tehillah05
11-26-2008, 06:51 PM
I was on here about a month ago but life happened - as it normally does - and in the course of a very hectic month I forgot my password. I remembered my user name but not my password...so I figured I'd introduce myself again...I'll even use my real name...HI I'm Annette. :D
I am currently living in Richmond VA...although that is changing Saturday. :( I'm going home - which is Kansas City MO - to help my mom deal w/ my grandmother (and other family dynamics) since my grandfather's passing in September. Unfortunately, this means I'm leaving my partner of almost 2 years behind. :'( I wish she could come with me but that would mean a) coming out thus adding to the family dynamics and b) her demands at work are keeping her here (in addition to her family). I feel in my gut that the separation's not forever and that I need to be there for my family right now and that we'll be together again "soon"...whatever soon means. My hope right now is that she'll eventually be willing to relocate to Missouri or somewhere relatively close to MO but only time will tell. Who knows? Maybe during our vacation June 2009 to San Francisco, we'll decide we want to live there. :cool:
Anyway, I'm sure you can gather that I'm closeted. I, like most everyone else on here, was raised in a non-denominational conservative Christian home; Mom, Dad, younger brother, 1 cat. Everytime the doors of my childhood church "home" were open, my mom & I were there. For a time she was even the minister of music...so as you can see, religion was a major part of our lives. My dad & brother came with us on Sunday mornings but that was about it. When a close of friend of mine came out when she was 15 and I was 16 - I was also the object of her affection - I was horrified. Not because she came out to me - I didn't care about that. I was horrified because I was feeling the same thing(s) but was terrified that I would "go to hell" because it was an "abomination." So I rejected her numerous advances...and started to furiously run from myself. (I think I've always known I was different....that's cliche isn't it?)
During my first year of college (2001), a woman took advantage of my naivete (sp?) and...I'll spare the gory details. Needless to say, when confronted 7 years later, she denied the whole thing...fine. I, of course, freaked out...not only because she'd taken advantage of me but because I was left wondering "what if" and "why am I feeling these feelings?" After struggling with...well myself really...I decided that nope I wasn't this way; I wasn't going to allow myself to be that way; and I found a boyfriend. Isn't it fun how we deny who we are?
Fast forward to February 2007...I met my partner through a mutual roommate/friend/ex-friend of ours. After corresponding through myspace :lol: for a time, we decided to say the heck with it, we're attracted to each other, we're just going to be together. Around this time one of my VERY best friends, who also had been struggling most of his life, decided to say I'm tired of fighting me...let's be who we are so I was halfway okay with being "hetero-flexible" - a term we coined. :D Obviously I'm bi.
All that being said, I'm finally okay with who I am. It took me 26 years to get here but I'm here. I'm hoping that 2009 is the year that I can come out to my family...we'll see. Reading Dr Mel White's books and materials help emmensly (again w/ the spelling?) to reassure me that God does love me for who I am, He created me, and I'm worthy to love Him! :love: :pray:
Other minute details are: I have my BSE in Social Studies Education and hope to teach high school social studies someday SOON. I love history and I love political science.
And that's about it for the not-so-small nutshell of ME! :rainbow: :love:
I am currently living in Richmond VA...although that is changing Saturday. :( I'm going home - which is Kansas City MO - to help my mom deal w/ my grandmother (and other family dynamics) since my grandfather's passing in September. Unfortunately, this means I'm leaving my partner of almost 2 years behind. :'( I wish she could come with me but that would mean a) coming out thus adding to the family dynamics and b) her demands at work are keeping her here (in addition to her family). I feel in my gut that the separation's not forever and that I need to be there for my family right now and that we'll be together again "soon"...whatever soon means. My hope right now is that she'll eventually be willing to relocate to Missouri or somewhere relatively close to MO but only time will tell. Who knows? Maybe during our vacation June 2009 to San Francisco, we'll decide we want to live there. :cool:
Anyway, I'm sure you can gather that I'm closeted. I, like most everyone else on here, was raised in a non-denominational conservative Christian home; Mom, Dad, younger brother, 1 cat. Everytime the doors of my childhood church "home" were open, my mom & I were there. For a time she was even the minister of music...so as you can see, religion was a major part of our lives. My dad & brother came with us on Sunday mornings but that was about it. When a close of friend of mine came out when she was 15 and I was 16 - I was also the object of her affection - I was horrified. Not because she came out to me - I didn't care about that. I was horrified because I was feeling the same thing(s) but was terrified that I would "go to hell" because it was an "abomination." So I rejected her numerous advances...and started to furiously run from myself. (I think I've always known I was different....that's cliche isn't it?)
During my first year of college (2001), a woman took advantage of my naivete (sp?) and...I'll spare the gory details. Needless to say, when confronted 7 years later, she denied the whole thing...fine. I, of course, freaked out...not only because she'd taken advantage of me but because I was left wondering "what if" and "why am I feeling these feelings?" After struggling with...well myself really...I decided that nope I wasn't this way; I wasn't going to allow myself to be that way; and I found a boyfriend. Isn't it fun how we deny who we are?
Fast forward to February 2007...I met my partner through a mutual roommate/friend/ex-friend of ours. After corresponding through myspace :lol: for a time, we decided to say the heck with it, we're attracted to each other, we're just going to be together. Around this time one of my VERY best friends, who also had been struggling most of his life, decided to say I'm tired of fighting me...let's be who we are so I was halfway okay with being "hetero-flexible" - a term we coined. :D Obviously I'm bi.
All that being said, I'm finally okay with who I am. It took me 26 years to get here but I'm here. I'm hoping that 2009 is the year that I can come out to my family...we'll see. Reading Dr Mel White's books and materials help emmensly (again w/ the spelling?) to reassure me that God does love me for who I am, He created me, and I'm worthy to love Him! :love: :pray:
Other minute details are: I have my BSE in Social Studies Education and hope to teach high school social studies someday SOON. I love history and I love political science.
And that's about it for the not-so-small nutshell of ME! :rainbow: :love: