Can the word "Homophobic" be misused?

[AJLove]

After watching some videos and readng some articles some gay-affirming ministers ad people ofter overuse the word homophobic. For example a gay couple wanted to marry at their home church but they could not because it was against that churches values and beliefs. They called the church homophobic and sued them. As a result they lost the case. I believe that the couple should have respected the churches the churches beliefs instead of forcing them to go against it. It really makes us look bad. I can also say that over time I've learned that just because a person does not agree with your sexuality that they are homophobic. Many people dont understand that. I am gay and it drives me crazy.

Watch these videos and tell me what you think:

Part II: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB0XBIE3j2M&feature=related
Part III: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8ChCIheZc2a4&feature=related

[Matt Algren]

The video you linked to (Part III isn't working) is sponsored by gcmwatch. It's going to be pretty loaded with anti-gay business, so I'm not going to bother. Please post the articles you're talking about.

In general I think a church should be allowed to discriminate however they want to. I also think, however, that there's nothing wrong with publicizing the overt bigotry and/or willful ignorance and/or flawed theology that the church in question is using, and that working to correct those things is part of our duty as Christians.

If you're talking about the case with the Methodist structure and the lesbians who wanted to get married there, it's complicated by the fact that the church gets a tax break for making the gazebo in question available publically with public property rules.

Finally, I want to encourage you to talk with us about these things, AJ. You have a nasty habit of starting a thread then leaving without contributing to the actual discussion. You've been listening in for a year or so now; start flexing your mental muscle and join in.

[AJLove]

I'm sorry it's just that I've been having alot go on lately....I even tried to commit suicide cause of my confusion. I dont what to do anymore....and it's even harder when I'm in a relationship with someone I truly love. I
m getting so many different messages and voices I dont know what to follow:'(:'( I 'm sorry I really am:'(

[Unmasked]

It is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, and it's a label people are quick to avoid. I support the right of religious people to be assholes about things. It might be discriminatory, but it is the right of every man to not participate in something he disagrees with, and the obligation of gay people to not force the issue when it is better left alone. I do not expect a clergyman to bless my relationship if he does not agree. What I do expect is that he keep out of my bedroom if he hasn't been invited. Churches have failed miserably in that regard. They abuse legal channels, and insist that gay people are abused according to their beliefs, golden rule be damned.

I have learned to abide by a clear and wonderful ethic: "Keep your Jesus of my penis, and I'll keep my penis off of you."

[Matt Algren]

I'm sorry it's just that I've been having alot go on lately....I even tried to commit suicide cause of my confusion. I dont what to do anymore....and it's even harder when I'm in a relationship with someone I truly love. I
m getting so many different messages and voices I dont know what to follow:'(:'( I 'm sorry I really am:'(
No need to apologize, I just know that you'll get a lot more out of it if you get your brain pumping too.

[Unmasked]

Well, AJ, you can start by talking to us. I'm sure most of us have tried, or at least thought about it. I spent most of my life wanting to die. I know what it's like, and I want to help.

[Daniel]

I've been around since you started posting AJ. One minute you are the gay guy in love, and the next you aren't sure. Sitting on the fence you are, toying with your reader, begging for attention all the while.

I suggest you get offline and seek professional help.

[Zerbie]

I'm sorry it's just that I've been having alot go on lately....I even tried to commit suicide cause of my confusion. I dont what to do anymore....and it's even harder when I'm in a relationship with someone I truly love. I
m getting so many different messages and voices I dont know what to follow:'(:'( I 'm sorry I really am:'(

AJ, if it's that bad, PLEASE get someone to help you NOW. That means in 3D, not on the internet. Call a counselor or a therapist immediately. No amount of being confused is worth suicide. Reach out for help from those who can give it - that means in the real world, not the internet.

[Special Agent JamBor]

I much more prefer the word "heterosexism" better because there is a loophole in the word "homophobia".

A lot of people who are against homosexuality say, "Homophobia implies fear of homosexuals or homosexuality, but I'm not afraid of it, I'm just against it!"

"Heterosexism" is more accurate because it literally mean, "the belief that everyone should be heterosexual." Which is true of these people regardless if their feelings are fear, hate, or just against it.

[Alecto]

Free, on-the-phone counseling at the Trevor project (http://thetrevorproject.org/helpline.aspx, phone number 866-488-7386) whenever you want to talk to someone.

As for the word, I'm with Special Agent; truth is, our understanding of sexual orientation (and it's impact in society) is pretty new, and we're still building a language to talk about it. The word "heterosexism" exists, and is a lot more accurate for some circumstances, but not everyone necessarily knows about it.

[kara speltz]

I also prefer the word heterosexism, because I have lots of straight friends who support me, but they don't understand their heterosexual priveledge. I think this is one of the most important things we can do our our friends and allies - help them understand that, just as being white means, we have white skin privelege, being straight means having heterosexual priviledge.

I sometimes think we in Soulforce, haven't done enough to help people comprehend that.

Kara

[Gennee]

Homophobic is misused and overused. Just because someone doesn't agree with you or believe the way you do doesn't make them homophobic. Phobic perople have irrational fears of various things or people. It's a fine line but there is a difference.

AJ, if you're struggling it's best to talk with us or a professional who can help you sort through your problems.

Gennee

[Zerbie]

I much more prefer the word "heterosexism" better because there is a loophole in the word "homophobia".

A lot of people who are against homosexuality say, "Homophobia implies fear of homosexuals or homosexuality, but I'm not afraid of it, I'm just against it!"

"Heterosexism" is more accurate because it literally mean, "the belief that everyone should be heterosexual." Which is true of these people regardless if their feelings are fear, hate, or just against it.

I also prefer the word heterosexism, because I have lots of straight friends who support me, but they don't understand their heterosexual priveledge.

Kara

Homophobic is misused and overused. Just because someone doesn't agree with you or believe the way you do doesn't make them homophobic. Phobic perople have irrational fears of various things or people. It's a fine line but there is a difference.


Gennee

In terms of word-usage, the above is all correct. I try to use the term heterocentrist more often, but it's just not that frequently heard, and harder to get it to come out the mouth.

About 95% of the times when I say 'homophobic,' I'm using the word homophobic to mean heterosexist (or heterocentrist, or just plain anti-gay,) but I'm using the word homophobic BECAUSE it's the recognizable word that has made it's way into mainstream terminology.

I will use the word 'homophobic' when I don't mean 'phobic' at all, in the assumption that everyone hearing me knows I don't mean 'phobic' but that I mean something is anti-gay or heterocentrist, in much the same way that many people use "How are you?" interchangeably with "Hello. . ."

Or, shorter version, I use the word I feel society has given us (homophobic) to convey a certain meaning, despite it's etymological inaccuracies. Yes, it would be preferable to have a more accurate term. Often times, I will just say 'anti-gay' or 'anti-equality.' Gets my meaning conveyed pretty accurately.

[BruceChris]

Homophobic is more street level, and I prefer it. Besides, just because someone doesn't admit something......

BC


About 95% of the times when I say 'homophobic,' I'm using the word homophobic to mean heterosexist (or heterocentrist, or just plain anti-gay,) but I'm using the word homophobic BECAUSE it's the recognizable word that has made it's way into mainstream terminology.

Or, shorter version, I use the word I feel society has given us (homophobic) to convey a certain meaning, despite it's etymological inaccuracies. Yes, it would be preferable to have a more accurate term. Often times, I will just say 'anti-gay' or 'anti-equality.' Gets my meaning conveyed pretty accurately.

Het-er-o-cen-ter-ist(?) I thought only English grad students used words like that.

EDIT: Kara, you're talking about a better group of people, there.

[Fall Semester]

In terms of word-usage, the above is all correct. I try to use the term heterocentrist more often, but it's just not that frequently heard, and harder to get it to come out the mouth.

About 95% of the times when I say 'homophobic,' I'm using the word homophobic to mean heterosexist (or heterocentrist, or just plain anti-gay,) but I'm using the word homophobic BECAUSE it's the recognizable word that has made it's way into mainstream terminology.

I will use the word 'homophobic' when I don't mean 'phobic' at all, in the assumption that everyone hearing me knows I don't mean 'phobic' but that I mean something is anti-gay or heterocentrist, in much the same way that many people use "How are you?" interchangeably with "Hello. . ."

Or, shorter version, I use the word I feel society has given us (homophobic) to convey a certain meaning, despite it's etymological inaccuracies. Yes, it would be preferable to have a more accurate term. Often times, I will just say 'anti-gay' or 'anti-equality.' Gets my meaning conveyed pretty accurately.

Hmmm....You made a really good point. I have to say. It got me thinking.

[sauu4equality]

Homophobic is more street level, and I prefer it. Besides, just because someone doesn't admit something...........

BC

[/SIZE]

I agree with you on this BC, but I am an unapologetic liberal elitist. I don't think dumba$$es should be allowed to run our country (see last eight years). I'm not against the use of the word heterosexism, but I think homophobic is the correct term. Just because someone is exercising within the law does not make their actions any less wrong. So, homophobic, which I agree is a bit of a cutting insult, is appropriate. This is also the downside to the word. If we are to be peacemakers or come to others gently with our message, then the use of the word may do more harm than good. But using this word for public figures such as Rick Warren is effective and appropriate. His fear of change, regardless of whether or not he is actually afraid of gay people, is phobic in nature. These people are afraid that if they do not adhere to their strict principles, they will dissolve as a group. It has nothing to do with what they think is right. They have zero character because they refuse actual evidence that all but proves their position is BS and they continue to selfishly cause others pain so they may remain a part of their group. Thus, homophobic is my word. Because fear is the underlying reason behind their position regardless of whether they've had "dinner in gay homes." If the use of the word heterosexism helps us to be gentler to a person that is on the fence, I say use it. But for public figures, we need only to call a spade a spade.

[Alecto]

When someone asks me "Do you have a girlfriend", that's heterosexist (or maybe heterocentric? I haven't actually heard that one EVER before). They might be fully supportive of gay folks, but they just don't get that that question puts people in a weird place, and they don't realize how presumptuous it is. Homophobia implies a more...active stance, I think.

[BruceChris]

And I agree with it. Each situation really requires a (hopefully Christian) response that fits the situation, and the person. Perhaps a mention of preceived homophobia, and an affirmation that God loves ALL of His children.

Very few people have an adequate understanding of Embryonic Gender Differentiation, in all of it's dimensions: anatomy, identity, and orientation. I mean, for the first few weeks, we all have a nominally/prototypically female body. And God set it up that way.


Love your enemies, but love yourself first, Bruce Chris

P.S.: I may date women, but I still claim membership in the gay community.

[AJLove]

Well it's not that I'm tryng to get attention it's just that I feel different ways at different times. But one thing is for certain I do love the person I'm with. I just get confused whether or not God wants me to be with him. I know I've been here for a while and all the information you given has truly help.....trust me. I dont have anyone near home that I can really build a personal relationship with to guide me and that's what I need. I mean I have friends but I need an adult, you know. Please dont think I'm trying to just gain attention. I love you all and onc again thank you. An I'm working on getting help

[Here2Learn22]

I also prefer the word heterosexism, because I have lots of straight friends who support me, but they don't understand their heterosexual priveledge. I think this is one of the most important things we can do our our friends and allies - help them understand that, just as being white means, we have white skin privelege, being straight means having heterosexual priviledge.

I sometimes think we in Soulforce, haven't done enough to help people comprehend that.

Kara

Nail on the head!

[Pablo Rafael]

Well it's not that I'm tryng to get attention it's just that I feel different ways at different times. But one thing is for certain I do love the person I'm with. I just get confused whether or not God wants me to be with him. I know I've been here for a while and all the information you given has truly help.....trust me. I dont have anyone near home that I can really build a personal relationship with to guide me and that's what I need. I mean I have friends but I need an adult, you know. Please dont think I'm trying to just gain attention. I love you all and onc again thank you. An I'm working on getting help



AJ,

My advice to you is to just relax. I know that is easier said than done, but remember you don't have to come to a set-in-stone decisions on all things in your life at once. If you do love the person you are with, don't struggle with it or throw away what you have been given. The whole idea of dating is to see if you two really are meant for each other. You don't have to decide all at once.

The first time I went on a date with someone, I was sure he was the right one for me. Well it fizzled out, and I learned a lot. I am sure that God was working in my life, but it wasn't in the way I expected. In the past year (Yes, one year is all that I have been "out") I have learned to stop struggling and to trust God. I have found that when I struggle, I can't see the path on which God is leading me.

And I will reinforce what others have said: You need to keep away from people and places that try to condemn you. God made you exactly how he wanted you to be. Don't argue with God; just be yourself.

And make sure that you talk to someone who is supportive.

Being in a church that is supportive can be a great help as well.

Tu Amigo, Pablo