View Full Version : Just a little venting....
11-09-2009, 02:33 PM
So...after almost 7 years of knowing my partner, 4 years of us being best friends, and almost 2 years of us being in a committed relationship, I finally came out to my parents letting them know that my partner and I are planning a wedding. So now, my superficial religious parents believe that I have been "ruined" by my partner - that she is only out to "use me" and that I have gone off the deep end. I'm mostly angry about the fact that my family members continue to lay blame on my partner for changing me...when I have been the same person all along. I've never been girly, I've never enjoyed girly activities and I never will. I've dated guys, but it never worked out. I've had friends but they all had hidden agendas, or just plainly didn't care about me as much as I did them (just as friends). And now I finally have my soulmate by my side, am going back to church and am working as hard as I can and they still don't see that I am happier than ever before. I feel like there will be some type of surprise intervention staged to try to get me to see that my partner is somehow "evil" and using me for my "money". It's so unfair to her and I don't know what to do at this point. My mother asked me if I believe in God and wasn't I raised in the church, blah blah blah --- and I can tell that she is upset. My dad asked me why did I upset her and that she said I said something "disturbing". I basically said that we are planning a wedding and if you can't come and support 100% then I don't expect you be there.
Now I am frankly scared to go back to my parents' house because I know they will try to use that time to "convert me". I don't want to bother with all that, but the major problem is now the holidays are creeping up. Somehow I always end up being the bad guy.
11-14-2009, 10:08 PM
Sorry to hear of the difficulties with your parents. I don't really have any advice to give. You probably know of MaryLou Waller of TEACH ministries. This brings to mind her comments that she was so stuck in her anti-gay belief system that she could not possibly accept that her daughter's orientation was a good thing. She said she just could not bring herself to believe any differently than she had always been taught. Sadly in her case it was her daughter's suicide that finally changed her mind.
All I can say is be positive and stand up for your partner. Make and open invitation to the wedding and let your parents make the decision. Just say this is how it is; we would love to have you a part of our lives. Let it be their decision, so that if they choose to be unyielding and uncooperative, they will have to accept the consequences.
I would be hesitant as you are to face my parents in that situation. I will say a prayer for your strength and your parents acceptance.
Tu Amigo, Pablo
11-14-2009, 11:51 PM
Sorry I got here so late after your posting.
Pablo has said it very well.
It's hard to face that one's parents aren't going to share in your wedding joy. I've been to weddings when parents didn't show up, or only one of them, or a sibling.
It's really gut wrenching emotional stuff.
Not one member of my family chose to attend the wedding my husband and I had. It was painful and produced a lot of anger on my part. Took me a long while to get our it. And in some ways, I haven't: my family has never addressed the matter. Won't deal with it. They just won't.
Best I can say is to take care of yourself and your partner. Be committed. Have a united front with parents. Stick up for your partner. And if at all possible, respond to their aggressive attempts to control you with calmness and firmness. Families can turn around. They need time. Some don't respond. Some do.
I wish you much peace and joy.
Angel, I'm so sorry to hear of the conflict you are having with your parents. It's so very, very difficult for us to turn our backs on our families ... and so gut-wrenching when they do it to us.
One of the consolations of LGBT life is that we as a community have learned how to surround ourselves with families of choice when our families of origin no longer provide the moral and emotional support we need. Be as loving and understanding as you can, but don't back down. Turn to your partner for support. As Daniel intimated, we're in it for the long haul. It may take your parents years to come around, and the prospect that they may not at all is daunting and real.
But how could you ever even consider living without your soulmate? Just know that you're not alone. Many, if not most, of us have gone through family troubles like yours. Good luck, and don't hesitate to come back here for support.
11-15-2009, 07:27 PM
I'm so sorry.
11-16-2009, 09:23 AM
Thank you ALL for your support and kind words.
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