Hello my name is Nicki!

[nickisingle]

Hi all, my name is Nicki...And I am 20 y/o I am from Uzbekistan Tashkent... and in God I trust, I love Jesus, and try always pray...
My mum, know that I am lesbian, till my 17 years. All I want, that we will be happy for me. Now she came from Alma-aty (Kazakhstan closest republic to Uzbekistan)... And I am very happy that she came...
:)
Also I have one moment in my head.... I had relations for Long time , with one girl... She is 32, beaty... she got married but divorced... and she has 2 children (boy 6 and girl 12)... I realy tasted happiest with her... But we finished our relation,few days ago... I loved her, and I think always do... But I can't believe that she will not able to be my... but I would like be with her...
One day she says me, Nicki, I am straight not lesbian, I can't show you my love in public,in hotel (we work in InterContinental Hotel together she is investor in Ministry of Foriegn Economy and I work in Travel Agency) also we says that still afraid be my woman, coz before our relations she was natural...I don't know how explain her, that I don't wanna be with another girl, coz she is God's gift to me... Herself she said that she was unhappy till I appearanced in her life, and I present her the new emotion,open her mind, - but she'd gone from me.. and I can't believe it...
She 's from Islam family, and she think that her fon't understand... But children realy love me and iether I... :confused: I am realy confused, and don't know how to be....

[nickisingle]

nobody want help? may be I am boring...and don't know what I must do~!:confused:

[BruceChris]

Your introductory post first showed up early on a Saturday morning, and I don't think that very many people have read it, yet.

I am sorry to hear that your friend is afraid to be affectionate in public places. There is a lot of fear in this world. I do not know very much about Uzbekistan at all, but I do know that almost all Moslem leaders do not accept homosexuality in men or women.

In America, the strongest laws against homosexuality were removed only 6 years ago, and yet we still cannot get married in most places. Our new president, president Obama has yet to make major changes in the laws that remain. Please be strong, and do not feel bad about yourself. God loves you.

Your use of our language is not great, but it is very easy to understand. Talk to us.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[Gennee]

Hi Nicki and welcome to Soulforce. I'm sorry about the breakup. Seems that you had a good relationship. I know that you miss the children but maybe it's best you move on. Ask God to give you guidance about this matter.

Gennee
:love::wave::pray:

[kara speltz]

Hi all, my name is Nicki...And I am 20 y/o I am from Uzbekistan Tashkent... and in God I trust, I love Jesus, and try always pray...


I LOVE THEM. AND feel lonely without Lola....and her children!

Dear Nicki: Welcome to Soulforce. Transitions can be so difficult, but at the same time they can lead to all sorts of new possibilities, we never can imagine.

Years ago, when I broke up with Carol, it felt like my life was over. I sold my house and left Boston to move out to California. Now I can look back and see that this was an important transition point for me. Trust that God will walk with you through all of this.

Hang in there.

Kara

[Jennifer5]

Welcome Nicki! The forums are not very active on Saturday.

I am very sorry to hear that you broke up with your girlfriend. I know that it is hard to imagine right now, but it will get easier. May I ask why you broke up? Have you talked to her since then the break up?

Give it some time, but listen to your heart.

I'm 18 and I have not been fortunate enough to experience that kind of loving relationship yet.

[nickisingle]

Thanks all for help.......
Why we broke up with Lola? ...I even cannot understand now, may be she cooled down to me, which day I do not hear it, she doesn't call and not send me the message... what I must add else here..., she was sraight and when I has appeared in her life... She really loved me. But it was hard for me,that I not could touch her,hug her.....on public. :(
She still doesn't call me... And.... I think it's over.........:'(:(


THANKS: Kara, Jennifer5, Gennee, and :) thanks much Bruce Chris

[Jennifer5]

Tell us more about you. Do you have hobbies? Do you have a job? I don't think any of us know anything about Uzbekistan Tashkent, do you enjoy living there?

[tymejumper]

Welcome Nicki! I am sorry that you and your girlfriend brokeup. You have come to the right place, we are a very supportive family here.

It is hard to be lesbian, and especially if you are Muslim. It is my understanding that it is considered a terrible thing to be gay when you are Muslim. She has probably not been able to get over her fear and accept herself. It is nothing you have done. It is very difficult to accept being gay and finding peace with your religion. Also, you did nothing to 'make' her a lesbian. There is no reason to think that you have made her not normal, like you said in your posts. It sounds like she may have been curious about being a lesbian and found out that it was not what she wanted, or she is just not ready to admit she is one yet. Everyones journey is different and takes a different path.

Even here in America there are people afraid of being gay and showing their affection to each other. My wife was beaten very badly for being lesbian before and now she is frightened to show affection in public to me. However, we are working on that and she is getting more comfortable. Please stay around and continue to post, so we can get to know you!

:)

[BruceChris]

And starting to post to other threads. I congratulate you, and I hope that you are starting to make some friends.

Your English is looking better, too. This could be a good place to learn more of that.

What can you tell us about the gay community in Uzbekistan? People must have to have a low visibility, and it must be hard to make a circle of friends that trust you, and who you can trust.

It would probably be useful for you to keep a long introductory discussion going in this thread, so that people can have a location to come to, to learn about you. Of course. it is always useful to post anywhere where you feel that you have something to say, so that you can have more visibility.

Please come back, and tell us more about life in Tashkent, and what you can learn about gay life, and gay people there.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[Mark54]

Nicki Jesus is all about love. He cared so much for us that He died on the cross for us. Turn to Him when times get bad and help will come from Him to you.

[tdogg]

I'm so sorry to hear that your love has left you. I'm sure Lola has her reasons, and I'm certain it's not easy to be an out gay person in your country? Maybe she was struggling within herself and not yet ready for a relationship. For whatever reason, you are hurt and having a really hard time, I know. I'm so sorry for your hurt.

Just know that in time, like Kara said you will see that another door has opened. Possibly only because a previous door was shut. People move in and out of our lives for various reasons, but our experiences with them are what make us who we are at that moment. It's hard to savor the sad moments, but in this life, it's all about the journey. So try to hold tight to the goodness, love and happiness you had with Lola, and the hope that you will have that again in your life. Having your time with her will make your future more special.

I'm glad you found us here! Yes, please do tell us more about where you are from and how it is as a gay woman there. I'm very interested to know more about you. You sound like a very loving and strong person. Welcome to the forums!! :D:love:

[nickisingle]

Hello all!!!!
Ohhh my God, what a wondefull energy I have here.... dear my FAMILY I happy that you support me.
With a big pleasure I start tell you about me...

I am Jewish, and was born in Jerusalim Israel ... on 09th March 1990, Uzbekistan - this is Islam Republic, and very ancient coutry in world.Tashkent - is 2200 y. and I live in capital of my home-town. I know, that very many people of U.S.A, Uk think that we are like Afganistan, Iran and like more coutries where there is always war. But my city located in 2nd place after Mekka... And we never had wars in coutry.. And we are not poor people, we have all chances for live good. All meals, dress - is cheap. But we have unmployment... Taxes is big, but if you have own company... Maybe thats why very many young people go abroad.

I am christian, and christened on 1996. In Uzbekistan.I believe in Jesus, and always pray.

We haven't rigid laws, as in Arab Emirates or in Mecca about religion. Yes there are very many moslems people in my country, but we have a lot of Christians, and many churches are constructed in Tashkent...

I work as PR- director, in InterContinental Hotel in Tourism industry, since 2008. Firstly I was travel - agent. All people are suprised, coz in my 19 years, not many people reach such post... But I did it myself, I haven't got rich mum, of daddy (I haven't him at all)....who can support me in my career. I graduated school and then College of Tourism Industry...
Besides my work - I am singer... I record now my own albom in House style, for our clubs, also I was master or ceremony.When I perfomanced my lyrics in clubs - I always try say each person about Love... Peace and GOD'S WORD.... Now I sing about my love to Jesus and Peace... I am famous lil bit in Uzbekistan, and 2 years ago I met problem with view of public to my orientation, coz jurnalist call directly to Radio and ask about my orientation, and I was confused lil bit... But ask RJ put down the call... Then it was hardly perfomance my music, when I always hear about = SHE LOVES WOMAN.... but people love me in Uzbekistan, and now I am a singer whom the public loves...
It's strange to say you, but in my country each Sunday has GAY party, and we have a lot of persons like me...) but, I don't contact them..... It's not my public, they are so aggressive - and I never come to this party, coz I saw only fighting beetween girls, and boys... It's awfully :(
I have friends, a lot of friends... But 3 years ago I lost my best friend... Segio, he died.... and he was addict, till he'd gone I never know it.... :( But he's a good person...
My mother knows my view to love, but she ...... try doesn't speak about this to me.... :) and I love her... she's my the most valuable person in my life... And all my life is for her! She made me a strong person))

Tashkent time is 10: 54 am. and I am at work place now.... Wanna see all your support here, and I am very happy that I found you MY FAMILY here ... It's happened by google.com ))) And I will the happiest person if you become my friends for ages.....

Now I want show you my country ...

973

This bird's view to my town, this is Tashkent... it's National Bank of Uzbekistan (bank) at the back side, and Hotel InterContinental Tashkent, it's only 1 5* hotel in Uzbekistan (it's where I work)

974

This is Friday Moslem Mosque.... It's has a good energy, and in my country moslems people are very friendly, like my country!!!

975

This is our, national food KABOB (Shashlik)... IF YOU COME TO MY COUNTRY,I MAKE IT FOR YOU SPECIALLY... becouse... I think, the real kabob can make only Uzbek person))))) yeahh... coz we know secrets...

976

It's my favorite place where I like to enjoy of natural air)))) This is our mountains


977

I wanna show you more... but it's limited... only 5 pic...

So!!!!!Waiting for you comments and talking to me... I am open for you my FAMILY!

[nickisingle]

It's all me... proffecional photo...and no!


Nice to meet you!

978

979

980

981

982

[nickisingle]

It's pitty that it's only 13 Pm in Tashkent.... but in U.S.A is 1am :(:(:(
Nobody of my family is online! :love: Save you God my friends!

[BruceChris]

From what you tell us, you have many good things happening in your life. You have an education and a good job. You understand computers, too. You could become a professional singer. You write Engilsh, and I suppose speak it too. And I will bet that you speak Russian. Knowing many languages will make you a valuable employee at your hotel.

But there is a serious problem if you become famous. Jealous people could try to bring you down by telling everyone that you are lesbian, and complaining and causing trouble. There are many famous people in my country who are gay, who will never admit it, because they are afraid of what people will do.

In America we eat kabobs, too. We call them shish-kebabs. We start out with a long steel rod, and then add meat and vegetables, one at a time, add some sauce, and then cook them.

Why the white face? Is this for wearing on stage?

It is nice to have many friends. But you have to be careful about making enemies. If you are a lesbian, some people will be afraid of you. Yes, I know, that sounds crazy, but it is true. And if they are afraid of you, they may want to hurt you.

I'll finish up here, and leave some things for other people to talk about.

Edit: I think that you are 10 hours ahead of me, in the Central Standard Time Zone. Jennifer5 reminds me that there are 4 time zones in the Continental United States. That's besides Alaska and Hawaii.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[BruceChris]

Sometimes they use different spellings. Tashkent is just south of the bigger country of Kazakhstan. You have many roads leading to your city, and a road that encircles it.

There are districts shown. Sabir Rakhimov, Unusabad, Mirzo Ulugbeck, Mirabad, and many others.

There is a place in the middle of the city where many of the streets come together, but it seems to be a park. It is not a bunch of government buildings. There seems to be a statue in the middle of the park. I suppose it's one of your country's leaders.

Clearly, your country is developed, and developing. It is not at all primitive, like Afganistan is often shown to be.

Come back, and tell us more about your life, your friends, and your people.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[tymejumper]

Your country is very beautiful! I think we need to take a vacation there to get some good food to eat. I love to try all types of food that is not American. I think you would probably get tried of any type of food you had all the time.

I think you are on a way different time frame there than we are here. It is almost 8pm now for us. I am in the Eastern US so the time is a bit different from others who post here also. It could take some time to get posts to you also, so check back often and you will see that we have posted.

Have a great day!

[nickisingle]

tymejumper Hy my friend!It will be nice, to see you and OUR FAMILY in Tashkent, and I will be glad for meeting you here....coz my country is really good, and always sunny, but we have time in winter go to mountains and ski.....:) we have thearthes where plays is made by american director.... it's wonderfull... We made everything for my family here....everything - because I can orginise it))))):) Thank you Tymejumper for you interest to me and to my country.Jesus loves you!
Bruce hellooooooo myyyyyy friend !!! Tashkent is just south of the bigger country of Kazakhstan - Not))) Kazakhstan - where my mum live...)))) :) and I live in Uzbekistan))) Tashkent- is a capital of UZB)
You are right that my country is not not at all primitive, like Afganistan....My country is in progress, this year.....everywhere there are new buildings, museums, and also UZBEKISTAN FORUM BUILDING that is looking amazinggggggggggg and it's building now...
:):):):):):):)

I've just found Toshkent on a Google Map - oooooohhh i wrote the name of my capital in Uzbek...)))) TOSH- from uzbek is stone, KENT - city... but we are sure that Tashkent built not only from stones..._:):D:D:D they say - it called thats coz we have hardworking and strong people with their natural spirits...

Why the white face? Is this for wearing on stage?
I didn't understand what about you wrote, sorry Bruce :rolleyes: can you explain me.... what does it mean
;)

Also Bruce Chris thank you for you support!!!!! I never forget your advise.. and I am always try be carefull!

WHO want to know about my country more... You can visit my site of my Travel Agency... Diamond-Tour this is it

http://www.diamond-ic.com

:))))) Where are those family's people of this site!!??????? it would be remarkable to see here more friendly people! Let's unite here!:rolleyes:

[nickisingle]

now I go home,as soon as I reach it I write more about me..... :pray: LOVE MY FAMILY

[nickisingle]

now I go home,as soon as I reach it I write more about me..... :pray: LOVE MY FAMILY

[BruceChris]

I am beginning to wonder if your introductory thread, "Hello, my name is
is beginning to have outlived it's usefulness. You will probably have to just start reading the forum threads, and posting to them. Or sending messages to individual members.

If you click on someone's name, you can then click on "Public Profile". Once you do that, you can post a public message to them on their public profile. You will pick it up quickly. (Check your profile)

I'll get back to you soon, I've got to go buy some groceries.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[nickisingle]

:(:(
Lola sayed me that she call ... but phone is silent...friends call me, and try support me... And I try don't think that our relations broke up....:( ...
I don't know... why I I have gone in cycles that I am lonely....If Jesus loves me why I am worring.... may be it's hard for me undestand - time comes and I ll have to love another woman....BUT I WANNA love Lola.... she always undestand me without any words....she always call me - and felt that something happened....something good or bad..... I try undestand her...that she 's from Islamic family.....and she didn't choose any variant in religion...and it a big fear for her... love me, i know she loves me....but she can't...
but it's more difficult to undestand - why doesn't she even want be friends with me... may be she think it will be good for me....I don't know.....I am really confused...
I remember only good moment with her....all moments were the best....what about I am saing :) even now I am smiling coz I never forget her jokes, her voice, her care, and her attentiveness.... Her children Kamilla - is wondefull girl.....she still call me and ask me when I come to her place and play games.... she likes ski....
Oneday some lady sayed me.. "When somebody says he's lonely and nobody loves him- it's mean that only one person doesn't love him" it's crazy but its true....

When I had Sergio (whom about I wrote last time... my best friend who gone to our Jesus :pray: and he is in paradise now))) I always tell him about everything..... and now... I am writing here....Soulforce like my dairy, and place where I am relaxing...
hm:::)) My thread "My name is ..." now called "My life is......" :lol: THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR SUCH SUPPORT and warm SOULFORCE! SAVE YOU GOD!!! MY FAMILY!!!:pray:

[BruceChris]

I hope that soon, you can feel better, and not be so unhappy. I hope that someday you will meet someone that you can love, who is not afraid to love you. Being young can leave a person open to being hurt in so many ways.

Someday, your life will be much better, and you will be glad to be alive. Someday, you will make some woman a wonderful wife. I hope that I will still know you then. :agree: . :weee: . :wave:

When do you sleep?

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[tdogg]

Gorgeous country Nicki and if I ever get there, will definitely take you up on your offer to make some kabobs!

[nickisingle]

:)
Ok...without any problem!!! I meet you :)

[BruceChris]

There is going to be a lot of construction work being done on the building that I am living in for the next few days. I am going to have to move most of my stuff into storage, and then move it back out when the work is done.

That means that I will not be able to be online every day, so I can't come by and chat as much as I used to. I hope that you can find people to message with. You can always leave me private messages, but I may not be able to respond right away.

I hope that you are feeling well, and I hope that your job at the hotel is going well. I see that you left a post after the place where I described my church. That was nice.

I'm going to learn how to post pictures one of these days, so that I can show you more about my world.

I see that down on General Discussions, Rick has left a message, well, a complaint that there are not enough people posting, or starting new threads. Well, things do get a little slow around here during the summer. People are outside, going on trips, or just having fun in the warm outdoors. I hope that you come by, now and then, and post, here and there. We're not a perfect Family, but all of the women who posted to this thread will still be here, now and then. Keep in touch, and I will be back, full time, in a few days.

I'll still be on line, tomorrow, to see what you've had to say.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[nickisingle]

:love::love::love: I didn't sleep 2 days .. and now I haven't got power write here... and lap top is turing off now...coz I didn't charge it...much work....I must relaxing lil bit....

Lola.... call me and say that can't live without me....:(:(:( But it's not make me happy....I sayed to her, that I adore her and love, but I ll not able be with her if she can't choose her way : LOVE or FEAR can make us be together....

may be I am upset now...and some go mad.... but It's seem to me that if I take her back she will be afraid again be my woman....

ooohhh it's really many gays people around me... but I don't wanna be with somebody some time... I tired....

now it's like black line in my life - creative crisis with albom, Lola..My friends take offence that I don't find for them time, Kamilla a daughter of Lola began worry about that I do not visit theirs place, on work a blockage full.... I have got tired simply tired...And I am not given holiday.... I strong I will consult, the life has learnt me to survive...Save me God!!! in Jesus I trust....:pray:

Have a nice day to all. Thanks you Bruce! I ll contact to you when I became that Nicki, who was lil bit possitive...

everything allright

Yours
Nicki Viner

[BruceChris]

Getting back together can be overwhelming, but please, take it slow, or your reunion could just blow up, and make everyone feel even worse. Having a good friend to talk things over with could help both of you.

Please, take care of yourself, and get enough sleep.

BC

[Jennifer5]

Nicki, your country is very pretty! I will have to spend more time looking up pictures later.


Edit: I think that you are 10 hours ahead of us. That's what Google seems to say.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris
She is 12 hours ahead of the west coast, 9 hours ahead of the east coast.



The hotel you work at is very nice, it looks like a good place to work.

I'm sorry to hear that everything is so complicated with Lola. Send me a message anytime and we can talk. :love:

[BruceChris]

Of course there are 4 time zones in the lower 48. And all that I did was ask Google how many hours that Nicki was ahead of Me.

Busted. Ya caught me.


I'm sorry to hear that everything is so complicated with Lola. Send me a message anytime and we can talk.

Jen is a woman, like you, and about your age. I think she's got a pretty good idea there.

I've taken some time to go to some of the travel links that are on your Diamond Tour website. You do have a beautiful country.

Take Care of Yourself, Bruce Chris

[Jennifer5]

Of course there are 4 time zones in the lower 48. And all that I did was ask Google how many hours that Nicki was ahead of Me.

Busted. Ya caught me.



Jen is a woman, like you, and about your age. I think she's got a pretty good idea there.

Take Care of Yourself, Bruce Chris

I wasn't trying to 'catch you' with the time zone thing, just clarify. :)

Woman, that's such a scary word. I feel like a kid. :o I'm a decent listener though and will help any way that I can. :love:

[BruceChris]

And we had shish kebabs. And potatoe salad, and hot dogs, and baked beans, and, and deviled eggs, and lots of good stuff. We are thinking of joining our churches together. Both of our churches are a bit small, and we are having trouble paying our bills.

We will be meeting with them again, in the future. This is my church:

http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showthread.php?t=1093

Nicki, and Jen, can you tell me about your churches?

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[Jennifer5]

And we had shish kebabs. And potatoe salad, and hot dogs, and baked beans, and, and deviled eggs, and lots of good stuff. We are thinking of joining our churches together. Both of our churches are a bit small, and we are having trouble paying our bills.

We will be meeting with them again, in the future. This is my church:

http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showthread.php?t=1093

Nicki, and Jen, can you tell me about your churches?

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris
I don't have a church, at this point I can't see ever wanting to be part of a church again (most of you have heard the story), I'm not a christian so I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I find sanctuary elsewhere. Your church always sounds like a very nice one though BC.:)

Do you go to a church Nicki?

[nickisingle]

I am so tired - hear everywhere - love a woman -it's a sin.... Other people sayed no Nicki God loves each trusting person......
Where is an answer? - I think the clearest love is.................................
:pray:


I don't offen go to church - But I am really like to serve church's confession, and feel the energy of God.....
I think that everybody in soulforce- trust in God....... but no))) So it's your choice....:rainbow::smurf:

.................
What about my life now - work, work work and lonless without Lola... so she's gone..... and I am..............................lost now in my mind.... I want be alone a lil bit.... :):unhappy:

[BruceChris]

Come back and talk whenever you need to. God loves you.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[nickisingle]

I am back!!!!!!!

[BruceChris]

This weekend, a construction crew came, and replaced every window in the house. My room has SIX windows, and I had to move most of my stuff down to the basement, and then back, so I've been offline. :hissy: It's been a LOT of work.

I hope that your job situation works out, or that you get another one.

This summer has been mild, so far. If it stays this way, I can just close the new windows whenever it's hot out, and stay comfortable all summer.

I hope that you're learning new things, and meeting new people. You are at a great age to do that. :agree:

Have fun this summer, Bruce Chris

[nickisingle]

Bruce, Jen and all soulforce people - I am so sorry for my absence....Ooooh
My last visited: 12-05-2009:)
Are there anybody who was keep in touch with me last year???:confused:
I hope That Ill be able to write here again,like in another forums..
Take care!
Save you God!:pray:

[tehillah05]

Hello there! Your country is very beautiful! The kabobs look amazing too!

I was reading your posts and wanted to tell you your English is very good! I am in college to learn how to teach people how to speak, write, and read English as a 2nd language (or a foreign language) and I am impressed at your writing ability! Have long have you been studying English?

I'm sorry to hear about losing the one(s) you love. I too, am in love with someone whom I cannot be with right now but I am holding out hope that someday her & I will be together.

Hope all is well with you!
;)

[nickisingle]

Hello there! Your country is very beautiful! The kabobs look amazing too!

I was reading your posts and wanted to tell you your English is very good! I am in college to learn how to teach people how to speak, write, and read English as a 2nd language (or a foreign language) and I am impressed at your writing ability! Have long have you been studying English?

I'm sorry to hear about losing the one(s) you love. I too, am in love with someone whom I cannot be with right now but I am holding out hope that someday her & I will be together.

Hope all is well with you!
;)

Hi, tehillah05
It is so magnanimous of you, to work & help people to reach in knowledge English language.
what about, how long I studied it... Long! coz learnt it independently.

Accept, also my support... When the love isn't mutual, it becomes even more difficult from everything, but know... All the time treats, it is necessary to occupy oneself, with some interesting things. for example, the medicine of pain for my heart, is my music and prayers... it helps.
Write to me on e-mail, nicki.viener@mail.ru
I am open for friendship