Help, i don't want to give my name yet

[freemercygirl]

I am afraid to be here and I need someone to talk to. This is the first time I am reaching out for a friend regarding this subject. Anyone available to talk?

[Matt Algren]

No worries. Be as anonymous as you want/need to be.

What's up?

[u-dog]

Lots of folks here keep their identities to themselves for a lot of different reasons. Lots of good folks here are willing to lend an ear. welcome.

[tymejumper]

I am afraid to be here and I need someone to talk to. This is the first time I am reaching out for a friend regarding this subject. Anyone available to talk?


Many of us are anonymous at first. It's ok, we are safe here and open to talk to you. You can contact any one of us personally with a private message also. You do no need to be afraid, no one will know who you are and you don't need to tell us where you are from or any type of identifying info. Some of us also use our profile name exclusively. So, welcome and we hope you stay.:)

[Zerbie]

Glad you posted.

It's okay to be nameless here. IN fact, if you're scared or concerned, it's the best way to be here.

Yes, we are available to talk. You can create another new thread and tell us what it is that concerns you. Let us know how we can be friends to you.

For now, prayers for your well-being and peace. :pray:

[tdogg]

No need to tell anyone who you are. No need to fret here, you are among friends. I'm glad you found your way here. Definitely, discussion whatever you need. You will find so many kind and compassionate folks here, willing to listen and give you a cyber shoulder when you need it (me included).

:love::love::)

[Alecto]

Hello and welcome. Are you just looking for someone to talk to one to one, or is there a problem the forum might be able to help you with?

[Nyshana]

Most people here have experienced that kind of fear before. Don't worry about it, we all understand - you can remain anonymous as long as you like, and ask whatever you need to. We won't be easily shocked. :p

Emma

[BruceChris]

I would suggest that it would be a very rewarding exercize for you to read many of the introductory threads in this "Hello, my name is..... column. Many of our members start out very afraid, even to talk to us. As you read, you can see that they become much less afraid.

I have been here a couple of years, and I have over 1,000 postings. Some, like Jennifer and Zerbie have thousands more. If any if us had been less that welcoming and discrete, we would have been asked/told to leave a long time ago. If anyone posts anything criticising our persons or our lives, they get banished to a place where you never have to read them.

Hey, Free, read our threads and learn more about us. Then come back, and tell us only the things that you wish, and find a way to ask for what you need.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[freemercygirl]

I just opened this thread again today after my first post last night and I am crying with tears of relief and, I don't know...I guess I am just overwhelmed by the kind responses. I have been in the church for most of my life (until the last year or more) and I have never felt more acceptance and less judgment than I did just reading all of your replies.

I would never have dared to begin my journey of letting myself be who I am when I was in church. I saw and heard enough about my gay friends to know what the reaction would be. Not to mention the fact that I was already unacceptable for other trivial reasons.

I have denied my true feelings my entire life. I have always been what everyone else wanted me to be. Recently, I have decided to stop the battle with my real self.

The most interesting thing to me about coming to terms with this is the following fact. After a long strained relationship with the God I have loved with all my heart and a completely severed relationship with the church, my self discovering led to the most revealing outpouring of God's spirit. The moment I admitted the truth of who I am to myself was the moment that I truly felt the greatest envelopment of God's love and acceptance. If who I am and what I feel regarding my sexual orientation is so wrong, then why did God make me feel so right for the first time in my life? All I did was admit it to myself and God was there for the what felt like the first time in a long time. Could it be that so much of what I have learned and heard in the church is so untrue?

My screen name here is freemercygirl b/c mercygirl was my nickname in the church community. I thought it would be appropriate to add the free, b/c in my heart I just want to be "free".

Gosh, feels like I am just rambling now. I guess it feels like the floodgates have opened. I have never once talked to anyone about this topic, this thread is the first I have dared to approach outside of the dialog in my head. It's good to know that someone who is not afraid or intimidated is listening. Thank you all.

[Nyshana]

*hugs*
It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it? And one reason why it's so hard to convince so many people that God really doesn't hate homosexuals - how does one describe, or quanitify that fantastic feeling... of knowing that whatever anyone else has said, God agrees with you!

I really don't have much worth saying. In fact the only reason I'm posting is that I noticed you were online while I was reading the thread and wondered if maybe you were posting, so refreshed a few times :p
But I'm geniunely happy for you - it's sad to see people tied up in any kind of trauma, sadness or fear... and being homosexual in a homophobic community can be all three. It's so much more fun to live without shame - and it's easier to talk to God like that, too.
Welcome to the light! :p
*hug*
Emma

Edit: Ohh, I knew there was a point to this post. Yes, the things you've heard in church can be wrong - look around the Soulforce site, and the forums - there's a thread by Gennee with a link to a good article somewhere - there's lots of stuff to read, and it can really help make sense of things; as contradictory as they seem.

[Vanessa White]

First of all, for having the courage to post in the first place, AND to come back; but I am also overjoyed for you for the fact of the transformation that you have already made........by opening yourself up to who you truly are, and feeling God's love and grace as a result of that. That is truly a blessing.....I am so glad that you found your way here......:love:

[BruceChris]

And it's good to hear that you find yourself experiencing God's love. There is a lot of truth to be found in the bible, but it can be open to different interpretations, or even wrong. Not too many Christian leaders like to talk about this, but the bible speaks of it's approval of slavery in several places.

There is more and more medical evidence that a person's feelings of are they male or female, and who they are attracted to are formed in the womb. If we're born that way, if God created us to be gay or lesbian, then it cannot be a sin. This too is something that many Christian leaders don't like to think about, because then they can't just say that it's a sin, and that that is ALL there is to it.

On the Soulforce forum web page, just under the word SOULFORCE, there is a taskbar, a menu. Click on "Resources" and you will find many readings that will help explain a lot of this.

When you can, please come back and talk with us more.

Your Friend, Bruce Chris

[Gregory_de_Bois]

The most interesting thing to me about coming to terms with this is the following fact. After a long strained relationship with the God I have loved with all my heart and a completely severed relationship with the church, my self discovering led to the most revealing outpouring of God's spirit. The moment I admitted the truth of who I am to myself was the moment that I truly felt the greatest envelopment of God's love and acceptance. If who I am and what I feel regarding my sexual orientation is so wrong, then why did God make me feel so right for the first time in my life? All I did was admit it to myself and God was there for the what felt like the first time in a long time. Could it be that so much of what I have learned and heard in the church is so untrue?


That might be one of the greatest experiences I have ever heard. True, it doesn't relate to other humans exactly. However, it shows such strength. To admit to your Creator who you really are takes so much. I remember when I came out to myself and to God and it was overwhelming. The pain and oppression (from myself and others) I had experienced had been so strong that when I just admitted who I was, the Spirit was there. You are truly blessed. May you continually grow wherever the Spirit leads.

Find an accepting spiritual group nearby. If there's not one, we'll be your community!

Grace and Peace to you!

Namaste,

Gregory

[tdogg]

The most interesting thing to me about coming to terms with this is the following fact. After a long strained relationship with the God I have loved with all my heart and a completely severed relationship with the church, my self discovering led to the most revealing outpouring of God's spirit. The moment I admitted the truth of who I am to myself was the moment that I truly felt the greatest envelopment of God's love and acceptance. If who I am and what I feel regarding my sexual orientation is so wrong, then why did God make me feel so right for the first time in my life? All I did was admit it to myself and God was there for the what felt like the first time in a long time. Could it be that so much of what I have learned and heard in the church is so untrue?


isn't that truly amazing!!?? It's the beginning of the 'wonderful' part of your life, to be able to be yourself and know God loves you! :love:

Many of us here on the forums have been in situations similar as yours. I'm sure you'll get lots of great feedback. I'm really glad you are here. It is a loving and accepting place. Sounds like just what you need right now. I'm glad that you are accepting of yourself too, that is definitely a great place to be.

Remember, you are wonderfully made, to be just the person you are. God loves you just the way you are, so many people will love and continue to love you just the way you are. You don't have to pretend anymore. You don't have to fear that God will turn away from you - you have discoved the opposite is true! That is the best feeling. :love::love:

[freemercygirl]

I justed wanted to say "Thank You!" to all who have posted such warm and loving responses to my posts here. I will respond to each of you when I have a few more moments of time, but for now I just wanted to express my gratitude to you all. It's nice to have a place to speak openly.

I have a feeling that my "coming out" to God was perhaps easier than it will be to come out to others. I only have a few "true friends" left since I left my last church. I tried to "dance on the fringes" of the topic with my best friend a couple of days ago. She is very non-judgmental and very different than any of my former Christian friends, but she still has some of the same beliefs. I asked her how it would affect our friendship if I told her about something I was thinking or believing that she and the church would consider a sin. She asked me if it was something God and the Bible considered a sin and I told her "it depends on who you ask". She said some things are clearly a sin in the bible and when I asked her for an example she said, "well, homosexuality.". And that was the ONLY one she mentioned. Then neither of us said anything and I decided that maybe it was best if the topic died right there. She's very bright so I am sure she picked up on that. I haven't brought it up again and neither has she.

So, I am looking now for an open and affirming church in my area. I don't want to have to choose between God and being gay, but I am also not too enthusiastic about church. I know that many of you will find it interesting when I say that I am a graduate of a Christian Bible Training school (2yrs) and attended a Christian University for a year. Before my fall out with the church, I was headed toward a life in ministry. In my "fall out" with the church I fell so hard that I abandoned church altogether. And that was when I was doing almost everything the evangelical community would consider "right". I would hate to think of the reaction they would have to my coming out. But I stopped changing who I was for them when I left.

Which brings me to now, where I am once again seeking God and hoping that there really is a place of "true believers" where I can be myself and love God. I guess we'll see.

Does anyone know anything about the Disciples of Christ churches? I found them under a listing of open and affirming churches.

Well, that's all for now as it is late and I need to get some sleep. I will try to chat with you individually later. Thank you for all your words of support and encouragement. Right now you are each (besides God) my only lifeline.

Love and appreciation to all.

Freemercygirl

[Zerbie]

Wonderful, for sure!

It sounds like when you stopped fighting, all the barriers between you and your ability to connect deeply with God just fell away.

No matter what anyone says in future, you can never lose that.



I tried to "dance on the fringes" of the topic with my best friend a couple of days ago.

She said some things are clearly a sin in the bible and when I asked her for an example she said, "well, homosexuality.". And that was the ONLY one she mentioned.

I am sorry you are left dealing with this so awkwardly with your best friend. I know how painful that can be.


So, I am looking now for an open and affirming church in my area. I don't want to have to choose between God and being gay, but I am also not too enthusiastic about church. I know that many of you will find it interesting when I say that I am a graduate of a Christian Bible Training school (2yrs) and attended a Christian University for a year. Before my fall out with the church, I was headed toward a life in ministry. In my "fall out" with the church I fell so hard that I abandoned church altogether. And that was when I was doing almost everything the evangelical community would consider "right".

You'll find many here who relate to this.




Which brings me to now, where I am once again seeking God and hoping that there really is a place of "true believers" where I can be myself and love God. I guess we'll see.

:love:Oh, there most definitely is.:):):) :D:D:D Many, many before you have found just those kinds of places. You will eventually find one, too.

And to point out the obvious: you *are* yourself and you *do* love God. ;) Keep being and keep loving, and those who also love will begin to gravitate to you. Give it a bit of time & they'll find you.

Meanwhile, google "gay affirming churches" and your city name. That's a good place to start.


Does anyone know anything about the Disciples of Christ churches? I found them under a listing of open and affirming churches.

Sorry. Absolutely clueless.
Thank you for all your words of support and encouragement. Right now you are each (besides God) my only lifeline.

Love and appreciation to all.

Freemercygirl

You have already done the hard part. If you survived that, you can survive anything that will follow.

So glad you are here! Welcome, welcome, welcome! :D:D:D
We are all so happy to hear of you finding inner peace along the way.
:love:

Zerbie

[Gregory_de_Bois]

Which brings me to now, where I am once again seeking God and hoping that there really is a place of "true believers" where I can be myself and love God. I guess we'll see.

Does anyone know anything about the Disciples of Christ churches? I found them under a listing of open and affirming churches.



It depends on the church. I don't think all DoC churches are open and affirming, but some are. They are fairly autonomous. What are you looking for in a church? What style of worship? Theology? Many episcopal churches are welcoming, as are some methodist (to a degree, there are two welcoming methodist churches where I live). There are two online tools to find welcoming churches. There is the online welcoming churches directory, then there is gaychurches.com (I believe that is the link, but I may be wrong).

[tymejumper]

I am glad you feel whole for the first time. It's really amazing to finally just say who you are. Many of us were married to the oposite sex for awhile(I was)and some of us still are, and we have managed to make peace of some sort with ourselves and our faith.

I just remember that I felt such relief and happiness in my heart wen I finally was with my first woman. It wasn't a sexual encounter, just a simple kiss from her. Wow, that is all I could say, I felt whole, complete and right where I should be in my life when that happened. I remember saying to myself 'yup, I AM a lesbian" and I was at peace.

I agree with you that the Creator would not have you feel like its the right thing if it were wrong. I have straight friends and they have said that they have had homosexual encounters, or thought about it, and the it just made then feel like it was the most uncomfotable thing in the world, and that is how they knew they were straight. They felt complete in their hearts with the oposite sex.

[livewithsoulandfreedom]

hiya,

actually its gaychurch.org/ NOT .com.... :rolleyes: :p

anyways I have few links for you, also just out of interest I was wondering where you are in fighting through what the bible says and doesn't say about homosexuality? I know I'm right in the middle of that fight so maybe we could work through it together if you ever needed help. :)

if you're looking for an affirming church:

http://gaychurch.org/Find_a_Church/find_a_church.htm

http://christiangays.com/links/christian_other.shtml

for struggles with the bible:

http://www.truthsetsfree.net/

http://www.gaybiblechristians.org/

other communities like soulforce:

http://www.gaychristian.net

For further reading/listening:

http://whosoever.org/index.shtml - for reading

http://www.afterellen.com/podcasts/ohgodimgay - for listening, a podcast I found rather helpful, you can download the episodes if you link to it and I'll post the link here... that site is:

feed://feeds.feedburner.com/OhGodImGay


So you see, there really are a lot of resources out there, if you know where to look and I've been around.

[paul]

Wow, acceptance...


"Well, your safe with us little lady"

back to regular voice

a belated welcome sweetheart, you are indeed more than safe here. Hang around and you will be nurtured. :wave::love:
paul

[Pablo Rafael]

Hi FMG,

It was only a couple years ago that I came on these forums and made myself known as a gay man. I had never mentioned it to anyone ever before. I know how you feel. At the time I never dreamed that I would be totally "out" within a couple years. The journey has been worth it for me. The freedom and peace that comes from being honestly who God created me to be is liberting.

Too often I see the choice set forth to be gay OR Christian. It is a choice a I refuse to accept. There is no problem with gay AND Christian. The grace of God the flows from the cross comes to gay and straight. If some people can't accept that, then they need education and enlightenment.

I have been associated with two church denominations, Catholic and Lutheran (LCMS). The Catholics have been warm and accepting. The Lutherans less so. (but the LCMS is the conservative right-wing of Lutheranism. The ELCA is generally quite gay affirming.) There are a lot of gay affirming congregations out there. The websites listed earlier are a great place to start.

Please join in our discussions. It is a warm group of people here. I hope you feel right at home.

Tu Amigo, Pablo