Marriage details!
 

Okay, let your creative juices flow. If you could have or are planning to have a wedding or commitment ceremony, where would it be and what would it (and you) look like? I feel like I go through days when I kind of obsess a little about how I would plan it, so it got me curious about all of my friends here.

For myself (and whoever the other self is ) I would like to have the ceremony in Vermont or Provincetown. I would like it to be a female minister. I would like to wear some type of wedding dress- not necessarily a flowing gown, but something pretty formal and a veil, but no shoes! I would like to have the ceremony outside, and have myself and my love enter under the gazebo type decoration together. I want very few people there, definitely family and only a very few friends. I want quiet music of some type, maybe guitar/folk type music. I want LOTS of flowers, and to create vows that come from the deepest part of my soul. I want my daughter to be part of the ceremony, and I want a big party with music and food and drink and laughter and love. Basically, I want it all, and I know that it will be for me someday...... What about the rest of you? Do tell!

I am a real queen when it comes to weddings! :p I keep a book of wedding ideas and buy lots of wedding mags. I will elaborate on my personal dreams in a later post when I have some time.

Find a beautiful natural spot, not too out of the way for witnesses, but out of view of anything manmade. Have a justice of the peace officiate, with no funds wasted on decor. Then back to a major bash at a private place.

Ideal ceremony for me.:)

On the beach just before sunset, barefoot, soft music playing mixed with the sounds of birds, those who love us (both of us) are there, the two of us and our official/minister/ministress and God with our loved ones in a simple yet moving ceremony some of which was penned by us, nothing too formal for wear and definitely no shoes! Oh, and if it was perfect our dogs would be there too! :love:

After, a wild party at a rented house and lots and lots of dancing, singing, laughing and general celebrating! :aparty:

Well, I just did it on September 24th of 2005.

It was a garden party in my boss and friend's backyard. The gang I work with and friends collected dining room tables from all over and china from other friends. Each table was set in the garden with nice linens and a glass hurricane globe in the center.

We had the ceremony under an harbor with a justice of the peace. My sister read a beatiful Walt Whitman Poem and my partner and I wrote the ceremony.

It was a blast and I can't remember half of it because it seem to fly by with so much going on at once. I could send you the ceremony if you wanted to read it.

I actually invision the same thing as tdogg..... beach... no shoes... family and close friends... even that party sounds perfect.:shifty: weird how close that is.

Joe... please post if you can... it sounds wonderful.... do you have pictures that you are able to post?

Two Weddings
 

My husband and I had two weddings. The first one was 7 years ago on the Summer Solstice at a wonderful Victorian hotel in Saratoga Springs.

It was a Buddhist ceremony- the center of which is the reciting of poems that are written- at most- only a few days before.

Here's mine which was written the night before:

At dawn, I surrender,
Hearing the birds sing
Somehow breaks my
Self-imposed spell.
I am reminded,
Infused with an unspeakable joy-
You are in the sky, the birdsong,
The touching of my bare feet
Against the wooden floor-
In my heart as it sings
Sweet music.
Grinning from ear to ear,
I sit and write a love
Poem to you.

The altar had fragrant and lush white peonies spilling out of two orange, blue and white oriental vases. The altar itself had a Buddha along with a Byzantine icon of Jesus, a incense burner and a gong with which our officiant- a lesbian Buddhist nun in full regalia- lightly marked the prayers. A dear friend- a wonderful actor- gave two readings by Gibran- on Love and Marriage.

We exchanged rings. Mine somehow ended up on the wrong hand.

We repaired to a walled garden where a harpist played Rogers and Hart, Geshwin, and other Standards. Our 30 guests had instant cameras and happily captured the merriment. Champagne flowed along with light food and the most wonderful strawberry shortcake I've ever had.

It was 90 degrees and the most intense and joyous day of my life.

Marriage number two took place at Toronto City Hall on June 28th- the day- serindipitously- that Canada extended gay marriage to two provinces and one territory. (We went to Canada to obtain a legal docuement that would be honored by my place of employment and my husband would be accorded health benefits.) A camera crew from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation asked to film the wedding which resulted in us being part of a piece on gay marriage which was shown that evening- footage was later picked up by American stations the next day.

I felt changes with each ceremony- the bond between us was strengthened and clarified- it made a difference. I believe ceremonies are necessary for the simple reason that- when done with intentionality- they have the capacity to reveal us to ourselves and to each other.

Everyone cried.

Y'all, this thread is SO romantic. I'm getting all gooey! :D
:love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

Daniel, thanks for the beautiful description of your ceremony. What a romantic poem!

I am with ya 110% about feeling changes after the ceremonies. I had NO idea what I was in for when I got married. The ceremony definitely changed something. Things. It has just been a very different feeling since then, and I can't articulate any hows, just that it's different.

I hope it's okay if I describe my wedding here too.

Dh was happy to let me plan the wedding of my "dreams" & just go along with whatever I wanted. I never daydreamed about weddings, so had no "dream" to try and match. Plus we decided we wanted to do it in 6 short months, and all the plans had to be done long distance as we lived 1000 miles apart. What ended up happening was:

We married in his best friends' house (his best friend was the Best Man), in their living room right next to the grand piano. There were 27 people including ourselves and the minister. Since neither of us is a church goer, but we both wanted a "spiritual" ceremony, we located a Unitarian Universalist minister and interviewed him, and he us. He was the first minister we talked to and he was a perfect fit.:) I was insistent that whoever officiate at our wedding also be an advocate for same-sex marriage, with the determination that anyone who isn't doesn't understand what marriage is to hubby & me either. This guy (straight & married) has been an outspoken advocate of same-sex marriage since before I was born! He grilled us pretty hard too about our age difference and the fact that we had known each other less than a year, but we ended up satisfied all round.

So - the ceremony. We ordered a floral altar made for the living room, hired a caterer who busied himself in the kitchen. We hired 5 colleagues - soprano, mezzo, tenor, baritone, and pianist and gave them a rep list of pieces we wanted inserted at intervals into the ceremony. Singers were told to wear whatever they wanted but to coordinate colors/ styles/level of formality amongst themselves. They all looked beautiful. They performed a melange of medieval and Rennaissance love songs and Ave Marias. The Maid of Honor was also a singer, and she performed the Mahler Liebst du um Schoenheit (for all you singer types out there!) as well.

For many reasons: I look horrible in white. Arizona is HOT in May. The wedding was in the morning. It was a small space. . . I did NOT want to be overpowered by a 30 pound white gown. Instead, I bought an off-the-rack simple dress in light silver blue. Hubby wore his tux.

We recited vows that the UU church provided which we found suited us. We made silly mistakes - I followed my frazzled dad through the wrong door at the start of the ceremony which meant I didn't walk down the little aisle they had made in the living room. My husband was crying so hard when I entered the room we lost our self control and grabbed hands about 15 minutes too early, so we were facing each other with our arms locked when the minister, reading the script, said "Now face each other and take hands." People laughed softly. Then at the end of the ceremony when the minister said to kiss, we apparently kept at it for a rather long time. ;) It didn't seem long to us. But while we were kissing, the grandfather clock in the room began to chime, and everyone laughed.

Then we had a lunch reception in the same room, and speeches were made, but I really don't remember it except that the maid of honor embarassed me, but that's okay, it was cute. :p Oh and the caterer forgot the salads. That's all I remember. I know my husband made a big presentation welcoming me to the familial clan (he's of Scottish decent), and pinned a tartan on top of the wedding dress. I know we cut the cake and fed each other. I know this from the photos. I don't remember any of it.

At the end of that day, I felt, unexpectedly, more horrible than I had ever felt before. Like I had been run over by 100,000 MACK trucks. Hubby said he felt about the same. We were thoroughly exhausted from all the emotion. And to make matters worse we left for the airport at 5am to fly to Europe, so we were jet-lagged from the wedding before we even started travel. :lol: But somehow, I remember almost every detail of that flight and the arrival at the Paris hotel where I couldn't wait to tell the concierge, "nous venons de nous marier ce weekend." "we just got married this weekend." :love: :love: :love:

My advice to all is: create a ceremony that fits you and your partner, and don't worry about it fitting your dream vision - because it's *your* relationship you are celebrating, and the ceremony you get will be better than anything you could possibly imagine beforehand. Ours was. :D :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

This is what was read at my wedding. I'm not a very traditional person. Neither is my SO. We were happy with a short, sweet civil ceremony at city hall. No fuss, no muss :) -


"While they had known each other online for some time previously, Lydia and Drew met in person one year ago tomorrow when Drew visited Lydia after attending a Universalist conference near her home in Ohio.

While both Lydia and Drew consider themselves to be Christians, they also consider themselves to be Freethinkers who do not generally accept the status quo, and as such have requested that I say a few words about their wedding and marriage. Lydia and Drew would like to announce that their wedding today and their continuing marriage shall not be construed as an endorsement of matrimony as an historically unjust institution, nor as a sanction of any remaining marital laws which might still be unfair.

Lydia and Drew will each retain their respective birth names, and prefer to avoid the labels "husband" and "wife" as much as is possible and practical. Lydia and Drew are peers, friends and lovers; and neither of them wishes to be a manager of the other, as the term "husband" implies, or the property of the other, as the term "wife" has been used.

Lydia and Drew wish it to be known that they are appreciative of your presence here today. A wedding is a public testimony for the sake of family and friends, society and legality. But a marriage is a very personal thing.To Lydia and Drew, a marriage is an affectionate agreement between equals, a loving contract between peers that requires no blessing above or beyond the mutual respect, admiration and trust of two individuals who cannot imagine not spending the rest of their lives together.

Anyone who knows Lydia and Drew as individuals knows that neither of them is apt to sacrifice their individuality for any reason; but you also know that as a couple united in love and common goals, they most often find themselves thinking and acting "as one," in harmony. Both of them know that you cannot give or receive love unless you love yourself first. Marriage is not an institution in which the self is lost: it is a place where the self is found. Lydia and Drew have found themselves, with each other, "at home." "

ooooo!!!
 

Okay, I've been thinking about this a lot lately and going throguh so many maybes. Nothing's set yet, but I don't think I want a white dress either, Zerbie. Instead, I think I'd like me and mine to wear complimenting, but not identical dresses - something simple, but elegant and pretty.

I have a very large Italian family, so I'd like to invite them all (whether or not all will attend is another thing entirely), but I don't think many people from her family will come at all. They don't even know we're together yet and we're already this far in.

I'd like the general theme of the wedding, as long as the large Italian family will actually come, to be more focused on the people. Food will probably be modest, as will decor and location, because the two of us will likely foot the entire bill ourselves. I'm not sure where I'd like yet (I want us BOTH to decide) or even when, but I'd like to propose in May (but not this one) and maybe get married in May as well. Something about May...

hmmm i think....
 

i think i want it to be very simple.....i would want my closest friends and hopefully my parents and brother would be there......but i don't know how they would handle that.

anyhow i would probably wear a simple suit, i really don't like dresses, and my girl could wear whatever she wanted to wear....i guess we would have to be in a state where it was legal, or canada. a JP could do the ceremony, exchange rings, b/c music is a big part of my life i would probably write a song and play it for her......and then a reception w/ lots of music, food, and alcohol haha.

of course the perfect wedding for me would be w/ a certain person......*wink wink*

:sigh:
 

:D Silly you, sbonser, let's not put the carriage before the horse... you need to date the girl before you can marry her! :lol: