Did you ever feel really lonely?

[nova27]

The last few months I've been going through a period of feeling very lonely. It doesn't matter if I'm around people or by myself. I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago, and feel like I don't really have any close connections anymore where I live. I feel like most people would barely noticed if I moved. My sister passed away last year, and my parents are older and live far away. Did you ever feel very lonely, and if so what do you do to get out of it? I feel like life is kind of hopeless at the moment. I do go to a therapist as well, and it hasn't really helped...

[Daniel]

The last few months I've been going through a period of feeling very lonely. It doesn't matter if I'm around people or by myself. I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago, and feel like I don't really have any close connections anymore where I live. I feel like most people would barely noticed if I moved. My sister passed away last year, and my parents are older and live far away. Did you ever feel very lonely, and if so what do you do to get out of it? I feel like life is kind of hopeless at the moment. I do go to a therapist as well, and it hasn't really helped...

Sorry to hear that you broke up with your girlfriend.

My own observation is that we don't 'get' out of our feelings. We learn to deal with them as they are. The teachings of Pema Chödrön have been helpful to me is this regard. I am re-reading her book The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times right now. It's good stuff. Chödrön writes about quite a few meditative techniques that might be helpful to you. All this to say: I have been learning to have compassion for my 'stuff'. And this takes practice, which is more than talk therapy can provide, though it can be, and is, quite helpful. One needs day to day, hands-on skill.

Sometimes I think loneliness is as much about accepting ourselves as we are, as it is in dealing with reaching out to others.

[Daniel]

And I forgot to say: when my 'self-talk' gets out of hand, I do feel very lonely. Doesn't matter who is there or not there in my life. Getting some 'room' around those thoughts? That's what it's all about for me.