Freedom: my family's story
 

Many of the forum members have heard about some of the issues my family had with my biological father.

History:
He was abusive towards my mom since they got married in 1989. He was incapable of being there for my mom when she miscarried a baby shortly after we moved to Washington in 2002. By February 2004 she had filed for a divorce under extreme circumstances. Over two years later and much fighting the divorce was final in April 2006.
Summer of 2006, with help from a forum member (Patrick), we (my sis and I) went to the Soulforce 1000 Watt March with our father. By September 2006, we had decided that we did not deserve to have to go see him every week and have that sick feeling in the pit of our stomachs. He insulted our mom, we were exhausted, we knew he was lying to us and we decided we deserved better. September 2006 was the last time he had visitation.
We found out from our therapist, that he forced us to go to, a few weeks later that he was getting married. He never bothered to tell us about the wedding.
December 2006 he showed up at a school program, that my sister and I were in, unannounced. My sister and I were extremely shook-up. That was the last time that we saw him.
For the next four years he tried many times to get back in contact with us, this included bribes that got to the point of being scary and demeaning. We ignored them because of how much happier we were without his presence in our lives. The only contact we had in these four years was strictly business.
Under the divorce settlement all of our income from him and all of his obligations ended August 2010. He had recently requested that my sister and I’s college funds be returned to him and he started a legal battle. We were ready to give up; we thought for sure that we were going to be forced to return it to him just to get him to leave us alone.

Current Situation:
August 31, 2010 it all ended. After back and forth arguing, which my mom and sister had to be kept out of for health purposes, he gave up. From the emails that I had been sending him, he finally realized that one way or another he wasn’t going to be in contact with my sister and I. The man who never gives up responded to an email that started with: “Ok, I give up.”
I jumped out of bed and ran into my room after I read the email. I was in shock and SO happy. I told my mom and sister. A 300 lb burden was just lifted off our shoulders. My mom burst into tears, the release was unreal. For so many years we needed that release.
I would like to think that he did not have any power over us because you have to give someone permission to control you, but he managed to turn our stomachs every time.
He freed us. He relinquished our money to us. He no longer owes us anything or has any say about our lives. No one in the family slept that night, we were in shock and happy; we were flying high. For the next couple days the shock didn’t wear off, still hasn’t completely. We were emotionally exhausted but for the first time in years we were all finally able to wake up and feel rested and safe.

This is freedom.

Dearest Jennifer: Wow! I hadn't heard the whole story before, but I'm so happy for you that this trauma in your life is now history. Know that I am keeping you and your family in my prayers and keep your focus on the future. Much love, Kara

wow! what a story!

His need to prey on his children is astounding and certainly should earn him a public profile with law enforcement!

One thing I learned is that when I was attacked in my home by my Ex is to make it very clear in the witness or police report that you fear for your life and to separate the incident into two distinct attacks.

Just in case in the future ther is trouble. This is how a restraining order gets emergently enforced.

Congratulations on your freedom! You are entitled to many joys ahead of yooou!

Dear Jen
 

I am very happy for you and your family. You've been on a very long and hard journey. And I wish you many more years of peace and release.

Thank you Kara :love:
You, amongst others here, have been very supportive over the years. :)


During the divorce local police were keeping an eye on him and my mom still has a restraining order against him. I thought about getting one but decided against it because of how annoying the process is. Since he never got physically violent with my sister or I, I do not feel that it is necessary.

He is the pastor at the church down the street from us, remarried and moved on with his life. I think we're safe now. If he ever harasses us again then I'll look into it.

Thanks for the congrats :)


Thank you and thank you for all the times that I looked up to you for comfort during hard times. :love:

Dear Jen:
 

Jen, you have always been one of my favorite people.

I am happy for you that your life has taken a quantum leap for the better. I didn't really understand your situation in terms of your father, until this letter.

My life has also gotten much better recently, but that is matter for a whole 'nother thread.

"Live long and prosper"

Peace and Love, BruceChris (And Spock, of course)

I appreciate it BC. :love:
It has been quite a journey and things are looking up. I'd be interested in hearing your story if you chose to share is. "Life is a journey, not a destination." -Ralph Waldo Emerson :)

Future Looks Bright
 

Jen, I heard this story but thank you for sharing. You and your family finally have some peace in your life. You stood your ground and he may have discovered that you would not be bullied. It took a lot of courage what you did.

I just pray that the future is bright for you all. In time you will feel that freedom in your soul, heart, and mind.

Gennee

:love::love::love:

Thank you Gennee.

That's exactly what happened, he discovered that no matter what he had lost his chance to have a relationship with my sister or I.

Since that night, I have emailed him regarding medical bills and he has only been kind. The email I received tonight had made me feel good, he did not say anything pushy at all. I don't think there will be a relationship again, it hurt to much, but who knows what the future holds. He stopped fighting and it seems to be sincere; I have closer and I don't feel afraid. :)

So glad to hear this! All the best for your future!

I'm glad things are working out for your family, Jen. It does sound like a great weight was lifted from you. Hopefully that chapter in your life is closed.

RE: restraining orders
A restraining order is just a piece of paper until a cop shows up to enforce it. My mom found that out when she divorced my dad. It's surprising how long seven or eight minutes can be when you're waiting on the police to come. If it was me I might keep a big hammer by my bed. :smashy: