Hello, my name is Matt

[Matt Algren]

My name is Matt. I've been gay forever, and known I was 'different' since I was 10, but I hid until October 11th, 2007. (Yes, really, but I had no idea that the day was special (http://www.hrc.org/7807.htm). It was a helpful nudge, if you will.)

I came out online first, which was kinda dumb, but I kept chickening out, and I'm fairly active in another message board. It did push me to go through with it in 'real life' before somebody stumbled upon the thread, so it turned out well. That night I slept better than I can remember before or since.

My relationship with God is important to me, and I'm fairly involved in my church (Methodist, and we'll get to that in a minute), so one of the big steps was talking to my minister. I didn't go asking permission, just telling him what was up and finding out what it meant to my membership in the church. It went better than I could have imagined. Short version is that it didn't have any implications, and that it was irrelevant to him.

The rest (family, friends) went pretty well too. The worst (and it wasn't that bad) was with my folks, but I'd expected that. It was strange; I'd spent 25 years coming up with all the horrific reactions that people could come up with, all the fights and arguments and ugliness and more, and in the span of about two weeks it was over and NONE of it had happened. It was like there was always a big ball of fear in me and suddenly the fear was gone.

I spent a couple months floating on air (I generally fight depression and anxiety pretty hard), but I knew I'd come down eventually and around the end of the year it happened. Still and all, I'm better than I've ever been.

For my thoughts on the whole United Methodist Church incompatibility clause and such, I've put a link in my signature. No sense in writing it all again. One thing I would stress to outsiders and people angry (as I am) at the Church is that the UMC is NOT of one mind on this and there are safe havens within the Church. We're close to getting some things overturned, but not quite there yet.

One of the reasons I'm here is that I've spent an inordinate amount of time in the last month arguing online with people about the issue and I need a place to recharge. I don't know any gay people in 'real life', though quite a few online, and I've caught myself feeling isolated several times in the past few weeks, like I'm fighting the battle alone. My friends and family are supportive, but that only goes so far, you know?

Anyway, I've rambled on too long. Thanks for being here, Soulforce.

[andrewlittle]

I don't know where the "wilds" of Ohio are, but I spent 35 years being wild in Ohio - mostly central Ohio.

God bless you for your courage, and for your tendency towards being graceful with the UMC. My wife, being an ex-UMC pastor, is striving to be as graceful as you are, but neither of us are quite as optimistic.

Anyway, glad to have you onboard. let us know how we can help with the recharging - for starts, you'll be in my prayers.

Andy

[keltic63]

My name is Matt. I've been gay forever, and known I was 'different' since I was 10, but I hid until October 11th, 2007. (Yes, really, but I had no idea that the day was special (http://www.hrc.org/7807.htm). It was a helpful nudge, if you will.)

Matt, my experience was similar. I came out (was confronted with it by my ex-wife, who then proceeded to out me to everyone) on October 13, 2003 as everyone was celebrating NCOD.

Glad you found your way here.

[tdogg]

Hi Matt, and welcome to Soulforce forums. Glad you're here? Great reporting on your life's journey so far. I'm glad you've had an easier time coming out than you thought. The first thing I remember was relief that it was off my shoulder and out of the closet. I've had implications to deal with, family & friends, but all in all, it's a happy place now!

Anyways, stick around and share more. Good work out there, tell it like it is. You'll find plenty of warmth, compassion and great friends here to sort it all out later!

Tdogg :love:

[Zerbie]

Omigosh sweetie -- you don't know ANY other gay people!?!?!?!!? You need to get out there and meet some! I wonder if some of your depression could be related to social isolation? (I'll stop now, I really will, it's NMOB) But before I shut up -- try an online search and see what gay community resources are in your area. There may be a community center, bookstores, cafés, classes, churches, support groups, political groups, bowling nights, hiking clubs, choirs, you name it - somewhere, there is a gay community version of it. Question is, what might be near enough to be accessible to you. ?

Matt, I'm glad you found us. :) This is a great place to come hang out with like-minded souls and re-invigorate your enthusiasm for life. Not kidding. This forum is fantastic!

[Matt Algren]

I don't know where the "wilds" of Ohio are, but I spent 35 years being wild in Ohio - mostly central Ohio.
Between Dayton and Columbus. In the sticks, but close to a lot.
God bless you for your courage, and for your tendency towards being graceful with the UMC. My wife, being an ex-UMC pastor, is striving to be as graceful as you are, but neither of us are quite as optimistic.
It gets better the closer you look. One big vote (to keep gays from being refused membership) failed by only twelve votes (out of nearly a thousand) and another (removing the incompatible language) by a 42 vote swing.

Another huge win was the move of the court from a strong conservative majority to a major conservative minority. There's also the censure of the former court president and the new court being given the task of going over every single decision his court made.

Don't misunderstand me, the vote was another example of the Church punching us in the face, and I'm always amazed when people are surprised when you ask them to stop punching you in the face. My task is to make sure that members who didn't know anything about this (and I've talked to several) know what's happening next time.
Matt, my experience was similar. I came out (was confronted with it by my ex-wife, who then proceeded to out me to everyone) on October 13, 2003 as everyone was celebrating NCOD.

Glad you found your way here.
Ouch, and thanks.
Hi Matt, and welcome to Soulforce forums. Glad you're here? Great reporting on your life's journey so far. I'm glad you've had an easier time coming out than you thought. The first thing I remember was relief that it was off my shoulder and out of the closet. I've had implications to deal with, family & friends, but all in all, it's a happy place now!

Anyways, stick around and share more. Good work out there, tell it like it is. You'll find plenty of warmth, compassion and great friends here to sort it all out later!

Tdogg :love:
Weight off my shoulders is right. I told people when I came out that the "don't ask don't tell" thing isn't nearly as ingenious nor as easy as it sounds. I hadn't outright lied to anybody for several years, but I was an expert at steering conversations away from this, which I still struggle not to do.

Which reminds me of one bump in the road. I had scheduled the Telling To The Parents on a Friday night (unknown to them) and found out that night at 6:00 that relatives were staying with them that night. I was more than a little ticked off that I had to put it off, but I thought it was unreasonable to have extended family in the house when we were trying to have a difficult conversation.

Silver lining: The relatives were there because of the auction of my grandmother's estate (She'd died a few months previous. Late May, now that I think about it...), which I was also going to be at. We were all sitting in Grandma's living room and one of my uncles asked the question somebody always asks: "When are you going to get married? [chuckle chuckle]". My younger sister already knew and her eyes got big as dinner plates until I gave my standard jokey self-effacing answer.

So the next week when I actually did get to tell them, I had an example of the kind of lying I wouldn't be doing anymore.

Omigosh sweetie -- you don't know ANY other gay people!?!?!?!!? You need to get out there and meet some! I wonder if some of your depression could be related to social isolation?Some of it was (and possibly is) but there's a history of depression and suicide on both sides of my family. (I'm out of the closet on that, too. ;) )

(I'll stop now, I really will, it's NMOB) But before I shut up -- try an online search and see what gay community resources are in your area. There may be a community center, bookstores, cafés, classes, churches, support groups, political groups, bowling nights, hiking clubs, choirs, you name it - somewhere, there is a gay community version of it. Question is, what might be near enough to be accessible to you. ?
I actually just found out last week that there's a gay-friendly Methodist Church in Dayton and I almost went last Sunday. Maybe sometime in the future, though I'm extremely happy at my current church.
Matt, I'm glad you found us. :) This is a great place to come hang out with like-minded souls and re-invigorate your enthusiasm for life. Not kidding. This forum is fantastic!Thanks!

[Gennee]

Welcome to the forum, Matt.

Gennee

:wave::love:

[Pablo Rafael]

Hi Matt,

I want to give you a warm welcome. Your story resonates lot with me. I also "came out" online first. The "coming out" to family wasn't bad. My mom wasn't happy about it, but is adjusting.

We Catholics can't decide things by vote so I'm not very hopeful about change in the church. You protestants can get a change faster and easier. (All we can do is fuss and complain. :D) I think the Methodist church is on its way to full acceptance of LGBT individuals. Hopefully the time will not be long.

I don't know what you Ohioans consider being "in the sticks", but I bet its not what we in the west think. I live outside of a town of 350. The nearest town bigger than 10,000 is 125 miles away. I doubt anywhere in the east is as far out in the wilderness. :lol:

Please let us get to know you better.

Tu Amigo, Pablo