Who's the man??
 

I've had many people ask me "Who's the man" in my relationship. We usually answer that, as we are lesbians, there IS NO MAN in the relationship:lol: , but I understand what they are alluding to - gender roles in relationships.

I pose the same question to you:
"Who's the man in your relationship?"

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I like to think that we're in a relationship of equals where both of us play both parts, but it's not real.

Truly, we switch roles based on our own personal preferences for the situation. For example, when it comes to giving gifts, I like to be the romantic and buy flowers, candy, and other such things. Conversely, my gf hardly ever wears make-up, doesn't own a single dress or skirt, and usually dresses more masculine.

I was thinking about that concept yesterday. The relationship isn't like that. the various jobs don't fall along gender lines, so there is more equality in the relationship. If a person were given bits of info about our relationship, they might assume something that isn't quite true:

I am a good cook and I like to cook, so I do most of the cooking.
Scott does a lot of the heavy duty moving, lifting, etc. he just tore down a chicken coop on his parents' property.

from that, one might figure I'm the "woman" and he's the "man." That's not quite true though, because Scott is a much better housekeeper than I am, and I have a much higher income. So with those bits of info, you could totally reverse the idea of who fills which role.

It seems that a better way to think of it is to get rid of the notion of traditional gender roles. We're certainly not fulfilling our gender roles in the traditional hetero way, so no need to assume them in our relationships. We share the household chores; and we work to our strengths. As far as the bedroom is concerned, it's no one's business and I will certainly let people know that in a clear way, if I'm ever asked. Besides, there are so many fun ways to pleasure each other, intercourse itself becomes one of the choices that may or may not happen. (at least it works that way for us!) sorry if that's tmi

Why, *I* am of course!
 

Oh my word! Mia! You crack me up! :lol:

Seriously tho, I have always liked to be the aggressive one in relationships. Is that "male???" I like to pursue someone about a thousand times better than I like being pursued. Or maybe that's just because most of the people who pursued me were folk I wasn't interested in? Whereas if I met someone I wanted, I just went for it.

When I dated girls, I almost always went for girls even more femme than I am (and I come across as really, really girly). As to dating boys, I had an argument with a male date once about who got to "protect" the other by taking the trafficky side of the sidewalk! :lol:

In my marriage, I totally enjoy sparring with my husband over the role of "Alpha Male." It completely cracks him up that I even try. Of course, biology has me at a major disadvantage. :lol: But that doesn't stop me, at 5'7" and 130 pounds, from attempting to wrestle my 6' tall, 205 pound husband. I consistently lose, but hey, I'm not about to complain when a cutie pins me down. :p

So, er, fun question. :D Even if it *does* open a worm can of gender stereotypes. ;)

ME, Guilty........LOL

I am definately the more dominant one in a relationship.....i like to be in control, i like to be the one paying, driving, holding the girl while we sleep, just stuff like that....

its weird but thats just how i am, right mia?

Just a buddy and me
 

In the relationships that I've had there's never been one of us that's more dominate. It's always just been a couple of guys that enjoy each other's company. I've been in love a few times. It's great.

There's nothing more fun than being with a buddy and throwing a couple of sleeping bags in the back of the truck and heading up to the Blue Ridge Mountains to camp out in the woods.

Just me and him sitting by a big campfire with a couple of cold beers looking up at the stars and talking about stuff.

That's the good life.:)

Rick

Just watch the Mommy Dearest eyebrows
 

Ohh stop Rick, you describe my fave weekend, but a 'couple' sleeping bags? There's your problem right there (and no, I live in Colorado, so its not just BBmountain fever):o Make it the Rockies and ya got a deal;)

Anyhoo, I don't have the hips, and aprons just hang off me, so obviously I look for a high maintenance woMAN to do my cookin' and cleanin'. Finding one thats masculine at the same time is a bit of a ...bear. :lol: Ahhh. I crack myself up. (what, no furry smileys?)

But seriously, roles are an odd thing. I am pretty masculine (?) and like the same, and typical roles mean little. Chores are shared and skills/likes, all even out...

Now to throw a spanner in the works, gay men tend to fall into more specific roles in their more private moments. Let "pitcher" and "catcher" suffice to paint that picture. One usually prefers one over the other, butt (there i go again :D ) both are usually (better be) willing to be flexible (ha hahaha), in more ways than one... But...Thats a little (speak for yourself) different topic...

Question: Do women's "roles" extend into the bedroom and become more distinct as men's usually do?:eek: :lol: No, seriously... Shut up:mad:

Shhheesh. I give up... what were we talking about? Bet this didn't help...

Awediot,

I used to do the one sleeping bag thing when I was younger. It was fun then. :D

But now? Nope! I need my own bag. I can't sleep with somebody snoring in my ear. Besides...I'm not a morning person. If he starts getting frisky before I've had my coffee.....it aint gonna happen!!.:mad:

Coffee first....then.....well.....I want more coffee!

But....at night?.....after a few Budwisers?....:D!!!

Rick

There is no man!
 

Mia, you are too funny. I was approached by my cousin at a family reunion a year or so ago and she said, "So I hear you have a new fella, what's his name?" (She didn't know I was a lesbian) So I smiled and said, "Rebecca". It took a minute, but then she said, "Oh, OH! So you're a ..." and I smiled again and said, "Yep, I'm a...." We left it there.

I have been divorced for 5 glorious years and there is no way in *&@* I would EVER go back to a man. My wife keeps asking me how I stayed married to a man for so long. Can't answer that one. All I know, is I wouldn't trade my wife for anything in this world. ;)

Do I want to stick my toe in this water??
 

For those of you who know me, and those of you who know me better, I tend to get so inclusively focused that I avoid these types of discussions almost completely. But, okay, I'll bite. In my last two relationships which have both been long term (so far), I have tended to take on the more effeminate role in the relationship, the skirts, the makeup, the heels, the wife. My partner(s) have been more on the masculine side, as far as dress, hobbies/interests- both have liked physical labor, fixing things, building things, etc. However, I have empowered myself as the usually typical girly-girl (describing myself only) to learn how to fix things, build things, work outdoors, etc. and it feels great! I try to combat the gender roles as much as possible, and it actually feels really good when I meet a fellow girly girl lesbian because I feel pleasantly surprised!!! I have to work on my own "gaydar" type assumptions about others as well, I am a work in progress. Peace all!!!! Vanessa:love:

Interesting Thread...
 

For me and my GF, there really isn't male/female roles. She's the jock, I'm the girly girl but she can get a bit girly and I can be fairly butch depending on the situation. She likes to be in control, and I don't mind relinquishing control because - and ALL you girls out there say it with me - us girls always have control anyway! She prefers the yard work and I the housework, although we both share most duties. She hates the cleaning bathrooms and I enjoy that - a little work leads to quick results!

But, she's afraid of spiders and I'm not, and likewise she hates snakes and reptiles and I like them. I'm the horse person, she's sort of getting to know horses from a distance. She enjoys the occasional spoilage day of sitting around with the TV remote, a cold beer and having me wait on her, and I enjoy that too. But she's also very motherly when I'm ill, more so than I am. Neither of us likes dresses, but I'm fairly femme in my dressing (no dresses tho), wear makeup, etc. GF is a Levi dockers, polo shirt and slip on shoes type. She likes functional gym wear, I'll tolerate warmer clothing as long as it looks cute and trims me up!

Oh gosh, can't talk about the bedroom - but yup, there are 'roles' with women Awe - GF tends to be the dominant one, although sometimes I gotta put my Superman cape on....

Can't believe I said that! :eek:

He cooks. I clean.

He scrubs out the shower. I scrub out the sinks.

He takes out the trash. I mow the lawn.

I'm messy about papers. He's messy about clothes on the floor.

We don't worry about gender roles at all, and somehow everything gets done.

:love:

James

edit: Here's us in front of Sacré-Coeur in Paris.

hmm...
 

Maybe I didn't express my opinion well enough... I meant to express that there aren't any real roles in our relationship either because it's just not one of those kind of relationships

Yes, sbonser, you're the man! :lol:

I think it's funny how many people have told me "You don't look like a lesbian". Gee, I didn't know we had a uniform... Where would we even order those?

I think it's fun - male or female - to flip stereotypical gender roles. I still think it's fun sometimes (as much as I love being a woman) to dress up like a guy just to throw people off. I don't do it as much now as I used to when I was younger, but it was fun to hang out with my male friends and try to pass as "one of the guys".

As far as gender roles in the bedroom, you guys:rolleyes: , I'm not sure I care to venture too far into that subject except to say that nobody needs to know details as long as everyone's happy.

Mia- I don't think we've ever been asked this question in the 14 years we're been together. I don't know why that it, though it may have something to do with the fact that we're both over 6 feet tall.

I'm curious as to who's asking you. It is men or women or both? I could see guys doing after having watched the fascination that straight men can have with two women together- but that's all about their projections.

We've sorted things out as they've arisen over the years, finding out that it's been more about letting the other person do what they do well. The only problems have been when we've forgotten this and one of us mistakenly thinks he has to be in 'control'.

We share everything materially speaking- and have learned more and more to share everything that is immaterial too. That's perhaps the most important stuff. Last I heard, dreams and fears don't have a gender.

We're been dreaming of going to Paris! I'm so jealous. Now we really have to make plans to go. You both look great and very happy together.

Hubby is an organist- and knows the church you're standing in front of.

they ask me questions, all sorts of questions...
 

I've always tried to be very open with everything and maybe this is what has backfired into these weird questions that people ask me and I, in turn, ask you guys.

I've had some of my aunts ask me, no friends, but some co-workers. Mostly people who don't know enough either about homosexual life or social manners to stop them from asking such a question.:rolleyes:

Backfire? Sounds like, despite the lack of manners of certain people, you are able to bring a great deal of light to unenlightened minds. You go girl.

Mia, that is exactly the point of all these posts - there really isn't any gender specific roles we adhere to. Sounds like we all just 'do our thing.' Increasingly, I find that in the heterosexual relationships I know of, mostly with the younger crowd. Some of us 'oldies' are stuck in a rut! (Some of us, not all!)

This is a great thread as it shows that we are all diverse as humans - not because we are GLBT, but because we are people.