Alone and starting over...
My name is Scott. I was motivated to become part of this community after watching the documentary 'For the Bible Tells Me So.'
The film made me realize how alone I am in the world. My wealthy, appearance-conscious relatives have disowned me for being gay. I thought I could live a full life without family, but now I'm not so sure. There is a history of suicide among the men in my family. Although never discussed, I've learned that at least two of these men, my relatives, were gay. I don't want to become another statistic.
I'm well aware while we can't choose our relatives, we can choose our family. So, I'm here seeking a family whose love is unconditional. In addition, I want to become an active part of the Soulforce community in an effort to help others who've also found themselves in my situation.
I recently moved to Phoenix, AZ and desperately need help rebuilding my life with the help of supportive, nurturing individuals I one day hope to call 'family.' Will someone help me? Please?
Feel free to contact me at my regular email address: email@example.com.
Peace, love and light...
Welcome to SoulForce. We are like a family here and I am glad you found a place where you can be safe. I am sure that being alone is only a temporary situation and as you start to reach out to others in the community they will reach out to you. And you must remember that you are truly never alone, a higher power is there beside you and loves you just as you are. Many of us here have felt alone and full of despair to the point of suicide but we all know that isn't the answer. I am sure you will hear from Zerbie who is also in Arizona. She is a wonderful person. Right now she is very busy in Seven Straight Nights but I am sure you will hear from her. There are also very many people here that have sound advice and gentle. loving hearts. Welcome to the the SoulForce family.
Glad to have you with us. Please feel free to share more about yourself. Being alone is something that I know quite well. It seem like I am by myself most of the time. The people here online can help; they have been a support for me.
Something that is vitally important for me is being part of a faith community. In church I am part of a big family. It gives me strength and support. Being gay and Christian has its difficulties, but I have discovered there are places that are affirming and loving.
You and I are almost neighbors. By the standards of the west you are a stone's throw from me here in southwestern Colorado.
Tu Amigo, Pablo
Hello and welcome. Don't let it get you down, we are here for you.
Many of us have lost family because of who we love. I too have lost several members. The really funny part of it is the 3 people that have problems with me being a lesbian, are all in my fathers side( his mother, him and my borther)who out of 15 cousins...11 are LGBT!.:rolleyes:
You hang in there, we have learned to chose our own family. I rebuilt mine, with my wifes supportive parents, my mom and aunt, a mish mash of friends and those in the community itself.
Zerbie is in AZ, but she is working on Proposition 8 I believe. There are those of us there with you. I am sure when she gets time she will contact you or post here. Maybe you are close enough to help out with it. Anyhow, feel free to IM me is you would like to chat.
Welcome to our forums, Scott.
Those who posted earlier have pretty much covered welcoming you. Here's a couple of URL's that might interest you:
http://www.sevenstraightnights.org/article/31 -- Phoenix
http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showthread.php?t=1093 -- My wonderful church
Edit:BLDG? Does that stand for Building?
Peace and Love, Bruce Chris
Hi Scott and welcome. This is a wonderful site and you can feel free to be yourself. I am a trasngender person and the support of forums like Soulforce have helped me tremendously. I'm blessed to have a supportive spouse. Feel free to share more about yourself.
getting help here
I am also new to this site. I am married and still in the closet which makes me alone in a crowd that doesn't begin to understand.
I have only been on this site for a few weeks. Already I have several people I can chat with....members of the family..... that have helped more than I can tell them.
As a natural father of 3 girls and 1 adopted son, I can tell you DEFINITIVELY that "family" is not just biological. YOUR family is and will be those that care as much about you as you do about them. I know you will find that here just as I have. It may take some time, but take the time to chat...build bridges of love and hope with people who have walked in your foot steps before.
I'm not out of the woods, but I know where to turn when I need support and that means hope, love, and freedom for me!
Scott- Welcome to the forum. There is a member here who lives in the valley around Phoenix- and I bet she will make her appearance soon enough- Zerbie- Bekah has already mentioned her. And she goes to a gay -friendly church. Perhaps a place to start reaching out and choosing family?
You know, it's said that half of life is showing up. And it sounds that you are well on your way to finding you way.
Wishing you much peace and joy.
Glad to heve you here. :) You've come to the right place for supportive, nurturing individuals.
You said that you want to help others who've found themselves in your situation. That's great to hear because there are many who need help coping with rejection and depression because of their sexual orientation.
Here's a few help lines to offer people who have questions about homosexuality or coming out issues or thoughts of suicide.
The number below is a around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention helpline for LGBT youth. Print this number out and keep it with you in case you know of someone who may need to talk to a trained counselor.
The Trevor Helpline Crisis Control and Suicide Prevention for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender youth:
1-866-4-TREVOR or 1-866-488-7386
There's also a National Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Help Center with a toll-free hotline that also offers support for people with questions about homosexuality and coming-out issues.
Their number is 1-888-843-4564
They also have a website. Check it out at www.GLBTNationalHelpCenter.org
You can be a great help to people who are struggling with acceptance and questions about their sexual orientation.
It's great to have you here. I'm looking forward to hearing more from you.
Welcome to Soulforce. :)
We're neighbors. I have an idea for you. . . .
Your alone-ness is temporary. You've just moved here? Makes sense then, that you would feel on your own. I'm glad you're reaching out. You've already heard from a tremendous bunch of people here, and they have great insights and deep caring.
Perhaps with time, the relationship with your biological family may change. But you cannot spend your life waiting for that to happen. In the meantime, YES, you CAN create a family - your real family - with those who love you exactly as you are, no bullshit.
As our other friends have mentioned, we're neighbors. Hubby & I live east of Phoenix.
I've been totally busy working on the 7 Straight Nights project.
Any chance you might have heard about it, or drove past us the other night? We were standing vigil on the corner of 24th St & Camelback Rd, to deliver the message that we stand for unity and love in our community, and that everyone is a valued member of our society.
All the people who rallied, delivered speeches, held signs and candles, did that because they care about their gay neighbors in Arizona, and that includes YOU. All those people consider you a vital part of their community - and that doesn't mean gay community, that means the ENTIRE community. They're your family.
Here. Someone mentioned my church.
I'm inviting you to take a visit to the church I go to.
I am a life-long church-o-phobe, and yet I cannot emphasize enough how wonderful, warm, welcoming, and caring this group is. They will march miles to make you feel included and welcomed. I know, because I myself am very new there, and have only been going since the summer. Joining this church is one of the top 3 smartest things I ever did for myself.
The church is right in the center of Phoenix, off of 7th Ave by the corner of Indian School Rd.
If that isn't quite your speed, I can still recommend other valley organizations, including a few churches, that you might enjoy connecting with.
Let me know! I'm happy to list my personal recommendations.
Oh and - there's a big festival coming up in Phoenix in a few weeks. You may already know about it, the Rainbows Festival. And also the AIDS Walk. Those events will put you in touch with those who are active in the LGBTQ community. There's bound to be SOMEone or SOMEthing around that you'll connect with.
Aw, Zerbie, you cheated.
It was all those rainbow flags that clued you in, wasn't it?
What do you mean cheated? What do you mean clued me in?
(Missing something, here. . . .)
Well, you posted the link,
So, click on it
Peace, Love, and I really did not mean to provoke you, Bruce Chris
Welcome! :wave: You can definitely find a lot of support here at SF. And i can empathize with not wanting to be a statistic - been in that space myself more than once over the years.
There are many ways in which the stereotypes do not reflect the lives of LGBT people. One of the traits that's so often missed or dismissed is how we seem to create family wherever we are. Hang in there - if you want it, are open to it, and put yourself out there, i guarantee you'll gather a new family soon enough. You've already got one wonderful new acquaintance in the Phoenix area - Zerbie! :agree:
Please join in the discussions here that interest you - we don't bite (well, not very often, and not without significant provocation! :lol: ) There are also some great links and resources you can access through the menu bar in the Soulforce webpage headers.
Isn't "For the Bible Tells Me So" a great film? I still cry when watching the consecration of Gene Robinson as Bishop of New Hampshire. What do you like best about the movie?
i'm a southwest US neighbor to you as well - living in Corrales, New Mexico, a farming village sandwiched between Albuquerque and Rio Rancho. My beloved & i usually stop over in Phoenix when we drive to visit family in Los Angeles, though with gas prices so high, lately we've been more likely to take Amtrak.
Again, welcome to Soulforce.
Pax et bonum, :dove:
Your church's webpage has a nice display of rainbow flags, which is what BC was referring to, i believe.
Overwhelmed and overjoyed...
Hello to everyone who replied to my post!
I am overwhelmed by the compassion, kindness and suggestions in all of your messages. Each of you has welcomed me with open arms into the SF family. For that, I am grateful beyond words.
Several of you mentioned Zerbie would be writing me, and sure enough, she did. What an encouraging message filled with ideas to get me involved in the LGBT community here in Phoenix. I am interested in experiencing all of them.
A church home would be wonderful. It's actually quite close to me, so I will definitely check it out. Also, I was unaware of the upcoming Rainbows Festival and AIDSWalk. I suppose I've been living like somewhat of a hermit. But count me in on those events. I just need more information. And if you need an extra set of hands with the project you're currently working on, let me know. My regular email address is: firstname.lastname@example.org.
A few of you asked that I share a bit more about myself. I am a San Francisco Bay Area native and moved to Phoenix about three years ago. In the time I've lived here, I've found it very difficult to meet people; so much different than California. Although I have a small (like six) core group of wonderful friends here, they are all couples and I often feel like the 'fifth wheel' when I do things with them.
I guess that's why I feel alone. I've yet to find single friends. I suppose that's because I don't drink and rarely go out to the local bars. So, I've decided to 'start over,' as if I just moved to Phoenix and take a different approach to making friends. And that's why I'm here. SF seemed like a great way to connect with quality people and again be the activist I was in CA.
I was active in both gay and mainstream organizations, although my two favorites were the San Francisco AIDSWalk and Project Open Hand. I organized my company's (The Gap) team for three years, growing the SF-based retailer's participation from a mere 50 to well over 600. We were the second largest team, raising close to $100k for AIDS research and programs. It was an incredibly fulfilling experience, so I'd definitely like to be as involved in the Phoenix walk as possible.
What else to tell? I'm 38 and seemingly terminally single. I could have each of you on the floor laughing if I told you about my dating experiences. Apparently, the men who should be seeking serious psychological help are the ones who cross my path. I'm REALLY ready to change that. After all, the biological clock is ticking. ;)
So, hopefully, along with creating a new family, making new friends and becoming active in LGBT causes, I can actually find a husband, too. Gosh that's quite a laundry list. But, I'm ready and determined. Any further information anyone can provide about the events I mentioned and how I can get involved in them would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you again for the warm welcome into the SF family. I look forward to getting to know as many of you as possible. :)
Peace, love and light...
We're glad you're emerging from your 3 year hermitage!
Great that you're interested in checking out the church I attend - internet makes for a small world.
Hmmm - ways to get involved? Given your background, I should think you have a knack for finding ways to be active in your community. If I didn't already mention N Touch News, http://www.ntouchaz.com/index.shtml check them out - they, like Echo Magazine, are great at keeping one up to date on what's going on around the LGBT community in AZ.
Do you know about the 1 voice community center? They have classes, meetings, etc. I've never actually been to any of their events, but the classes often look very interesting, and many of them are free!
Our 7 Straight Nights project in Phoenix just wrapped up last week so I'm trying to take a little rest time for myself and my own life, now that's all over.
Glad you checked back in. Maybe we'll see each other at church some Sunday.
Welcome Scott, very glad that you found us! :)
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