teribauer
08-06-2009, 11:15 PM
Hi, my name is Teri Myers. I’m a 41-year-old married (Happily most of the time) mom of 2. I‘m bisexual, and being more open than ever before in my life. My hubby Tim is very supportive. I couldn’t have asked for a better guy. But forgotten memories are resurfacing, and occasional crushes on women are becoming more serious. I want so much to let that ‘other half’ of me live more openly, and do spiritual work where I can do so. When I was younger and single, I had outlets available—but wasn’t ‘grownup’ enough to handle it. Now that I am 'grownup', seems I don’t have enough outlets. I have read ‘Stranger at the Gate’, and was both awed & overwhelmed by Mel's experiences. He did so much, I got worn out just reading! I have 2 spiritual directors, who are great, but I only see them monthly. I’m blogging on a Christian GLBT site, and asked my mom & a few others to check it out--still waiting on that. I can’t talk about female crushes with anyone but my hubby & mom. I know she’d rather I not have them, though. I’ve come to realize that, though college & high school were overall satisfying, I was lonely. I didn’t let myself feel it, just immersed myself in family get-togethers & school stuff. I wanted women to be ‘close’ to, not just as friends. I wanted to be able to share with my family, like my brothers & cousins did. I didn’t even know how to meet guys, I was so tomboyish. I buried hurt feelings when dorm-mates rejected me for being bi.
In 2002, I got a big crush on a female coworker after being friends with her a spell. When she learned (after asking me for honest answer), she told others, rumors began about what I’d wanted w/ her, and she denied our friendship. I later lost my job, partly because of it (not all, there was a business concern). We’re civil now: I’m still friends with one of her cohorts, and run into her. Other ex-cohorts are also friendly again. But looking back, I buried how angry I was that people who knew me 18 months suddenly turned on me--without knowing my side. (when they learned, some felt bad I was axed) I now get upset hearing the same tired stereotypes, how some pastors tie sexuality with morality & belief in God. I’ve so had it with that. My cousin & her husband are straight atheists, and there’s a local MCC, so I know for a FACT sexuality is unrelated to belief. IMO, the only ‘moral’ tie to sexuality is how you use it. Stereotypes re promiscuity, porn, drugs, irresponsibility can sadly be applied to ANYONE—but no one says ‘see the straight lifestyle?’ That would be just as ludicrous as applying it to all GLBTs. I love my hubby & kids, but I’m lonely for affiliation with fellow spiritual GLBTs. Esp attractive women whom I yearn to touch & be around. I’m part of the local Dignity, but they just have 2 monthly meetings; the few women members are straight supporters. I like that, but I need more women like me. When I was on Dignity National Board 2005-07, I couldn’t share the experience w/ relatives. The biggest material achievement in my life, and I had to hide it! I need spiritual GLBTs to ‘hobnob’ with. MCC has a great pastor I share with, but it’s new to the area, and has few activities. I’m also in love with a young actress I got acquainted with last year, but can’t talk about it except to Tim. ( I’m sure my mom knows) I must mask my real feelings for her when I mention meeting her. Nothing physical can happen of course—though I do fantasize. The more frustrating thing is that, even if I were single, I couldn’t relish how alive the feelings make me feel. And how seeing her picture & smile warms my heart.
Well, I know this was a long rant, but I love to write; and need to tell my story/experience. Been silent too long--and being part of an old-line Catholic parish, I can never be fully open. I've worked hard about 5 years trying to integrate faith & sexuality. Just putting all this down is a help. I was interested in Soulforce when I read of it. Thanks for listening.
Teri
In 2002, I got a big crush on a female coworker after being friends with her a spell. When she learned (after asking me for honest answer), she told others, rumors began about what I’d wanted w/ her, and she denied our friendship. I later lost my job, partly because of it (not all, there was a business concern). We’re civil now: I’m still friends with one of her cohorts, and run into her. Other ex-cohorts are also friendly again. But looking back, I buried how angry I was that people who knew me 18 months suddenly turned on me--without knowing my side. (when they learned, some felt bad I was axed) I now get upset hearing the same tired stereotypes, how some pastors tie sexuality with morality & belief in God. I’ve so had it with that. My cousin & her husband are straight atheists, and there’s a local MCC, so I know for a FACT sexuality is unrelated to belief. IMO, the only ‘moral’ tie to sexuality is how you use it. Stereotypes re promiscuity, porn, drugs, irresponsibility can sadly be applied to ANYONE—but no one says ‘see the straight lifestyle?’ That would be just as ludicrous as applying it to all GLBTs. I love my hubby & kids, but I’m lonely for affiliation with fellow spiritual GLBTs. Esp attractive women whom I yearn to touch & be around. I’m part of the local Dignity, but they just have 2 monthly meetings; the few women members are straight supporters. I like that, but I need more women like me. When I was on Dignity National Board 2005-07, I couldn’t share the experience w/ relatives. The biggest material achievement in my life, and I had to hide it! I need spiritual GLBTs to ‘hobnob’ with. MCC has a great pastor I share with, but it’s new to the area, and has few activities. I’m also in love with a young actress I got acquainted with last year, but can’t talk about it except to Tim. ( I’m sure my mom knows) I must mask my real feelings for her when I mention meeting her. Nothing physical can happen of course—though I do fantasize. The more frustrating thing is that, even if I were single, I couldn’t relish how alive the feelings make me feel. And how seeing her picture & smile warms my heart.
Well, I know this was a long rant, but I love to write; and need to tell my story/experience. Been silent too long--and being part of an old-line Catholic parish, I can never be fully open. I've worked hard about 5 years trying to integrate faith & sexuality. Just putting all this down is a help. I was interested in Soulforce when I read of it. Thanks for listening.
Teri