Afraid to let him in.

[Jennifer5]

Alright, my mom is dating this incredible guy. Well, if we leave out certain things, he seems to be incredible. He's very sweet. It's a really complicated relationship, far more than most. The things that make it complicated with make him a jerk my definition.

My mom is crazy about him. It scares me that she falls for guys so easily, she sets herself up to be hurt.

My brother and sister don't like the situation and I don't think they're willing to trust him because of it.

I think he's wonderful. My head says I should not trust him. My heart wants to let him in. I don't want to ignore either one.

I called him out on some stuff the other day and ended up feeling horrible so I apologized. I talked to him a little bit and gave him a hug. My personality says 'follow your heart'. I'm scared of letting one of her bf's in, I've only done it once before and ended up feeling hurt.

I'm afraid to let him in. Please help me. :(

[Poetic Awakening]

I'll be praying for you. I hated it when my Mom was dating anyone other than my 'dad', and I was definitely lucky to have a great dad. But it sucks when you know something isn't meshing and you're the only one who sees it. Good luck with everything!

[u-dog]

Hey Jenn!

You seem to have some very mixed emotions about this guy.

On the one hand you seem to really like him and think that he's incredible. On the other hand he sometimes acts in a way that makes you think that he's a jerk.

A voice inside says to trust him and you want to let him in .... but another voice says not to trust him.

Is the voice telling you not to let him in just a form of self protection from disappointment? Your mom has had other boyfriends and they have not worked out. You committed emotionally to the BF on at least one occasion and then your mom (or the BF) bailed out leaving you feeling abandoned. There have been a million songs on this topic all of which end with the line "I'll never fall in love again" Of course you understand that that is no way to live. Love=Risk. If you want to live you have to love and if you love you take a risk.

On the other hand ... is the voice part of your internal alarm system? the system that alerts you to real danger? Is there something about this man that actually feels unsafe to you? Are you afraid to be alone with him? Are you afraid for your mom when SHE is alone with him? If your "radar" is going off like this then it is important to take it seriously. Maybe you should talk to your siblings about their feelings and their reactions to this guy.

Good luck kiddo!

U-dog

[Jennifer5]

I'll be praying for you. I hated it when my Mom was dating anyone other than my 'dad', and I was definitely lucky to have a great dad. But it sucks when you know something isn't meshing and you're the only one who sees it. Good luck with everything!
Thank you. :love:

Hey Jenn!

You seem to have some very mixed emotions about this guy.

On the one hand you seem to really like him and think that he's incredible. On the other hand he sometimes acts in a way that makes you think that he's a jerk.

A voice inside says to trust him and you want to let him in .... but another voice says not to trust him.

Is the voice telling you not to let him in just a form of self protection from disappointment? Your mom has had other boyfriends and they have not worked out. You committed emotionally to the BF on at least one occasion and then your mom (or the BF) bailed out leaving you feeling abandoned. There have been a million songs on this topic all of which end with the line "I'll never fall in love again" Of course you understand that that is no way to live. Love=Risk. If you want to live you have to love and if you love you take a risk.
Part of is definitely fear of getting hurt when it's over! I've only ever let one of her other bfs in, I thought he was a sweet guy and then I got an email from his daughter and everything went to hell in a hand-basket. I think the only person more hurt by what happened was my mom. I don't want to repeat that, on the other hand... love=risk ;).

On the other hand ... is the voice part of your internal alarm system? the system that alerts you to real danger? Is there something about this man that actually feels unsafe to you? Are you afraid to be alone with him? Are you afraid for your mom when SHE is alone with him? If your "radar" is going off like this then it is important to take it seriously. Maybe you should talk to your siblings about their feelings and their reactions to this guy.

Good luck kiddo!

U-dog
Someone is going to get hurt emotionally when things fall apart. I'm definitely not worried about anyone being alone with him. I trust him completely on that topic. He's good to my mom and the very small chances that I've had to talk to him alone only make me want to let him in. I want time alone with him because there are so many things I wish I could ask him. Out of the siblings, I'm always the first to become attached to someone. They won't be doing that anytime soon, but they do respect that she's dating someone sweet.

The only option that I can even think of would be to ask him to not shut me out if things go south and just tell him that that's a promise I would need him to make before I could feel like I could trust him. I'm scared to do that though, I don't know if that's at all appropriate. Also, if I did get up the courage to talk to him about it, I don't know when I would get a chance to have the conversation.

Thoughts? :(

[tymejumper]

Jenn, once we are hurt, it makes it alot harder for us to open back up and give it a try again. That is why people talk so much about having baggage and trust issues. That is pretty normal actually, to guard yourself. However, be aware that you can miss out on some pretty terrific people this way also. Only you can be the judge of weather or not you open up to this person.

I get the impression also that your father was less than stellar as man in general, and this will also affect how you bond to others. Especially men. I can only tell you the same thing that I tell my children, there are good men out there, and they get a very unfair rap because others have hurt people and so they are judged on their actual genitalia, not on themsleves.

I think a real good sign has occured here, you and him had a great conversation. After you got angry with him, you and he talked and you cleared the air. If he is a good man, I am sure he will understand about your reticense to trust and give you the time you need to do so. I am sure your mom has told him of her past or he suspects about it. How he acts about this all will tell you untold amounts about his personality and trustworthiness. Do not be afraid to take your time to trust, but do so with a clean slate and judge him on his own actions, not the actions of the men before. I know this is really hard, believe me.

Also know that we are all jerks at times, this guy will be also, but if it is an actual 'opps' situation then its more forgivable than if it is an attempt to be thoughtless or whatever. Also remember, this man has his own baggage he is dealing with and he reacts according to his past hurts, mistrusts and issues.

I would also recogmend a great book called "Self Made Man". Its about a lesbian that dressed as a man and lived as one and it gives alot of great insite about them as a species.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Gennee]

Jennifer, if you don't feel comfortable about this situation it's your intuition saying that you are right. Yeah, the person may be nice but you sense there's something behind it. You can tell your mom about your feelings but it's her decision as to whether she wants to continue the relationship. I will be praying for you. :pray:

Gennee
:pray:

[Jennifer5]

Jenn, once we are hurt, it makes it alot harder for us to open back up and give it a try again. That is why people talk so much about having baggage and trust issues. That is pretty normal actually, to guard yourself. However, be aware that you can miss out on some pretty terrific people this way also. Only you can be the judge of weather or not you open up to this person.
Oie, thank you for that. At 18 I already have baggage, that's a bit unfortunate, oh well.

I get the impression also that your father was less than stellar as man in general, and this will also affect how you bond to others. Especially men. I can only tell you the same thing that I tell my children, there are good men out there, and they get a very unfair rap because others have hurt people and so they are judged on their actual genitalia, not on themsleves.
Tom (father) is not a good guy, he works right down the street and we don't ever speak. The relationship is horrible, the only contact that we do have is by obligation and it causes a lot of anxiety. I thought that I was fair to guys, but I guess it's just so personal that it's different and much harder.

I think a real good sign has occured here, you and him had a great conversation. After you got angry with him, you and he talked and you cleared the air. If he is a good man, I am sure he will understand about your reticense to trust and give you the time you need to do so. I am sure your mom has told him of her past or he suspects about it. How he acts about this all will tell you untold amounts about his personality and trustworthiness. Do not be afraid to take your time to trust, but do so with a clean slate and judge him on his own actions, not the actions of the men before. I know this is really hard, believe me.
I was really upset after I got mad at him and my mom was upset with me. I felt like it was a real break through though. He wasn't at all upset with me, in fact he said that he would have been upset too if he was in my shoes. He mentioned that the situation isn't really fair to any of us and he completely understood.

I didn't tell my mom about the conversation. I don't think she needs to know. Mostly I don't mention it because he hasn't told her either and I really admire that. I feel like it's one way to kind of test whether or not I can trust him. She told me that apparently his parents went through an ugly divorce when he was the same age I was though, which in a weird way gave me hope for a better relationship.

Also know that we are all jerks at times, this guy will be also, but if it is an actual 'opps' situation then its more forgivable than if it is an attempt to be thoughtless or whatever. Also remember, this man has his own baggage he is dealing with and he reacts according to his past hurts, mistrusts and issues. I needed to keep that in mind, you're right. :)

I would also recogmend a great book called "Self Made Man". Its about a lesbian that dressed as a man and lived as one and it gives alot of great insite about them as a species.

Good luck and keep us posted.
Sounds interesting, thank you for all of your insight.

Jennifer, if you don't feel comfortable about this situation it's your intuition saying that you are right. Yeah, the person may be nice but you sense there's something behind it. You can tell your mom about your feelings but it's her decision as to whether she wants to continue the relationship. I will be praying for you. :pray:

Gennee
:pray:
My mom definitely wants to continue the relationship. I don't feel comfortable trusting him because I'm afraid of getting hurt if things fall apart. The situation is challenging but I know most of the details which means that I have the ability to think about what's going on, instead of fearing the unknown.

[tymejumper]

Tom (father) is not a good guy, he works right down the street and we don't ever speak. The relationship is horrible, the only contact that we do have is by obligation and it causes a lot of anxiety. I thought that I was fair to guys, but I guess it's just so personal that it's different and much harder.

That is what my kids are going through. Their father does not even see them at all and has not in over 2 years. He has taken me to court to get out of paying for their medical costs. He is much more interested in his drug business and alcohol than his children. I am so sorry that you got cheated of a father as I did, and my children have. But, they have 2 loving parents now and I hope for the same for you. This type of thing weighs pretty heavy on a mothers mind, knowing that her childrens father does not hold them in his heart as she does.

I was really upset after I got mad at him and my mom was upset with me. I felt like it was a real break through though. He wasn't at all upset with me, in fact he said that he would have been upset too if he was in my shoes. He mentioned that the situation isn't really fair to any of us and he completely understood.

That is pretty big of him to admit I think, it would have proven him calous and such if he had not understood. There are good men out there.

I didn't tell my mom about the conversation. I don't think she needs to know. Mostly I don't mention it because he hasn't told her either and I really admire that. I feel like it's one way to kind of test whether or not I can trust him. She told me that apparently his parents went through an ugly divorce when he was the same age I was though, which in a weird way gave me hope for a better relationship.

I stand behind your decision not to tell your mom about your conversation. You are an adult now and you have the right to have private conversations with other adults without having to report it to someone else. I don't even expect jester to tell me everything as she is almost 18 now and has her own boundries as an adult. It probably was a test, and it's pretty expected. I would like to think that this man is realizing that you are an adult and treating you with the same respect that he wishes to be treated with and that is a good thing.

I don't think that he expects blind trust. I don't think that would be healthy if you did trust him blindly. If this man went through a divorce similar to what you have been through, he would understand what you are feeling as he felt probably much of the same things you are. He probably rmembers what he wanted to hear and needed to have to trust and is trying to give them to you. He also realizes that it will take time so I would not worry to much about trusting immediately or anything.

One of the good things about being an adult, is the fact you can stay connected to anyone you wish to. You would not need your moms permission to retain a relationship with him if it did not work out between them. You would have the right to chose who you wish to remain friends with. If you do learn to trust him and see him as a type of friend/father figure, and it does not work out for them, you still can have him as that. Family is not just by blood. It's taken me 40 years to figure it out, I hope someone else can benefit from the pain I went through.:)

[Jennifer5]

That is what my kids are going through. Their father does not even see them at all and has not in over 2 years. He has taken me to court to get out of paying for their medical costs. He is much more interested in his drug business and alcohol than his children. I am so sorry that you got cheated of a father as I did, and my children have. But, they have 2 loving parents now and I hope for the same for you. This type of thing weighs pretty heavy on a mothers mind, knowing that her childrens father does not hold them in his heart as she does.
I understand that, I think it's even harder on my mom than it is on me. She wants us to have the kind of dependable father figure in our lives. I would grab onto those relationships whenever I can, it can be scary though.

That is pretty big of him to admit I think, it would have proven him calous and such if he had not understood. There are good men out there.
I completely agree.

I stand behind your decision not to tell your mom about your conversation. You are an adult now and you have the right to have private conversations with other adults without having to report it to someone else. I don't even expect jester to tell me everything as she is almost 18 now and has her own boundries as an adult. It probably was a test, and it's pretty expected. I would like to think that this man is realizing that you are an adult and treating you with the same respect that he wishes to be treated with and that is a good thing.
That means a lot coming from you. :love:

I don't think that he expects blind trust. I don't think that would be healthy if you did trust him blindly. If this man went through a divorce similar to what you have been through, he would understand what you are feeling as he felt probably much of the same things you are. He probably rmembers what he wanted to hear and needed to have to trust and is trying to give them to you. He also realizes that it will take time so I would not worry to much about trusting immediately or anything.
I think what scares me is that I feel myself relaxing around him and I have begun to trust him. I get afraid of getting hurt, but really it's always worth it in the end.

One of the good things about being an adult, is the fact you can stay connected to anyone you wish to. You would not need your moms permission to retain a relationship with him if it did not work out between them. You would have the right to chose who you wish to remain friends with. If you do learn to trust him and see him as a type of friend/father figure, and it does not work out for them, you still can have him as that. Family is not just by blood. It's taken me 40 years to figure it out, I hope someone else can benefit from the pain I went through.:)
I agree at this point if I form a good friendship with him, there's no reason why I need to end that if the relationship between he and my mom doesn't work out.

I definitely know that family is not just by blood. Some of my closest 'family', including the guy that I think of as a dad right now, are not related by blood. You create your own family. :love:

[daveschaub]

all you got to do is follow both: the mind and the heart. if doing so confuses you the more, then follow your gut instinct. don't judge by one incident alone, and don't judge him the way others judge him. at least, give him the benefit of your doubt. good luck.

[BruceChris]

You seem to be going slow, and taking your time, but you are getting to know him more and more. That sounds like a good plan, to me. I wish you luck, kid (can I still call you that?).

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[Daniel]

Tom (father) is not a good guy, he works right down the street and we don't ever speak. The relationship is horrible, the only contact that we do have is by obligation and it causes a lot of anxiety. I thought that I was fair to guys, but I guess it's just so personal that it's different and much harder.


I was really upset after I got mad at him and my mom was upset with me. I felt like it was a real break through though. He wasn't at all upset with me, in fact he said that he would have been upset too if he was in my shoes. He mentioned that the situation isn't really fair to any of us and he completely understood.

I didn't tell my mom about the conversation. I don't think she needs to know. Mostly I don't mention it because he hasn't told her either and I really admire that. I feel like it's one way to kind of test whether or not I can trust him. She told me that apparently his parents went through an ugly divorce when he was the same age I was though, which in a weird way gave me hope for a better relationship.


My mom definitely wants to continue the relationship. I don't feel comfortable trusting him because I'm afraid of getting hurt if things fall apart. The situation is challenging but I know most of the details which means that I have the ability to think about what's going on, instead of fearing the unknown.

As I re-read your post, what I've put in bold stood out to me. It looks like you have a handle on what pulls your chain. And that's something- let me tell you. Most people don't have any idea why they react the way they do.

What's good about all this? This kind of awareness is going to help you when you start forming relationships with guys as an adult (and I mean romantic stuff): you're gonna have a good sense of what is going on. And that is really important. It means having a certain kind of insight, not only into one's own feelings, but that of other people and what they might be going through- what they are dealing with.

It's great that you had a break-through and that your mom's boyfriend didn't take what happened personally. That's really something Jen. Big stuff.

What's interesting is that your mom's boyfriend probably has gone through what you've gone through (nasty divorce). Might be interesting to talk to him about it- ask him how he dealt with things.

[Jennifer5]

You seem to be going slow, and taking your time, but you are getting to know him more and more. That sounds like a good plan, to me. I wish you luck, kid (can I still call you that?).

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris
Thank you. Of course you can still call me 'kid', I am one just not legally.

As I re-read your post, what I've put in bold stood out to me. It looks like you have a handle on what pulls your chain. And that's something- let me tell you. Most people don't have any idea why they react the way they do.

What's good about all this? This kind of awareness is going to help you when you start forming relationships with guys as an adult (and I mean romantic stuff): you're gonna have a good sense of what is going on. And that is really important. It means having a certain kind of insight, not only into one's own feelings, but that of other people and what they might be going through- what they are dealing with.

It's great that you had a break-through and that your mom's boyfriend didn't take what happened personally. That's really something Jen. Big stuff.

What's interesting is that your mom's boyfriend probably has gone through what you've gone through (nasty divorce). Might be interesting to talk to him about it- ask him how he dealt with things.
Thank you Daniel, I always find your insight incredibly helpful. You always point out that one has to find their center in order to really deal with things. It's too easy to forget what really matters.

In this case, it took a while for me to figure out why I felt the way I did. It's a little easier to pin-point when I know that it's a sensitive topic though. That little upset with him helped me to see what was wrong, I felt safe enough to call him on something and cared enough to apologize. Those are signs that I am insecure about letting him in as a father-figure.

I definitely hope that I will be able to keep this level of clarity when it comes to personal romantic relationship. I think that it's a gift to any relationship to be able to see what the real problems are.

I really hope to talk to him about his parents divorce and everything at some point. I think he probably understands how I feel about things even more than I realize.

I'll keep you all posted on what's going on. We don't see him all that much though, so things are slow at times. Hugging him means a lot to me, it was a step into a different relationship. If anyone wants the details PM me, I'm not completely against sharing them, it's just not appropriate to put them out there in the the public eye.

[Jennifer5]

I have no problem with this guy. I have made peace with him.

I'm upset with my mom though. As I talk to my uncle, I might end up being more upset with myself. More info to come, the fighting will go well into the night I think.

Add:
With my mom and I fight is never the right word, we had a good conversation though.

My uncle helped me to acknowledge a lot of important things before I talked to my mom. It allowed the focus on the important things.

I told my mom how I felt about a couple of things that hurt me tonight and let her know that I understood where she stood on everything. I told her that I was trying to work with her on everything, but it's challenging and I need time to become comfortable with the situation. We both talked about where we stood and how we felt, she's almost as scared about things as I am. I didn't go into personal details, but we both feel that there's always that scary chance that we're going to get really hurt in the end. She thanked me for having the courage to tell her how I felt. I told her that I feel that the only way to solve a problem is to talk about it, otherwise it only gets worse.

She also mentioned that I am 18 and that means that if I decided to walk out there wouldn't be anything she could do to stop me. I said, except that I would have no where to go and mostly I wouldn't want to. I said, I'm 18 you could kick me out if you wanted. She said, I don't want to, I'd never do that. I guess we were both afraid of something pulling us apart. I love my mom! :love:


The day with him was great until disagreement between my mom and I came up. I didn't have much time alone with him, but I told him that I realized it's scary for me to start trusting him. He said it's hard for everyone and we'll all just 'take it slow', I don't think he could have chosen better words.

I'm slowing able to trust him more and more. He however has made two huge gestures that say that he trusts me. He let me drive his car, which was nice. The other thing, I'm still a little shocked by though... just because it has to deal with his business.

I think today was definitely successful. We're all dealing with hard things.

[Poetic Awakening]

But progress is progress! It looks like you're learning a lot about yourself through this, too, and I must say, I commend you on all of this. It isn't easy, and never will be. But good luck, and keep your head up! ^_^

[Jennifer5]

But progress is progress! It looks like you're learning a lot about yourself through this, too, and I must say, I commend you on all of this. It isn't easy, and never will be. But good luck, and keep your head up! ^_^

With personal and family issues, the word easy never applies. Thank you for your support. :love:

[Jennifer5]

I think the conversation last night was the best thing I could have possibly done at this point in time. I called him today before he came over, I told him that he is welcome here etc. and told him that my sister and I were struggling with certain things but we're trying to work with them.

We gave the adults the house for the evening, because of an agreement that we came to with them. After he left, my mom told me that he said he is not just falling in love with her but that he's falling in love with the family. It feels amazing to hear that.

It takes time to trust someone, but I can see myself completely letting him in. I hope that that he's not too good to be true, for all of us. :love:

[u-dog]

I can see why he might fall in love with a family that includes you.;):love:

[Jennifer5]

I can see why he might fall in love with a family that includes you.;):love:
Reading this was the best way to start the day. :love:

I love you grandpa... u-dog. ;)

[BruceChris]

Just get to know this guy, a day at a time, and remember to care of yourself.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[Jennifer5]

Just get to know this guy, a day at a time, and remember to care of yourself.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris
I know, you're right. I was afraid, because now that I have really begun to welcome him and love him... if things go south I can end up as hurt as my mom. I think about it though, and it's true, love = risk. Allowing it to happen is scary, but once you're there you know that you won't regret it even if it ends painfully.

I look forward to getting to know him better and am completely grateful for the conversation that is forced me to have with my mom.

[u-dog]

Reading this was the best way to start the day. :love:

I love you grandpa... u-dog. ;)

Hey! Let's talk about this whole "Grandpa" thing !! (actually with my oldest now married I'm probably only a couple years away from that reality)

[Jennifer5]

Hey! Let's talk about this whole "Grandpa" thing !! (actually with my oldest now married I'm probably only a couple years away from that reality)

I'm pretty sure you were the first one to call yourself that? It's not meant as an insult. :) I'm closer to your boys ages than I would be to your granddaughters (if you had one). :love:

[u-dog]

I'm pretty sure you were the first one to call yourself that? It's not meant as an insult. :) I'm closer to your boys ages than I would be to your granddaughters (if you had one). :love:

I knew you were kidding and so was I! :) And don't You mean WHEN I have one? If Polly doesn't get a girl in the next generation she is going to be HARD to live with.

[Jennifer5]

I knew you were kidding and so was I! :) And don't You mean WHEN I have one? If Polly doesn't get a girl in the next generation she is going to be HARD to live with.

WHEN you get one. ;) I hope you do get a girl! :love:

[Jennifer5]

I let him in. In fact, I think we all did. Silly child that I am, I thought that was going to be the hard part.

Tonight was family game night. My mom and her bf left us with the boys and enjoyed date night though. My uncle brought up a lot of points that made me realize that what I have been having a hard time with is only a beginning.

For lack of a better word, he said he could see I was already getting jealous. I would like to deny it, but it's true.

I may have been afraid of letting him in, but I'm terrified of losing the relationship I have with my mom. The truth is, I don't want anyone to come between us. At the same time, I want her to have a good relationship.

In the interest of not posting all of my problems on here (I don't want to be a burden in anyway), I will try to refrain from posting this on here anymore.:o

[u-dog]

I may have been afraid of letting him in, but I'm terrified of losing the relationship I have with my mom. The truth is, I don't want anyone to come between us. At the same time, I want her to have a good relationship.

This is very insightful Jenn. Most of the fear that we experience in life is the fear of loss. Your fear of the new BF is a fear of losing the relationship you have with your mom. But when you think about your relationship with your mom ... all the talks ... all the jokes and laughter ... all the love ... all the sharing... is it really mutually exclusive? Can she (and you) really have only one significant relationship at a time? Of course your relationship with your Mom will change as she gets closer to BF but change can also be growth (gain rather than loss). If its a good relationship with a good person, she will grow and have more substance with which to enrich her relationship with you.

Here's another thought: How is your fear of loss inhibiting your willingness or ability to reach out and form new relationships outside your household? with <gasp> boys for instance? You and your family have drawn your wagons into a pretty tight defensive circle and your intense love for one another has kept you safe through some stormy times, but you are all older, stronger, and wiser now. Maybe its time to open the circle up and let some new folks in who can enrich your lives. Your Moms BF? Yes YOUR boyfriend (hypothetical though he may be :o) ) Yes.

In the interest of not posting all of my problems on here (I don't want to be a burden in anyway), I will try to refrain from posting this on here anymore.:o

You are not a whiner, Jenn. You post whatever problems here you want to!! :love:

[Jennifer5]

This is very insightful Jenn. Most of the fear that we experience in life is the fear of loss. Your fear of the new BF is a fear of losing the relationship you have with your mom. But when you think about your relationship with your mom ... all the talks ... all the jokes and laughter ... all the love ... all the sharing... is it really mutually exclusive? Can she (and you) really have only one significant relationship at a time? Of course your relationship with your Mom will change as she gets closer to BF but change can also be growth (gain rather than loss). If its a good relationship with a good person, she will grow and have more substance with which to enrich her relationship with you.
No, it's no exclusive. It took a long time to get that exclusive and personal part that does exist though. Being upset over things said last week was another big step in my mind, I was honest with her about how I felt and she responded perfectly.

You're right, that won't go anywhere. I have already been struggling with this though and then my 'dad' (uncle) brings up the reality of all the things that will change as the relationship grows. It doesn't make any sense, but I've been doing school from home for over a year now and helping with my mom's business part time; I love it. I love having so much time with her. I start at the CC in the fall and when her Bf asked me how I felt about that I mentioned I had mixed feelings. I want to go and at the same time, I dread going back to having separate lives and schedules again. When I said it out loud I realized how much I really enjoy being the team that we are.

You brought up an important point, I am very grateful for that. It's hard and at the same time it's exciting.

Here's another thought: How is your fear of loss inhibiting your willingness or ability to reach out and form new relationships outside your household? with <gasp> boys for instance? You and your family have drawn your wagons into a pretty tight defensive circle and your intense love for one another has kept you safe through some stormy times, but you are all older, stronger, and wiser now. Maybe its time to open the circle up and let some new folks in who can enrich your lives. Your Moms BF? Yes YOUR boyfriend (hypothetical though he may be :o) ) Yes.
Our circle has definitely been a good thing and that won't go away. We let some people into that circle, but it's rare at best. I suppose we need to let more people in. We may be older and stronger, but the challenges of life that require that kind of relationship are far from nonexistent.

I do want to let her BF in, I really like the guy. I hope that their relationship will grow to a point where it all really becomes worth the trouble. That place where it's really beyond a question, where everyone can enjoy being together without this fear that someone might walk away.

Me, a BF? I'm not against the idea. I haven't even faced it, because I haven't found anyone interested/interesting. I will be open minded to the option... at the same time, I'm picky. ;)

You are not a whiner, Jenn. You post whatever problems here you want to!! :love:
You're too sweet, I feel like a child with all of this. I'm not used to being the one that falls apart over a challenging situation, I like to be the one hold others up at the end of the day. I suppose that the only reason I can do that is because I have others who do it for me though.

[Jennifer5]

As the child, my mom doesn't hear what I've told her. She still thinks that we don't like him or something. I don't understand. It really hurts to have my 'dad' sitting here talking to my sister and I about things that we've already covered with my mom. I thought that she understood where I was coming from. I feel like I just took a step backwards regarding a new level of a relationship that I thought was reached.

This day is too bad, but it's certainly not getting better yet. :o

[Jennifer5]

I'm a complete moron with a lot of things to solve. I have been completely unfair about a lot of things. I had no idea how she felt.

I can't stop crying and feel like the biggest idiot in the world.:'(

[u-dog]

I'm a complete moron with a lot of things to solve. I have been completely unfair about a lot of things. I had no idea how she felt.

I can't stop crying and feel like the biggest idiot in the world.:'(

C'mon Jenn. You are a lot of things. A moron is not among them. What exactly happened between you and your mom? :confused:

[BruceChris]

At your age, things can go from wonderful to horrible one day, and back the next.

Namaste', Bruce Chris

[Jennifer5]

At your age, things can go from wonderful to horrible one day, and back the next.

Namaste', Bruce Chris

I know that. She called me on a lot of things, rightfully so. She was stressing over other things too which caused the blow-up. We have some things to work on... mostly I have some things to work on.

I've been thinking though... it's a good thing to be comfortable enough with someone to be able to talk about the most sensitive things. It's only with family and very close friends that you can have these fights and problems and know that it will all be better in the long run because of it.

I just hope that someone will have the balls to talk to talk to me before things blow-up in the future. I never like being called on things, but I do need to be aware of it or I cannot fix it. I do not want to be the person I was coming off as.

[Jennifer5]

I think I'm going to make this my last update on this thread; I'm getting off topic and there isn't a lot to share anymore.... or at least for while.

What started this thread was fear of something new and unknown. I'm don't know how to explain how I ended up where I am now; a mess for so many other reasons. At least a half-dozen different things have come up this week that have made me reevaluate certain views I once had. I'm going to be reevaluating for a while, I have idea where to even begin. You can email or PM me if you want to talk, but I can no longer communicate what I'm feeling.

Thank you all for your support, you helped me to overcome that which I was originally concerned about. :love: