Is it better to have loved and lost?

[tehillah05]

Hello SF family...I haven't been on here in awhile. Life has a way of tearing me away from things I enjoy such as reading posts and responding.

Unfortunately it is not with the best spirits in which I am posting today. The woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with has decided I am not the path she chose...and has gone back to her ex-partner. Granted they were together for nearly a decade and we probably should not have rushed into a relationship until she was healed and complete from that break-up but we did. She was the first person I've let inside my walls in a very long time and she touched not only my heart but my soul. Now because of the circumstances being the way they are, I have been asked to disappear (essentially) and to not contact her. So not only have I lost the woman I love, I've lost a wonderful friend of over 11 years as well. I wish I could simply turn off the emotions and feelings I have for her but I'm not wired that way. :( I am hurt and angry. I cannot tell my family...my parents are in denial - at best - that I came out. My mom still says things like "get your butt in church" thinking that it will "cure" me. Sigh...someday maybe she'll understand.

In other news, I am going back to grad school to get my Master's in Teaching English as a Second Language (TESL/ESL). That will definitly keep my mind off my emotions. Between the solar eclipse that has energies around the world a bit fouled up and the impending full moon in a couple of days I'm feeling a bit out of it.

Thanks to anyone who reads this...I miss being on here and will try to be on here more often in the future.

[tymejumper]

[COLOR="DarkGreen"]I'm so sorry that you got your heart broke. I am afraid there is nothing that anyone can say to you to make it feel better, so I am sending (((HUGS))).

I always had thought that when your heart was so broken, that you should be able to look down and see a gaping, huge hole in your chest where your heart USED TO be. It would seem that that is how it should feel and be.

Take some time to heal, mourn and move through it. I remember the pain and still have twinges myself because of my divorce. Not because I lost a marriage, but because I lost my best friend of 15 years along with the marriage.

Know that we are sisters in arms and have been there and don't foget to post if you need us to lean on.:'([/COLOR="DarkGreen"]

[Jennifer5]

I'm very sorry to hear that you have had your heart broken. :love::dove:

(((((hugs)))))

You are amongst friends here, post when ever you need a little support. :love:

[tehillah05]

Thank you ladies! Your words of support mean a lot...the pain still stings but it's getting better. I saw a quote "It's amazing when someone breaks your heart you still love them with all the pieces." That's how I feel...the tears have subsided finally...the anger is starting to set in, which is something I have to work through as opposed to internalizing it like I've done in the past. I felt your hugs cross country!! :p

Thank you again!!!!

[Daniel]

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

Well...that's one way to look at it. Loss is loss and it stings no matter what the scenario is. It really hurts. And I am sorry you are going through this right now.

Eleven years is a long time. Even in Straight years.

I hear you loud and clear about not being able to talk to family. That's hard. Putting that aside, are there others who you can count on? And what about a therapist? That can be very helpful, especially if you are left feeling that you are to blame.

What's tricky, I think, is keeping one's heart open in the midst of pain like this. It's easy to shut off. Having compassion for one's self...is the way to go. And while it's not easy, feeling your feeling fully and expressing them is the path to healing.

Glad you posted and wishing you much peace.

[tehillah05]

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

Well...that's one way to look at it. Loss is loss and it stings no matter what the scenario is. It really hurts. And I am sorry you are going through this right now.

Eleven years is a long time. Even in Straight years.

I hear you loud and clear about not being able to talk to family. That's hard. Putting that aside, are there others who you can count on? And what about a therapist? That can be very helpful, especially if you are left feeling that you are to blame.

What's tricky, I think, is keeping one's heart open in the midst of pain like this. It's easy to shut off. Having compassion for one's self...is the way to go. And while it's not easy, feeling your feeling fully and expressing them is the path to healing.

Glad you posted and wishing you much peace.


Eleven years is a long time...even in a friendship (which is what it was)...time will only tell. Thank you for your compassion and words of encouragement Daniel ;)