View Full Version : Life's Direction - Advice needed!
06-03-2006, 05:16 PM
:confused: I've been feeling conflicted lately with how my life is progressing. :confused:
I always planned to go to college, get my RN, and be a nurse. Things in that plan got kind of fuzzy. I've planned to try to go to Penn State and get my RN this fall, but I'm feeling conflicted.
I'm planning to move out with my gf in December or January - possibly a few towns over, but still within close driving range. We'd like to move to wherever my girl can find a teaching job because she graduates in December. I'm also hoping to be a part of the Equality Ride in 2007 and be a big part of a local Soulforce group. The biggest thing that makes me want to hold off on college is that I'm finding that I enjoy leading people. I'm finding that I like teaching (but I don't think I want to be a teacher) and I like helping people. I'm not sure what job that creates, but I'm rethinking nursing and I'd hate to get halfway through and decide to change it.
What stops me from holding off is that my family is really pushing me to go to college. I'm already an anomaly in my family for being gay and for not following the high school - college - job plan. I don't know how they'll take it if I tell them I'd like to wait another year or so, but I'm not sure I've decided where to be in life yet.
What to do?
06-03-2006, 05:41 PM
I think you wrote this on another thread.....
Not too long ago...
Craziest dream or aspiration: to make a major difference... I'll confess that I used to have aspirations to become the "Gay Gandhi".
So be that. How's that for an answer?
Interesting dynamic in that you want to teach but don't want to be a teacher per se. You like leading and helping people. It sounds to me as if your inner deamon (angel) is encouraging you to be the goose at the head of the V shape as they course across the sky to somewhere fabulous. Perhaps you're a Leader and not a Follower. No matter what you do you may always be more comfortable at the head of the pack. And guess what? You've indicated that you already were dreaming up something like SF already. Hmmmmmm. Running and leading an organization depends on all kinds of skills, business as well as financial. Business Administration perhaps?
Try this on: Imagine someone who you really admire and trust and think about what that person would tell you.
Try this on: Start at the top. Email Mel White and ask him about this. Take the risk. That may be the first step.
Oh yeah.....listen you your dreams. Keep a dream journal.
06-03-2006, 05:50 PM
Use your head but listen to your heart. You have to do what feels right for you, not for everyone else in your family. If you take time out for the Equality Ride and soulforce and/or other actions, there's nothing saying you can't go to college in future years. Heck, I did my accounting/auditing stuff in my late 30's and early 40's!! It's never too late for that.
I chose to follow my head and not my heart way back in younger days, and now am left wondering what life would have been had my heart won out. Not that I'm not happy now and have a wonderful fulfilling life, I do! You are young, your life is all ahead of you, and now is the time to follow your heart and see what is right for YOU. The Equality Ride sounds like a great thing to be a part of, so if that's where your heart is leading you, I truly hope to see your name on the roster of Riders!!!! :rainbow:
06-03-2006, 05:52 PM
Thanks for giving such a well-thought answer. I never would have thought to e-mail Mel White about it, but he sure would be the person with the experience. I'm afraid that everyone else around me is disappointed with me for not going to college just yet, but personally I'm not sure nursing is just right for me right now.
Maybe I'd go back to nursing in the future, but it doesn't fit just right at present. I don't think I'd want to be a teacher because I prefer teaching in smaller groups or even one-to-one. I don't have the drive for it, but I'm not sure exactly what has made it seem undesirable to me as I loved most of my teachers growing up.
I knew that you guys would have good answers.
06-03-2006, 06:05 PM
Hey Ms Mia one/four,
Nursing takes a definite calling. I admire them more than I do docs., and have no idea how they do it. The burn out rate, and bringing home patients pain with you must be staggerring... It would be an incredibly rewarding field, and Life, if/when you commit to it. But either way, it is no way no how a career you should be forced into. One advantage of already being an anomaly in the family, (perhaps nicely put), is that any disappointment with you is familiar territory anyway. A year off is a drop in the bucket and they should be proud you have the foresight to not get in over you head (and possibly waste some of their dough... )
Keep that desire to help people above all you do. It is a needed and powerful thing, but also very fragile. It does not need to be turned into a career in order to comfort and guide others. It can, and probably is being utilized right now as God intends.
Just keep your eyes and ears peeled and where you are meant to be, will find you. Family will learn to deal... Good luck, and enjoy the summer. Working for a living or college ain't going nowhere, and will wait for your heart to catch up...
06-03-2006, 06:24 PM
tdogg, your words are comforting. I'm struggling with wanting to please them, but I don't know if it's right for me. My heart jumps for SoulForce right now and I feel something of a calling although I'm not sure how to make this into a career.
As far as nursing, I do love nursing. I did an internship at a hospital in high school and I loved it. I think it's something I would enjoy doing. At the same time, I feel like I want to help other people and make a big difference. When I'm leading or teaching, especially with GLBT issues, it just feels right and natural. It feels like that's where I belong, at least at this moment in time. I think I'd be needed both in nursing and in work like SoulForce, but I wouldn't know where to begin a career with things like SoulForce. Maybe a business degree would be smart.
I'll start writing a letter to Mel White.
Thank you, everyone, for giving me such great advice. It's really helping me to hear other people's view.
06-03-2006, 06:24 PM
I don't think I'd want to be a teacher because I prefer teaching in smaller groups or even one-to-one. I don't have the drive for it, but I'm not sure exactly what has made it seem undesirable to me as I loved most of my teachers growing up.
Case in point: I knew from a young age that I loved music and singing and also knew I wanted to teach but didn't really want to teach groups of people. I fooled myself into thinking that if I went to school and studied Music Ed I would learn to like it. This seemed practical at the time. "Hey." I thought. "I have to make a living." Not the worst mistake of my life, but I did wander around for about 6 years before I started to deal with that voice in my head that said: "Daniel. Work on your voice. And your piano playing. You're going to need it because you're going to be a voice teacher. There's a lot to know, so get busy!" Being closeted kept me from dealing with things- I have to say. It's when I got clear about that that everything started to move forward. And even though everything didn't come together for me until about 5 years ago, I can honestly say that I'm doing what I was meant to do my whole life: working with students one on one. Did I get here in one fell swoop? No. But the journey started with letting myself listen to that still small voice. No one knows what that voice is saying but you, not your parents or even your girl friend.
What an exciting place to be!
06-03-2006, 06:44 PM
You're not in a bad place, Mia! You already have several pieces of the puzzle! Keep in mind, even people who have already established careers re-evaluate and frequently shift to related fields, or even entirely new ones. And you already have several puzzle pieces right in front of you!
Nursing, caring for others, teaching, leading, activism, and a particular community you are committed to are all already here. Given a few years, if you follow your various dreams and goals and keep open to the wild and wonderful opportunities life mysteriously tosses your way COULD lead you to your very own perfect niche. It sounds exciting, whatever it is.
These things do take time. Build your skills and continue gaining experience. In some way, at some time, it will start coming together.
I'm 30 (ish) and am finally seeing several of my lifelong dreams coming together in my life more and more. It happened for me by focusing on one skill/pursuit at a time, and I picked up the secondary skills along the way. Now it's all a well-defined package of talents that relate.
Regards your education, can you take a "deferred admission?" I think that's what it's called, when you get in, but postpone your frosh year for 12 months while you pursue other activities. It sounds like that might be a path you'd enjoy - it would allow you to do the Ride next spring. And students who have taken time off and really lived get the most out of higher education anyway. Something to think about.
06-03-2006, 10:07 PM
Sent a letter to Mel White himself - we'll see if he has any ideas about it.
Thanks for the advice everyone, it's really helping me.
06-05-2006, 10:23 AM
Mia: I think whatever the path is meant to be, you are starting to know now and you will know even more clearly as time goes by. I absolutely agree with Daniel, about that small voice inside that is just waiting for us to listen to it. Even though small, and only there for our benefit, it shows itself to be rather mighty when we give it its due!!! Have faith that you are being guided in the right direction, and that every journey begins with the first step. Be peaceful and joyful in the process in the meantime- these moments are not to be missed!!! Vanessa :love: :pray:
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