My new study of the Dharma

[scott snedeker]

The Dharma or the eight-fold path

1) Right Speech


Five keys to right speech
"Monks, a statement endowed with five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people. Which five?

"It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will."

I like it! Of course I've heard it before. It is the first of The Four Agreements which is "Be impeccable with your word."

I think this might be a good criteria to meet for posts on this forum. A Personal Guideline I will try harder to follow.

[Zerbie]

I get you, Scotty. Absolutely. It's something I usually practice. Lately, deviated some - it seemed necessary. That may not have been the case.

It all depends on where our mind is. Many factors contribute to where our mind is, and the more we practice and know, the more of them come within our ability to choose pathways.

Scotty. You're wonderful.:love: You have the talent of teaching in a totally non-instructive way, and of guiding just by steering yourself.

:earth::dove:

[Daniel]

You have a way of instructing without being self-conscious about it. And I would gather that is because you are self-observant, which is an entirely different matter.

May I share an interesting experience which relates to the word dharma?

I was in yoga class this past Thursday night, and a young man who I attended a yoga retreat with was next to me, and he asked me out of blue (he had heard me sing at the retreat talent night):

'Is singing your dharma?"

The question made me stop dead in my tracks. And I think my mouth was left hanging open for a moment. It's not that I've never thought about the meaning and role of singing in my life, but I had never had anyone ask me about it is just this way.

And I found myself answering: "Yes!"

Of course, technically speaking, the dharma is a body of understanding of knowledge- the teachings- - if you will.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dharma

For many Buddhists, the Dharma most often means the body of teachings expounded by the Buddha. The word is also used in Buddhist phenomenology as a term roughly equivalent to phenomenon, a basic unit of existence and/or experience.

Yet - in my own life- I realize that I have come to see the world - and experience it- through an art form which has it's own 'laws'. The same mind that finds peace and happiness is the same mind that has to learn- by the focusing of the mind on certain concepts and ideas- to create beauty of voice, a whole voice, a voice that rings true.

This seeking for the way to bring out the voice- in both a metaphorical- and literal sense- seems tied up with the teachings of the Buddha and of Christ.

How so?

One example: the singer has to give him/herself the very thing that the person listening is going to receive. This- in itself- mirrors the ancient an immutable law of loving another as one loves one's self- or in Buddhist understanding, first having compassion for one's self and then having compassion for others.

In simple words, you can't give what you don't have.

And to put it in blunt terms as regards right speech: if one's inner self talk is messed up, one's speech to others is going to be messed up, right?

This reminds me of a tool a counselor once gave me. She said to me: "If you really want to change your life, visualize in your mind's eye everything- and I mean everything- that comes out of your mouth."

The singer does the same thing, but in a different way, the mind being constantly focused on the tone itself. It is only then that true beauty can result.

Like love or compassion, one has to learn what to listen for.

[scott snedeker]

Thanks Zerbie!



It all depends on where our mind is. Many factors contribute to where our mind is, and the more we practice and know, the more of them come within our ability to choose pathways.



...and if your pathway has heart, then it is worthwhile, if it doesn't, it has no meaning.

Your pathways are all heart, sweetie!

'Is singing your dharma?"
And I found myself answering: "Yes!"
......the singer has to give him/herself the very thing that the person listening is going to receive. ........... first having compassion for one's self and then having compassion for others.

In simple words, you can't give what you don't have.

And to put it in blunt terms as regards right speech: if one's inner self talk is messed up, one's speech to others is going to be messed up, right?


By singing you develop the awareness of inner peace and love and connect it to the physical body with practice. spirit and body developing together and as a result creating art. How magnificent!
How Dharma!

[tymejumper]

This is part of the path I struggle with. I have to remind myself to bite my tongue and hear what is being said to learn what I need to from any situation.

My kids get it, but then they were put on the path at a much younger age than I and they don't struggle near as much.

[scott snedeker]

This is part of the path I struggle with. I have to remind myself to bite my tongue and hear what is being said to learn what I need to from any situation.

My kids get it, but then they were put on the path at a much younger age than I and they don't struggle near as much.

I am learning that part of the Dharma requires forgiveness. Forgiveness means experiencing a transgression to its fullest profound extent, exploring every way it makes you feel.

Now start to understand that there are painful feelings that caused the action of the other person. Understand that the fear and suffering the transgressor is feeling lead to his/her action. And that their lack of awareness of their suffering creates even more suffering to them and that you only receiving the collateral damage.

Realize That you have done the same and are no different from them. Forgive yourself and you forgive them in the process. I takes practice. It is not shutting out anger or fear or humiliation. It's embracing these.

I recently had an intimate joining with a fellow. He desired making love to me as strongly as I desired making love to him. But he stopped right in the middle. He said that he could not go futher because he was HIV+. I told him I was negative but that I have Poz lovers. But he said he could not go on because he did not want to put me at risk. I told him that I assumed that he was Poz. I assume everyone I share intimacy with is Poz. It's a part of gay life that I don't struggle with. I share, Make love and make sure that I am reasonably safe. I am a polyamorous gay male. If I become Hiv+ then that is my fate. It's not the end of the world, or even my world. At age 44 it still hasn't happened due to the right combiantion of precaution and luck.

The the truth came out. He couldn't go further because he was angry. He was angry at the man who gave him HIV ten years ago one night when the two of them were drunk and had unprotected sex.

So I asked him to imagine all of the joy he lost as a result of this, all the pain, fear loathing and desperation. Then Imagine finding this man and for the other's own health telling him that he was poz and to see a doctor to get treated. Imagine putting your phone number on a piece of paper and handing it to the fella so that he could call you to tell that he had done so.

Then, at 2:00 am you get a call from an emergency room. It seems that the fellow, devastated by learning he was hiv+ and the he had given it to you, attempted suicide with an overdose. The fear and guilt was too much for him. Your number was the only contact the emergency staff could find on him. He had no other. So you go to the Emergency room to see him on a stretcher with a stomach tube in his nose, an emesis basin, and charcoal on his lips sobbing.

And before you can realize what you are doing you hear yourself say:

"I forgive you. You have suffered enough."


My companion was quiet for a few minutes then he started sobbing softly.

We both cried afterward and then slowly drifted to sleep in each others'

arms.

He had forgiven the man, now he can move on.

[Daniel]

Curious minds want to know: how is the dharma study going?

[scott snedeker]

I have come a long way so far. I have been conversing with a Tibetan Buddhist of all people. He reminds me of a high school teacher. He is patient but does not indulge me with affirmation or agreement. His formal instruction into this science of the mind has been instrumental.

He insists that the best way to free the mind is through a teacher with direct lineage to Buddha in the Vayarhanna tradition which is quite monastic. Not what you would expect a Druidic Pagan Hedonist like me to follow.

Last night I took refuge in the Buddha for the first time. It was oddly during a Reiki meditation which has formal and metaphysical distinctions from Buddhism, but share principles of unconditional self love.

Refuge in the Buddha to me means connection with the Buddha nature that exists within all of us. That each one of us has the potential to be aware of the capacity for compassion for ourselves and all living beings. That as we are enlightened to our basic nature, which is love, we take refuge that this nature is trustworthy and will not harm us or other beings.

The third precept of the Dharma tells us to avoid abuse through sexuality. The tradition of Buddhist teaching is to evaluate a teaching and understand how it prevents a nihilistic approach from achieving our awareness of Buddha nature. Sexuality for the purpose of sharing love, joy, play, healing and pleasure is a path leading to awareness of our true nature.

In these times where Nihilistic intentions by LDS, FOF, and others spread their hate, there are sanctuaries of hope and refuge. We've been underground before and by necessity created our sanctuaries within and without.

Focus on compassion for each other and offer sanctuary to those who seek it. Perhaps take in a stray. It's the Faerie thing to do. The Christ-like thing to do. The Buddhist thing to do.

[BrianB]

Here is a web site you may find interesting. http://www.lobsangrampa.org/index.html I read one of this Tibetan lama's books "The Third Eye". Now I'm looking to read more.

[scott snedeker]

Thank you for the very interesting link!

I find Tibetan metaphysical beliefs very distracting from the science of Buddhism. I'm sure if I were Tibetan that I would not find this so. I also find that with this belief system comes a very well organized method of thought discipline. So I take things for the best value, but I frankly cringe with with descriptions and insistent pedagogy of this unique blend of Buddhist teaching with the pre-Buddhist "Bon" spiritual paradigm of Tibet.

The strength of Tibetan Buddhism is that the monks and lamas are so devoted and focussed in their tradtion that they indeed become "olympic champions" of this science of the mind. So it is in their method that I find example to follow. Their insistance that their metaphysical beliefs are inseparable from their method is what gives me pause.

Overall I presently feel more like my experience in Buddhism more closely aligns with a Zen flavor. I get flashes of awareness that astound me. The weakness in Zen for me is that my study of Buddhism is too early for the appreciation of this and have the understanding last. It would be like studying Art starting with late Picasso.

What I am grateful for is that in nearly 8 months of study, my interest has grown and grown. I can recognize that my emotional disorder is indeed a result of a thought focus of self-injury taught to me by homphobes, psychological predators, and mentally unwell and mentally chaotic teachers. As I continue I become aware of the nuances of how my mind stalks itself like a ninja.

It rings true to me that the teachings of Buddha are those of an ordinary man who through genius and good method developed a science of thinking that changes the brain into a happy healthy condition from a sick self-destructive one. I have come to realize that because he claimed no deity status except the nature that is a potential in ordinary humans for connection of our conscious mind to our compasssion an love of self and all living things, his teachings are trustworthy.

I just love putting to words my expanding awareness of my study. It helps me retain what I have learned. Thank you everyone for listening.

[labguy22]

What I found so interesting about speaking the truth in this respect is it prevents one from using the "truth" as a means of distributing hate, judgment or anything else that does not eddify another. The old excuse "well I was just speaking the truth" so does not work here.
Scotty, like you I also have been recently reading more from the Buddhas teachings; I share them with my husband and we both are amazed with how simple yet elegant they are. The following is a quote from the Buddha which actually sums up the lessons learned during this past year:
“ Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ”
--Buddha

[scott snedeker]

What I found so interesting about speaking the truth in this respect is it prevents one from using the "truth" as a means of distributing hate, judgment or anything else that does not eddify another. The old excuse "well I was just speaking the truth" so does not work here.


.................Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ”

--Buddha

Wow! If only this were preached to the members of the LDS and others who provoke Nihilism toward the capacity for same gender intimacy!

Buddha Rocks!

Another bit of reading you might try is The Ectasy, and then the Laundry by Jack Kornfield. I am reading it now. It helps me see just how human Spiritual leaders and students are. It helps me not to despair when I can't shake off a funk just a few days following a new awarness experience. You might say it helps me not be lost in my judgemental mind: "I took refuge in the Buddha. I shouldn't feel this way again." kind of stuff.

What texts are you reading?

[scott snedeker]

I had a very interesting conversation with another Faerie today covering what amounts to near enemies that lead either toward or away from compassion for self.

The strategy of letting go attachments to pain and suffering we all bear is the wise ancient way of the Buddha, Native American cultures and many others. Hawaiians have a temple of forgiveness in which once inside all transgressions are forgiven. I have also encountered these wise truths from the stewards at the Short Mountain Sanctuary.

Compassion for self means acknowledging the pain first. For some of us the pain is so grave that we have trouble finding the courage and desire to release our resistance to feeling it. Our fear of betraying our heart in fact blocks our awareness of it. Layer upon layer of attachments like anger, humiliation further obscure sensing the raw injured beautiful heart that so desperately needs to be nutured and healed and touched.

Compensations for being victimized such as reciprocal indemnity (You did this to me now you owe me) or retributon are gratifying but in the end reinforce the pain by rewarding it. This adds another attachment making freedom from the suffering one layer more dificult.

However giving one's trespasser affirmation of entitlement to transgress is an attachment also, because by doing so we diminish our entitlement to be spared predation.

These two are "near enemies" of the path to the "heart's true release" as taught by Buddhist tradition. WE must take effort to explore our suffering and layer by layer remove our attachments to it. We then must feel compassion for the beautiful injured raw heart. Breathing in pain like a wave drawing up, and breathing out compassion that washes back over us like that same wave curling and flowing through our heart. Feeling compassion wash over Again and again several times a day for 20 minutes at a time for a week or two weeks, or for two months. Until such time as our love and compassion for ourselves fills our heart with softness and safety and love. Only then can we truly feel safe enough ....to extend that compassion to our trespassers... and forgiveness comes, without effort, without betraying our heart, and with great release of suffering

[scott snedeker]

Life without forgiveness would be unbearable. For without forgiveness we would carry the suffering and pain of all the trespasses that have resulted in pain that we have encountered. Who benefits from forgiveness? Everyone, but most of all it is the forgiver who frees himself from the suffering caused by his attachment to the pain. Without forgiveness, experiencing the joy of the moment would be impossible. Love is hindered. The beautiful shining inner queer spirit is trapped and caked with mud.



Forgiveness begins with ourselves. Each of us has cause harm to others, Knowingly or unknowingly. Through our fear, ignorance, confusion. Though our pain and suffering we have acted or spoken unskillfully resulting in injury to others. To ask for forgiveness is a given entitlement of being. We deserve forgiveness For the pain I have caused another, I ask for forgiveness. Pleases forgive me. Please forgive me.

Forgiveness is also needed to one's self. How often have we treated ourselves without compassion. How often have we harm ourselves out of self loathing or sacrifice. We judge ourselves much too harshly. To my self I ask May I be forgiven? May I let go of my self judgement? I am a shining being. A loving compassionate soul derserving of forgiveness. Forgive me for my trespasses against myself. My confusion caused me to violate my inner sanctuary. The love of my inner spirit, betrayed by my action and thought and word . I ask forgiveness and reunion with my inner sanctuary. please forgive me. please forgive me.

Sometimes the most diffcult direction of forgivess is toward others who have caused us harm and hurt....Humiliation and anger .. We all have been betrayed and hurt, some of us quite gravely. I allow the compassion that I feel for myself from the forgiveness I have received.

To the extent that I am able I feel compassion to those who from their pain and confusion have acted unskillfully and either knowingly or unknowingly have hurt me. I understand their pain and confusion that prevent them from acting compassionately. I feel their guilt and shame they feel for hurting another human being. To those who have harmed me. You have suffered enough. No more payment for your trespass is needed. I forgive you. I forgive you.

Forgiveness is necessary to live on. Forgiveness is necessary to end violence. Without forgiveness, joy and love are mingled with pain and anger ...and we become sickened and die inside

[Daniel]

Radical Forgiveness was recommending to me today. Do you know of it? I believed it is based on CIM.

[scott snedeker]

Haven't heard of it but I am Intrigued!

[Daniel]

Haven't heard of it but I am Intrigued!

Will let you know about the book after I make the trip to the bookstore! :D

Three blocks away! No excuses! :lol:

[scott snedeker]

Sometimes I lose the awareness that seems so axiomatic. I flounder and moon acccomplishing nothing. It's then when I feel strange. Recently I found myself in a situation where I was making all decisions and doing all the work to keep a trip going. Then I took 1 hour to indulge myself in playful divergence and got two days worth of guilt trips being laid on me for leaving others to be responsible.

I think this activated my "martyr-mind" by encouraging others to feel entitled to my sacrifice for their convenience. Their own unsettled sense of balance sought the comfort of my allowing them to coast while I managed all the work.

Ahh! the "martyr mind!" I remember you! I bow to it. Appreciate it for the times it has kept chaos from disrupting peace, forgive it for betraying my heart. Extend to it peace and forgiveness. Allow it to drift back to it's earlier chapter in my life's storybook.......

........And now, back to the present!

[scott snedeker]

Physiologically I see it as an activation of the sympathetic portion of the midbrain and limbic system which causes suppression of the parasympathetic and higher cortical and prefrontal regions.

I experience tell-tale stigmata of these activities as elevated pulse, flushing, fear, Gastrointestinal evacuation, loss of focus, loss of ability to decide even the simplest things, as well as blindness to love and compassion. If a PET scan were run during this state, metabolic activity/inactivity of the aforementioned ares would undoubtedly be seen.

Martyr mind is a term based of my origininal reaction to the circumstance where I allowed myself to be ritualistically psychologically abused for years. It is the physical deveopment of neural pathays strenghtened by years of practice. These are similar to anatomical changes in the brain of someone who practiced piano for decades. These pathways are not temporary, but neither are they necessarily always activated and dominant. By meditating I develop new neural pathways over years strenghtening another area of my prefrontal and parasympathetic CNS.

But the martyr mind is also part of me and I cannot be ad odds with any part. Integration and inner balanced brain physiology is my key to survival.

[scott snedeker]

I feel the martyr mind is an example of Samsara, the spinning in circles of of suffering and attachment to suffering causing more suffering reinforcing the suffering bringing back old suffering.......on and on and on

In other threads of this forumI see Samsara in posts doing the same thing back and forth.

I have deep compassion in particular for those of us caught in Samsara, as I have also previously been its prisoner in unending suffering for decades. I nearly perished two years ago as my "Martyr Mind" had cause the detrioration of my mental state to where I began having rhythmic paroxysms of vertigo lasting 1-6 seconds that climaxed in a violent whole body tick. There were times that I could not drive a car and had to pull over and have another drive or walk if I was driving alone because these ticks would rapid fire non stop for 10 to 60 minutes at a time. I contemplated the pros and cons of suicide with nitrous oxide, a plastic bag and rubber band to finish the job if my suffering overwhelmed my will to survive.

I get queasy recalling those days.

Then I went to my first faerie gathering and experienced immersion in love and compassion. Some very empathic faeries sensed my suffering, and through them I caught a wave of self love and compassion with the intensity I had not felt since I was a small child. I now recognize this as the first complete release from Samsara in over thirty years. It lasted about 6 hours.

Then a much older faerie who I liked very much but was not sexually attracted, to came on to me. I could feel his desperate sexual need and hunger and I really wanted to make him feel good. So I had sex with him figuring It wouldn't harm me.

Wrong! I had betrayed my heart and the Samsara (Martyr mind) reactivated with full blown force. My self love extinguished and suffering returned!

This Lesson was the distinction bewteen two spiritual paths that are near enemies. Compassion which leads to the true heart's release, and sacrifice which leads to suffering

I still struggle heavily as I am still very new to Buddhist tradtion and really don't have a teacher. As my awareness develops I will prioritize differently and actively seek one and appropriately devote the time and focus worthy of the gift of a teacher's compassion.