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Adam42
03-01-2009, 11:38 PM
Hi, my name is Adam!

It has been such a treat this last week to discover these community forums and find people with a balance of critical perspective and optimism, worldly wisdom and spirit about queer issues, the church, politics, love and life. I thought I would join and chime in from time to time.

I am a college student, soon to graduate, with some confusion about what I should be doing now (if you have ideas, let me know!). I come from an East coast liberal background, went to a relatively queer friendly high school, but got involved in evangelical Christian groups when I came to college. I didn't grow up in the church per se (actually, if anything I grew up Quaker, any Friends in the house?), but I had been exploring the Bible and decided that Sunday school at a local church was the best place to learn about it. I loved worship, prayer, Bible study. I had moments of great joy. But I felt like I was missing something. I threw myself into even more involvement with my fellowships, and joined a group of students who were praying for revival. I ended up meeting some Charismatic Christians who believed that homosexuality and abortion were spiritual attacks on the nation and were praying for miraculous deliverance from all sorts of demons. This was very different from anything I had experienced before. I had had some same-sex experiences, but had been told that it was probably a phase. I felt like that phase was over, and talked about it to some of my new friends. I was a bit of an ex-gay poster boy for them. I felt like I was fulfilling part of my calling.

Then I ended up in a job on an off-term, and came to terms with my sexuality with the help of an older person in my office. I realized that I had been feeling like I was missing something in my life because I hadn't tapped in to the deep energy of my sexuality and had tried to numb out those feelings in my life. Prayer had stopped working, and I finally realized that I needed to embrace my sexuality fully. It was a struggle though, because I had developed a kind of ex-gay story and felt like I was breaking my commitment to church and to my closest friends. In the last year I have learned many wonderful things about myself and truth and beauty, and have a new lease on life thanks to support from many quarters and a wonderful queer community.

I am really interested in how those lessons can be translated into larger movements of justice work, and applied to different kinds of injustice. I have worked with diversity training programs, and am trying to uncover the ways in which privilege can be couched in religious/spiritual and political discourse. I study Russian here and have looked into Soviet and post-Soviet moral discourse and the role of the church in a post-atheist country. I am also very interested, of course, in these issues in our own country. I am trying to learn from and network with people seeking truth and justice in all walks of life.

I am also part of a modern dance ensemble. I dance every day and I love it!

Sometimes I put my thoughts and experiences on my blog:
http://bogabard.blogspot.com


I can't wait to get to know you all more! I really have enjoyed reading through these forums.

-Adam

Alecto
03-02-2009, 10:59 AM
Welcome! I was raised Catholic, and I now have...some weird, scattered, eclectic spiritual views more than a religion. If I were going to go the Christian route, though, I'd totally go Quaker cause the more I find out about them, the more awesome they are.

Zerbie
03-02-2009, 11:08 AM
Welcome, Adam!

What a great introduction! Curious: what school do you go to?

Regarding what you should do -- what fields do you find interesting? How would you like to spend your days (or nights.) There must be a great many opportunities for you. . . figure out which things you might most like to do with your time.

I love dancing! Wish I more talented for it. :p

Gennee
03-02-2009, 02:29 PM
Welcome to te site, Adam :wave:. You have a varied life and have numerous interests. I have a numer of interests. I have decided to do the things I actually enjoy. I really look forward to more postings from you.

I looked at your blog and like it. May I bookmark it?

Gennee


:love:

BenL
03-02-2009, 02:43 PM
Hi, Adam. Welcome from another New Englander. I'm in the Worcester MA area. I'm currently reading Gene Robinson's book, In the Eye of the storm: swept to the center by God. It's very good. He's the Episcopal bishop of New Hampshire and his election as bishop has sparked controversy throughout the Anglican Communion because he is an out and partnered gay man. I recommend it.

Adam42
03-02-2009, 09:49 PM
I go to school at Dartmouth in New Hampshire, so I have actually met Gene Robinson several times. (his partner Mark drives him to many of his speaking venues and makes sure he stays on schedule with all of the people who want to talk to him, it's adorable!) I have his book, too, and have read part of it.
evenings I have off I like to have dinner parties...

and sure, bookmark away Gennee! Can I link to your blog? I'll try to get some new posts up once I get through finals.

antiochian
03-03-2009, 01:12 AM
Hi Adam, welcome! You sound like you've got a lot going for you, and I imagine you will find your calling soon enough. As one nearing the end of my own undergrad studies (hope to graduate next year), I can relate to the pressure of not knowing for certain what comes next (you may also have the advantage of being a bit younger; I returned to college in my late twenties, so the pressure's on to find a "real" job and get my ducks in a row. :)

Great to hear that you were able to embrace yourself and break free of religious heterosexist indoctrination. It can be really hard, and most of us have been there. Best wishes!

brandonleestewart
03-04-2009, 11:03 PM
I'm with you on how great it is to find people who are going through/have gone through the struggles that you and I are currently facing. It makes it easier to realize who we are and move forward and embrace who we are, and serve God fully with honesty and integrity.

taminator
03-05-2009, 11:01 PM
I found out about Soulforce by watching the movie "Save Me." Have any of you seen it? I thought it was intersting. It's just sad that we're made to feel like we're not worthy of God's love simply because of who we choose to love. Those ex-gay ministries do more harm than good. I'm from a Baptist background. Talk about fundamental. I actually worked in the church office for two years, until I made the mistake of telling the co-pastor that I was a lesbian. He decided he was just the one to show me what a "real" man is and took it upon himself to "cure" me by sexually harrassing me. If that's the best organized religion has to offer...they can keep it! But now I belong to an affirming congregation in the United Church of Christ.

I'll check out your blog! Welcome to Soulforce, Adam :)

kennyb23
03-07-2009, 02:04 PM
Adam,

I love your post! You are a brave, intelligent and very spiritual young person. I have a hunch you are going to do very well in life, and possibly do much in the way of charity or justice work. Just my thoughts.

Anyways, speaking of "friends"... I was raised Catholic, somewhat practiced that until my mid-twenties. I went many years without attending church of any kind, partly due to the struggle with my own orientation. The past five or so years I have been attending an Episcopal church here in Cleveland. However, last summer I did try a Quaker meeting here in Cleveland. It was a silent meeting with very accepting and warm people for the most part. As a matter of fact, I knew one gay man who attended there (he use to work with my partner). I would like to go back... something so basic, spiritual and uplifting about the meeting.

I'm so happy for you in that your finding you "inner peace", or "the light within"... you and I both know repairative therapy does not work!

Peace,
Ken

brandonleestewart
03-08-2009, 08:00 PM
I found out about Soulforce by watching the movie "Save Me." Have any of you seen it? I thought it was intersting. It's just sad that we're made to feel like we're not worthy of God's love simply because of who we choose to love. Those ex-gay ministries do more harm than good. I'm from a Baptist background. Talk about fundamental. I actually worked in the church office for two years, until I made the mistake of telling the co-pastor that I was a lesbian. He decided he was just the one to show me what a "real" man is and took it upon himself to "cure" me by sexually harrassing me. If that's the best organized religion has to offer...they can keep it! But now I belong to an affirming congregation in the United Church of Christ.

I'll check out your blog! Welcome to Soulforce, Adam :)

I"m from a Baptist background as well, although I'm from an American Baptist background, and it is a bit different from being from other Baptist backgrounds because not all American Baptists are fundamentalists. Unfortunately, the church I attend is, and I haven't come out to anyone there yet, and I don't know what will happen when I do, I'd imagine it won't go well. I'm currently searching for a Welcoming and Affirming American Baptist Church in my area, and I may have found one (with the help of a fellow forum member) in a town about half-an-hour away.

Anyway, I ramble. It isn't easy to come to terms with this, and I am glad that I've found an accepting community, with people who are/have dealing with/dealt with what I'm going through.