chicago area but they are over an hour away. I am trying to find a new support system so that I will be able to come out to my friends and not be left all alone when they leave me. It would be great to talk to people who have had experiences similar to mine.
Thanks for listening.
04-26-2008, 09:38 PM
((((((( Soccer )))))))
Your words just make me want to offer you hugs. :love:
You have found a good place. You'll find cyber friends here. I hope you will soon have a community of good friends in 3D who can support you face to face as well.
Several members here have faced the kinds of relationship situations (in and out of closets, strife with friends and church community) that you describe, and while some of them had some painful experiences, the world didn't end. Most folk here will probably tell you that living in authenticity, being honest about how we feel, is infinitely worth the risk. Take your time and do things at the pace that is right for you.
It sounds like you have found a relationship with someone who you truly connect with and are ready to commit to it now. Congratulations on finding something so special. Glad to have you with us and posting.
04-27-2008, 01:55 PM
Welcome, Soccer. I came out to my wife and son as a transgender individual and they were okay with it. It took time but my wife sees me as the same person she married 28 years ago. It has been a wonderful experience.
04-27-2008, 05:50 PM
You didn't say how large a metro area you are living in, but I strongly suspect that you are going to have to find a place where you can be yourself, and then find friends who will accept you. For me, that has always meant living in a large city. To thine own self be true.
It has always been my experience that almost no fundamentalists accept gays, except as raw material that must be saved, and very few gays accept fundamentalists, for just that reason.
There are Open and Affirming churches, usually containing moderate Christians that will usually accept you, but this means distancing yourself from your fundie "friends"
I think that you are going to have to sit down and decide just who you really are, and just how you really want to live your life. Good Luck.
Lake County. Is that near Gary?
Peace and Love, Bruce Chris
Hello Dear Soccer,
Cyberfriends have saved my life...Soulforce, top of the list.
I liked BruceChris quote: "to thine own self be true..." but then, I am a Shakespeare fan. If "friends" cannot be trusted to know and accept you for who you are, are they friends?
You will find acceptance and love here Soccer...please hang around and let us get to know you. There are so many people here who can relate to your situation, who could have written your story.
welcome, welcome, welcome.
04-28-2008, 10:59 AM
Nice to meet you. :)
I can't relate to the part about thinking I was straight because I've always been romantically attracted to females as far back as I can remember but I can sure relate to the other things you said.
I've been wishing and trying to find a pen pal to correspond with and to talk with about whatever. If you think you might be interested in being pen pals with me, I'd sure enjoy hearing from you and I'd give you any support that I can.
04-28-2008, 01:05 PM
Soccer dear, bless your heart. So sorry you had to lose friends because they couldn't handle your sexuality. Obviously they never were true friends.
I'm not one of the wiser persons here, so I will only welcome you and wish you the best in your journey of coming out as well as finding a church. I likewise live in an area that's hardly chock full of opportunities to connect with members of the lgtb community, yet I was lucky enough to find a local center, and have made good friends through it. You really don't have to live in a metropolitan area to be gay and happy.
04-29-2008, 07:51 PM
Welcome, Soccer. I am 39 this year and have not been out to others more than 5 years or so. Not all of them at the same time, either. You have found a good place to be.
I am sorry you lost some friends, but they were not good ones if that happened. I was under the impression Chicago area had a hugh gay populace. Maybe the time is to be you and accept yourself for who you are. There are many of us who have come out really late, but then again it's really never to late to find yourself and be happy.
We all have to come out to ourselves before we can to others, and I think that was the hardest part for me at least. Telling others was easier than accepting how the creator made me.
05-01-2008, 01:31 PM
Welcome, welcome. :love:
Although it seems safer at times in our lives to remain closeted and out of the mainstream of our lives, it can become quite isolated, lonely, and create a tendency to shame ourselves about our identity. One area that helped me to let go of some of that shame, besides breaking down my closet door, is finding a welcoming church. My partner and I are in our forties, have been together for 12 years, and are raising a daughter. We live in a very rural area, but try to stay involved so we don't isolate. The church involvement has really helped.
There are welcoming, loving church communities out there, so don't give up. Remember to keep loving each other, and above all, loving yourself.
Okay, sermon over.......:love::love:
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