new relationship

[turquoise]

i'm struggling with how fast to go in a new relationship. part of me wants to rush and go all the way but most of me wants to go slow, except then i get impatient that the relationship's going too slow. also i'm a christian who has had it very thoroughly had it ground in to me that you don't have sex before marriage which of course, as a lesbian in a state that does not marry gays, that is not a possibility. i came out of a bad relationship (to prove i wasn't gay) that i think if we'd attempted sex before we were married would have stopped that disaster. so i'm hesitant to get too committed without trying things out. yes, i'm confused!:confused: so what do y'all say?

[Gennee]

Pray :pray: about it. Things done in a hurry almost always turn out bad. Go slow and see how the relationship develops.

Gennee
:pray:

[zahndervan]

i'm struggling with how fast to go in a new relationship. part of me wants to rush and go all the way but most of me wants to go slow, except then i get impatient that the relationship's going too slow. also i'm a christian who has had it very thoroughly had it ground in to me that you don't have sex before marriage which of course, as a lesbian in a state that does not marry gays, that is not a possibility. i came out of a bad relationship (to prove i wasn't gay) that i think if we'd attempted sex before we were married would have stopped that disaster. so i'm hesitant to get too committed without trying things out.

I had that same problem with my first girlfriend. I guess I realized that the church put sex on this insanely high pedestal (especially for women) and that having sex before marriage is the end all be all of sins (other than being gay of course). Then I realized that the church doesn't even consider my sex real sex. I also can't get married. I decided that, for me at least, that when I felt ready to have sex that it was ok. It is different for everyone though, and you have to decide what is right for you, not what your town or church or anyone else tells you. I agree that you should pray about it. I also believe that whomever you are in a relationship with would respect you and support you in how fast you take things in the relationship. At least you deserve someone who would treat you that way.

[tymejumper]

Here is my 2 cents. I was married before and I was trying to prove I was not gay, how one goes about doing that I don't know, cause other lesbians always hit on me and other gay people always ended up being my friends!:D

I don't think that any one of us have not wanted to hurry through our first relationship when we have first come out. It is doubly bad for lesbians, in my opinion, as we are so quick to move things along and bond.

I agree that you need to slow things down, and not make sex your primary focus. It will happen eventually. Enjoy the hand holding, the kissing and the touching. Even if you never had sex with a woman you would still be gay. You do not need to be in a hurry to prove anything at all. Just take it slow and easy and when the time is right, you will know.

As for getting married, I am not religious and even I have stumbled about this. I felt married in my heart, and sex with my wife did not happen until I felt married to her.

[turquoise]

thanks for your advice - it's hard to be in love (or lust) with some one you're trying to get to know at the same time you want to do more and how to decide when the time is right. but i am going slow and getting impatient:confused: