5 Times, Enough!
Well all of you who said I shouldn't go back to her, were right. She left me again last Wed. nite. I got home from church and she just blurted it out. Now, on Tuesday night, she presented me with our new wedding rings, and turns around 24 hours later and says she can't do this anymore! WTF?
Well, I am done. I am through with letting her beat my heart up and drag it around like Linus's blanket. I am done with believing we can work it out, I am done thinking she will ever change. I am done believing anything she ever says. It was all a waste of time and I am through with her and this dumb relationship.
It has been nothing but hell for me and I am just tired! Tired of it all. Tired of trying to please someone who can't be pleased. Pointless, futile and stupid to even go back there.
I AM DONE!!!!!
Are you sure? We have heard that you were done before. I hope it sticks this time... for your sake. That came out harsher than I intended. I just want you to quit going back for more emotional abuse. You are a good person and deserve a loving, caring partner. You do not deserve to be an emotional dump for an abusive person.
You're never going to have peace of mind unless you stay off that emotional roller coaster.
One thing I've learned in life is that when something ends it's time to move on. There's no such thing that one cannot survive without the other person. When push comes to shove they will survive. You will, too.
It is important that you understand there is a persona within you that is desperate. Seek professional help. This will not go away. This persona is injured from the past abusive operant conditioning.
She will act irrationally desperate and completely obscure conscious reason. She is in love with your "wife" because your wife is comparably desperate and "worthless," thereby removing the sense of personal inadequacy created by homophobia.
These two personae violently provoke and reinforce on another creating darkly-gratifying seductive hellfire.
In short you are addicted to drama-trauma
You are only "Done" with your "wife" right now because you are filled with anger blocking out this inner persona. Anger fades and the draw will try to pull you in once again!
Admit it, face it and get professional help. Find someone who has worked her way out of this very common trap.
Start with reading:
Women Who Love Too much
Put down this equivalent of "The Crack Pipe" another words Run from HER!
Or you will find yourself completely isolated because you will have worn out everyone seeing you mutilate yourself emotionally once again
Oh don't worry all, I am done! I was over at a mutual friend's house tonight and she called this friend and basically told her that the only reason she invited me to come back was that she didn't want to be by herself having and raising a baby. I don't know when she planned on dumping me, if it was after the baby was born and she was used to it or what, but that absolutely startled me! She only wanted me back to USE me. Then she said she was lying to me and to herself when she said she was in love with me. Trying to make herself believe it was true. The colossal gall of this woman is unbelievable.
So you know what I did? I went home and took out our wedding photos and tore them up into little pieces and went to the dumpster outside and pitched it all in there, album and all. I am so done with the lying bitch, it isn't funny. Never want to see her or hear from her ever again. It won't be too soon if she falls off the planet. I would be none too happy.
23 years of turmoil, lies, manipulations, guilt, fear, shame, and I wasted those years on loving someone who is beyond love. She only knows how to control and manipulate to get what she wants.
She lied to me and I stupidly believed her. In my defense, at least I was honest and I loved her and tried to show her the best way I knew how. It wasn't good enough because she didn't love in return.
I am finished. I hope somewhere down the road I get the trust back that I need to start over with someone else but right now I have 3rd degree burns and they hurt. I have holes in my heart and it has been dragged around by her for years. Enough stupidity. Enough lies, Enough of her! Begone you evil person, I want no more of YOU or YOUR lies!
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