davemoreton
05-16-2008, 06:24 PM
I found this site by reading Mels' book Religion Gone Bad.
I have known I was gay since I was about 10 and was fairly active in the gay world from about 13 (I am 54 now). At 17 I joined the RAF Royal Air Force) as a musician, at 19 I became a Christian, though I was brought up in a Christian family, but made the decision myself. I felt that being gay was not compatible with being a Christian, so tried to go straight. At 21 i was arrested and chucked out of the RAF for being Gay, the funny thing here was that the guy investigating me from the special investigation branch was a Christian that I knew. We were able to pray together, but though I felt being gay was wrong, I was guilty...lol..and court marshalled and sacked. At that time being gay was not acceptable in the forces or society as a whole.
After being chucked out of the RAF I attended a church in Ilford. I shared with one of the elders about my so called gay past and was prayed for deliverance etc. Thus reinforcing my belief that it was wrong. I started to train for the ministry and was asked to visit a psychiatrist about my homosexuality. We had a good chat and he recommended me for acceptance to the ministry, as he felt my life was OK and that I was an ex gay.
My wife and I separated about 13 years ago, not due to my
homosexuality, but due to lack of communication (on my part) due to my feeling guilty about my feelings etc. She knew about me being involved in the gay scene before we married, I was open to her about it, but I fell in love with her and we had 5 lovely children (all boys).
Through this time I was in charge of youth work for the church, before I married I was training to be an officer in the Salvation Army, but left due to theological reasons). The youth work was going well, and many young people came to the Lord, most of them from a non-Christian background.
While I was doing this, I still had gay feelings, but never acted upon them (accept in my mind, though sometimes did stray), this led me to feeling even more guilty, as I had been "prayed" for and delivered. I do feel that it was those guilt feelings that were the reason for my lack of communication in my marriage.
I could not share them because people thought I had been "cured" as did my wife. Before we got married we had letters sent to us saying I was leading her into hell etc. When ever we went to a new church someone would write and tell the pastor/elders about me, fortunately I always told them first.
To cut along story short, my wife and I separated (on good terms and still are very good friends), she is a great support for me even now. I did try it on with a young person (over 21) in 1993, due to this I resigned from leadership, not because I was asked to (the leaders did not know) but because I felt I should. I told the elders why.
The church I was attending was a Baptist church and very evangelical; my faith floundered after this, and found it very difficult to get back with God. In 1995 God found me again, the Church split (2 different visions) I was asked by the new church to oversee the children’s and youth work, I talked it through with them, about my homosexuality etc.. and they still wanted me to do it (my belief was still that being gay was anti scriptual). The Lord really blessed the work, yp were finding Jesus nearly every week, most of them from non church backgrounds and the drug and drink culture. One of the young people was from a broken home (a Christian home) and he started to come round nearly everyday, and became part of the family, like an elder brother to my 5 sons (he was 16) and very homophobic. His mother encouraged this, when he was 18, I was accused of having an affair with him (which was completely untrue), mind you he was cute (LOL). I was asked to consider my role, at a church meeting it was brought up and I was asked to share my past. I had already shared this with the young people, when the rumours were going around the church. The yp, were brilliant, they stood up for me and encouraged me. But some of the church members walked out and I was asked to resign.
I did not realise at the time the effect it had on my own children (9 to 16 at the time). My eldest son had already told me he was gay when I asked him, and I just hugged him. The elders of the church asked me to carry on with the older group (18+) but not as the leader, I did. The reason for this was that they were afraid of losing the yp if I stopped doing it. After a year, I stopped as my faith in the church and god was diminishing, I could not cope any more. It was like I was a non-person in the church.
I am sorry that I seem to be waffling.
My children took all this very badly,my eldest refused to attend church and completely lost his faith in Jesus (though I still say to him it was in the church not Jesus). My middle son (15) who was suffering from depression anyway, got worse. But he was still involved in the church as were the other children, and loved singing and dancing in the church. However he got worse in his depression and used to self harm (my wife and I are both trained counsellors), after 4 months he was finally given an appointment to see a psychiatrist on July 4ht 2000, however I came home one Sunday evening and found him dead in his room (he hung himself). Full story on his memorial page www.douglasmoreton.com I am not blaming the church for this or even God, but a few months after Douglas died My eldest son said how he hated the church for what they had done to me, him and Douglas, and that Douglas had told him how mad he was with Christians for what they had done to his family, but that he still loved Jesus. He is happy now.
Of course there is much more to it than what I have written, but I don't want to bore you.
At his funeral over 600 people attended, and many of them were the young people that had been involved with my family over the years, it was great and a real encouragement to me.
I don't know why I have written all this, all I can say is that my thinking over the years about homosexuality has begun to change, I was never "cured" as they say, and all that that ministry achieved was to fill me with more guilt and suicidal thoughts.
When I ministered to young gays, I always said to them ask Jesus what He thinks, He will show you and be proud of yourself. However I could not do that myself, as I felt it was wrong, but I did not want them to have the same guilt that I had, I even said that to my son, be proud of who you are. He has even asked me to go to his university (Reading) and talk to the Gay Soc., about Christianity and Homosexuality, which I did.
All I really wanted to say to you all is thanks. Thanks for showing me that one can be an evangelical, with evangelical theology and still be gay.
So thank you very much.
I am sorry that this may be waffle and long and disjointed.
Take care
Dave
Quotable
"I am not a Bible-believing Christian in the fullest sense simply by believing in the right doctrines, but as I live in practice in this supernatural world."
~ Francis Schaeffer
I have known I was gay since I was about 10 and was fairly active in the gay world from about 13 (I am 54 now). At 17 I joined the RAF Royal Air Force) as a musician, at 19 I became a Christian, though I was brought up in a Christian family, but made the decision myself. I felt that being gay was not compatible with being a Christian, so tried to go straight. At 21 i was arrested and chucked out of the RAF for being Gay, the funny thing here was that the guy investigating me from the special investigation branch was a Christian that I knew. We were able to pray together, but though I felt being gay was wrong, I was guilty...lol..and court marshalled and sacked. At that time being gay was not acceptable in the forces or society as a whole.
After being chucked out of the RAF I attended a church in Ilford. I shared with one of the elders about my so called gay past and was prayed for deliverance etc. Thus reinforcing my belief that it was wrong. I started to train for the ministry and was asked to visit a psychiatrist about my homosexuality. We had a good chat and he recommended me for acceptance to the ministry, as he felt my life was OK and that I was an ex gay.
My wife and I separated about 13 years ago, not due to my
homosexuality, but due to lack of communication (on my part) due to my feeling guilty about my feelings etc. She knew about me being involved in the gay scene before we married, I was open to her about it, but I fell in love with her and we had 5 lovely children (all boys).
Through this time I was in charge of youth work for the church, before I married I was training to be an officer in the Salvation Army, but left due to theological reasons). The youth work was going well, and many young people came to the Lord, most of them from a non-Christian background.
While I was doing this, I still had gay feelings, but never acted upon them (accept in my mind, though sometimes did stray), this led me to feeling even more guilty, as I had been "prayed" for and delivered. I do feel that it was those guilt feelings that were the reason for my lack of communication in my marriage.
I could not share them because people thought I had been "cured" as did my wife. Before we got married we had letters sent to us saying I was leading her into hell etc. When ever we went to a new church someone would write and tell the pastor/elders about me, fortunately I always told them first.
To cut along story short, my wife and I separated (on good terms and still are very good friends), she is a great support for me even now. I did try it on with a young person (over 21) in 1993, due to this I resigned from leadership, not because I was asked to (the leaders did not know) but because I felt I should. I told the elders why.
The church I was attending was a Baptist church and very evangelical; my faith floundered after this, and found it very difficult to get back with God. In 1995 God found me again, the Church split (2 different visions) I was asked by the new church to oversee the children’s and youth work, I talked it through with them, about my homosexuality etc.. and they still wanted me to do it (my belief was still that being gay was anti scriptual). The Lord really blessed the work, yp were finding Jesus nearly every week, most of them from non church backgrounds and the drug and drink culture. One of the young people was from a broken home (a Christian home) and he started to come round nearly everyday, and became part of the family, like an elder brother to my 5 sons (he was 16) and very homophobic. His mother encouraged this, when he was 18, I was accused of having an affair with him (which was completely untrue), mind you he was cute (LOL). I was asked to consider my role, at a church meeting it was brought up and I was asked to share my past. I had already shared this with the young people, when the rumours were going around the church. The yp, were brilliant, they stood up for me and encouraged me. But some of the church members walked out and I was asked to resign.
I did not realise at the time the effect it had on my own children (9 to 16 at the time). My eldest son had already told me he was gay when I asked him, and I just hugged him. The elders of the church asked me to carry on with the older group (18+) but not as the leader, I did. The reason for this was that they were afraid of losing the yp if I stopped doing it. After a year, I stopped as my faith in the church and god was diminishing, I could not cope any more. It was like I was a non-person in the church.
I am sorry that I seem to be waffling.
My children took all this very badly,my eldest refused to attend church and completely lost his faith in Jesus (though I still say to him it was in the church not Jesus). My middle son (15) who was suffering from depression anyway, got worse. But he was still involved in the church as were the other children, and loved singing and dancing in the church. However he got worse in his depression and used to self harm (my wife and I are both trained counsellors), after 4 months he was finally given an appointment to see a psychiatrist on July 4ht 2000, however I came home one Sunday evening and found him dead in his room (he hung himself). Full story on his memorial page www.douglasmoreton.com I am not blaming the church for this or even God, but a few months after Douglas died My eldest son said how he hated the church for what they had done to me, him and Douglas, and that Douglas had told him how mad he was with Christians for what they had done to his family, but that he still loved Jesus. He is happy now.
Of course there is much more to it than what I have written, but I don't want to bore you.
At his funeral over 600 people attended, and many of them were the young people that had been involved with my family over the years, it was great and a real encouragement to me.
I don't know why I have written all this, all I can say is that my thinking over the years about homosexuality has begun to change, I was never "cured" as they say, and all that that ministry achieved was to fill me with more guilt and suicidal thoughts.
When I ministered to young gays, I always said to them ask Jesus what He thinks, He will show you and be proud of yourself. However I could not do that myself, as I felt it was wrong, but I did not want them to have the same guilt that I had, I even said that to my son, be proud of who you are. He has even asked me to go to his university (Reading) and talk to the Gay Soc., about Christianity and Homosexuality, which I did.
All I really wanted to say to you all is thanks. Thanks for showing me that one can be an evangelical, with evangelical theology and still be gay.
So thank you very much.
I am sorry that this may be waffle and long and disjointed.
Take care
Dave
Quotable
"I am not a Bible-believing Christian in the fullest sense simply by believing in the right doctrines, but as I live in practice in this supernatural world."
~ Francis Schaeffer