"Prodigal" Gay Son...

[antiochian]

I've not shied away from sharing my spiritual journey in the past. I seem to be at a crossroads again. Maybe I'm a spiritual flip-flopper... though I'd rather be considered that, if it means I'm actively searching for truth, rather than sitting on my smug behind in some pew, never having questioned, never having left the safety of my "holy bubble."

I'm considering returning to the church, after several years of inactivity and a couple years after I outright renounced it. I miss the fellowship. Though I've belonged to a circle, coven, whateveryouwannacallit, for nearly two years, our meetings tend to be irregular these days due to the personal issues of other members, and conflicted schedules. And the worship experience is at times underwhelming.

Worship. I miss liturgy. Aesthetics in worship are very important to me. That's not slamming low-church folks, but Baptist, charismatic, or garden variety Protestant services just have never appealed to me. Few churches have been able to meet my high aesthetic standards. I loved and miss the Orthodox liturgy, but the antigay theology of Orthodoxy--as well as bad memories of priests scolding me and urging my repentance of same-sex urges--makes it impossible for me to return. Likewise, Roman Catholicism is not an option to me, because I refuse to support or belong to a faith that refuses to bless the whole of me, including how I love. (I actually went to a Catholic mass last weekend, trying to keep an open mind, and no spiritual fireworks went off. I left early.)

Having said that, I could never be the kind of... I dread to say it... "Christian"... that I once was. I don't think Christ is the only way, and I surely don't think monotheism is the only way; not after glimpsing the violent history of monotheistic religions. While acknowledging the few universal truths, good advice, and beautiful passages in the Bible, I do not regard it as God's infallible word. I look at much of the OT especially, and am disgusted by what I see being marketed as "the law of God." I think 99% of that stuff was more the law of humans at that time... I'm suspicious of any and all religious "scriptures," and can only shake my head at how theologians waste lifetimes and centuries debating their meaning. I have no intention of completely giving up my current spiritual practices, no matter what. If a church can't handle the fact that I'm a gay guy who's into drumming, tarot cards, and nature veneration, well, then they can kiss off.

This is nothing certain. I'm not signing the dotted line today, nor will I be reciting the sinner's prayer, repenting of the last two years. Maybe I just need to get back on Paxil, or maybe this is a phase. These are just my musings, my feelings... where I am right now in my walk. Ironic, considering Anne Rice's very public move in the opposite direction for reasons that most if not all of us could understand. But, yes, a big part of me misses the church. I've long wondered how any self-respecting LGBT person could be part of religions like Christianity, which by and large seem to hate our homo-guts. But of course, plenty of us already are and long have been fighting for equality from within, as well as without, organized religion.

I've already contacted two local Anglican pastors by email. The Episcopal Church not only has lovely worship services, especially its parishes of Anglo-Catholic leanings, but is a place where I feel I could be accepted for who I am, sexually and theologically.

Thoughts are most welcome, as always, if you've been kind enough to read this far. Love and peace. )O(

[Daniel]

I suggest you think in terms of a 'practice', that is, a spiritual practice, one that you do daily. This could be ritual, meditation, or some endeavor that gives your grounding.

Of course you want to be in community. That seems to be the way we are built as human beings. We need and want to be with each other, share experiences- be on the journey of life together- tell our stories as it were- and be part of the story.

Whatever you decide to do, or not do or go, please remember that 'authorities', whether they are scriptural or personal, only have the power that you give them.

[kara speltz]

[

I'm considering returning to the church, after several years of inactivity and a couple years after I outright renounced it. I miss the fellowship. Though I've belonged to a circle, coven, whateveryouwannacallit, for nearly two years, our meetings tend to be irregular these days due to the personal issues of other members, and conflicted schedules. And the worship experience is at times underwhelming.

Worship. I miss liturgy. Aesthetics in worship are very important to me. That's not slamming low-church folks, but Baptist, charismatic, or garden variety Protestant services just have never appealed to me. Few churches have been able to meet my high aesthetic standards. I loved and miss the Orthodox liturgy, but the antigay theology of Orthodoxy--as well as bad memories of priests scolding me and urging my repentance of same-sex urges--makes it impossible for me to return. Likewise, Roman Catholicism is not an option to me, because I refuse to support or belong to a faith that refuses to bless the whole of me, including how I love. (I actually went to a Catholic mass last weekend, trying to keep an open mind, and no spiritual fireworks went off. I left early.)

Much to my surprise, I found myself back in the Catholic Church having been away for almost 20 years. I, too, missed liturgy and a sense of community and I was blessed to find a parish that had fabulous liturgy and was a welcoming place for LGBTs. Those of us who are liturgy buffs, rarely are satisfied in non-liturgical rituals and that is one of the things I've come to learn over the 20 years since my return to the church. I moved to the San Francisco area to join a coven and to work with Starhawk, but it just wasn't my cup of tea.

Ram Das, who is a teacher I greatly respect, says that it's not unusual for us to return to our spiritual origins. I explored all sorts of different spiritual practices during my years away from the church, and find that to have broaden my understanding of spirituality. So enjoy the experience and understand that a seeker is constantly seeking; at least that's what seems right to me.

Kara

[scott snedeker]

You needed time away. I am not anti Christ, in fact i believe Christ to be a rare human genious like Buddha.

Just like a female rape victim may be unable to trust any man at first, She later can again love a man who loves her onece the wounds have healed....and you don't have to give up your coven to attend church. You can multifacet your spirituality. Choose what is true to your heart. You may even practice some Buddhist tradition one day

[antiochian]

Appreciate the advice, as always. Wow, Kara, you met Starhawk? She seems like an awesome lady, and a strong LGBT ally. I'm jealous.

Ash, you are right. I have no intention of "dropping" my Wiccan and pagan friends, and will continue to meet with them for ritual. There are Christopagans who mix and match from both religions. If you believe in the first commandment, it may be troublesome, of course. Pagans honor a huge variety of deities from various pantheons, including Hindu deities, etc. Why could Jesus not be another god (or great teacher) in the mix? Regarding Buddhism, as much as I admire it and its practitioners who seem a rather peaceful bunch, I strongly disagree with some of its basic tenets, so I don't ever see myself going that way.

If I've learned anything, it's that what you believe is secondary to how you act. In other words, I think an atheist who works at a soup kitchen is closer to "God" than a born-again Christian who judges the hearts of others, and whose heart is full of hate.

Interestingly, the person who responded to my email to the local Anglo-Catholic church is gay, and says this church is very welcoming. I'm looking forward to Mass this Sunday.

[Rick336]

Of course you want to be in community. That seems to be the way we are built as human beings. We need and want to be with each other, share experiences- be on the journey of life together- tell our stories as it were- and be part of the story.

I agree. And internet group forums (like this one) are a part of that "community".

Whatever you decide to do, or not do or go, please remember that 'authorities', whether they are scriptural or personal, only have the power that you give them.

Great point. Advice from others can many times be a great help in getting us pointed in the direction of a happier, more fulfilling life. But always question if their advice is based on sound, logical reasoning backed up by evidence or does it come from how they "feel" about something.

"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion." - Dale Carnegie

Remember that ultimately, your own brain using logic and rational problem solving can generate all the power you need to get you where you want to go.




Rick

[kara speltz]

Appreciate the advice, as always. Wow, Kara, you met Starhawk? She seems like an awesome lady, and a strong LGBT ally. I'm jealous.



Like many writers, Starhawk's books were more interesting and challenging than she was in person. She is a very interesting and supportive person. I had really wanted to do some specific work from "Dreaming the Dark," and was disappointed in that aspect.

But, like so many other times in my life, the move to the San Francisco Bay area was to lead me in an entirely different and unexpected path. A friend of mine talks about God as a God of surprises and my life is a testimony to that! That's why I have so few moments of regret.

And while I'm now back in the church, and an out lesbian and preacher at my parish, I still practice much of the differing and divergent spiritual practices that I've studied, and am grateful for them.

I'm a firm believer, that there are no accidents and everything in our life has a purpose.

[Gennee]

There's the saying that no one ever strays too far from their roots. You've traveled some different roads and now maybe it's time to go home. There's nothing wrong with questions your faith. At times I believe that it's good because it causes us to stretch it and grow. I've done it a number of times.

Being a Christian means that I have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. It has nothing to do with what church I attend, what political affiliation I have or where I live. Sadly, there are some quarters who have hijacked the faith put Christianity down to a few man-made rules and dogma. It reminds me of the Pharisees with their strict following of tradition. Meanwhile, the people were spiritual dying of starvation.

Antiochian, you make some valid observations about the violence and abuses but that's a story that we can discuss sometime. I'm somewhat acquainted with some of it. In regards to being gay, it believe the church is now speaking to the issue and I think that is very good. I'm a transgender person and see that what some speak about these isses are wrong.

I would like to know how your visit to church goes. Lately, I 've visited some Catholic churches (I was raised a Catholic). I visit during the day to pray and meditate on spiritual things. It's not so much the church building but it's just wanting to be in God's presence.

Gennee

:pray: