Good Lord, Keltic! That these things even happen at all is ridiculous!
I sang for a short time at a church near here. I overheard the member in charge of hiring musicians constantly criticize the (excellent!) organist for his music, and attempt to exert ridiculous amounts of control over his every musical choice. When I first went I brought my own hymnal from home, which is a gorgeous 100-year-old leather-bound book given to me as a parting gift from the church I sang at before. She told me it was inappropriate to use it because it had a leather binding and was the wrong color, so it "looks bad." Ultimately, I left and so did the organist a few months later, because she was trying to exert control over minutiae to such an extent that we couldn't do our work.
For some reason, some people feel it is their privilege to try and control the way that other folks worship, and I cannot understand it. If they are doing so, then they aren't doing their own worship. They are playing a social game. Keltic, I'm so sorry you felt humiliated by that pastor, but omigosh can you see in hindsight how he was the one who ought to have felt embarassed, not you?
All these posts from people getting garbage from their church!! Steam comes out my ears.
I say leave 'em. Find the people who can grow you, and in positive ways, not backwards! Find the people who deserve your trust, and if it takes a long time to find them, then be on your own until you do. All that negativity becomes very costly, otherwise.