View Full Version : Hi, I'm Elizabeth
04-20-2010, 05:17 PM
I'm a 25-year-old queer woman who grew up Southern Baptist and now identifies as a progressive Christian, and I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years. All of this (except the "25-year-old" and "woman" parts!) is unknown to my loving, supportive, but *very* conservative parents. I hate living a double life; sometimes the fear and guilt can be overwhelming. But I'm also terrified of what my parents would say if they knew; they'd think I was brainwashed, confused, a different person, a lost soul. In the back of my mind, I know I'll have to tell them eventually, but there are so many questions I can't answer. For example, I don't identify as a lesbian, and I might end up with a man someday; I just don't know. I'm afraid this would either give them false hope or make them think my sexuality was a choice. Anyway, I'm not sure where to go from here, and I'm not sure what I'm asking from this forum. I guess I just need to put my thoughts in writing and hope that they'll be read by people who can relate . . .
04-20-2010, 05:41 PM
I suggest we start with the basics. It would probably be very nice to have a place of your own, a job, and lotsa women friends. That way, if you or your parents need some space to yourselves, nobody gets hurt, or inconvenienced even
If you live in a big city, there are PFLAGs, gay/lesbian groups & organizations, and bars, even. In more sparsely populated places, except for the internet, there may not be much. There are many online resources, most of which you can find with Google. There are 20 or 30 LGBT news sources online, and a couple of lesbian Christian places. Whosoever is one
There are lots of people here that you can talk to. Being a guy, I'm probably not one of them. But hey, you've only been here 15 min, and you've already got one answer.
Peace and Love, I'll check back later, BruceChris
04-20-2010, 07:17 PM
I sort of know how you feel about being afraid to tell your parents-not from my own parents, but my girlfriend's parents who are completely unaccepting. And I know how the double life feels because I go to a highly conservative Christian college that would most definitely kick me out if they knew I was a lesbian, so noone here knows. It isn't easy, and some days you feel about to just collapse with the weight of the burden.
BUT! There is hope, and there is a way. :) I can tell you one thing, no matter how your parents react, it feels so much better to be able to be open and honest about who you are. My parents have so many questions that I can't answer, and its difficult to try to explain things to them, but even still I'm much happier knowing that they know.
Until you feel that you are ready to tell your parents, you have plenty of online support as Bruce Chris said. It isn't the best solution, but I know from experience that it helps-to be able to completely be yourself somewhere and not worry about being judged is one of the best feelings in the world.
good luck and God bless :)
04-21-2010, 06:43 PM
Welcome to Soulforce, Elizabeth.
04-23-2010, 12:33 AM
Soulforce says that you are not accepting messages. Bummer. So I'll put my message here:
There are a lot of places and people out there that can offer you advice on coming out to your parents, but I'm not one of them. I truly wish that I were. You are very likely right in that your most important goal in your life at this time is to build/rebuild your relationship with your parents.
I would like to offer you a short insight into my life, my church, and my home town.
And I'm sure that myself, and the people here would like to hear about how your life is coming. Please post again.
Peace and Love, BruceChris
04-25-2010, 05:53 PM
Hi Elizabeth. Yes, alot of us have been there, where you are now. We can relate. I personally came out of a straight marriage, of course to a TG man, but no one knew that at the time. So, yes, some of us hide for a very very long time in an effort to appear straight, or because we are on a journey of accepting ourselves. You have come to the right place.
04-27-2010, 05:02 AM
hi everyone, thanks for your responses! I'm blessed to have a very supportive church where I live, with a strong LGBT contingent. in fact, I have so much support in my friends, coworkers, and city at large that it's easy for me to forget what a different world my parents live in. your responses (especially yours, celestial_rain) and a few conversations I've had over the past week or so have nudged me closer to telling my parents. I know they'd throw the Bible at me, and I need to learn how to respond to their claims (btw, I've seen For the Bible Tells Me So and loved it). but for now, I look for peace in what my priest recently told me (a sentiment echoed by tymejumper): we are all on a journey. we don't know when or where it will take us, but life is a journey, not a destination.
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