“There are two kinds of light—the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures." —James Thurber
Yes, I used deception of my identity to protect my self. Yet it’s funny that there has been such a drive to find out the identity of someone at a school that is claimed to expel students for being gay. Needless to say the attempt to force them to reveal information that would disclose their identity beyond a shadow of a doubt. This also seems hypocritical from an organization trying to “help” students attending Anti-GLBT schools.
That said, now I and a couple other students have now been “outted” by someone who has been reading the posts here. I, and other students, were called in for a meeting to discuss what was said / discussed here. As a result I have been suspended from summer classes and pending further investigation for possible dismissal.
Yes, the parts of my life that may have needed illumination at some point. But no one has the right to force anyone to reveal any aspect of their life, as Jamie attempted with me.
I feel was shown the deepest disrespect from people here, Jamie by name, in not seeing the position I was being forced into. Any further personal disclosure here would, and has jeopardized my “real life.” As time progressed here I had revealed pieces of my identity as I saw fit, not as others saw fit.
Now, I am going to wake up Monday and think how I should be in class but thanks to the actions of a Soulforce staff member I am not allowed to attend my class.
I stand by all statements I have made, past and current. Since I refuse to give into Jamie’s demands for further disclosure, that I am unwilling to provide, it will be best if you, Jamie, restrict my account so there can never be any questions about my involvement in this community.
Finally; Zerbie, awediot, Dash, Dew_Drop, Keltic63, Schoolboy, and a few others. Thank your for your support, while we have had heated arguments and rarely see eye to eye you always showed me the respect of the place I was in and what I had on the line attempting to be involved here.
Maybe next time a closeted and confused student approaches Soulforce they will be shown a measure of respect and grace for what they are placing on the line.
As before if you e-mal me I will be more then happy to talk with some of you.
Light upon Light
One, One One from Light Upon Light, Inspirations from RUMI by Andrew Harvey
The Lamps are different.
But the Light is the same.
So many garish lamps in the dying brain's lamp-shop,
Forget about them.
Concentrate on essence, concentrate on Light.
In lucid bliss, calmly smoking off its own holy fire,
The Light streams towards you from all things,
All people, all possible permutation of good, evil, thought, passion.
The lamps are different,
But the Light is the same.
One matter, one energy, one Light, one Light-mind,
Endlessly emanating all things.
One turning and burning diamond,
One, One, One.
Ground youself, strip yourself down,
To blind loving silence.
Stay there, until you see
You are gazing at the Light
With its own ageless eyes.
Understand your anger
This could be a blessing in disguise. Have you considered a learning institution that does not discriminate this way? Why give your current one any more money? That only feeds the problem. Part of life is learning to pick your own battles, and this institution seems to be unworthy of your time, your cash or your mind. Move on (I know it will be hard, but will be worth the effort) and get yourself someplace healthy for you to get on with your life.
I wish you well.
(also sent privately)
Take yer partner...where?
Imagine a dance between two men. The music starts. One does all the moving. The other stays stock still. It seems that whatever move is made is by the older of the two is the wrong one. Nothing satisfies the younger man. What does the immobile man want? He can't, or won't say. In time, the dancing man is made to feel he can't dance, nothing he does is right. Eventually he stops.
This writer sincerely wishs Venari well, as he is sure many who have visited this forum do. However, after having contact with Venari both privately and publicly, his writer must counter the assertion there was any 'witch hunt'.
On the contrary, this writer, before events unfolded as they did, had already communicated to Venari that he could not engage in further dialogue via pm's (he had just gotten back from vacation) for the simple reason that professional committments left him with little time and energy to spare. There was another, more personal reason: Venari, who initiated contact with this writer via pm's and then private email by sending personal information, did not seem willing to engage in conversations that were mutual and forthright. This writer, with no suggestion or help from anyone, came to question Venari's motives for contacting him and saw his involvement with Venari as unwise.
A few days after breaking contact, events were brought to a head by an ERider who intuited, correctly as has been noted, that Venari was in fact his former boyfriend, the same person who harrassed him and caused him to be expelled from NCU. This writer was alarmed that his unease was confirmed by a third party and left to conclude that Venari's motives, explanations and relating of events- as yet unsubstantiated- should be questioned before taken at face value.
There are commonly two sides to every story maybe you should get all the "facts" before making accusations reguarding events you know NOTHING about. Also you act all "mature" you need to grow up and act like the adult you claim you are ... enough said.
All this frustration over what? He said this, he said that, what does it benefit anyone to argue over what was said? What we have are two people who are both very passionate and, yes, both a bit sensitive. I have my own opinions, too, on what has been happening, but what does it do to discuss who's been wronged more greatly? All this arguing on the boards isn't helping anybody and nothing is changing.
I respect both of you and value your opinions in this forum, but enough is enough. Please, can we move on?
I am leaving due to the issues listed and as an example here and the causing of un-necessary drama.
Jamie when ever you get around to it you can shut down my account.
We look forward to the day when you see yourself as God does... perfect, whole & complete... just as you are... just as He made you.
Living a life of peace, happiness and integrity is possible and I believe that is what you are being called to.
I'm sorry things didn't work out with your ex-boyfriend. Breakups are hard to go through. My pastor's sermon this past weekend was on new beginnings. The last meal Jesus shared with the disciples wasn't the passover... it was breakfast. In the same way that the sun shines new each morning, may you have many wonderful new beginnings in your life.
I pray that your new beginnings will be filled with hope and your endings filled with gratitude.
I'm sure Venari, I know myself and I would imagine a few on this site sure could use some of the comfort and spiritual boost of feeling "perfect", "whole" and "complete" just as we are. It would sure take some of the pressure off and ease much of that cyclical soul searching, which apparently amounts to trying to improve on perfection anyway... Are there some reputable texts out there where God says as much? Or might you share how others can arrive at such an esteem? I bet Venari would appreciate it too...
From the day you were born, a spark of the divine has been a part of your being. How could anything truly be wrong with the "you" that you are underneath everything you think you must be? You were intentionally created with love and purpose. Jer 29:11
For most of us, our journey through life is an attempt to see ourselves without judging... without wishing we were different or better. We strive to look good, to prove our goodness & worthiness to ourselves and others. If only we could see ourselves the way God does.
If only we could know the immensity of God's love for us.
Even when we mess up.
Even when we're full of hate and sin.
Even when we're weak.
God has called you clean. She has made you worthy. Not through a crucifixion or some pennance you must pay, but through the simple gift of life She gave you. When Paul was trying to justify why he wasn't preaching the good news to certain kinds of people, God reprimanded him: "How dare you call unclean what I have made clean."
The "you" that you are... your being... is perfect, whole & complete. You are beautiful and radiant in God's eyes. Your actions, words, beliefs may not reflect that you know who you are... yet... but they don't change who you are.
There is nothing that can separate you from God's love.
When we glimpse the divine love & presence that has wrapped itself in our being, we begin to embrace who we really are. The knowledge of our place in God's heart helps us grow and eventually our lives begin to resemble who we really are... but even then, I think it's just a glimmer.
When we become conduits of God's love and mercy we have those glory moments... we see ourselves so incredibly connected to the divine and the divine flows through us... and that is the truth of who you are...
Perfect... God did not make a mistake with you...
Whole... There is nothing you lack...
Complete... You are not partially complete, almost complete or on your way to becoming complete. You are complete.
I reccommend reading:
"Here I Stand" & "A New Christianity for a New World" by John Shelby Spong
Anything by Max Lucado. He writes in a beautiful & compelling way that will cause you to encounter Christ in a very personal way. Seeing yourself through the eyes of Christ is life-changing.
I definitely love the theology of "original blessing" as oppossed to "original sin." http://www.nfgcc.org/mattfox.htm
"Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting"
"Beyond Positive Thinking"
I highly recommend www.landmarkeducation.com if you are interested in transforming the way you see yourself & rediscovering what is possible in your life.
Perfect + 1
If one is 'perfect', what need is there for God?
Who you are is perfect... but you may not (probably not) be living up to who you are...
I believe we are perfect because of the presence of God that is wrapped into our being... not because of what we say or do...
Through our faith, worship & practice, we learn more about God and become more aware of God's presence in our lives...
We see ourselves the way God sees us...
And hopefully, our lives begin to reflect that knowledge.
Read the script. Don't get I'm golden from it, and found the couple preceding it, Jer. 29:8,9 - 8~ For thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, Let not your prophets and your diviners, that be in the midst of you, deceive you, neither harken to your dreams which which ye cause to be dreamed. 9~ For they prophecy falsley unto you in my name. I have not sent them saith the Lord. to be rather distracting. Wouldn't think the Bible would be a good source for feeling perfect or loved just as we are.
I am plenty familiar with Spong and Fox. Googled a bit on Lucado and I would need to do more, but doubt he wouldn't get along real well with the other two.
I don't see how you believe that simply because God made me, and left His mark, that makes me perfect. He also made in me the will to de-perfect myself, not just my actions, and a big world to do it in. Whatever His presence remains in my being, that is the only perfect part, supporting and purifying the imperfection that is my being, by default and His grace. You basically said the same yourself.
Perhaps God sees us much like we should see each other, or better, how we see children. Lovable, corruptible, improvable, immature, self-centered and redeemable... The day he see me as perfect is the day He is done with me. And I often see those who think they are perfect and above reproach, causing the most damage. Whatever religion they use to get there.
Yes, God Loves me as I am, and sees plenty of room for improvement. The amount of presence I allow Him in my life is up to me. The day I think I'm perfect, is conversely the day I am done with Him... The day I think I am Him... and I have yet to see this actually make anyone act more like Him. It doesn't seem to work from the inside out.
:) It is difficult to communicate ideas like "being" on a message board.
I'll share more when I have more time.
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