My son is bringing a boyfriend home

[Sheri]

My son, 25, has been living in Europe for a year and is coming home for a month and is bringing home a boyfriend, also 25, who has never been to the states. We are really excited because we, his mom, dad, sister, brother, nieces and nephew, plan to make this guy LOVE Orange County, CA...so that he will want to move here....however...my son says that his boyfriend will never move here because he has a loving mom, dad, sister and nephew that love him in Germany. I see a stalemate...with two families fighting for their gay boys!!!

Just wanted to share...this kid is the absolute love of my life, my baby, and to think that he will live his life in Germany makes me cry. Of course, I want him to be happy...but I can't help wanting to be selfish...

Okay, I feel better now that I've vented. Thank you all!!

[matthewspeed]

Just wanted to share...this kid is the absolute love of my life, my baby, and to think that he will live his life in Germany makes me cry. Of course, I want him to be happy...but I can't help wanting to be selfish.

Okay, I feel better now that I've vented. Thank you all!!

Sheri,

You can vent all you want here! Your son is lucky to have a family like you! You and your husband are special people. You have obviously raised your children right. Your selfishness, as you put it is the kind of selfishness that is acceptable!:)

While many parents are living in fear, denial, lonliness, due to not accepting their gay/lesbian children, you have chosen to love and accept your son as he is. You are reaping the benefits of living a life of joy and peace. It is evident in your email that you are full of positive energy.

May God continue to bless you and your family Sheri!

-Matthew

[Daniel]

It is so great that you support you son! And may be in a tug of war to keep both young men State side.

Now. I'm being provicative here, and it may be too early in your son's relationship with his beau, but one way his boyfriend could stay here (otherwise he would have to have a job of some sort of be sponsored to stay in the US long term) would to be married. And California now has Gay Marriage. If they are serious about staying here, they many want to check with a lawyer to see about the law works in their case, but I can't imagine that it would apply to citizen's of other countries. However, I would check just to be sure.

On the other hand, living abroad can be an incredibly wonderful thing. And there are airplanes after all.

Your son is so blessed to have you as parents! I salute you both!

And whether your son's beau loves Orange Country of not (I did when I was there :D), I would make sure that he really loves your son. That's the big thing. Everything else can be worked out.

[keltic63]

:lol:It is so great that you support you son! And may be in a tug of war to keep both young men State side.

Now. I'm being provicative here, and it may be too early in your son's relationship with his beau, but one way his boyfriend could stay here (otherwise he would have to have a job of some sort of be sponsored to stay in the US long term) would to be married. And California now has Gay Marriage. If they are serious about staying here, they many want to check with a lawyer to see about the law works in their case, but I can't imagine that it would apply to citizen's of other countries. However, I would check just to be sure.

On the other hand, living abroad can be an incredibly wonderful thing. And there are airplanes after all.

Your son is so blessed to have you as parents! I salute you both!

And whether your son's beau loves Orange Country of not (I did when I was there), I would make sure that he really loves your son. That's the big thing. Everything else can be worked out.

if the marriage law is truly equal in CA, then it should definitely apply in this case.
I saw a funny clip from the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and 2 of the "reporters" did this very thing, got married as gay partners (though not gay) assuming that the other guy would procure their citizenship. the punchline was that 1 guy was from Canada and the other was from England! :lol:

[Matt Algren]

if the marriage law is truly equal in CA, then it should definitely apply in this case.
It isn't. I have a friend who has been fighting for his husband's citizenship for 12 years. Basically, husband was here for several years under a work visa, met [friend], started relationship, would have gotten married but weren't allowed to, then his work visa was revoked because his job went bye bye. If they were a straight couple, this would have been a matter of filling out a couple forms. Since they're gay, he's forced to stay illegally.

Unless the federal law changes, immigration law will be unaffected.

[Alecto]

Citizenship works on the federal definition of marriage, which thanks to the Democratic Bill Clinton, specifically excludes us. State law has no bearing on that.

DOMA is the one law that most fills me with rightous rage.

[Daniel]

Citizenship works on the federal definition of marriage, which thanks to the Democratic Bill Clinton, specifically excludes us. State law has no bearing on that.

DOMA is the one law that most fills me with rightous rage.

Thanks kinda what I was thinking- sorry to say. You remind us all that DOMA does indeed need to be overturned, either by Congress (ain't happening any time soon!) or through the Supreme Court- and danger lies that way when one considers the current makeup of said court.

Oy!

[Daniel]

http://uk.reuters.com/article/featuresNews/idUKN3042260120080702

Breaks my heart to read this. Yeah....it really is true. Sheri- you son has a better change of staying together withn his boyfiend in Germany. Sorry to say, but it's true.

Our country is so far behind.....

Oy...

[Sheri]

Thanks Daniel,

I still have hope for our country. In Germany gays and lesbians can marry but they cannot adopt. In the U.S. they cannot marry but they can adopt...but hey, they are only 25, so they still have a lot of time left before they jump into marriage and children. I think right now that they are both trying to find professions that will allow time in both countries. My son is a pianist and his boyfriend makes short films. I'm still hopeful that Andrew will be able to live here part time.

BUT, we just had a cry fest over the phone about that and he said he is the happiest he has ever been in his life now that he has found his soulmate. That is all a mom can ask for!!!

[Daniel]

Thanks Daniel,

I still have hope for our country. In Germany gays and lesbians can marry but they cannot adopt. In the U.S. they cannot marry but they can adopt...but hey, they are only 25, so they still have a lot of time left before they jump into marriage and children. I think right now that they are both trying to find professions that will allow time in both countries. My son is a pianist and his boyfriend makes short films. I'm still hopeful that Andrew will be able to live here part time.

BUT, we just had a cry fest over the phone about that and he said he is the happiest he has ever been in his life now that he has found his soulmate. That is all a mom can ask for!!!

I hope your hopes are realized, though I feel like it is going to take much too long. If we have a democratic President, I have some hope that the bill that was introduced by my representative Jerrold Nadler (NY)- which addresses your son's particular situation- might actually have a chance.

http://www.hrc.org/issues/int_rights_immigration/3019.htm

Great to hear that your son feels as though he has found his soulfmate. Know what would be a great gift for them? Some books on gay relationships and how to maintain them. Believe me, its not easy absent marriage- and even if one is married. I've seen some good books out there. Here's one.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Permanent-Partners/Betty-Berzon/e/9780452286214/?itm=31

[Zerbie]

Thanks Daniel,

I still have hope for our country. In Germany gays and lesbians can marry but they cannot adopt. In the U.S. they cannot marry but they can adopt...but hey, they are only 25, so they still have a lot of time left before they jump into marriage and children. I think right now that they are both trying to find professions that will allow time in both countries. My son is a pianist and his boyfriend makes short films. I'm still hopeful that Andrew will be able to live here part time.

BUT, we just had a cry fest over the phone about that and he said he is the happiest he has ever been in his life now that he has found his soulmate. That is all a mom can ask for!!!

Oh, that is spectacular!!

Sheri, I think you simply gotta join an airline frequent flyer club. Germany s gorgeous. Having just come back from across the pond, there is much about the continent on the other side to recommend long visits there.

I hope things work out so that the boys can spend time on both continents. That would be perfect.

[Mia14]

I'm so happy for your son and his lucky man!

I'm sure things will work out for the best. The solution, to me, seems obvious!

One home in USA, one home in Germany - spend half year in each country depending on where the weather is nicest and rent out homes when not there to earn extra income! Works well if you live in a state like Cali where the winters are mild so you've got lots of options. Maybe rent out the USA homeb(or apartment, condo, etc.) to a college kid or two during the school year and then live in it yourself during the summer time!