It gets better....right???

[trulyme212]

I haven't been around much lately but im trying to keep up with eveything.

Things have been REALLY crazy.

Two weeks ago my girlfriend and I were outted HARD-CORE on campus from someone we really didn't expect. When it finally got back around to us more people knew then we were ready to handle.

This is the first time being in a relationship with another girl for both of us and half the time we are still learning about how we are going to react to things let alone worry about how other people are.

Well we worked things out for ourselves and this group of people just in time for it to happen again with a whole new group of people. This time there was alcohol involved and it was done in a very mean way....not that the first time was nice we just didn't feel like it was as mean.

Well again....we picked ourselves up and moved on....now almost everyday either one of us is asked or at least get an odd look from one person or another. I wasn't ready for this but I suppose it was bound to happen sometime....

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me it gets easier.....and if you have any helpful tips of coping I'm all ears.....

I admire and look up to many of you and how comfortable you are with who you are.....I am happy and I love my girlfriend more then I ever thought I could.....surely no one ever told me this would be easy....but right now its a little harder then I thought....


thanks for listening

[Mia14]

I swear it gets easier. It's not that they will get less persistent or rude, but you will get stronger and this will matter less. It still hurts - I'm not sure it ever won't - but a little bit less each time.

I keep trying to remind myself of that soulforce credo about our adversaries. It's one of the hardest parts of soulforce for me to work with, but I'm working on it and sometimes it helps with things. I'll admit that sometimes I read through it and have a hard time caring about people who seem so..grrr :mad: ... but sometimes it does help. :sigh:

It's worth it. Yes it's hard and YES, IT SUCKS MAJORLY, but it wouldn't be any other way. How could you look at yourself in the mirror any other way, without being true to what you feel? It's hard, but there's no other way yet.

I think every once in a while, there's still a thing here and there that gets underneath your skin, the skin you thought was getting tough enough to withstand it :sick:, and then you kind of fall back a bit and reevaluate what happened.

I'm starting to ramble now, but please :pray: don't for a second think it's not worth it. Think of her when it gets tough and have each other. If you need to, call me anytime - you either have my number or can get it from a mutual friend. I'll help however I can. I have my struggles, too, but we're not in this alone.:love: :love: :love:

[Rick336]

I came out of the closet in 1974 when I was 22 years old.

I basically told everybody that knew me that I was gay. I just refused to hide. I told my family, my relatives, my co-workers, my friends and my neighbors. I didn't run out and hollar..."Hey, I'm gay!" But through conversations with them, that part of my life would eventually come up. My realtionship with them was a little awkward at first, but as the years passed it got much easier.

Now, 32 years later, it's old news. Few even think twice about it. I think that after so many years of them dealing with me as a real person that they just got used to it and it's not an issue now. I guess they figured that since I wasn't a threat to them, then there was no reason to be afraid of me. So my relationship with all of them now is good.

I've taken my partner to family reunions, family weddings, parties at work, and last summer I took a same-sex date to my high school reunion.

One thing is, I never talk about my sex life to my family, relatives, or straight friends. What I do behind closed doors is my business. I figure none of them want to hear about it anyway. Besides, it's a mutal thing. I sure don't want to hear any details about their sex lives.

So the answer is YES, it definitely gets easier. When people see that you respect yourself then they will respect you too. They might not always agree with you, but they will respect you. At least that's my experience.

Rick

[pnggrad79]

Once you get over the shock of being outted, you will find that not being in the closet and living with that kind of fear is actually kind of liberating and you will enjoy being free and honest. Good luck to you and your GF. Make every effort to stick close together, because there is too much out there trying to tear us apart as a community.:)

[keltic63]

Once you get over the shock of being outted, you will find that not being in the closet and living with that kind of fear is actually kind of liberating and you will enjoy being free and honest. Good luck to you and your GF. Make every effort to stick close together, because there is too much out there trying to tear us apart as a community.:)

in the days after I was outted, I felt so strange, somewhat in a haze, but mostly thinking "so this is what it's like to be normal?" yes, it does get better!

[Zerbie]

Omigosh! I'm so sorry to hear about those gossipy nitpicky little people making you uncomfortable! Fwiw, try not to let them. Sometimes we're in a fragile mood or something and things get to us, but for the most part, don't invest your emotions in the actions/reactions of others.

Sounds like dreadful timing, this being outted thing, just as you are discovering yourself and your new relationship. Sorry to hear about it. But you will survive it all just fine.

:love:

[Vanessa White]

I will echo totally what all have said so far, IT DOES GET BETTER, SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What I found is that, the more I was out, and stayed out, the better I started to feel about myself. There is definite freeing, that feeling was there. Also, a feeling of total validation to yourself, of being who you are meant to be and letting it shine. I think being so out now to family, friends, and now coworkers and students whom I work with, is it allows us to be ourselves in any situation. I agree, no personal data for anyone because it isn't all of who I am. But, I embrace my lesbian identity as being an integral, essential part of myself. THere will always be those that seem like they want to ridicule us with the discovery of the information that we are gay or lesbian, bisexual or transgendered. It says more about how they feel about themselves than how they feel about us. Also, remember that it becomes way too easy to not stay together, I think especially as LGBT persons. Hang close with your girl, offer a lot of support to one another, and make sure you communicate fully and honestly. I will pray for and support the two of you..... PEace always, Vanessa :love: :pray:

[awediot]

dittoottiddittoottid all over. Wise words from all...
Seems to me, the only damnable, tenacious reason to remain in the closet, is due to the people with power over you, who may enjoy using their phobias against you... Sad fact of life... but luckily they are relatively rare. A catch 22 many experience as they come out, is discovering that most people are at worst tolerant gossips, and then the realization that you may not have been "passing" as well as you thought...

My first reply to the ever put off, choked out and muffled declaration, "Lisa, I'm gay," was a resounding "Duuuhhh!" Apparently I was the only one not talking about it. I was not ready for that, but knew it to be true in the back of my pot fogged brain... It does get better, BUT... as comfy and secure as I have gotten...

...this Christmas my sister visited and we went to the local liquor store for sacramental wine (:shifty: ). I had a (regular) customer/clerk recognition with one of the guys behind the counter, and as my sis and I approached, he razzed me about my 'girlfriend'. We laughed, I said something about the difficulty getting over the sibling thing, and she chimed in, "not to mention the gay thing."................pause, pause, pause... The g,uh, 'kay look on his face was only topped by hers. It is amazing to see things literally dawn on people... She had no idea what she had just done (which was really nothing as far as I was concerned, but she didn't know that). The sale finished pretty awkwardly, and I made no effort to ease their discomfort... She felt HORRIBLE and apologized profusely for a couple of days. I jokingly hassled her about turning into our mom, grandiose mouth and all, and expressed that I really really didn't care. I actually found it kind of refreshing that she was comfortable enough to be glib about it and not, at that moment, have to think twice... The clerk didn't stalk me for either reason he could have, and life goes on...

Guess the point being, it is strange how just being what I am, and having it fade into but a part of me, can still suddenly, unexpectedly cause hearts to skip a beat, and foundations beneath strangers and family alike, to slip a little bit... Just wait until you are comfortable enough to play with people, and tease them with their own ignorance;) . After awhile, you can become the one doling out the rope... (the rope of love and compassion, of course). I thank God I am different...

[keltic63]

I thank God I am different...


difficult? at times. exciting? always! would I change it? not now!!!!!!

[tdogg]

Trulyme,

Everything that everyone said is all true. It will get better. It will get easier. And when you are laying in your girl's arms, you will know that is doesn't matter who knows and who thinks what. Things worth having are things worth going through some pain for. You have friends here so don't hesitate to use our shoulders. :love:

Keltic says it best - I wouldn't change anything either! :rainbow:

[Montanna]

What great responses. I agree totally. Hang in there. We have been around as long as the human race. We have a history, a long history. Sometimes it helps to connect with that history. There have been times when I have encountered a situation where my orientation becomes a topic of discussion in a public forum (party or). People wait to see how you will respond. They will take a cue from your response. If they see that you are not ashamed it can actually alter their perception of you. I thought that once everyone knew I was a lesbian, I could just be. But, actually, there always seems to be new people that will "find out". We get better at our responses to those. Be the best person you can be. Those who condem you can't stand that. Protect yourself and your relationship. Both are precious!

[sbonser04]

It definately gets better.....As much as its a new thing for you, its also a new thing for your friends too and other people who don't know.....and i dont know you, but if you identified as straight in the past then the people who are aware of that probably are a little surprised at first....i'm guessing you are in college b/c you mentioned about campus, does your school have a GLBT club, if they do go to that for some support....

last year and this year i was outted by the same girl to different people...the first time she did it she introduced myself and 2 other people as "these are the lesbians" i really wanted to slap her, but i didn't and just smiled and said hello. the 2nd time she did it i was watching a movie w/ her and a few other people and she said something to the tune of "i'm not gay, but she is" and pointed to me. so i politely pulled her to the side and told her that if she valued her fingers and arms she would never out me again....i'm really not a violent person, but.....

it also gets easier telling people, when i started school last year, i was hesitant to be like, yeah i have a gf.......but now i'm just like i like girls whatever....and i don't bluntly say it if the question is asked " do u have a bf" i'm just like nope and continue to say i don't like boys....

if you ever need someone to talk to, just msg me on here or aim b/c i have my sn up on this

[Jennifer5]

:love: Hang in there. Things will get better
I think you've gotten more out of everyone else than I could ever begin to offer..... Have you ever heard the song 'Lean on Me'? if you haven't it's a good one. Remember you're not alone, you have your girl.. and you have all of us. We're all here for you... hang in there!:love:

[Daniel]

Yes....it definitely does get better...I can say that for sure. It also depends on where you are in you life. There are times when I 'get' that the person I am talking to asumes that I am straight and I have to decide right then and there what I'm going to do about it.

But I believe there is a gift in such moments- those kind of moments when you have to put on your gear and go up to bat- over and over and over again- in small and occasionally big ways.

It's in such moments that we are called into Being.