Hello, my name is Chris.
I guess you can say I've been very, very spiritual throughout my life. I am happy that the Lord has been with me for the last decade or so. I have just gotten over a very emotionally destructing coming out to myself process that I consider more of a "stop suppressing it because it's making you worse".
For most of my life, I tried to be straight. I always wanted to settle down and start a family; nice house, faithful wife, maybe two children. However, recent days have led to people asking questions, and causing emotional fear in myself and people who deeply care for me. Once I started realizing that I have been trying to be something that I'm not, the whole world started opening up to me. I have never felt better in my life, and I feel like I'm much closer to God than I ever have been. I felt like my prayers to be straight were in vain, and once I talked to someone who went through the same situation as I , everything got easier.
Now, the new journey is scary, however I walk with the Lord every day, so it makes it easier. Some close friends and coworkers know the struggle I've been through, and are willing to help me out in any way possible. What makes it even worse is that my parents don't know. I'm sure my mother knows in some way, because that's part of the maternal instinct. My father, boy, I don't know how he will take it. We have a family run business, and he as well as I want a seventh generation to the business. We have a couple people who work for us who are gay, and he's fully accepting of them. However, I'm not sure how he will take it with me.
I know that finally figuring it out won't change who I am based on principle. I will always be a Christian, and I will always be a conservative. I don't like the whole thing that I have to conform to the "lifestyle" just because I happen to be. If there is anyone that can extend loving support in my direction, it would be greatly appreciated. I believe God led me to this site for a purpose; that he wants me to be happy and not worry about the future.
Thanks, and God bless!
Welcome to Soulforce, Chris. I'm very happy that you have come to accept who you are. Gay is not a lifestyle;it is who you really are. I am a Christian who happens to be transgender. When I came out it was like my soul being liberated. I felt complete. God affirmed and accepted me as a transgender person.
Chris, you're blessed to have people who support you. The journey is scary but you have the Lord to guide you. Embrace all that is good.
You are given the gift of the capacity for intimacy. It happens to be with your own gender. Our society and churches are blind to the simplicity of this.
You can live true to your capacity for intimacy in any way you choose. If you want to marry your beloved there are churches that will do this. The "legal marriage"crap is just politics, business and economics.
What most folks don't want is value judgement attached to private intimate feelings. Kinda kills the mood.
Thank you all for the kind words. It means a great deal. I know there is a difference between gay by choice and gay because you are made that way (genetics, etc.), and I know that I'm not by choice.
I get a hoot out of dressing up in drag and performing...it has nothing to do with sex for me ...except well there was that one time LOL
And that is wonderful good-natured fun and sharing.
Again it is feeling the attachment of a value judgementthat is the real problem!
Thanks so much. I know that God has blessed my life with many good people, most of whom have been very supportive.
There are things that interest me, and others that don't. I just know that I've known that I've had attractions to guys since a young age--- I seem to remember a lot of the old shows like Hercules where some male characters, human or centaur, would catch my eye. The denying and suppressing contributed to my emotional distress. My fears, some of which include what you describe above, also included loss of friends, loss of my future, loss of faith (but turning away from the denial brought me back closer to Christ) etc. My biggest was rejection because of my faith and politics. But, as you said, it's not a "lifestyle", it's part of who God made you to be.
Anyhoo, I'm obsessing a little here. Thanks again!
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