View Full Version : Does anyone understand this
12-10-2008, 01:52 PM
I play the guitar and listen to music often , this is the one thing I deeply connect with emotionally. I've always seemed to be attracted to music that seems to get in touch with my deeper emotions. Perhaps that is why I chose to play the guitar. But I'm usually on my guard with other people in sharing personal things or how I feel .I 'm not sure why, but music is just always been a safe haven for me ,like permission to be myself.Even with animals I find a special connection, (Saved a few from a certain death ,I will even go out of my as not to run over a squirrel or a bird when I'm driving)they just bring out the kindness in me.But why is it so hard for me to connect to other people ?
12-10-2008, 02:12 PM
I can't offer an easy answer to that, because I also struggle to make human connections.
I simply do not run into a lot of people who share a lot of my interests or passions, or apparently, who can appreciate my eccentric personality and dry humor.
My best success at forming friendships has been in my job. When forced to spend that "quality" time with others over a long period of time, it's inevitable that you're going to talk to each other. The shared experiences, good and bad, and the many jokes cracked to get through them, have brought me closer to the people I work with.
My activity in local lgbt support groups has been another opportunity for making a few awesome friends. Your place of worship may be another place to meet folks.
I don't necessarily have friends that I "hang out" with very frequently. I'm of a solitary nature, it's part of who I am. But I do have people I know care about me, and when we do get together, we have a blast.
12-10-2008, 02:26 PM
I tend to be solitary as well. More introverted . I don't mind being alone but it just seems when I get into my own problems I tend to isolate or avoid people, perhaps not as much as I did in the past. I talk more, but I can also be like the silent rock when it comes to other people.Perhaps we tend to be more ourselves around people we feel safer around. I have a outrageous sense of humor and laugh alot at others humor. I've always loved humor. And I like it when I see it in others too.It's when I'm too serious that I take things a little too personally.
12-10-2008, 02:50 PM
But I'm usually on my guard with other people in sharing personal things or how I feel .I 'm not sure why, but music is just always been a safe haven for me ,like permission to be myself.
Perhaps we tend to be more ourselves around people we feel safer around.
That's what I find. It's easier to open up to people you know and/or have things in common with. Because when you open up, you're exposing yourself, and knowing someone, or knowing you have things in common with someone, minimizes the chances of being unfairly judged or criticized.
But also, sometimes you want to or have to open up to someone in less than ideal circumstances. In those situations I just try to be more careful with my words, or with what I choose to share, so that I'm not misunderstood.
12-10-2008, 03:31 PM
I understand this perfectly, ladyinred. I have friends that I connect with, love nature and music, and love animals. (have a cat). I keep a journal where I record my innermost feelings. Writing is an outlet where I best express my thoughts and feelings about life. I know people who express themselves through music, art, nature, spirituality, etc.
You're not alone in feeling this way, ladyinred. You're expressing yourself in your own unique way.
12-10-2008, 07:26 PM
I'm a musician. I teach people to sing. It's a process that take time.
First the singer gets used to connecting to himself/herself, opening up, feeling good inside to outside in the privacy of a practice session. Then they learn that they can 'risk' doing this in the presence of others, despite their fear of doing so.
And let's be clear. It's the fear that stops one. But what does one have to do?
One learns that it is Ok to feel fear and DO IT ANYWAY! And in doing so, there is a certain enjoyment.
Is this simple to pull off? Yes and no. It takes practice. A bit of daring. And if needed, the care of a very able therapist to help to deal with those issues that are stifling one's voice, both literal and metaphorically.
Many people turn to music and music making as therapy. And that's Ok. It helps one connect. That's what it's supposed to do. The trick is to cross the bridge that is created by music and bring others into the experience of fullness.
12-10-2008, 10:14 PM
I think music must connect to a different section of the brain than does rational thought. It seems to me that music is tied to emotion.
It brings to mind a slide show we did in church when I was a teenager. It was on the events leading up to the crucifixion and ending with the resurrection. When we put the slides together and looked at them in order, it was OK, nice artwork, good imagry, etc. But when we added music it made all the difference. One person said that he began to cry as he watched.
I find I am much more expressive in music than when talking. I just think music connects to a different part of us.
12-11-2008, 12:15 AM
I keep a journal where I record my innermost feelings. Writing is an outlet where I best express my thoughts and feelings about life.
That's so cool that you keep a journal. I do too. I started writing stuff down on January 6, 1967 and I've kept it up for almost 42 years. It's thicker than a phone book now.
I think people want to connect, but fear plays a big part in keeping that from happening, which is where I think love comes in ("... perfect love casts out all fear..."). One of my definitions of love is that it takes the time to see and hear the value of another person, then acknowledge it specifically. It's a challenge to love because it requires our full attention. Everyone is looking for love, but few want to go first... or keep loving unless we get something in return.
Another way I have found to love is to be vulnerable. I have often found that if I am willing to go first and be vulnerable, people will sometimes respond in kind (i.e., be vulnerable too), and we connect. Loving, being vulnerable is risky business, there are no guarantees that people will respond equally, so I find I have to love for loves sake. If I love hoping for a return, it sets up disappointment and eventually bitterness because I am making my love dependent on the response I get instead of just loving because I believe in love.
12-11-2008, 12:55 PM
Ralph Waldo Emerson said "Music takes us out of the actual and whispers to us dim secrets that startle our wonder as to who we are, and for what, whence, and whereto."
There's an intimacy that music allows us to communicate. Words alone can't do it; neither can gestures. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's what Pablo was talking about: Music uses a different part of the brain to interpret the input in (potentially) a different way or on a deeper level.
When I'm performing, I find that I'm able to come out from behind the mask that I wear and be real. Somehow the person listening accepts a deeper level of connection that they generally tend to hide from in their daily conversations. (Incidentally, that's why I like funerals. It's one of the rare times when people are allowed to feel real sorrow and real joy. Sometimes both at the same time.)
I don't know if that makes sense. To end on another quote, I'll agree with Ella Fitzgerald when she said "Forgive me if I don’t have the words. Maybe I can sing it and you’ll understand."
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