Bad News

[stevejones]

Ok so here lately my luck has sucked like all get out. Lets start with the first thing that happened right after christmas i got a speeding ticket and paid it off already..well i got into the new world of pills and was taking some (not addicted or nothing) well I had a friend who is straight and wanted to take something to help his legs well i gave him something and it messed him up and I ended up taking advantage of him and we did some minor things and this guy is like my best friend and i realized that I am in love with him (it may sound stupid but its true). Anyways Wed. night at about 10pm I got pulled over for "wreckless driving" I wasnt speeding or anything I just drifted a little bit into the other lane and almost hit a cop(ya I kno it is bad)...well like 20 police officers stopped that night(not kidding either)..that thought i was drunk I did the breathalizer I shot 0.00 they thought i was high and i passed all those tests..well they was lookin through the windows of my car and like the idiot i am i told them they could search it..not realizing there was something in there..well they found pills...they couldnt arrest me but they had to contact my parents and they couldnt get a hold of them..well they get a county police to stop and he gets out and asks where i live and I tell him and he said well why the hell are you going that way to get home..(well that way was quicker for me to get where i live) i tried to tell him and he yelled I dont give a fuck (excuse my language) where you was going..anyways its been a bad year so far..im facing some serious stuff and may have to go to boot camp..im lucky im a minor i guess...but guess what they have my wreckless court date on the same day as my birthday march 19 which sucks :/

[Zerbie]

Ask for help and keep asking until you get it!

It sounds like you need regular counseling from someone who can help you deal with your feelings so you can STOP MESSING AROUND WITH PILLS. You need to stop! As you are finding out, it is way too dangerous to play with that kind of stuff.

If you were out of it enough to drift your car between traffic lanes, you could have been killed, or killed someone else. Suppose you were going 80 on a freeway and that happened and you hit the other car. You'd be dead, do you see?

Get help right now! Get a counselor and/or a program that can help you.

Does anyone here have recommendations how Steve can find a good place for some help with this stuff?

[stevejones]

You must of misunderstood. I dont drink and drive or fly high if you get what I am sayin..i drive sober..i can understand u sayin i need help for some things but im not addicted to pills. So you can say you have never drifted over in the other lane by mistake?

[Daniel]

And that's the way life is sometimes. No way getting around it. If you drift over into the other lane and 20 cops show up....well...maybe there is something more going on here than meets the eye.

Life is giving you a message. This is your wake up call. What more do you need? Zerbie is right. Get rid of the fucking pills! Now!

[stevejones]

ok everyone can quit gettin so pissy...i told yall i wasnt on anything that night i dont drive while i am on stuff...so calm down ive done it mayb 3 times so calm down...im not addicted and i dont like being cussed at...you can handle this in a more mature while..pissin me off wouldnt help me just make it worse...I kno what i did was wrong but I WAS NOT ON ANYTHING THE NITE I PULLED OVER MY LAWYER TOLD ME I SHOULD NOT OF GOT A WRECKLESS DRIVIN TICKET BUT A IMPROPER LANE USE

[Daniel]

You really don't get it, do you? I guess a wall is going to have to fall on you or something.

So you can't handle a little language, but you can handle having pills you shouldn't have in your car?

Your lawyer can't save you from yourself. That's your job.

[stevejones]

Daniel you act like you know me and everything I am going through...I am done with the pills maybe that didnt pass through your small little brain...but you have no reason to attack me when you know over half the people who abuse drugs do it for a specific reason or to wash something out of there minds....think about that b4 u go and get all pissy

[Zerbie]

I heard you. You said you were not using any substance the night the 20 cops showed up. But something was wrong, and whatever that something was needs to get fixed. Of course we've all had bad judgment driving, but 20 cops?

From your original post on this thread, you sounded like you have been very upset about a lot of things. That's why I suggested asking for help. To deal with all those many things that are not working right now. Doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, but with the situation. Professional counselors can help you figure out what is wrong with the situation, and what you can and can't do about changing it.

I thought you posted here because you wanted feedback. If you don't want feedback, I am willing to stop writing to you. My opinion, and if you like this will be the last time I say it: there is SOMEthing wrong, whether it's pills or something else, and if you look seriously for real help, you can eventually find it. Whatever is at the root of what's bothering you, pills or no pills, if you want real help for the things that are bothering you, look around for it until you find it. There are therapists, counselors, social workers, teachers. . . the world is full of people who will offer the best they can give if you want it.

Hope things get better for you soon.

[stevejones]

It started off with one cop stoping me then as cops passed by and stopped..i asked why so many were stopping and he said it was a slow night...and all the help that is offered costs money which i cant afford at the moment

[keltic63]

Daniel you act like you know me and everything I am going through...I am done with the pills maybe that didnt pass through your small little brain...but you have no reason to attack me when you know over half the people who abuse drugs do it for a specific reason or to wash something out of there minds....think about that b4 u go and get all pissy

*removing my moderator hat*


Listen up, young man. You posted about some crappy stuff that's going on in your life, in what appears to be a request for help. If you don't want that help, there's no need for you to post about it here. 2 of our most respected forum members, and good friends of mine, have offered that help and given you some advice. You have just repayed their kindness with insult. I can think of one other person who has come on the forum and done that. He comes around about once a month, makes a post, and very few people even bother to respond.

Don't use the forum to whine about your problems if you don't want to listen to the wisdom of forum members who have been there. :mad: and if you want "pissy", go ahead and insult this old queen. Then you'll really know what pissy means.


*moderator hat back on*

[Zerbie]

...and all the help that is offered costs money which i cant afford at the moment

Not necessarily. There are crisis numbers available for, well, crises. Try a google search for crisis numbers in your area.

For on-going help, many counselors offer what is called a 'sliding scale fee,' which means they lower their regular rate according to your income. At a time when I was having crises and making very little money (read: almost none,) I was able to get counseling for $25 per appointment. That's practically nothing, yet the therapist was well-trained, and a good responsible professional who helped me.

Do your parents or guardians have insurance that covers therapy? That is also an option: see if you can find a therapist whose service is covered by the insurance you're on.

Also keep an ear open to sincere, trustworthy offers to just listen from any trustworthy person in your life. Be on the alert for teachers, clergy, anyone in your daily life who expresses concern for your well-being and deserves your trust. At the same time, be a little bit careful who you trust, but don't slam the door on people if it isn't necessary for your protection.

If you EVER think of hurting yourself, if you've ever thought that way in the past and think you might again, I want you to find the number to your nearest crisis hotline and program it into your phone, then put it on speed dial. That way, if you are ever in real trouble, all you have to do is press one button. Do that for yourself, just in case you are ever in a real bad way. Okay? Find that number, program it into your phone. That way it's there IF you ever need it.

[Daniel]

Daniel you act like you know me and everything I am going through...I am done with the pills maybe that didnt pass through your small little brain...but you have no reason to attack me when you know over half the people who abuse drugs do it for a specific reason or to wash something out of there minds....think about that b4 u go and get all pissy

I know what you've written. And I've been around the block enough to read between the lines.

You are the one who is pissy. Pissed off that life is giving you a raw deal. Pissed that you got stopped with pills you shouldn't have had in your car. Oh...you didn't take them that night. But you did take them at some point. And you aren't 18 yet, right?

You fucked up. And now you want a pat on the head just because you're gay and in love with your best friend?

If can't afford a private therapist, go to a clinic. You'll find a good social worker that can help you if you keep looking. Trouble is, you given up even before you've started.

You need a therapist who will call you on your act, and help you figure out why you've been acting out in the first place. You better find one fast.

This latest episode - I wager- is just the tip of the iceberg.

[stevejones]

im not 18 i am 17

[Matt Algren]

im not 18 i am 17
Um...
Hey as you can tell from the title my name is Stephen. I really dont know what to say on here because I am not sure what this is used for. I am a 17 year old bi sexual. Not many people know this secret about me for the simple fact of fear and rejection. I question a lot of things all the time like if I am in the wrong or not with my feelings or what I do. I honestly do not know what else to say except lets see what happens :)
So which is it? When were you not telling the truth, ten days ago or today?

[stevejones]

I am srry i have been an asshole with all of you. Ive never been this way b4 its just been harder and i know i got to suck it up and deal with it. ill give u the fast bio of me..when i was a child i was molested when i was 15 i was diagnosed with a back disease called shermans kyphosis and had a surgery where i was told i had a 60% chance of dyin but as u can tell i lived and i am glad it was a 12 hr surgery i should post a pic of the scar i doubt yall want to see anyways last summer i almost lost my left eye due to a detached retina and this past christmas i had caracted surgery and alot of other problems. im srry for the way i acted i shouldnt have

[stevejones]

what do u mean when was i not tellin the truth i never claimed to be 18

[Matt Algren]

Ah, I read it backward. Apologies.

Do you have a response to what Daniel said? Is he pretty much right?

[stevejones]

no he is not right.

[Matt Algren]

no he is not right.
Since you're not being forthcoming on the intricacies of what he got wrong, let me back up.

What is it you're looking for here?

[Jennifer5]

Steve, I have to tell you, they are being harsh because they care what happens to you!

I have been here for over three years and I understand what's happening here. In the past I have voiced situations that caused everyone to jump on me and tell me that I needed to be seeing a therapist. I felt offended by the responses, even hurt. I realized though that they were responding that way because they cared about me. Also, even though it was the last thing I wanted to hear, I realized that I did need some kind of guidance while I was dealing with the situation.

Do you think that you might benefit from being able to talk to a pastor or someone about how you're feeling? After all, couldn't we all?

[Zerbie]

Thanks, Jen. Your good caring heart shows all the time. :)

Steve, look everywhere possible for help. That is not meant as an insult. It's meant as an empowering thing. See, the things you mention on here are a lot for anyone to deal with. They would overwhelm an adult. You are still very young, so you've had even less time to develop ways of getting through difficult and terrible experiences.
Those experiences are overwhelming. That's why we are shouting a bit loud that you need to find someone to help you. A good therapist can help you by finding ways you may not have thought of yet to get through the rough times healthier and stronger.

Find someone.

[stevejones]

Jenn i wish i could talk to my pastor but he thinks homosexuaitly is sick and disgusting

[Daniel]

Jenn i wish i could talk to my pastor but he thinks homosexuaitly is sick and disgusting

So- go talk to one who isn't anti-gay. Look for affirming churches in your city, town and neighborhood. You just gonna keep going to a church where they don't accept you?

If you can drive around on your own, and your parents don't have a clue what you are up to, you can drive yourself to a place where people accept you.

This is a no-brainer.

[stevejones]

Daniel dont u think i would have thought of that...search the city i live it..its small and the neartest accepting church of gays is almost 2 hrs away..tell me how i could leave a small town where my family is very well known and always have tabs of where i am? plz if u can help me leave this hell hole i am all ears but i have no place to go...the open gay population in this town you could count on one hand and i have tried to talk to them...one is 30 hasnt had sex sex i was about 11 and all he wants to do is fuck me which i dont want...the other is about the same age but he is too vain to talk to me and all he would want to do is fuck me if i was up to his standards..i go to that church because the pastors family has been more like family to me then my own they wouldnt agree with what i do but they would still love me and accept me..the nazarene church does not turn away anyone who wants to step through the front doors but they do not accept homosexuality as being ok they believe it as a sin and they want u in the church but they pray u would change ur lifestyles...there is not many places for me to go around here if there was i would of already been there by now

[Daniel]

Daniel dont u think i would have thought of that...search the city i live it..its small and the neartest accepting church of gays is almost 2 hrs away..tell me how i could leave a small town where my family is very well known and always have tabs of where i am?

I guess you are going to have to get a job, save up enough money and move, just like most gay people do if they think they can't survive and thrive in the place that they live.

You are finding lots of ways why you can't do anythng for yourself. And as long as you do this, nothing will get better for you.

Sorry that your life is hard. But life is hard. Not just for you, but for many other people.

Know what? One thing you could do to get some perspective is to go help others who are less fortunate than you. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen. Go to the local homeless shelter and help out. Go sit with old people at the nearest nursing home.

Find some meaning for your life by giving it some meaning. Make someone else happy tomorrow. Be someone's friend. Get busy.

Being gay is not the end of the world.

[stevejones]

I do have a job. and i work for my family in a family own business...and most of the things uve recomended me to do like go to a nursing home a sit with old ppl i have done that..i have helped people who had no where to go..i even gave a homeless girl who turned out to be a exporn star a place to stay and she fucked with my father...ive done more in my community then most and i just dont see the point anymore of tryin to help people...it gets old

[Daniel]

I do have a job. and i work for my family in a family own business...and most of the things uve recomended me to do like go to a nursing home a sit with old ppl i have done that..i have helped people who had no where to go..i even gave a homeless girl who turned out to be a exporn star a place to stay and she fucked with my father...ive done more in my community then most and i just dont see the point anymore of tryin to help people...it gets old

Well. That says it all, doesn't it?

We get out of life what we put into it. And since you've given up..well....good luck!

And come to think of it, I guess you are right: all the bad stuff that is happening to you is someone else's fault. You have nothing whatsoever to do with it. Nothing. You can't do a thing about it. Not one damn thing.

[stevejones]

daniel im srry for been a stubborn ass if u knew me u would understand..i will get help and i dont have a option this time. when i see the dtf tuesday they will arrest me and turn me over to youth services where i kno i will be made to see some one..this is just hard for me to process that i got myself into this mess...and i want out and this will get me out b4 i got in to deep...im srry plz forgive me

[Jennifer5]

Thanks, Jen. Your good caring heart shows all the time. :)
Awe, shucks! :love:

Jenn i wish i could talk to my pastor but he thinks homosexuaitly is sick and disgusting

That is definitely a problem, but not surprising.

I want to help, I'm going to search a little and see if I can find anything at all that may be helpful to you.

Be back later.
:love:

[Jennifer5]

There's a Coldwater Congregational Church in Andalusia, I like the name but can't find information. Do you know anything about them?

There is a PFLAG branch in Montgomery, but I'm guessing that's too far away? Even if it is, perhaps you could go on a rare occasion and just meet some people that you can talk to and who can lead you to the local support.

I have some stuff I have to do... but I'll look more later.

[keltic63]

jaded and cynical at 17


I don't recall thinking much of anything was "old" when I was that age

[Daniel]

daniel im srry for been a stubborn ass if u knew me u would understand..i will get help and i dont have a option this time. when i see the dtf tuesday they will arrest me and turn me over to youth services where i kno i will be made to see some one..this is just hard for me to process that i got myself into this mess...and i want out and this will get me out b4 i got in to deep...im srry plz forgive me

1. Stop Digging.

[Daniel]

2. Look Up!

[Daniel]

3. Do whatever is necessary to get out.

[Jennifer5]

All dew respect, I think we're ready to move past the tough love stage.

If you want to help, do the research. I have to go to bed, but would be delighted if there were a bunch of links here in the morning of places near by that he could go to to talk.

Do we have any forum members in Alabama already?

Stephen we are here for you! I think it would be really good to have someone you could talk to in person though.

[Daniel]

All dew respect, I think we're ready to move past the tough love stage.

If you want to help, do the research. I have to go to bed, but would be delighted if there were a bunch of links here in the morning of places near by that he could go to to talk.

Do we have any forum members in Alabama already?

Stephen we are here for you! I think it would be really good to have someone you could talk to in person though.

Dear Jen- Mr. Stevejones reports that he is talking to people on Tuesday. He's also been - if I am not mistaken- offered numbers and contact info in previous threads. One hopes he has called them. Based on his own reporting, the situation is serious. I hope that the can pull himself back from bringing harm to himself and others. However, from what he says, he has some music to face. And while that is never easy, it is also necessary.

At this point, he may need more than numbers- perhaps something on the order of an intervention. Unfortunately, this is not something this forum can provide.

[pnggrad79]

ok everyone can quit gettin so pissy...i told yall i wasnt on anything that night i dont drive while i am on stuff...so calm down ive done it mayb 3 times so calm down...im not addicted and i dont like being cussed at...you can handle this in a more mature while..pissin me off wouldnt help me just make it worse...I kno what i did was wrong but I WAS NOT ON ANYTHING THE NITE I PULLED OVER MY LAWYER TOLD ME I SHOULD NOT OF GOT A WRECKLESS DRIVIN TICKET BUT A IMPROPER LANE USE

I think if you were pulled over for reckless driving, the cops must have had access to your records or something and saw that you got a ticket before. They do crap like that. If you say you drive sober, good for you, but you don't need to get mixed up with pills. At some point in time, if you keep up with the pill taking, it will spill over into your driving and at that point, you won't be in a position to stop. Stop now before it gets out of control. Otherwise, you not only hurt yourself, those you love but you may end up paying for the rest of your life in prison for driving under the influence and hurting someone else.

The pills are a no win situation, and while you still have a choice, get rid of them. They are not a solution and not a quick fix. They will ruin your life before you know it. Don't mean to be pissy, as you say, I am just concerned about you. As is everyone here. Watch a few Intervention shows and maybe that will drive home the fact that everyone is telling you. Get off the pills, dude.

[stevejones]

hey jenn cold water is a baptist church i have been there..it dont say it in the name but they preach the baptist denomination

[Matt Algren]

i go to that church because the pastors family has been more like family to me then my own they wouldnt agree with what i do but they would still love me and accept me..the nazarene church does not turn away anyone who wants to step through the front doors but they do not accept homosexuality as being ok they believe it as a sin and they want u in the church but they pray u would change ur lifestyles...
One step in the process of growing up is letting go of the romantic ideal you've built. You say that the pastor's family is more like family, but then say that they would think you're "sick and disgusting". You say that the Nazarene church you go to is teh awesome with welcoming people, but then you talk about them praying about lifestyles. That's not welcoming, it's damaging. They are harming you, actively so.

What I'm saying is that before you finally move away from this church and these people, you have to accept them for who they are, flaws and all, and you should at least consider challenging them to be better. That might hurt, but it's a necessary step in becoming a fully cooked adult.

[Jennifer5]

Dear Jen- Mr. Stevejones reports that he is talking to people on Tuesday. He's also been - if I am not mistaken- offered numbers and contact info in previous threads. One hopes he has called them. Based on his own reporting, the situation is serious. I hope that the can pull himself back from bringing harm to himself and others. However, from what he says, he has some music to face. And while that is never easy, it is also necessary.

At this point, he may need more than numbers- perhaps something on the order of an intervention. Unfortunately, this is not something this forum can provide.
I hear what you're saying.

hey jenn cold water is a baptist church i have been there..it dont say it in the name but they preach the baptist denomination
Alright, from what I can see from searching for a church in your area, that may not be an option then. Can you think of a gay-friendly church near by? Perhaps something that you know of because of your church, school, or friends? Even if it has come up in a negative way?

One step in the process of growing up is letting go of the romantic ideal you've built. You say that the pastor's family is more like family, but then say that they would think you're "sick and disgusting". You say that the Nazarene church you go to is teh awesome with welcoming people, but then you talk about them praying about lifestyles. That's not welcoming, it's damaging. They are harming you, actively so.

What I'm saying is that before you finally move away from this church and these people, you have to accept them for who they are, flaws and all, and you should at least consider challenging them to be better. That might hurt, but it's a necessary step in becoming a fully cooked adult.

Matt, you know that it's not that simple! You can't just let go of people that you care for like that. He still cares about the friendship clearly.


Steve, what I'd like to know from you is; What do you want? What are you looking for from us?

I want to help, but I'm not getting the impression that you want to be helped. What are you looking for? You have to give us something.

[Gregory_de_Bois]

Steve,

I don't know if this is of any help to you, but I'm going to give it to you. The Episcopal Church is almost always, with some exceptions, a welcoming place where GLBT persons are accepted. I found this church that is in Andalusia, Alabama, and I hope that it will be helpful. St. Mary's Episcopal Church: http://www.stmarysandalusia.org/index.cfm

I advise you to listen to what everyone else has said; these people care for you, even if you are somewhat of a stranger to us. May you be blessed!

[Gregory_de_Bois]

Note: I have requested information from St. Mary's in Andalusia to see if they are gay-friendly.

[stevejones]

I know where that church is and idk if they r or not they might be..let me kno what u find out..THANKS!

[andrewlittle]

When I was 17 I had the world by the ass. I knew everything I needed to know, and it was the rest of the world that was f'd up.

Every time for a whole year that the police had stopped my car I had been clean, and yet they tore my car apart anyway (back in the 70's they had more latitude). With no proof, my mom got a drug counselor to come talk to me. I chewed him up one side and then down the other. I knew what I was doing and I was doing just fine.

Then I ate one too many black beauties (speed), overdosed and had a heart attack - yes, at 17. I knew I was self-medicating for all the shit in my childhood - I knew I had a right to do it, because no-one understood how f'd up I was from the beatings and torture. I wanted to be numb, and I had a right to as long as I didn't hurt anyone. No-one could tell me otherwise, but many tried.

By 26, hooked on heroin and still doing speed, qualudes and drinking like a fish, I still had that right - right up till I had my sixth overdose and second heart attack. I had that right right up to when I was 30 and overdoses yet again, this time totalling my car and wiping out my knees.

Now, when I am a 54 year old man who walks with pain and with a body of a 75 year old, I know what everybody was doing when they told me I was a fucking idiot. They were loving me and trying to get me to see that there was a much better way to get help - a way that loved myself instead of punishing myself for being so damn different than everyone else.

So, go ahead, get pissy. But, let me tell you, I'm a lucky one. I have 27 dead friends who overdosed and didn't make it. I have all of their pictures. I was the only one addicted to heroin, but I lived - if you call this living, which sometimes I don't. Only one was on anything harder than prescription meds, but they fucking killed themselves.

So, Steve, if you don't want to die young, clean up your fucking act and get help before you end up like me - a 54 year old man with a really screwed up body, who occasionally wishes I had died young because the physical pain is just a little to much to deal with when you can't take any thing addicting.

Now, if you do want to die young, just keep up what you're doing - if it doesn't happen from drugs it will be by "suicide by cop" since they already have your number.

Damn, young man, you have so much to live for - actually try living into it.

[Gregory_de_Bois]

When I was 17 I had the world by the ass. I knew everything I needed to know, and it was the rest of the world that was f'd up.

Every time for a whole year that the police had stopped my car I had been clean, and yet they tore my car apart anyway (back in the 70's they had more latitude). With no proof, my mom got a drug counselor to come talk to me. I chewed him up one side and then down the other. I knew what I was doing and I was doing just fine.

Then I ate one too many black beauties (speed), overdosed and had a heart attack - yes, at 17. I knew I was self-medicating for all the shit in my childhood - I knew I had a right to do it, because no-one understood how f'd up I was from the beatings and torture. I wanted to be numb, and I had a right to as long as I didn't hurt anyone. No-one could tell me otherwise, but many tried.

By 26, hooked on heroin and still doing speed, qualudes and drinking like a fish, I still had that right - right up till I had my sixth overdose and second heart attack. I had that right right up to when I was 30 and overdoses yet again, this time totalling my car and wiping out my knees.

Now, when I am a 54 year old man who walks with pain and with a body of a 75 year old, I know what everybody was doing when they told me I was a fucking idiot. They were loving me and trying to get me to see that there was a much better way to get help - a way that loved myself instead of punishing myself for being so damn different than everyone else.

So, go ahead, get pissy. But, let me tell you, I'm a lucky one. I have 27 dead friends who overdosed and didn't make it. I have all of their pictures. I was the only one addicted to heroin, but I lived - if you call this living, which sometimes I don't. Only one was on anything harder than prescription meds, but they fucking killed themselves.

So, Steve, if you don't want to die young, clean up your fucking act and get help before you end up like me - a 54 year old man with a really screwed up body, who occasionally wishes I had died young because the physical pain is just a little to much to deal with when you can't take any thing addicting.

Now, if you do want to die young, just keep up what you're doing - if it doesn't happen from drugs it will be by "suicide by cop" since they already have your number.

Damn, young man, you have so much to live for - actually try living into it.

Steven, listen to this guy. He is one hell of a helper. I know he has been for me. I haven't heard from the church yet. I hope they respond.