I'm not happy for you

[Mia14]

The other day, a friend of mine told me "OH! You'd be so proud of me - guess what I did this weekend!" I met her when she started dating one of my guy friends. The conversation went something like this:

"You'd be so proud of me! I kissed a girl!"
"You WHAT?!"
"I kissed a girl!"
"Aren't you still with your boyfriend, that friend of mine?"
"Yes, he was there"
"What did he have to say about it? Was he mad at you?"
"No. Aren't you proud of me?"

So I eventually find out that she kissed this girl in front of her boyfriend and some other guys, just for jollies. I let her know, hopefully gently, that I wasn't really proud of her because I don't agree with kissing someone else while in a relationship. Kissing a girl doesn't mean anything if it's just for the sake of kissing a girl. Now if she'd told me that she'd kissed a girl after years of struggling to come out or trying to find a decent girlfriend, I'd be very proud!

But this, isn't it weird? Why are so many straight girls kissing other straight girls simply for their boyfriends' sakes?
Girls, haven't we more pride in ourselves?

[Zerbie]

Aw man. Not quite sure what I have to say to this. . .sounds like she's insecure and trying to wow her boyfriend. Kinda? I would find it incredibly awkward if someone said that to me, too.

What DOES it have to do with anything?

[Mia14]

I'm not sure what it has to do with anything, but I'm surprised that she thought I'd be proud of her just because she kissed a girl and I'm a lesbian.

[Britt.]

She's proud of ability to play a role in some college girls gone wild video, which is moronic, not her relationship status or her sexuality.

She should be proud of the relationship she's in (or get out of it), but that isn't the issue w/ her. She thought you'd be proud of her because you're lesbian, & she did something "controversial," which should make her thoughts on you fairly clear.

[Lydia]

Girls, haven't we more pride in ourselves?

Not according to a recent Salon.com (http://salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/06/20/girl_on_girl/) article on this subject. :rolleyes:

[Vanessa White]

Once again, sexual behavior gets clumped together with orientation, identity, and minimizes what we are about as far as just being people trying to live our lives. Yes, the intimate, sexual expression of our feelings is all part of being gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, or somewhere else on the spectrum. But it is not the entirety of it. And, to link that behavior with lesbianism by a friend just demeans it on so many levels. We need to evolve as human beings to not be so geared toward the immediate thrill of things, or at least to have some self-respect and self-love so that we don't participate in these types of activities. What a sad testament......

[Zerbie]

Not according to a recent Salon.com (http://salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/06/20/girl_on_girl/) article on this subject. :rolleyes:


AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! :eek:

Not surprised tho - this isn't exactly new.

The trouble with this kind of thing is that some folks are going to think it has something to with (probably not lesbianism, but) bisexuality. Which clarifies why when I came out to a (gay) colleague not long ago, he said:

":eek: And your husband is okay with it?!?!?!" I thought the question was bizarre and just said, of course. When I repeated the conversation to my husband later, hubby said, "And now he thinks you're doing it with girls on the side, or bringing them home with you for threesomes." Oh! Maybe! And stories like your pal's adventure would be the reason why.
:mad:

[sbonser04]

not to mention it confuses the heck outta lesbians like myself who are looking for a relationship.......i'm sure her b/f was egging her on...it seems to be most straight males fantasies to be w/ 2 women at one time.

[BruceChris]

Mia, maybe what is really at issue here are the various misunderstandings that could or will come out of this. Maybe you should offer her that salon.com article. Maybe the two of you should have a good talk. Maybe she has some growing up to do, but of course we all do.
Civilization is a work in progress, as are we.

(When Gandhi was asked what he thought of Western Civilization, he replied, he was looking forward to it.)

Peace and Love, BruceChris

[Zerbie]

not to mention it confuses the heck outta lesbians like myself who are looking for a relationship.......i'm sure her b/f was egging her on...it seems to be most straight males fantasies to be w/ 2 women at one time.

Ooh yeah! ya just nailed a biggie in my life: why I was so reluctant to come out as bi, and why I had such a hard time finding women who were willing to date a self-defined bisexual girl.

Once I came out as bi, I basically stopped meeting lesbians who were interested in dating me. I remember thinking, "I bet biphobia from the gay community is going to make me appear heterosexual by default, because I'm only meeting men now."

BC - laughed out loud at the Gandhi reference. That's hilarious!
Mia's pal does sound like she could stand a 2 minute short conversation about what sexual orientations mean as distinct from experimental behavior.