Antigay bullying prompts suicide

[Rick336]

From the Advocate:

The parents of Asher Brown, an eighth-grader who committed suicide last Thursday, say that their son killed himself in response to relentless antigay bullying at his Houston school.

Read article here --->http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2010/09/28/Antigay_Bullying_Prompts_Houston_Suicide/


Rick

[Daniel]

This is the second suicide in a week of a young man who was bullied and then took his life. It breaks the heart. Simply breaks the heart.

[Zerbie]

Oh no no no no no! Not another young man? Another?

This has got to stop. Is there an organization educating teachers and motivating teachers to stand against violent words and actions? Specifically in Houston, I mean? I taught high school in Houston once, and the anti-gay environment there was beyond awful. Sounds from this like it really hasn't changed yet.

[Rick336]

Is it no wonder that some LGBT Texans think they aren't worthy to live a happy life?

Here's what the Texas Republican party says about homosexuality:

1. "We believe that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society, contributes to the breakdown of the family unit, and leads to the spread of dangerous, communicable diseases."

2. "Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country's founders, and shared by the majority of Texans."

3. "Homosexuality must not be presented as an acceptable "alternative" lifestyle in our public education and policy, nor should "family" be redefined to include homosexual "couples."


Rick

[Zerbie]

Oh, I'm all TOO familiar with the Texas Republican stance on LGBT. Lived there for years. Taught at a TX high school. Believe me, you don't get much closer to anti-gay hatred than at TX schools, or so was my experience anyway.

Can anyone recommend a couple of excellent resources that are available in TX to educate/motivate teachers to stand up for students like Asher? I'm thinking of looking up GLSEN to see what they might offer.

But can anyone think of any other resource as well?

I've decided to write a letter to that school district and would like to include resource recommendations right in the letter.

When I lived in Houston, it didn't seem that there was much in the way of resources or organizations to counter the "I'm a big straight Texan and I hate gays" attitude. I imagine there must be something available now?

[Daniel]

Is it no wonder that some LGBT Texans think they aren't worthy to live a happy life?

Here's what the Texas Republican party says about homosexuality:

1. "We believe that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society, contributes to the breakdown of the family unit, and leads to the spread of dangerous, communicable diseases."

2. "Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country's founders, and shared by the majority of Texans."

3. "Homosexuality must not be presented as an acceptable "alternative" lifestyle in our public education and policy, nor should "family" be redefined to include homosexual "couples."


Rick

A big state with a small heart?

Shame on Texas.

[antiochian]

This is the second suicide in a week of a young man who was bullied and then took his life. It breaks the heart. Simply breaks the heart.

Make that three.

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2010/09/gay-teen-dies-after-10-days-on-life-support-following-suicide-attempt-over-anti-gay-bullying/

May their souls rest in peace, and may America (and its schools!) wake up to the deadly reality of antigay bigotry.

[Rick336]

Make that three.

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2010/09/gay-teen-dies-after-10-days-on-life-support-following-suicide-attempt-over-anti-gay-bullying/

May their souls rest in peace, and may America (and its schools!) wake up to the deadly reality of antigay bigotry.

These deaths are such a horrible tragedy. These children not only suffered torment, rejection, depression, and physical abuse, but they will never live out their lives and experience the challenges, achievements, and the simple joys of life that awaited them in their adulthood.

The education system has miserably failed here and they need to be held accountable. I encourage everyone to write a letter to the administrations of each of these schools expressing your anger at these senseless deaths.


Rick

[Zerbie]

We need to fix the schools. The schools need to monitor childrens' behavior and intervene when harassment occurs. Teachers and staff need to be educated and motivated to decry anti-gay speech as well as behaviors from their students. ALL of them, with unanimity. Other students need to band together and decry the behavior of these 'bullies.' They wouldn't do it so often and get such a rush if it caused them to be embarrassed by all their 'friends' looking at them as 'losers,' no? Their peers will be a huge part of changing this.

The schools and school districts need to dash their fears of "politics" and get to work protecting the basic safety of the students for whom they are responsible. And parents of bullies and those who perpetrate vicious, shaming acts and verbally harass other children need to get involved and raise their children! If they don't, they need to be held responsible in some way - mandatory education seminars and community service, perhaps?

I am writing letters to the Houston area school district about Asher's death, and urging them to provide training to their faculty/staff about anti-bullying and safe-schools programs. Please do the same! A dead child? I should think that would have their attention on the obvious fact that there IS a problem.

And if you have further suggestions for what we can do, please share them here. 3 dead children in one month? What the h*ll are teachers and school districts allowing to happen in these schools??

[Daniel]

But shame/invasion of privacy made him take his own life?

http://advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2010/09/29/Sex_Video_Drives_Rutgers_Freshman_to_Suicide/

Do straight people kill themselves like this? I wonder about that. Makes me think that- even in the minds of gay people- being gay is still not Ok.

[Zerbie]

Just saw the link posted on facebook - was supposed to go lie down after a medical treatment, but thought I'd print my letters to Asher's school first. Then, saw these next tidbits.

I think it has to do with the youth of the suicide victims in all these cases - feeling trapped and not having enough time to see that things aren't always as bad as the moment. Invasion of privacy is inexcusable. Glad they are charging those who committed that crime. That's all that can be done, and one hopes the couple who broadcast someone else's intimate life will have learned the hard way.

All these incidents in a rash like this make me worry we are not getting a realistic, let alone a healthy, picture of the world to our little ones. There is no reason to let little kids grow up feeling that bad and that shamed. I can't imagine 13 year olds firing guns into their own skulls and tying nooses around their necks. Little children!

We are missing something. There is something we could be doing and should be doing that would prevent this, especially the school bullying which could be so much more easily controlled than the behavior of legal adults in college dorm rooms, as inexcusable as that incident also was.

What's the piece we're missing? Best Bill and I can figure, we need to get the politics and the fear of politics OUT of the schools and put childrens' safety first. This is their LIVES at stake.
:mad:

[Rick336]

Today is Wednesday February 1st, 1967. Andy Green hung himself yesterday. Andy was a friend of mine in math class. He committed suicide at 6:20 p.m.

In memory of Andy Green
1951-1967





v/gE5yINOn4N4?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0



Rick

[Rick336]

"Gay bullying is taking the lives of our children – and you’re to blame"


From CNN News:

Justin Aaberg. Asher Brown. Billy Lucas. Seth Walsh. These are names you need to know.

The boys, each from different areas of the country – Minnesota, Texas, Indiana and California, respectively – all had bright futures. Justin loved to play the cello. Billy rode horses. Seth’s grandmother said he was fashionable and artistic.

But none of that matters now. All four of them are dead – and within days of one another – having committed suicide to escape bullying by their peers.


Read the rest of the article here--->http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-496958?hpt=Mid


Rick

[Zerbie]

My guess is that roughly a third of our population is too compassion-fatigued to take action on these matters and the other two thirds do not (or have run out of energy to) care very much. Doing nothing about anti-gay harassment was sort of the way things were when I taught in Houston schools.

I've sent letters to officials throughout the Cypress Fairbanks school district and to Asher's school. It takes quite a bit of time and digging to get all the names, titles, and addresses lined up to address correspondence. If anyone else plans to send letters (I actually mailed them snail mail,) and would like me to do so, I can post the names and addresses of counselors, behavior management directors, etc., within Asher's school district. Or you can dig around the internet - they're there, just takes a bit of persistent clicking.

[Rick336]

My guess is that roughly a third of our population is too compassion-fatigued to take action on these matters and the other two thirds do not (or have run out of energy to) care very much. Doing nothing about anti-gay harassment was sort of the way things were when I taught in Houston schools.

I've sent letters to officials throughout the Cypress Fairbanks school district and to Asher's school. It takes quite a bit of time and digging to get all the names, titles, and addresses lined up to address correspondence. If anyone else plans to send letters (I actually mailed them snail mail,) and would like me to do so, I can post the names and addresses of counselors, behavior management directors, etc., within Asher's school district. Or you can dig around the internet - they're there, just takes a bit of persistent clicking.


Zerbie,

I sent a letter to Asher's school but not to any particular official in the Cypress Fairbanks school district. If you have the addresses, please post them here so that those of us who want to express our frustration to the district officials about this senseless death can do so.

Thanks,
Rick

[HELENz]

These really saddened me. I've heard about five in September! FIVE! How many have gone unreported? We'll never know.

When will people wake up? When will they see what they're doing?

[antiochian]

Six gay teen suicides in our country in one month (that we know of). God, help us.

A quote from the Dalai Lama really puts this all in perspective:

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive."

To think that these kids died feeling unloved because of who they were... Had someone stood up for these kids, showed them compassion, perhaps they would still be here.

[Zerbie]

These really saddened me. I've heard about five in September! FIVE! How many have gone unreported? We'll never know.

When will people wake up? When will they see what they're doing?

Six gay teen suicides in our country in one month (that we know of). God, help us.

A quote from the Dalai Lama really puts this all in perspective:

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive."

To think that these kids died feeling unloved because of who they were... Had someone stood up for these kids, showed them compassion, perhaps they would still be here.

People will not wake up unless we stick with this -- get word out and DO something. People are afraid to stand up for gays, even kids. Teachers are too afraid to, or too overwhelmed, their communities aren't demanding it, WE aren't demanding it.

WE are the ones who these kids need as advocates for their health, safety, and survival. We need to stay on this.

Please send letters to the school districts, to your kids' teachers, to the editor.

Can we mobilize people to convene at school board meetings and demand protection for our children?

What else? Let's brainstorm.

[bnmoore]

People will not wake up unless we stick with this -- get word out and DO something. People are afraid to stand up for gays, even kids. Teachers are too afraid to, or too overwhelmed, their communities aren't demanding it, WE aren't demanding it.

WE are the ones who these kids need as advocates for their health, safety, and survival. We need to stay on this.

Please send letters to the school districts, to your kids' teachers, to the editor.

Can we mobilize people to convene at school board meetings and demand protection for our children?

What else? Let's brainstorm.

Are you familiar with Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" YouTube channel that started recently? I've been pleasantly surprised by some of the allies that have participated.

[Zerbie]

Yes, it's a good idea. If it will reach many young ones, I don't know.

What stymies me is, what will it take from us to start changing the environment for our kids? Our school districts need to stop being cowed by the foolish of politics that leave children in danger.

I'm glad these videos are out there and hope to see more. At the same time, I don't believe "hang in there" can possibly accomplish enough on its own without real change also occurring in the everyday world these kids face. These kids can't change their environment by themselves. That is up to every single one of us. As adults, we are capable of being responsible for the environment we create around us, and we can help encourage other adults to express their care and concern in their own ways, too. The entire community needs to rally round our kids.

[Tallit]

Friday morning was the Jewish festival of Simchat Torah, the day we finish the cycle of Torah reading for the year. The reading included Deuteronomy 33:24 "24 About Asher he said:
"Most blessed of sons is Asher;
let him be favored by his brothers,
and let him bathe his feet in oil."
i couldn't help thinking about this story when I heard those words.

Today at Shabbat the reading was the story of creation, and the rabbi's midrash stressed the idea that we are made in G-d's image, and specifically refered to the recent rash of suicides due to people not treating others as an image of G-d. This was a very good message, since this Shabbat is the day when the high school students in the congregation take turns reading the Torah portions.

[Zerbie]

the rabbi's midrash stressed the idea that we are made in G-d's image, and specifically refered to the recent rash of suicides due to people not treating others as an image of G-d.

Yes! Precisely!

That is what we must model in our world so that our children will learn it as second nature. :love:

[BrianB]

I just watched a film about teen suicide and other teen problems. This movie made me think about who I could reach out to in my life. It's a little bit in the "Brady Bunch" style of christian films but still worth watching. http://tosavealifemovie.com/ It's on Netflix if you have that service.

[Gennee]

These deaths are such a horrible tragedy. These children not only suffered torment, rejection, depression, and physical abuse, but they will never live out their lives and experience the challenges, achievements, and the simple joys of life that awaited them in their adulthood.

The education system has miserably failed here and they need to be held accountable. I encourage everyone to write a letter to the administrations of each of these schools expressing your anger at these senseless deaths.


Rick

Rick, a lot of those in the education system do little or nothing to combat this. many of them are homophobic. It's even worse for transgender people.

Gennee

[Rick336]

Rick, a lot of those in the education system do little or nothing to combat this. many of them are homophobic. It's even worse for transgender people.

Gennee

Gennee,

It's horrible for many gay and lesbian kids out there, but I can't even imagine what transgender kids must go through.

I think childhood should be a time of wonder and excitement for children as they discover the world around them with anticipation for a happy life ahead.

But because of bullying, child abuse and neglect, strict fundamentalist religious upbringing, or a dysfunctional family life, childhood is way too often a time of fear, depression, self-hate and pessimism about the world.

These latest suicides are absolutely heartbreaking especially when I imagine the living hell that these poor youngsters must have gone through.

Our society has got to start paying closer attention to this very serious problem and do something to stop it.


http://blog.safetyweb.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/bullies.jpg



Rick

[Zerbie]

Society has GOT to demand that teachers, school staff, ADMINISTRATORS in the school district especially, take a firm stand absolutely opposing the bullying, taunting, and harassment of gay or gender-non conforming kids. Unless we demand it, the school administrations are not going to move on their own to take responsibility for this.

In my experience, the school districts are a huge part of the problem. I was laughed at for objecting when our faculty fast-forwarded through the section on anti-gay violence during a mandatory 'sensitivity training.' Only a few miles away from where Asher Brown was in school. Only a handful of years ago.

With some parents STILL objecting to awareness of the plight of LGBT kids, school boards are terrified to enact 'safe schools' or anti-bullying policies. We must DEMAND that they listen to common sense and not to the fools who say that protecting childrens' safety is somehow a bad thing.

Unless a huge number of people demand safer schools, this will not change.

Contact your school districts and demand that they protect children without delay.

[Rick336]

Unless a huge number of people demand safer schools, this will not change.

Here's some good news about a growing movement at universities where organizations provide positive support to LGBT students who may be thinking of suicide. Maybe this will catch on in middle and high schools as well.

USA Today --->http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2010-10-05-chalkmessages05_ST_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip


Rick

[Zerbie]

Good!!!!!

It will be important for something similar at the younger grades - tough thing being, under the thumb of parents and school boards, I can easily see such an attempt being squashed. But even an attempt would be terrific.

The students are going to be key in changing this, because the bullying will stop when the bullies start to feel like THEY are the social losers for their behavior. But in the secondary schools, students will not be able to make the change without the support of the adults who are also involved (or at least, it requires that the adults not make obstacles of themselves.)

What a great idea - messages on the ground because depressed people look down. That's brilliant!

[dsdrane]

I've been thinking about this a lot and would like to share what I came up with this morning:

Here's to Fred Phelps!

Why? Because, he may be a monster, but he's an honest one and publicly stands by his convictions...to the point that he horrifies even his close neighbors on the political spectrum. These are the people I'd like to write about today.

They may be regulars at church and proudly display a cross on their chests, but were Christ Jesus alive today he would rightly call them Pharisees. For the uninitiated, a "Pharisee" was someone who strictly followed the religious rites and laws of the day without interpretation or an understanding of any deeper meaning. Jesus called them self-righteous and hypocrites. These people wore their ossified and insular faith on the sleeve and did not take kindly to being lectured by some hippie preaching about loving your neighbor and forgiving your enemy. Theirs was an Old Testament crowd; they saw no Love in Leviticus.

Sound familiar?

Today's version doesn't worry so much about dining with prostitutes (David Vitter notwithstanding), they like to "focus on the family" which sounds friendly enough until you realize that one of the focuses is stamping out homosexuality. This is easy enough if you happen not to be gay, still doable if you are but are willing to tow the line, but torture if you're some trapped teenager. Even with all the various media out there, a kid's world is very small; and knowing that who you are would be condemned by those around you -- even your parents -- is horribly crippling. The other kids get to flirt, have crushes, gossip, even fall in love (in fact, it's encouraged...up to a point), but not you. And you rail at God for making you this way. Every gay kid's middle name should be Job.

You don't have to be a Fred Phelps to create this environment. In fact, it's better that you're not. Openly-rude or hateful homophobia is unpleasant, easily-spotted and countered, and frankly too much work. It's much more efficient to have a gay person come to hate themselves rather than constantly running around to remind them that God hates them. Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving; all one has to do is plant the seed. And encourage it...

...up to a point.

I think even some of the most hardened hearts would recognize that a kid killing himself is a plan gone a step too far. And all the attempts to mitigate the blame are like wrestling with a tar baby; you just get dirtier. All the messages continually sent out -- gays can't marry, gays can't serve in the armed forces, gays shouldn't teach in schools, gays recruit, etc., etc. -- are just a slightly-less virulent way of saying "God hates fags". "Nice" people can turn their noses up at Fred Phelps, but, ultimately, they are Fred Phelps and their "nicer" message is equally culpable when a kid comes to the natural conclusion that his life is worthless and the world is better off without him.

Think for a moment about that cross you see so many people wearing...have you ever noticed how few of them have a crucified or even resurrected Christ depicted? It's not surprising, really, when you consider being a "Christian" is so much easier when you don't have to be reminded of Christ and what He might say about how you live your life and how you treat others.

Infinitely easier.

(You can check out the original post in its natural habitat here (http://www.dranespout.com/2010/10/heres-to-fred-phelps.html).)

[Gennee]

Society has GOT to demand that teachers, school staff, ADMINISTRATORS in the school district especially, take a firm stand absolutely opposing the bullying, taunting, and harassment of gay or gender-non conforming kids. Unless we demand it, the school administrations are not going to move on their own to take responsibility for this.

In my experience, the school districts are a huge part of the problem. I was laughed at for objecting when our faculty fast-forwarded through the section on anti-gay violence during a mandatory 'sensitivity training.' Only a few miles away from where Asher Brown was in school. Only a handful of years ago.

With some parents STILL objecting to awareness of the plight of LGBT kids, school boards are terrified to enact 'safe schools' or anti-bullying policies. We must DEMAND that they listen to common sense and not to the fools who say that protecting childrens' safety is somehow a bad thing.

Unless a huge number of people demand safer schools, this will not change.

Contact your school districts and demand that they protect children without delay.

You're absolutely right, Zerbie. This is where much of the problem is. Districts and school administrators make light of bullying until someone is injured, killed, or committ suicide. In my mind they are accomplices in this.

Gennee

[bnmoore]

Some of the younger people may not remember this. I see similarities.

http://www.aavw.org/special_features/letters_thich_abstract02.html

[Rick336]

The schools need to teach and emphasize the importance of values. Values like:

Compassion
Respect
Encouragement
Honesty
Character
Responsibility
Integrity
Unity
Friendship
Helping others


In fact, values should be a required course in the school's curriculum.


Rick

[keltic63]

I am a public school teacher. There may be plenty wrong with the school system, but we can't place the blame for everything on schools, administration, or teachers.

In our buildings, we have anti-bullying programs in place. There are concrete steps we take to prevent bullying, and there are consequences for students who choose to bully.

guess what? bullying still takes place. it has become more subtle, but it still happens.

I confess, I'm feeling a little beat up in this thread, not personally, but professionally. Schools should _______ (fill in the blank) You know what would be nice to hear some time? "parents should _______"

[Zerbie]

Keltic??!?! You are a major part of the solution to this problem! I don't know why you take this personally when you have been an active part of the solution for years. If your school has the anti-bullying programs and teachers are intervening, then so is your school. No one is beating up on teachers and schools who ARE addressing the problem, and no one is saying they have ALL the blame! Parents are a MAJOR part of the problem, but yes, so are teachers and so are school districts.

I don't understand why you aren't feeling righteous anger towards those in your profession who turn a blind eye and deaf ear to these problems. There are MANY who do just that. THOSE are the teachers who need to start stepping up to their responsibility for kids, not the ones who ARE helping already.

As long as school districts are a part of the problem, I am going to say so. If yours doesn't need to change, Keltic, that's amazing. We need more like that, and that's the whole point.

[Rick336]

I am a public school teacher. There may be plenty wrong with the school system, but we can't place the blame for everything on schools, administration, or teachers.

In our buildings, we have anti-bullying programs in place. There are concrete steps we take to prevent bullying, and there are consequences for students who choose to bully.

guess what? bullying still takes place. it has become more subtle, but it still happens.

I confess, I'm feeling a little beat up in this thread, not personally, but professionally. Schools should _______ (fill in the blank) You know what would be nice to hear some time? "parents should _______"


You make a good point. It's good to see another teacher's perspective on this issue. And I agree, parents do need to take responsibility for the behavior of their kids. All of the blame can't fall on the schools.

Parents should teach their kids the importance of values.

But, sometimes the problem with that is that many parents give mixed messages about values.They might tell their kids that stealing is wrong but then the kids see them cheating on their taxes. They might tell their kids that lying is wrong, but then see them lying to their minister about why they didn't attend the church fundraiser.

And even the church can send out confusing messages. Example: "Ours is a god of love and infinite benevolence, and if you do not embrace him he will make you burn forever in hell."

When kids are growing up and learning about the world, a lot of what they see and hear is contradictory and confusing. How do they know what to believe and what not to believe? It's no wonder they don't trust or respect authority.


Rick

[Daniel]

The public school classroom that is. And there is only so much that teachers can do. Kids? They walk in with the attitudes that are- by-and-large - gotten from their environment at home for good or ill. Changing that? Oh. A bully might modify his/her behavior slightly at school. But if there isn't anything to make that change 'real' at home, it's just window dressing, nothing more. Once that kid is out the door everything changes. Without a great deal of effort, the behavior reverts to it;s default setting.

Some bully for the sport of it. Others because they are themselves bullied. While others bully because they are in pain- a lot of pain, and it gives them the sense of being able to control their feelings. Trouble is, it just adds fuel to the fire. How to stop? That takes skill. And more than what most schools can provide.

Kids are a reflection of what is going on at home. That's what I learned during my time teaching. And there is no way around that. Gets parents on board, that is, if they aren't drugging, boozing or zoning out, and all things are possible.

Too bad parents don't have to attend with their kids.

[keltic63]

Keltic??!?! You are a major part of the solution to this problem! I don't know why you take this personally when you have been an active part of the solution for years. If your school has the anti-bullying programs and teachers are intervening, then so is your school. No one is beating up on teachers and schools who ARE addressing the problem, and no one is saying they have ALL the blame! Parents are a MAJOR part of the problem, but yes, so are teachers and so are school districts.

I don't understand why you aren't feeling righteous anger towards those in your profession who turn a blind eye and deaf ear to these problems. There are MANY who do just that. THOSE are the teachers who need to start stepping up to their responsibility for kids, not the ones who ARE helping already.

As long as school districts are a part of the problem, I am going to say so. If yours doesn't need to change, Keltic, that's amazing. We need more like that, and that's the whole point.

Certainly there are those that allow bullying to go on, and perhaps some neanderthals who encourage it. What I'm trying to say here is that even for those that have proven programs in place, we can't replace those with the ultimate responsibility for teaching the kids values, the parents. Not to mention the parents who think that it is ok to bully LGBT people, or who harbor some other prejudices.

You make a good point. It's good to see another teacher's perspective on this issue. And I agree, parents do need to take responsibility for the behavior of their kids. All of the blame can't fall on the schools.

Parents should teach their kids the importance of values.

But, sometimes the problem with that is that many parents give mixed messages about values.They might tell their kids that stealing is wrong but then the kids see them cheating on their taxes. They might tell their kids that lying is wrong, but then see them lying to their minister about why they didn't attend the church fundraiser.

And even the church can send out confusing messages. Example: "Ours is a god of love and infinite benevolence, and if you do not embrace him he will make you burn forever in hell."

When kids are growing up and learning about the world, a lot of what they see and hear is contradictory and confusing. How do they know what to believe and what not to believe? It's no wonder they don't trust or respect authority.


Rick

moreover, we see parents coming to school and lying about their kids' behavior in an attempt to harm the teachers. Just happened to me last week. mom sent a scathing email, with details about what I did in class to humiliate her son. the only problem is, NONE of it happened as she described it. how could she go into detail about something she wasn't even present for?

The public school classroom that is. And there is only so much that teachers can do. Kids? They walk in with the attitudes that are- by-and-large - gotten from their environment at home for good or ill. Changing that? Oh. A bully might modify his/her behavior slightly at school. But if there isn't anything to make that change 'real' at home, it's just window dressing, nothing more. Once that kid is out the door everything changes. Without a great deal of effort, the behavior reverts to it;s default setting.

Some bully for the sport of it. Others because they are themselves bullied. While others bully because they are in pain- a lot of pain, and it gives them the sense of being able to control their feelings. Trouble is, it just adds fuel to the fire. How to stop? That takes skill. And more than what most schools can provide.

Kids are a reflection of what is going on at home. That's what I learned during my time teaching. And there is no way around that. Gets parents on board, that is, if they aren't drugging, boozing or zoning out, and all things are possible.

Too bad parents don't have to attend with their kids.

parents attending with kids? it wouldn't hurt to have some sort of requirement in which the parents are educated about the goals of the school and what is expected of them as part of this "free" education being provided to their children.

That said, we can only work with the students we have and meet them where we are.

I also believe, firmly, that not only will the suicides increase with the far right fundies saying the horrible things that they do, but gay-bashings will increase as well.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. -Gandhi


I believe the fight is on.

[Rick336]

I also believe, firmly, that not only will the suicides increase with the far right fundies saying the horrible things that they do, but gay-bashings will increase as well.

I agree.

I am so tired of the ultra-fundamentalist religious groups (Muslims included) who contribute to the suffering in this world. I try to be open minded when it comes to religion but sometimes my human nature overrides my rational mind and I want to give the entire religious community the finger.

Rick

[Gennee]

I am a public school teacher. There may be plenty wrong with the school system, but we can't place the blame for everything on schools, administration, or teachers.

In our buildings, we have anti-bullying programs in place. There are concrete steps we take to prevent bullying, and there are consequences for students who choose to bully.

guess what? bullying still takes place. it has become more subtle, but it still happens.

I confess, I'm feeling a little beat up in this thread, not personally, but professionally. Schools should _______ (fill in the blank) You know what would be nice to hear some time? "parents should _______"

I understand how you feel, Keltic. Bullying can occur anywhere. If I knew that there was a case of bullying I would try to nip it in the bud. Now with cyberbullying that's very difficult to control.

Gennee

[keltic63]

I understand how you feel, Keltic. Bullying can occur anywhere. If I knew that there was a case of bullying I would try to nip it in the bud. Now with cyberbullying that's very difficult to control.

Gennee

and you know what? I just got bullied by a first grader! I was singing a halloween song with them, when 1 of them asked me to turn the lights off while we sing. I know that this scares some of the students, so I said "no, I'll be too scared" which is my way of taking the spotlight off of the ones who would be scared. One of the boys called me a "sissy!" unbelievable!

[Zerbie]

Certainly there are those that allow bullying to go on, and perhaps some neanderthals who encourage it. What I'm trying to say here is that even for those that have proven programs in place, we can't replace those with the ultimate responsibility for teaching the kids values, the parents. Not to mention the parents who think that it is ok to bully LGBT people, or who harbor some other prejudices.



Hiya Keltic,

I never said here that parents do not have ultimate responsibility for the attitudes and behaviors they teach their children (which is roughly 90% by example, 10% by what they say.) You're right!! We need parents to get THEIR act together! I realize now I probably never wrote that on this forum - I've written and said things like that all over my emails to people, letters to the editor (of 4 papers), and all over facebook if I remember my notes correctly.

In any case - YES! I'm really riding the schools too because of what I witnessed in the past, and because of things I hear about schools locally and around the nation that are not stepping up to responsibilities of this sort, either through fear of the political environment, or through subtle attitudes of sympathy with the perpetrators.

In no way do I intend to express that only one corner of society is responsible for this bullying problem. To the contrary, I mean to express that WE ALL ARE. That's why I've been writing "WE NEED TO" do, this or that, all over this thread. The emphasis is on the "WE" - and by 'we' I don't mean the 5 or 6 of us writing on this thread discussion, but I mean the couple hundred million of us residing in the United States. That's the WE I mean. It never occurred to me anyone would think I meant just the school teachers. I was in a fury and grief over the suicides so I thought I stated things clearly that I never made explicit. Being so upset, I thought everything I meant was going to be obvious by the sheer power of how important this whole matter is. (Silly, silly Zerbie)

Those of us like you and I who are already doing everything in our personal power to solve the problem are in no way at fault - we are living up to our responsibility. But until many more people say, "Hey, you know - I'M the one who has to say something about what my kids are doing," the problem will not be successfully rectified. A majority of our society needs to sit on such behavior. WE ALL need to act responsibly to create the environment our children need. We means teachers, school administrators, parents, and community members.

Just imagine this world if 90% of all American citizens spoke up calmly and firmly and said, "Stop that. We don't act like that," every single time our kids started in with the verbal harassment and physical domineering towards a peer. Parents, teachers, classmates - RELIGIOUS LEADERS! - community bystanders, etc. That's where we need to get to. Where people have a sense of honor about how they behave and would feel ashamed to engage in bullying behavior. That's where we need to get to.

[BruceChris]

Minnesota senator Al Franken is sponsering a federal anti-bullying law. Give him your support. Call your federal elected officials

BruceChris

[Emproph]

Maybe this has alreay been posted in another thread, but I thought it especially relevant for this one. Via the Trevor Project (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/):

It Get's Better (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeKI8biAglUhttp://)

NeKI8biAglU

[Tallit]

and look what some school board member in AK said:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/10/27/arkansas.anti.gay.bullying/index.html?hpt=C1

[antiochian]

Re: the school board member...

Clint McCance, a school board member of Midland School District in Arkansas, has resigned (and I'm proud to have been one of thousands to sign the petition against him). This "man," who wrote that he'd only wear purple when all gays commited suicide, and loved the fact that gay people have died from AIDS (and this from a self-avowed Christian), now says he's sorry. I doubt it. We don't need his type influencing young people. My hat is off to the superintendent who condemned McCance.

http://www.queerty.com/clint-mccance-resigns-from-school-board-in-disgrace-im-sorry-ive-hurt-people-20101028/

[BrianB]

Here is George Takei calling the school board member a douche bag.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UACK93xF-FE

I laughed so hard soda came out of my nose.

[Silas]

I really dis like the suicide culture because it really gives the shock for the relatives of the suiciders. There is high rate of suicide in Japan which is emerging day by day..

[BishopIoan]

I just find this so incredibly sad. That human beings taunt and bully another human being to the point of taking their own life. Those who do this are cowards, as they generally gang up on the weak and otherwise vulnerable. I feel awful every time I hear about one of our youth being driven to this "solution".

All of society needs to be on the same page with this--namely letting children and other people know that this is not, by ANY standard, acceptable behaviour. Parents, schools, the entertainment industry, etc. No child--NO ONE--should ever feel that they have no choice but to take their own lives.

[bnmoore]

I really dis like the suicide culture because it really gives the shock for the relatives of the suiciders. There is high rate of suicide in Japan which is emerging day by day..

I don't know that many people outside of our Center know about this:

http://www.slc-atlanta.org/2011/05/tharp/

The InterTherapy Foundation provides counseling on location. Although I haven't talked to them I'd imagine we have people working in the tornado ravaged areas in the USA also. Service isn't about recognition.

There's something for children also:

www.cjsbus.org

[shahids]

o nice this is a great idea. thanks

[JasonRa]

This is the second suicide in a week of a young man who was bullied and then took his life. It breaks the heart. Simply breaks the heart.