Advice for me!

[tymejumper]

Hey, I know this seems like a no brainer being a lesbian mother and therefore knowing about gayness etc.....but I do have a question and wonder if someone could offer a bit of advice.

My son, whi is 11 has recently asked my wife if she could tell, using gaydar, if he was gay or not.(he did not ask me, however) I thought that it was an odd question since he is so young to be wondering about his sexuality already. I am sure some is because he has two mothers and sees a healthy same sex relationship and so it's just no big thing.

Is he too young to be wondering about it already? His 5th grade teacher is really cool and even she mentioned that he is 'different'. She is very supportive of us as a family unit. Ellie and I both have made it clear that it does not matter if he is straight like is sister or gay like us. He has approached this question a few times so it's not just a passing comment.

Any advice? :confused::confused::confused:

[keltic63]

I'm sorry, I don't really speak lesbianese, so I'll do my best to answer based on what I was able to translate. :lol:


seriously though, it sounds like he's questioning things, exploring the possibility that he might be, after all, his moms are gay. While you think it might be too early, I knew at a much younger age that I was different than the other boys, I just didn't know what that difference was. I think you and Ellie handled it well.

[Vanessa White]

I totally agree with keltic, Tyme.

It sounds like he is trying to sort things out, and since it is a comfortable, loving family unit, it is safe for him to explore and to do so. Eleven years old is definitely not too young, as keltic stated, to start feeling different from peers.

Good job with how you handled it. :):love:

[Jennifer5]

I don't think 11 is to young and I think that just leaving it open, for him to figure out (like you did), is perfect. Don't worry about it to much, I'm sure you're both wonderful mothers! Trust your gut... :love:

[BenL]

Tyme,

I knew at 11 that I was gay. I didn't acknowledge it until much later. There's a big difference. The thing he's got going for him is that he's not being raised in a hostile environment. He should be encouraged to be himself and not to pigeon-hole himself too early in life. Who knows? He could bi, and it may not be until he meets his life partner that he will know for sure what his life might look like.

Most important, I think, is that you allow him the space to be a boy for as long as he needs to be. Children are forced into adult roles far too early, I believe. He, of course, will test the boundaries to see what gets a rise out of you, so be prepared. And it's likely that he'll do things a lot differently than his older sister has, and not just because he's a boy, but because he's himself.

Don't worry. You're doing a fine job. What he needs most is to be reassured that you love him and will continue to no matter what his sexuality, or anthing else, turns out to be.

[Zerbie]

Great advice from everyone. Leave it open for him. Don't worry about it being too 'early' - by no means is it too early to speculate on one's sexuality - note I say "speculate" not determine or conclude.

Heck I was wondering about mine from as young as 6, there were NO gay people around me to put me in mind of it, only homophobes, and felt gravely endangered by the hostile environment. I was 11 when I decided all alone and in fear to just force myself to never acknowledge my feelings for girls and funnel it all to boys for self-preservation. So I was closeted already when I was 11. 11 is not too young.

Just make it clear to him that your love and his relationship with you is secure no matter where he lands on the gay-bi-straight spectrum, and give him freedom to figure himself out with the years. Or to not put a label on himself. He's a complete person who is more than a label, so just make sure he hears you acknowledging that. :love:

[tymejumper]

I was pretty screwed up as a kid, and I didn't even know that gay existed until I was older than him. I was unsure if gay boys develop different than lesbian girls. I did feel different, but again, I had no name for it so I didn't know what to do.

He won't be half as confused as I was knowing he can talk about how he is and feel safe, it should never be a problem. I can also make sure that he gets the appropriate information about teen sex. If he turns out straight, then that's fine also, he will have a greater understanding of what it's like and maybe strive to change how things are out there.

[Gregory_de_Bois]

I was four. So 11 is not early. Then again, I didn't truly "know" or recognize it as it was until I was probably 11, and did not accept it or believe it until I was 13 or 14. Ditto with all the comments. I'll add one thing, which you have most likely already done, make sure he has a ton of great role models: gay, bi, straight, whatever. Looking back on my own childhood, I wish I had more role models of the non-straight sort. He has great moms, so he'll do fine.:D

[tymejumper]

I was four. So 11 is not early. Then again, I didn't truly "know" or recognize it as it was until I was probably 11, and did not accept it or believe it until I was 13 or 14. Ditto with all the comments. I'll add one thing, which you have most likely already done, make sure he has a ton of great role models: gay, bi, straight, whatever. Looking back on my own childhood, I wish I had more role models of the non-straight sort. He has great moms, so he'll do fine.:D



That is the one thing I missed also. The role models. I have a line on that one already, I have several gay guy friends and also my teens drama teacher is. I have become pretty good friends with him. I try to point out people who have done things like actors, footballers and basketball stars that are. I point out that all gay people don't fit with the lable of gay. I point out big leather guys, normal business guys and queenie guys. I also point out different women who are lesbians. We see alot of different types of heterosexuals, but we don't really see many different types of gay people going on with their lives. I also point out that there are TG(which is easy because my ex is) and bisexual people and that you need to be who you are.