My Bisexual Boyfriend And His Beliefs

[AJLove]

Ok I'm in a new relationship but this time it's my first one with someone who is bisexual. I'ts very complicated but I know one thing for sure we are in love it's just that in the future he wants children but by the "right" way mean having sex with a women he doesnt believe in having a child through someone else. But this is mostly because of his religious beliefs. He brings up the story of Adam and Eve and how they were man and woman and they were on flesh and that only a man and a woman ca marry the right way and having children like God intended. I dont know what to tell him anymore. I love him so much I really do it's just that this bothers me alot. I need help and so does he.He says when two have sex they cant have a chid naturally and thats what he wants but it doesnt mean he wants to be with a girl. Can someone please help me on what to say to him.


PS: I forgot to mention I asked him does he think we were meant to be and he say under religious term I dont know.


AJLove:love:

[BrianB]

First off, I'm also a bisexual guy. When you are bisexual and ethical you don't just keep someone on a string for later use. It means, to me, that you can choose a long term partner from either gender.

It sounds like he still has a lot of messages going through his head about what is "right and proper and holy". There a number of ways for gay couples to have children these days. Hopefully, you are already aware of them. It doesn't have to include his having some direct, biblical, relationship with a woman.

Your boyfriend needs to decide if he wants to be with you for the long haul; or be with a woman in the way he described. It is unfair and cruel for him not to make some commitment to the man he loves. (loves?) Of course he will still find women attractive. That doesn't mean he has to take one to bed. It sounds like a recipe for a broken heart to me.

I'm sorry that my tone is a bit harsh. It was not intended as an attack on your boyfriend. Best wishes for both your happiness.

[AJLove]

He told me that he is willings to spend the rest of his life with someone who makes him happp ( man or women) And plus he grew up in a conservative church. All he wants to do is keep his name going and pass on his genes.

[Daniel]

He told me that he is willings to spend the rest of his life with someone who makes him happp ( man or women) And plus he grew up in a conservative church. All he wants to do is keep his name going and pass on his genes.

You boyfriend can easily keep his name and pass on his genes. That's not really a problem. And he can do it with you if he wants to. That's what lawyers are for.

The important questions here may be two-fold. 1) does he want to have a child with you? And more importantly. 2) do you want to be a father?

[AJLove]

How can he have a child with me...I really am so confused. And yes I would love to be a father in fact I want to have children of my own.

[Daniel]

How can he have a child with me...I really am so confused. And yes I would love to be a father in fact I want to have children of my own.

Nothing confusing about that.

So you both want a child of your own. Sounds like you and your bf have a lot in common.

[Alecto]

Surrogacy is also an option if he's super-hung-up on the genetics part. I've got weird views that favor adoption over surrogacy, but they're kind of irrelevant and it is an option.

[Matt Algren]

You don't live in Arkansas, do you AJ? Adoption could be a real problem there (http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5j92e9g5RVPEgCyREmVOEb37CC7LAD948ISVO2).

[sauu4equality]

Hi AJ,

The real question here is whether or not he feels that a gay family is a valid and positive environment for a child to be raised in. He seems to be apprehensive about accepting that it is. He has to get past his internal prejudice before he can be fully committed to you. This could take time. It is also easier to be in a straight relationship. This will, in the beginning, make being married to a woman seem more appealing to him. In the end he has to decide if he loves you. If he does, he has to recognize that this is ok. Once he does that he has to recognize that it's ok for gay people to raise families. Then accepting that other forms of obtaining children are not wrong by nature is easier to do. It sounds like he is still grappling with the idea of it being ok to love another man. This is the thing that should most concern you.

This is just my opinion, but as a bisexual male, I've been there. I've let good relationships go because of my own inner battles and prejudices against the feelings I've had for some men. I hope that, if he loves you, he is able to overcome this. Because then it won't matter how the child God blesses you with comes into being. Only that it is your child and you have been blessed with the oppurtunity to raise it together.

[AJLove]

You don't live in Arkansas, do you AJ? Adoption could be a real problem there (http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5j92e9g5RVPEgCyREmVOEb37CC7LAD948ISVO2).

Nope I live in Michigan

[AJLove]

My boyfriend and I are very much in love but he's stuck on believing being gay is a sin,and of course I think other wise. I'm only 16( I'll be 17 Dec. 4th) he's 18 and senior in high School so I can only do so much right now. But i feel he has not truly seen all the various roads and beliefs of the Christian Faith. He was raised to believe homosexuality is immoral so it would be hard to change his beliefs, But I'm willing to take on that challenge.Does anyone have any advice on what I can tell him.....or show him...cause I told him my beliefs but I can say that sometimes he thinks he knows everything...lol. And that's another reason why it' so hard to talk to him about it sometimes...and he feels very uncomfortable talking about it and we I say we need to talk about he says no I dont want to. But again does anyone have any advice? PLEASE HELPPPP!! MEEEE

[Daniel]

My boyfriend and I are very much in love but he's stuck on believing being gay is a sin,and of course I think other wise.

AJ- So you and your BF are very much in love but he thinks he is sinning? Not a good combination.

It's really hard to changes someone's mind. Very hard. If he isn't interesting in reading any of the materal on this site (and there is a lot of resources here), reading a book, educating himself about the matter, then I don't see what you can do.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Best you can do is keep your heart open. Because, even if, in the end, he rejects you because he rejects himself first, at least you will know that you did all that you could do- that is- love the guy.

[pnggrad79]

AJ,
You are so young! However, the ideal situation would be to find a stable lesbian couple who wants children and would be willing to share the responsibility with you and bf. Lawyers can work out custody agreements, and I have seen it firsthand with at least two couples that I know. One, both dads are gay, one fathered the children, and the lesbians are no longer together (broke up after 19 years together) but share custody of the three kids. Another set, a lesbian was with this one woman, and the former had the child, by a gay man in a relationship. When the lesbian couple broke up, the mom hooked up with another lesbian and they got married. So they all share custody of him. It works out reasonably well, but you have to be choosy when it comes to this because this means you are in it for the long haul with the mother of the child. And you want the best possible situation for your potential child. It is a serious quest and there are a lot of factors.

First, being so young, I am not saying it can't happen, but you need to make sure this guy is the one you want, and then that he wants you too. You have the rest of your life to be with someone. Make sure he is the right one. And that is not easy. The right one could be the wrong one, 40 years from now.

[Jordan0517]

Aj..I have been there before and trust me, its going to take some time. The reality is, in my opinion, that he cant have his cake and eat it too in this situation. He'll have to realize that if he's in a relationship with you, the possiblity of kids will lie elsewhere in adoption or possibly surrogacy. The way he feels it should be done is by the typical man/woman thing, which is ok if he wants to do that.

My ex didnt want to talk about it a lot, which was a problem because we talked to each other as if everything is fine, i knew in my heart that we had things to talk about. And homosexuality and religion was the most important. You HAVE to somehow get him to talk about it because if u dont, months will go by and you'll get frustrated about it all.

I really wish you luck hun but just try to hang on in there. Most definately, dont let this topic go but don't shove it in his face every chance you get.