This from a completely non-Christian perspective (seeing as how I'm not christian, nor (well) educated about christianity). On the subject of grace, this is what I find so far.
That there are two graces operating in our lives. There is ever-present grace from the Lord always descending to us, infinite, never running out, and always there. And there is the grace of opening the Self to the Lord's grace, meaning the same grace which gives us determination when we need to survive and surmount dangers, especially psychological/spiritual ones. Without this inner grace operating, we cannot receive the Lord's grace, because it is like closing the door to it. And we can be variously more open or more closed to it, according to how that inner grace operates in us as that moment. In a being like Jesus, it is thoroughly activated, and completely open. We have to be determined to be with that spirit, yet we have to be determined "softly," because when we squeeze on it, we distort that energy with our minds, and that's when we become rigid in our ideas, how we live our lives. Then the rigidity starts closing us off to that inward grace.
And I also think that in terms of death, it is possible that there are certain times that are "meant to be" and others that are not. I do not know if it's possible to know which time is which, but I do believe there is a great deal of mystery surrounding death that *is* understandable to us, even here, if we are strongly attuned. That's just a theory, though. Ask me again in a few decades if I've found an answer!!