View Full Version : I'm really tired of this...
11-28-2008, 12:36 AM
I don't know how you all feel about this but I really believe that being a gay person in the world we live in today is extremely hard. I applaud you all who don't let it bring you down because that takes a lot of strength. I wish I had it..
As a kid, I knew of my attraction to guys. I don't know if it was because I had always been that way, because of some traumatic experience that damaged me, or whatever else. I just know i didn't decide it. And I know thi for a fact because If I could decide, I would go straight. I'm not saying that having pride for being gay isn't good because it is, but geez...acheiving happiness for being who you are seems so impossible sometimes.
I'm tired of hiding myself all the time. No matter how many people can tell that i'm gay or don't care. I feel like I can't be myself like I want to be. A couple of my friends know Im gay and they accept me and Im grateful, but the truth is I'm just not happy.
I've come a really long way being that I came across this website due to the first break-up from my first boyfriend. I was pretty depressed to say the least. I was in college and had 4 classes, two of which i dropped and the other remaining 2, I failed. It was all because he confessed that he thought being gay was a sin. I didnt know much and when i heard him say that, i was so torn. jus recently, we both decided to split for good because of numerous reasons. it was the hardest thing Ive had to do. I mean I really love that boy and i would do anything for him.
Now Im glad Ive come across the things that this site and many others have shown me. That being gay isn't a sin and I should be proud of it. But although I tell myself this and i believe it, Im having a hard time learning to deal with the fact that tons of people disagree with it. Sometime, im scared to look at the bible. I was never really a church person but i havent gone in 2 years. Im completely skeptical of people, not trusting them because I dont know how theyll feel about the real me. I guess what Im really saying or asking or whatever it is Im doing, How do you all deal with these things. What makes you keep your head up high and stay as happy as possible?
11-28-2008, 01:11 AM
I did the thing growing up too where I felt like I just had to know where this came from, but eventually (and especially once I accepted that there was nothing I could do to change it) I realized it ultimately doesn't matter. I get grumpy sometimes when people waste energy arguing about "choice" versus "genetics" (like those are the only two possibilities?!), because it ultimately DOES NOT MATTER. This is who I am, and there's nothing wrong with it, and particularly from a secular standpoint, the rest of it should not matter.
I'm not a church person either. I was raised Catholic, but I stopped going for a number of reasons (honestly, my sexuality was probably only the smallest contribution to that). For me, I feel like I don't really have any place in debates about the Bible. If there's random tidbits I remember from Catholic school, and there's a cooperative discussion going on that I can contribute to, I'll throw something out there once in awhile, but I'm not Catholic or even Christian anymore. I applaud the work folks are doing within their churches to question, prod, and educate, but I feel like I'm not "within a church" anymore, so it's not really my place. This gives me the freedom to, on a literal level, just not worry about it.
Religion for a lot of us is a stove flame burning us. Before that burn can even start to heal, we need to pull our hand away. Eventually, when it stops hurting and doing further damage, we might start doing what we can to turn off the burner, or put something on it to keep other people safe. So, for awhile, I definitely just avoided church-y folks who I thought would give me hassle. I'm not yet at a point where I feel really in-line with the soulforce concepts to be able to dialogue with potentially hurtful people, but I am at a point where my day to day life is all around pretty good. I get along alright with my family, I have really awesome friends, and I lead a pretty enjoyable life. And I have plans... :D
But yeah, sometimes, it does all get heavy. Especially lately. The fact that four states had anti-gay measures, and that ALL FOUR passed hurt. There was not one state with enough decent people to vote theirs down. And the implications for our community that have grown out of specifically Prop 8 have been getting me down a lot more than I think they're affecting other people. Some times are heavy times, and I think they probably always will be. But even now, things are bearable because I have good friends, and (once in awhile anyway) passionate lovers, and I have Family that I get to define, and no one can take that away from me.
11-28-2008, 02:41 AM
It takes a healthy self-esteem to live a happy life. A healthy self-esteem comes from inside, from how you see yourself, not from how others see you. Others may judge you by their own distorted view of reality. Their judgment has nothing to do with your worth as a human being. A healthy self-esteem comes from seeing yourself as a human being worthy of happiness and has nothing to do with the sexual orientation you were born with.
Most credible studies have found that homosexuality is caused by genetics. This means that in all probability you were born gay. It also means your sexual orientation is as much a natural part of who you are as your skin color or your height. It has absolutely nothing to do with sin, no matter what anybody else tells you regardless of who they are.
Keep in mind that most of the Bible was written many centuries ago by men who ruled their world by ancient Jewish laws. Some of these ancient laws are terribly irrational and harmful to a healthy mind. Most have no validity for life in the twenty-first century. If you read the entire Bible you'll find that very few Christians today, including ministers, follow most of the rules of the Bible. In fact, the majority ignore almost all of the religious laws written in the Old Testament and much of the New Testament. Some religious leaders use ancient Biblical laws to justify their own prejudices, benefit their own personal needs, or manipulate groups of people with fear and guilt.
I'm sure you are aware, however, that there are other Christians who follow Bible scripture that talks about the values of love, charity, brotherhood, acceptance, forgiveness, tolerance, understanding and compassion that brings happiness and peace to their lives as well as to the lives of others. This benefits humanity and brings about a better world.
Just remember that no matter what you hear anybody say, you are not a bad person for having a sexual attraction to other males. This is a perfectly natural part of who you are and doesn't have anything to do with your right to happiness. You are a human being that deserves the same happiness in this world as everyone else does.
When others tell you that homosexuality is a sin, a defect, or a perversion they are simply wrong. Their views on homosexuality are an unfortunate distortion of reality that has been passed down for generations.
You are not alone. Most of us have been where you are at one time or another. Just remember to keep talking with happy, well-adjusted lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people like many of the ones in this group and you will find that being a happy gay man is easily achievable. :)
11-28-2008, 09:27 AM
You might explore Buddhism. Buddhism is the ancient science of the mind. It is a way of thinking that the goal is to relieve suffering. It is gay friendly.
Buddha Was a prince 2,500 years ago who observed that people suffered in the world. He left his former life and studied as a monk. He then experimented with meditation and found that by living kindly and focussing his thoughts that his heart, his inner being, was the source of compassion and loving kindness and that all humans have the capacity to develop these.
Practicing Buddhist tradition is like practicing playing piano. The longer and more frequently you do it, the better you become at it until you are enjoying making music. Similarly the longer and more you practice Buddhist tradition, the more peaceful, compassionate and free your emotions grow. There are no gods in Buddhist belief yet you need not change your metaphysical beliefs to practice this science of relieving the mind from suffering.
A good start is Jack Kornfield's Buddhism for beginners. It's a 6 cd set and easy to listen to. You can google it to find the best price. You can also search Jack Kornfield on youtube for free examples of his teaching.
11-28-2008, 09:45 PM
Jordan, I'm a transgender person and a cross dresser. I realized that I was transgender 3 1/2 years ago at age fifty-six. The day that I came out was the day that I was liberated and completed. I've never been happier.
I am a Christian who follows the word and one thing I know is that God loves gay people. The world will hate you but He doesn't. I don't let other peoples negativity affect me personally. The important thing is to be happy with who you are. It sonds like you are quite intelligent with some fine qualities. There's much out there for you, Jordan. Keep reading these posts and educate yourself. You are in my prayers :pray:.
11-29-2008, 02:22 PM
Sometime, im scared to look at the bible. I was never really a church person but i havent gone in 2 years. Im completely skeptical of people, not trusting them because I dont know how theyll feel about the real me. I guess what Im really saying or asking or whatever it is Im doing, How do you all deal with these things. What makes you keep your head up high and stay as happy as possible?
Dear Jordan: I'm so glad you've found our website. First I'd like to suggest that you read, "What the Bible Does and Doesn't Say About Homosexuality." You can download it from our website.
Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you find a faith community where you will be fully accepted, just as you are. To that end, I'm copying below a number of websites, that will help you find a church that welcoming and reconciling.
Hang in there Jordan, you've gotten through the hardest part, and we're all in your corner.
11-30-2008, 06:46 PM
God made you who you are. He loves you. God is about love, not hate and name calling. If people are not able to accept you, then please pray for them.
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